Posts
....... The world of success is , always has been, always will be, based on your action.
You cannot think your way to success. You cannot think your way to a deeper spiritual path.
You cannot think your way to deeper love.
A client of mine recently decided that she wanted a deeper connection with God and herself. And, she found it. How? By getting up at 4am to meditate every day. The changes in her life are SO profound, because she acted on her desires.
Another client tripled her income in 90 days following a course of action we created through my slow down coaching philosophy. How? She acted on the steps created. Every day, for 2 hours each nite after she had put in a full day at work. . For 90 straight days.
Whatever you want to accomplish has to be followed by daily action steps. If anyone tells you differently, I would question their motives.
Act, Now, to create the life you desire. And tomorrow too.
Slow Down. Go after what you truly want in this lifetime today.
Peace, Love, David Essel. www.talkdavid.com www.lifecoachuniverse.com
ps..starting in early December, we will be offering our Life Coach Level 1 Certification, The Foundations for Life Mastery, via teleconference phone calls that you can be a part of from anywhere in the world!! We look forward to having you join us. Act. Now.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Self Forgiveness..Self Betrayal....How to Heal
One major anchor that holds people back in life is the inability to forgive themselves for events from their past. This inability to forgive oneself, leads to self betrayal, which makes it very difficult to heal from any past event.
This work is a little tricky though, because most of us can't even see how we get into some of the messes we create, even years after they supposedly are past.
Let me give you an example of an event that occurs in the lives of many of my clients that leads to the understanding of how self betrayal may even look like a betrayal that someone else has done to us.
I'll even use myself as the example.
A number of years ago I fell head over heels for a young woman shortly after meeting her. One of the areas in life we discussed immediately was the need to be fully honest, fully present with each other. I stated quite boldly that without this form of honesty, I would not be able to stay with her, or anyone for that matter. I was past anything short of honesty in a relationship.
She wholeheartedly agreed, and off we went.
Within a month, things started to go sour. When we met, she said she was divorced, to find out later she was still married. Betrayal.
When she shared that several members of her family had serious untreated emotional issues, like Bi-polar disorder , I asked if she was being treated as well. I was concerned as her behavior over the first several months would be extremely erratic at times. Her answer was she had no such disorders. Which was a lie. Betrayal.
She was addicted to smoking, which she covered up by disappearing for hours in the evening, unable to be reached. Which meant on these nites I could not see her. But by the next morning she had showered, cleansed her breath, and had excuses as to where she had been. All lies. Betrayal.
She had an addiction to prescription medications, which when she did have any, albeit infrequently, she again would disappear or act irrationally, and then confess to having taken some after promising she would not. Betrayal.
But wait!!
What seems to be so cut and dry here ladies and gentleman is really not!!
So far, by what we've seen, the reason the relationship crashed, and the hard feelings I had for a while after that could easily, at first glance be directed at this young woman. It would seem, that her continual lies, and the betrayal of truth would be the reason for my angst...but that is only part of the story.
If we were to look deeper, the reason I could not fully release the frustration of this relationship for months afterwards was because : I Betrayed Myself.
If you remember in the beginning of this writing, I had boldly stated that if someone could not be fully honest, I would have to leave.
Every time she betrayed me, or my trust, with another lie and I still stayed...I was betraying myself. You see, if I had honored my word, after the first betrayal, I would have ended the relationship. Or the second.
But I stayed. And because I continued to stay, my own sense of self, of self respect, continued to be eroded. And as the erosion deepened, it made it harder to let go of the relationship emotionally until I forgave myself, for betraying myself.
As I continued to walk through my own healthy boundaries, and go back to her time after time, knowing what I did, I damaged my own integrity.
The only way to fully heal this wound, is to forgive ourselves for the way we have betrayed our own selves!!
Full self forgiveness then will lead to the ability to fully forgive the other person as well.
But as long as we continue to point the finger, as long as we hold the grudge against someone else... the longer we delay looking at how we betray ourselves by not living up to our own standards, or by not paying attention to the intuitive red flags that pop up in business or love, the longer it will be to heal.
