Posts
"Don't worry honey, in good time you'll get over this breakup."
"Time will heal you."
"A little time , and everything will be ok."
All nonsense.
Have you ever fallen victim to this thinking, and then years after a breakup, or divorce, when someone mentions your former lover's name, you get a pit in your stomach? Or worse, you feel anger, jealousy, or insecurity?
That's because time will never, has never, and can never heal anyone or anything.
Time is just what it is...time. It has no magical powers to do anything other than be itself.
And one thing it never will be is a healer.
Sure, you can distract yourself from doing the work to forgive your former lover, or distract yourself over time from forgiving yourself, lots of people do it daily.
We can choose not to feel the pain from losing a pet, or a family member ....but you will not truly feel better and heal yourself by using the old saying "time heals everything."
Here's the truth...Time plus action heals.
Time plus therapy can heal.
Time plus journaling can heal.
Time plus honest, deep forgiveness can heal.
Time plus mourning can begin the healing process.
Time, plus any significant , ongoing action, or work, can absolutely heal anything in life.
Millions of survivors can attest to, and have written about, this very fact.
Viktor Frankel.
Oprah.
Nelson Mandela.
Sheri Poe.
Slow Down, and decide today to do the work necessary to heal...but don't leave it up to time.
Love, Peace, David Essel. www.talkdavid.com
Monday, August 25, 2008
Monday, August 18, 2008
Micheal Phelps: Unifying America In All Ways
Michael Phelps , the supernatural American swimmer who recently won an unprecedented 8 Gold Medals at the Olympic games, has touched more than just the world of sports with his recent accomplishments. As a matter of fact, he's probably done more for our country than most of us can tell at the conscious level.
If you look at the papers, watch the news, what is grabbing our attention on a daily basis? If you look closely, it's all that's wrong with the world. It's all that's wrong with the USA. The media's main focus, is sensationalizing all that is not working for our highest good these days. And the more we see this, unless you have incredible control over what you watch and read, the more you talk about the mess everything has become around us.
The war.
The other war.
The economy, or lack thereof.
The housing slump.
Unemployment.
Until Michael hit the pool.
Thank God for Michael.
He gave us a reason to talk about something other than the "crappy country" we live in.
His feat gave us, especially me, a reason to stay up late. Again, and again, and again.
And then when we arrived at work the next day, the very first thing so many of us did was say "Oh man, did you see Michael last night!!!! He was amazing!"
High fives replaced sullen faces around the office at 8am.
And we couldn't wait to see him do it again the very next night.
Thank God for Michael.
He's unified America in a positive way.
He's undoubtedly given thousands of young swimmers a boost to get in the pool earlier and train longer.
Here's Michael Phelps take on what he accomplished through an interview that was printed in hundreds of newspapers across the United states via the Associated Press.
"Nothing is impossible. With so many people saying it couldn't be done, all it takes is an imagination, and that's something I've learned and something that helped me. "
Simple. To the point. Combined with the work ethic of a true hero.
I hope now we can see that if we use the same formula, that we can all better our lives starting right now.
Imagine coming into work and talking about what we are thankful for, and how we are going to make our lives stronger, with more meaning.
Imagine simply walking away from the complainers, the gossipers, and creating a new more positive work environment.
Imagine doing the same thing around your home, where the message is filled with hope and love.
Just imagine how many Gold Medals in life you'd win if you only focused on the brilliance of life, of your partner, of your employer ,of your friends........ of the brilliance that you are, right now.
Now, use your imagination and do what Michael did.....create the life that you truly desire.
Thank you Michael.
Slow Down.
Love, Peace, David Essel. www.talkdavid.com
If you look at the papers, watch the news, what is grabbing our attention on a daily basis? If you look closely, it's all that's wrong with the world. It's all that's wrong with the USA. The media's main focus, is sensationalizing all that is not working for our highest good these days. And the more we see this, unless you have incredible control over what you watch and read, the more you talk about the mess everything has become around us.
The war.
The other war.
The economy, or lack thereof.