Slow down. Forgive yourself for past relationship failures, let go of the self betrayal, and watch yourself heal.
Love, Peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
This work is a little tricky though, because most of us can't even see how we get into some of the messes we create, even years after they supposedly are past.
Let me give you an example of an event that occurs in the lives of many of my clients that leads to the understanding of how self betrayal may even look like a betrayal that someone else has done to us.
I'll even use myself as the example.
A number of years ago I fell head over heels for a young woman shortly after meeting her. One of the areas in life we discussed immediately was the need to be fully honest, fully present with each other. I stated quite boldly that without this form of honesty, I would not be able to stay with her, or anyone for that matter. I was past anything short of honesty in a relationship.
She wholeheartedly agreed, and off we went.
Within a month, things started to go sour. When we met, she said she was divorced, to find out later she was still married. Betrayal.
When she shared that several members of her family had serious untreated emotional issues, like Bi-polar disorder , I asked if she was being treated as well. I was concerned as her behavior over the first several months would be extremely erratic at times. Her answer was she had no such disorders. Which was a lie. Betrayal.
She was addicted to smoking, which she covered up by disappearing for hours in the evening, unable to be reached. Which meant on these nites I could not see her. But by the next morning she had showered, cleansed her breath, and had excuses as to where she had been. All lies. Betrayal.
She had an addiction to prescription medications, which when she did have any, albeit infrequently, she again would disappear or act irrationally, and then confess to having taken some after promising she would not. Betrayal.
But wait!!
What seems to be so cut and dry here ladies and gentleman is really not!!
So far, by what we've seen, the reason the relationship crashed, and the hard feelings I had for a while after that could easily, at first glance be directed at this young woman. It would seem, that her continual lies, and the betrayal of truth would be the reason for my angst...but that is only part of the story.
If we were to look deeper, the reason I could not fully release the frustration of this relationship for months afterwards was because : I Betrayed Myself.
If you remember in the beginning of this writing, I had boldly stated that if someone could not be fully honest, I would have to leave.
Every time she betrayed me, or my trust, with another lie and I still stayed...I was betraying myself. You see, if I had honored my word, after the first betrayal, I would have ended the relationship. Or the second.
But I stayed. And because I continued to stay, my own sense of self, of self respect, continued to be eroded. And as the erosion deepened, it made it harder to let go of the relationship emotionally until I forgave myself, for betraying myself.
As I continued to walk through my own healthy boundaries, and go back to her time after time, knowing what I did, I damaged my own integrity.
The only way to fully heal this wound, is to forgive ourselves for the way we have betrayed our own selves!!
Full self forgiveness then will lead to the ability to fully forgive the other person as well.
But as long as we continue to point the finger, as long as we hold the grudge against someone else... the longer we delay looking at how we betray ourselves by not living up to our own standards, or by not paying attention to the intuitive red flags that pop up in business or love, the longer it will be to heal.
Slow down. Forgive yourself for past relationship failures, let go of the self betrayal, and watch yourself heal.
Love, Peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
Monday, November 3, 2008
Success By Numbers...The Power of You..Plus...
Accountability: The power of numbers in life will always exceed the power of just one.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
The Limitations of Positive Thinking
The Power of Positive Thinking was made incredibly famous by the book of the same name, written by Norman Vincent Peale. And , with all of the press about the power of this concept, there are huge limitations to it's application in life.
Mainly, that people who desire a change in their lives often stop after trying to change their mindset ..... in other words, they believe that by thinking positive thoughts their world will change.
It won't.
I hate to disappoint those of us who want to believe that all we need to do is think positively, but as I've written before, positive thinking is just one of the many key steps to take if you want to live a more successful and joyful life.
Let me share briefly what I teach in my Life Mastery and Life Coach Certification workshops that will help you immensely right now:
1. Create positive intentions, statements to repeat every morning and evening.
2. Write a list of all of the things that you have gratitude for right now in your life.
3. Pick one goal to go after, and not more than one.
4. Create a specific daily action list, by a timeline, that is measurable . The key is daily steps.
5. Ask for assistance from a minister, friend, coach, or therapist to hold you accountable to your goals.
6. Rock on with your new life.
Slow Down. Get real with the keys to changing your life and remember if it seems too easy... to good to be true....if someone says "all you have to do is this one simple step, just think positively...." run for the hills....=). And then do what truly needs to be done to change your life forever.