The housing slump.
Unemployment.
Until Michael hit the pool.
Thank God for Michael.
He gave us a reason to talk about something other than the "crappy country" we live in.
His feat gave us, especially me, a reason to stay up late. Again, and again, and again.
And then when we arrived at work the next day, the very first thing so many of us did was say "Oh man, did you see Michael last night!!!! He was amazing!"
High fives replaced sullen faces around the office at 8am.
And we couldn't wait to see him do it again the very next night.
Thank God for Michael.
He's unified America in a positive way.
He's undoubtedly given thousands of young swimmers a boost to get in the pool earlier and train longer.
Here's Michael Phelps take on what he accomplished through an interview that was printed in hundreds of newspapers across the United states via the Associated Press.
"Nothing is impossible. With so many people saying it couldn't be done, all it takes is an imagination, and that's something I've learned and something that helped me. "
Simple. To the point. Combined with the work ethic of a true hero.
I hope now we can see that if we use the same formula, that we can all better our lives starting right now.
Imagine coming into work and talking about what we are thankful for, and how we are going to make our lives stronger, with more meaning.
Imagine simply walking away from the complainers, the gossipers, and creating a new more positive work environment.
Imagine doing the same thing around your home, where the message is filled with hope and love.
Just imagine how many Gold Medals in life you'd win if you only focused on the brilliance of life, of your partner, of your employer ,of your friends........ of the brilliance that you are, right now.
Now, use your imagination and do what Michael did.....create the life that you truly desire.
Thank you Michael.
Slow Down.
Love, Peace, David Essel. www.talkdavid.com
Friday, August 15, 2008
Setting Boundaries, Personally, Professionally
A client walked into my office several weeks ago so frustrated over a way a friend had treated him.
It seems that he had made plans to meet her, and at the last minute on the day they were supposed to meet, cancelled, and had decided instead to work on a home project that he had wanted to finish.
She, on the other had, had made special arrangements to get together, and shared with him how she honestly felt. Disappointed. Frustrated, that he would cancel with such short notice, so that he could take care of a project that was not life threatening, that literally could have been done at another time.
He wanted me to side with him. " I mean seriously, couldn't she had just rescheduled with me , instead of making it such a big deal?"
"Well", I asked, "I guess if you want to live an honest, real life, you've got to take the fact that she shared her feelings with you as a good sign. Sounds like she is living congruently, that she respects herself enough to let someone know when they have disappointed her. I'd have to say she is right on target. "
Our word, as many have written, is our bond. But many people, such as my client , do not quite get it yet. That's why "talk is cheap", and "actions speak louder that words", are such important statements.
If we want to live a powerful life, we have to do what we say we will do.
In my 24 years as a professional speaker, I have only had to cancel one presentation myself. And that occurred when an organization that had asked me to speak for them did not live up to their words to me not once, not twice, but three times.
After the third time of being promised that I would receive their proposal of the "trade out" they would do instead of paying me for my work, I cancelled my appearance.
Of course they were not happy with this decision, but I had to make a choice, to work with people who stay true to their word, or not to. Remember, we attract to us what we are willing to put up with.
I did in the end send an apology letter. For what you may ask? For agreeing to speak after the second time they did not follow through on their word. You see, I saw that after the second event, I knew in my gut that I should tell them to call me when they were more organized. Instead, I did not pay attention to my intuition, and the result was frustration for all.
Treat others as you would like to be treated.
Slow Down.
Love, Peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
It seems that he had made plans to meet her, and at the last minute on the day they were supposed to meet, cancelled, and had decided instead to work on a home project that he had wanted to finish.
She, on the other had, had made special arrangements to get together, and shared with him how she honestly felt. Disappointed. Frustrated, that he would cancel with such short notice, so that he could take care of a project that was not life threatening, that literally could have been done at another time.
He wanted me to side with him. " I mean seriously, couldn't she had just rescheduled with me , instead of making it such a big deal?"
"Well", I asked, "I guess if you want to live an honest, real life, you've got to take the fact that she shared her feelings with you as a good sign. Sounds like she is living congruently, that she respects herself enough to let someone know when they have disappointed her. I'd have to say she is right on target. "
Our word, as many have written, is our bond. But many people, such as my client , do not quite get it yet. That's why "talk is cheap", and "actions speak louder that words", are such important statements.
If we want to live a powerful life, we have to do what we say we will do.
In my 24 years as a professional speaker, I have only had to cancel one presentation myself. And that occurred when an organization that had asked me to speak for them did not live up to their words to me not once, not twice, but three times.
After the third time of being promised that I would receive their proposal of the "trade out" they would do instead of paying me for my work, I cancelled my appearance.
Of course they were not happy with this decision, but I had to make a choice, to work with people who stay true to their word, or not to. Remember, we attract to us what we are willing to put up with.
I did in the end send an apology letter. For what you may ask? For agreeing to speak after the second time they did not follow through on their word. You see, I saw that after the second event, I knew in my gut that I should tell them to call me when they were more organized. Instead, I did not pay attention to my intuition, and the result was frustration for all.
Treat others as you would like to be treated.
Slow Down.
Love, Peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Joe Cirulli, Inc. Magazine, Success Feature Story
My very good friend, and business mentor, Joe Cirulli is featured on the cover of INC. magazine this month (August 2008) with the headline:
"THINK RICH, NEVER GIVE UP...How Joe Cirulli turned his last 12 cents into a $17 Million company"....amazing...and true.
I met Joe in 1986 at a fitness conference where we both on an expert panel together and it was a feeling pure of admiration that I had felt for Joe at that time...and I had no idea of the story behind the man that had turned a small health club in Gainesville Florida into such a success story.
And that was 22 years ago. What he has accomplished since then is stunning, from a financial perspective yes, but Joe is a born mentor, a true motivator, and a man filled with 100% integrity.
In 2000, I moved to Gainesville to create a new pilot program for television, and had the chance to train with Joe 5 days a week . He not only changed my mindset on the most effective way to weight train (super slow training as I explain in my book "Slow Down: The Fastest Way to Get Everything You Want") but he also imparted on a daily basis his secrets to success. Goal setting. Eliminating those carry over tasks , the ones we do not want to do everyday, that if done first thing in the morning will actually lead you to a more successful life .
Joe shares his life, his "secrets", his time on a daily basis more readily than any other business wizard I've ever met.
And he loves life. He loves movies of all types. And he continues to push his own level of knowledge , in a variety of ways , every day he is alive.
He reads constantly, he listens to motivational Cd's constantly, he's a part of multiple networking groups for CEO's...constantly. I think you get the idea, to be successful we must stretch and grow daily.
And he has a huge heart. Joe has been there for me several times that I have faced immense struggles in my own life, and never has he judged... As a matter of fact, all Joe has ever shown me is immense respect and love.
So, while his financial success is amazing...the rest of Joe Cirulli is even more amazing.
Slow down, and push yourself to higher levels of success and love in every area of your life today.
Love, Peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
"THINK RICH, NEVER GIVE UP...How Joe Cirulli turned his last 12 cents into a $17 Million company"....amazing...and true.
I met Joe in 1986 at a fitness conference where we both on an expert panel together and it was a feeling pure of admiration that I had felt for Joe at that time...and I had no idea of the story behind the man that had turned a small health club in Gainesville Florida into such a success story.
And that was 22 years ago. What he has accomplished since then is stunning, from a financial perspective yes, but Joe is a born mentor, a true motivator, and a man filled with 100% integrity.
In 2000, I moved to Gainesville to create a new pilot program for television, and had the chance to train with Joe 5 days a week . He not only changed my mindset on the most effective way to weight train (super slow training as I explain in my book "Slow Down: The Fastest Way to Get Everything You Want") but he also imparted on a daily basis his secrets to success. Goal setting. Eliminating those carry over tasks , the ones we do not want to do everyday, that if done first thing in the morning will actually lead you to a more successful life .