Love, Peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
Mainly, that people who desire a change in their lives often stop after trying to change their mindset ..... in other words, they believe that by thinking positive thoughts their world will change.
It won't.
I hate to disappoint those of us who want to believe that all we need to do is think positively, but as I've written before, positive thinking is just one of the many key steps to take if you want to live a more successful and joyful life.
Let me share briefly what I teach in my Life Mastery and Life Coach Certification workshops that will help you immensely right now:
1. Create positive intentions, statements to repeat every morning and evening.
2. Write a list of all of the things that you have gratitude for right now in your life.
3. Pick one goal to go after, and not more than one.
4. Create a specific daily action list, by a timeline, that is measurable . The key is daily steps.
5. Ask for assistance from a minister, friend, coach, or therapist to hold you accountable to your goals.
6. Rock on with your new life.
Slow Down. Get real with the keys to changing your life and remember if it seems too easy... to good to be true....if someone says "all you have to do is this one simple step, just think positively...." run for the hills....=). And then do what truly needs to be done to change your life forever.
Love, Peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
The Presidential Election Decision..Made easy
For many Americans, trying to decide who to vote for during our upcoming Presidential election is proving harder than expected.
The reason for this can come from many angles, but in my coaching practice I'm seeing the concept of "peer pressure" in a whole new light.
People are feeling the need to be accepted for their choice of Presidential candidate.
........."You wouldn't vote for an African American President would you? How could you vote for a Vice Presidential candidate who is a woman, which means if her running mate is incapacitated, she would be President!".....And the list goes on and on.
This year is unprecedented in regards to the race, so it becomes crucial that we vote with our heads, hearts and intuition all as one.
I'm encouraging clients to read 1 article per day about each candidate written in a supportive form.
I'm encouraging this move so that they have a true understanding of what the candidates platforms really are , not believing it coming second handed from someone who is skewing the information.
Then, regardless if your family, friends, cousins or co-workers are pushing you to vote in a certain way...slow down. Think for yourself. Get quiet for 10-15 minutes and make the decision to vote for your candidate based on information and intuition. Not race or gender.
Slow Down. Vote with confidence...even if it goes against your past voting practices. Even if it goes against who you thought you would vote for before you read this blog.
Love, Peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
The reason for this can come from many angles, but in my coaching practice I'm seeing the concept of "peer pressure" in a whole new light.
People are feeling the need to be accepted for their choice of Presidential candidate.
........."You wouldn't vote for an African American President would you? How could you vote for a Vice Presidential candidate who is a woman, which means if her running mate is incapacitated, she would be President!".....And the list goes on and on.
This year is unprecedented in regards to the race, so it becomes crucial that we vote with our heads, hearts and intuition all as one.
I'm encouraging clients to read 1 article per day about each candidate written in a supportive form.
I'm encouraging this move so that they have a true understanding of what the candidates platforms really are , not believing it coming second handed from someone who is skewing the information.
Then, regardless if your family, friends, cousins or co-workers are pushing you to vote in a certain way...slow down. Think for yourself. Get quiet for 10-15 minutes and make the decision to vote for your candidate based on information and intuition. Not race or gender.
Slow Down. Vote with confidence...even if it goes against your past voting practices. Even if it goes against who you thought you would vote for before you read this blog.
Love, Peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Our Desire to Be Accepted...Liked By All......
It's funny how my work as a Life Coach often, if not always, is a mirror of my own personal life.
Over the past few weeks, several of my clients have been dealing with their desire to be accepted by others. To be liked by everyone. Their struggle has seemed to be centered on these traits that we all have ingrained since we were little boys and girls.