Joe shares his life, his "secrets", his time on a daily basis more readily than any other business wizard I've ever met.
And he loves life. He loves movies of all types. And he continues to push his own level of knowledge , in a variety of ways , every day he is alive.
He reads constantly, he listens to motivational Cd's constantly, he's a part of multiple networking groups for CEO's...constantly. I think you get the idea, to be successful we must stretch and grow daily.
And he has a huge heart. Joe has been there for me several times that I have faced immense struggles in my own life, and never has he judged... As a matter of fact, all Joe has ever shown me is immense respect and love.
So, while his financial success is amazing...the rest of Joe Cirulli is even more amazing.
Slow down, and push yourself to higher levels of success and love in every area of your life today.
Love, Peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
Friday, August 1, 2008
Is Life Working For You??
A client recently came to me frustrated that after following a very popular weight loss program, nothing had changed with her physical appearance. When I asked her how long she had been on the program, her response surprised both of us. "One full year".
Wow. I wonder how many of us, myself included, continue to do the same thing year after year , getting the same lousy end results in our love relationships, health, finances, career , friendships etc .... and yet never want to ask ourselves the question "Is my life working for me?"
And the reason we don't is quite simple. We don't want to change. We don't want to go outside of our comfort zone. We just want life to be easier, more abundant, more loving .
Poof!!!!!!, we just wish, with that thought...Poof!!! , please life just change!!!
HaHAHA, I must laugh as I've done the same thing.
Ok, here's our reality check, if life is not offering what you desire, if life is not working for you, try something totally different.
But you have to be the one that finally comes to the conclusion that the life you're living just is not enough. No one can do that for you.
Then, reach out and ask for help. Get a counselor or coach. Go to a different church. Join a new networking group. Hire a personal trainer. Finally, finally, get out of the rut and do something different.
And watch your health, body, relationship, and finances all begin to change for the better.
Slow Down.
Love, Peace David Essel www.talkdavid.com
Wow. I wonder how many of us, myself included, continue to do the same thing year after year , getting the same lousy end results in our love relationships, health, finances, career , friendships etc .... and yet never want to ask ourselves the question "Is my life working for me?"
And the reason we don't is quite simple. We don't want to change. We don't want to go outside of our comfort zone. We just want life to be easier, more abundant, more loving .
Poof!!!!!!, we just wish, with that thought...Poof!!! , please life just change!!!
HaHAHA, I must laugh as I've done the same thing.
Ok, here's our reality check, if life is not offering what you desire, if life is not working for you, try something totally different.
But you have to be the one that finally comes to the conclusion that the life you're living just is not enough. No one can do that for you.
Then, reach out and ask for help. Get a counselor or coach. Go to a different church. Join a new networking group. Hire a personal trainer. Finally, finally, get out of the rut and do something different.
And watch your health, body, relationship, and finances all begin to change for the better.
Slow Down.
Love, Peace David Essel www.talkdavid.com
Saturday, July 26, 2008
The Negative Side of Positive Thinking
Too much of anything, the saying goes, just might not be good for us after all.
Chocolate is actually very good for us in small amounts, due to the antioxidants buried in this wonderful treat, but if taken to the extreme it can cause a variety of health problems.
And so it is also with positive thinking.
You might be surprised to read this coming from a motivational speaker, so let me give you an example.
A friend of mine came to me sharing how her husband had been delaying taking care of a huge problem in their life, and when I asked her how she felt about it, her response was, "Well it's all good you know", followed by a nervous laugh.
When I then asked if she had been attending the classes she had told me about to help her break one of a few addictions, there was that nervous laugh again followed by 'Well no, but it's all good."
'I'm staying positive through it all, it's all good."
Honestly, no one can stay positive through great challenges in life if they're burying their head in the sand with statements like "it's all good....things always work out for the best" etc etc.
If you really want to know the truth, the most positive people in this world are actually DOING something about the challenges they face on a daily basis, not just chiming in with cute sayings.
Ignoring serious health, relationship or financial problems with positive statements does nothing for the situation, or our self esteem.
The negative side of positive thinking lies in our fear of taking action when we know we should, and instead just reading positive books or listening to uplifting Cd's.
While these are important things to do, our confidence is only truly enhanced through our actions, and secondarily improved through our thoughts.
So today if you notice that you've been less than successful in any area of your life, but you tell everyone around you that "it's all good".... ask yourself a serious question..."Is my life really that great?"
I think the answer might surprise you.
Slow down. Then take that step you've been procrastinating on...and watch your world drastically change for the better.
Love, Peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
Chocolate is actually very good for us in small amounts, due to the antioxidants buried in this wonderful treat, but if taken to the extreme it can cause a variety of health problems.
And so it is also with positive thinking.
You might be surprised to read this coming from a motivational speaker, so let me give you an example.
A friend of mine came to me sharing how her husband had been delaying taking care of a huge problem in their life, and when I asked her how she felt about it, her response was, "Well it's all good you know", followed by a nervous laugh.
When I then asked if she had been attending the classes she had told me about to help her break one of a few addictions, there was that nervous laugh again followed by 'Well no, but it's all good."
'I'm staying positive through it all, it's all good."
Honestly, no one can stay positive through great challenges in life if they're burying their head in the sand with statements like "it's all good....things always work out for the best" etc etc.
If you really want to know the truth, the most positive people in this world are actually DOING something about the challenges they face on a daily basis, not just chiming in with cute sayings.
Ignoring serious health, relationship or financial problems with positive statements does nothing for the situation, or our self esteem.
The negative side of positive thinking lies in our fear of taking action when we know we should, and instead just reading positive books or listening to uplifting Cd's.
While these are important things to do, our confidence is only truly enhanced through our actions, and secondarily improved through our thoughts.
So today if you notice that you've been less than successful in any area of your life, but you tell everyone around you that "it's all good".... ask yourself a serious question..."Is my life really that great?"
I think the answer might surprise you.
Slow down. Then take that step you've been procrastinating on...and watch your world drastically change for the better.
Love, Peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
Monday, July 14, 2008
Women Who Master Intimate Relationships....
Recently I was asked a very important question regarding what some of the most important qualities that women who were in deep loving relationships do on a regular basis.
In other words, what are they doing daily that draws their partners TOWARDS themselves, deeply, intimately....versus the traits that many women have that actually push their lovers away.
While I could come up with 1,000 things that women can do regarding this topic, let's look at 4 of the most important, just like we did with the blog here that I wrote about men and intimacy last month.
1) Release Gossip: the last thing your partner wants to hear about when he sees you every night, or each weekend, is "how frustrated you are that Jenny went out with that loser John, the one that totally used Mary 2 years ago and never called her after 4 dates, the guy has no class, my girlfriends deserve classy guys" ...type of nonsense. If you want to see your man zone out , and be less interested in communicating with you, share all the gossip you want with him. Women who have mastered intimacy have realized that gossip is truly for "the bottom feeders of life",
and that nothing good ever comes out of spreading the stuff around.
2) Release Interrupting Your Partner: So you want great communication with your lover. You want to hear his true deep feelings. You want him to open up to you about everything....and yet when he does begin to talk to you, you constantly interrupt him. Just as he's sharing something that he feels strongly about, you begin "but that's not what I meant...let me explain it...you don't understand..." and the interruptions go on and on. If you wonder why your man has left your relationship emotionally and doesn't share much with you, this can be a major reason why.
Women who truly get intimacy, have learned to sit and listen, to let their man talk, for minutes in a row, allowing him to express and show his emotions without shutting him down with their flurry of interruptions.
3) Release Addictions: This is a huge issue that absolutely blocks deep intimacy. If a women avoids her feelings in life, by shopping, spending, smoking, drinking, emotionally eating....she's telling her partner in non verbal ways that she's not able to go deep intimacy. Women who truly want to go after the deepest union with their partner know that they cannot run from their emotions through any substance or addiction. They realize that facing their addiction and getting help for it will open the deepest avenue for intimacy, as when they can face their own challenges, they become more trustworthy to their partner. Hence, their partner will WANT to go deeper in love with them.