In some families, the need to be liked...to be accepted...has lead to intense addictions. Spending to keep our image up with our neighbors. Having sex with someone who asks for it so that we won't feel the pain of rejection. Accepting a job that looks great in our parents eyes, even though we have no interest whatsoever in the chosen field. Laughing at insensitive jokes to be a part of the gang...at work or with friends. Voting for a certain nominee to be accepted by certain groups of co-workers, friends or family members.
Stepping out and living our own life, regardless of who agrees or disagrees, can be a challenging existence...but if your own personal path is not followed, only you are the one to pay. And what is the price tag??? Our own self esteem. Our sense of self. Our self worth. Our personal levels of confidence. Basically, our entire existence is at stake if you want to be honest about it.
Recently, I've had several people pull me aside and say "there are quite a few people who do not like you David...They're saying Who is HE to co-found a non denominational church? Who is HE to call himself a Minister? Who is HE to lead certification workshops for Life Coaches??" And the list goes on.
I know the correct path is not necessarily the easiest one. I give my clients the tools needed to listen to these attacks...and to move forward anyway. We, the people who have dreams, who want to make a difference in this world, need to keep on our glorious, yes glorious path without concern about what others say.
Remember, Christ had many people who vehemently disliked him..as did Buddha... as does Donald Trump...and Suze Orman.....yest they all keep following their own path.
Do the same. Remove the need to be liked by all....and instead..follow your dreams, your heart...your soul..
Do not let the jealousy, insecurity or envy of others get in your way to becoming the beautiful force that you are.
Slow Down.
Love yourself. Peace. Love, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
Over the past few weeks, several of my clients have been dealing with their desire to be accepted by others. To be liked by everyone. Their struggle has seemed to be centered on these traits that we all have ingrained since we were little boys and girls.
In some families, the need to be liked...to be accepted...has lead to intense addictions. Spending to keep our image up with our neighbors. Having sex with someone who asks for it so that we won't feel the pain of rejection. Accepting a job that looks great in our parents eyes, even though we have no interest whatsoever in the chosen field. Laughing at insensitive jokes to be a part of the gang...at work or with friends. Voting for a certain nominee to be accepted by certain groups of co-workers, friends or family members.
Stepping out and living our own life, regardless of who agrees or disagrees, can be a challenging existence...but if your own personal path is not followed, only you are the one to pay. And what is the price tag??? Our own self esteem. Our sense of self. Our self worth. Our personal levels of confidence. Basically, our entire existence is at stake if you want to be honest about it.
Recently, I've had several people pull me aside and say "there are quite a few people who do not like you David...They're saying Who is HE to co-found a non denominational church? Who is HE to call himself a Minister? Who is HE to lead certification workshops for Life Coaches??" And the list goes on.
I know the correct path is not necessarily the easiest one. I give my clients the tools needed to listen to these attacks...and to move forward anyway. We, the people who have dreams, who want to make a difference in this world, need to keep on our glorious, yes glorious path without concern about what others say.
Remember, Christ had many people who vehemently disliked him..as did Buddha... as does Donald Trump...and Suze Orman.....yest they all keep following their own path.
Do the same. Remove the need to be liked by all....and instead..follow your dreams, your heart...your soul..
Do not let the jealousy, insecurity or envy of others get in your way to becoming the beautiful force that you are.
Slow Down.
Love yourself. Peace. Love, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
Monday, October 13, 2008
What Should I Expect During Life Coach Certification
Depending on the course that you may sign up for, coaching certifications can take between 16 and 100 hours to complete.
I would recommend that you look for a course that offers the following information, either via classes, outside research or one on one instruction, (but never all of this via email only):
1) What is the mission of your work?
2) What are the key characteristics of exceptional coaches?
3) What is the format and purpose of each session with a client?
4) What are the Ethics of Coaching?
5) What are the key tools needed for personal growth?
6) Why do some people succeed in their goals in life, while others seem to constantly fail?
7) What is the role of web site design, email marketing and blogging in regard to building a business?
8) How do I know I'm really ready to coach someone?
OK, this should get you started as you look for a Coaching Certification that you truly connect with.
Outside of our own very successful Certification Program that we teach through a variety of ways, that you can see at www.talkdavid.com , please interview other fine programs before you make your decision.
and once you do....have a great time helping others!!
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