4) Initiate Sex More Often: Yes, even though men are taught to be the aggressor sexually, and society reinforces this belief, women who want to go to deeper levels of love, or intimacy, are on the front lines with this one already. They"re willing to face rejection, they're willing to take the risks, they're willing to be the wonderful seductress to add a spark of excitement to their relationship.
Ok, now to everyone who reads these points and gets upset, saying that they can do the opposite of what is published here because they are a "woman", who communicates through gossip, who interrupts because their man simply doesn't get it, who escapes through shopping or whatever because they are entitled to and who would rarely initiate sex because that's the man's role...all I can say is good luck. And if your experiencing the most amazingly deep and intimate relationship with their man, more power to you. Do not change a thing.
To everyone else, I know these deep yet simple steps will bring you to a whole new level of love and intimacy.
Slow Down, and enjoy your new life, with your new man...he may be the same man you've been with for a while,
but it will seem brand new as you alter your life, which will alter your love.
Love, Peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
In other words, what are they doing daily that draws their partners TOWARDS themselves, deeply, intimately....versus the traits that many women have that actually push their lovers away.
While I could come up with 1,000 things that women can do regarding this topic, let's look at 4 of the most important, just like we did with the blog here that I wrote about men and intimacy last month.
1) Release Gossip: the last thing your partner wants to hear about when he sees you every night, or each weekend, is "how frustrated you are that Jenny went out with that loser John, the one that totally used Mary 2 years ago and never called her after 4 dates, the guy has no class, my girlfriends deserve classy guys" ...type of nonsense. If you want to see your man zone out , and be less interested in communicating with you, share all the gossip you want with him. Women who have mastered intimacy have realized that gossip is truly for "the bottom feeders of life",
and that nothing good ever comes out of spreading the stuff around.
2) Release Interrupting Your Partner: So you want great communication with your lover. You want to hear his true deep feelings. You want him to open up to you about everything....and yet when he does begin to talk to you, you constantly interrupt him. Just as he's sharing something that he feels strongly about, you begin "but that's not what I meant...let me explain it...you don't understand..." and the interruptions go on and on. If you wonder why your man has left your relationship emotionally and doesn't share much with you, this can be a major reason why.
Women who truly get intimacy, have learned to sit and listen, to let their man talk, for minutes in a row, allowing him to express and show his emotions without shutting him down with their flurry of interruptions.
3) Release Addictions: This is a huge issue that absolutely blocks deep intimacy. If a women avoids her feelings in life, by shopping, spending, smoking, drinking, emotionally eating....she's telling her partner in non verbal ways that she's not able to go deep intimacy. Women who truly want to go after the deepest union with their partner know that they cannot run from their emotions through any substance or addiction. They realize that facing their addiction and getting help for it will open the deepest avenue for intimacy, as when they can face their own challenges, they become more trustworthy to their partner. Hence, their partner will WANT to go deeper in love with them.
4) Initiate Sex More Often: Yes, even though men are taught to be the aggressor sexually, and society reinforces this belief, women who want to go to deeper levels of love, or intimacy, are on the front lines with this one already. They"re willing to face rejection, they're willing to take the risks, they're willing to be the wonderful seductress to add a spark of excitement to their relationship.
Ok, now to everyone who reads these points and gets upset, saying that they can do the opposite of what is published here because they are a "woman", who communicates through gossip, who interrupts because their man simply doesn't get it, who escapes through shopping or whatever because they are entitled to and who would rarely initiate sex because that's the man's role...all I can say is good luck. And if your experiencing the most amazingly deep and intimate relationship with their man, more power to you. Do not change a thing.
To everyone else, I know these deep yet simple steps will bring you to a whole new level of love and intimacy.
Slow Down, and enjoy your new life, with your new man...he may be the same man you've been with for a while,
but it will seem brand new as you alter your life, which will alter your love.
Love, Peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
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