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If you want to become more at peace in the world of dating, you will have to begin to actually love the challenge of dating. I know at first this may seem like an insane concept, but let me explain.
My client enters the office this week, throws down her purse and screams, "I hate this dating crap!!! All of it!!!!".
It seems she was stood up 2 weeks in a row, a very uncomfortable feeling indeed. The words "men are all dogs......society sucks....everyone sucks"...continued to pour out of her mouth.
I sat with an internal grin, which she obviously felt for in a few minutes she was laughing and crying at the same time.
I shared with her the concept of accepting that this was simply a part of the world of dating, and the world in general. We will be let down at times. We will get rejected at times.
And if we can at first accept this concept, and then go to the point of loving it, our lives will be much less stressed.
So how do we actually love being stood up? This was something she was dying to hear, and a bit skeptical about my potential answer, I might add.
"It's easy. First, the reason these men stood you up is because they were not the right ones for you. God, or the Universe, is very wise in helping us to meet the people we are actually supposed to date. We can love the fact that these men did not show up because we have just possibly avoided a pain in the butt relationship!! Let's love the fact they were a no-show!"
She was instantly feeling the facts behind my words. It's not that instantly we will feel great about someone not showing up...or not calling...or lying to us about something...but with this philosophy of trusting that all is truly in place, we can learn to feel, then let go of the disappointment quickly.
Which of course opens us up to meeting people much more suited for us. Loving the challenges that come with the world of dating diminishes the chance of long held anger or resentments. Which opens our heart to love.
Slow down, love whatever occurs, then make sure to set the healthy boundaries that you will and will not accept in the wonderful world of dating.
Love, peace...David Essel www.talkdavid.com
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Radio Interview: Suze Orman, Financial Guru
Suze Orman, now known by most as the financial guru seen on her own television show, as well as heard on her radio program, was an extremely interesting and upbeat guest to interview.
What impressed me the most about Suze during our interview, was her background, and the trials she had gone through in her past to get her to where she is today.
Many may not know that a number of years ago, one of her assistants embezzled almost her entire life savings! After giving this person the responsibility of handling her business and income, she returned from a trip to find out the money, almost down to her last cent, had been stolen.
As she told me during this interview, that the lessons learned through this experience actually created the person she is today, both personally and professionally.
Her ability to forgive, and create steps to eliminate this experience from ever reoccurring in the future has made her into one of the most successful financial advice experts of our times.
And, her passion, energy, and love for what she does comes through in each and every interview I have ever done with her.
Slow Down. Learn from your own past financial choices, let them go...forgive yourself and anyone else you may need to in this arena of your life to create the future you desire.
Love, Peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
What impressed me the most about Suze during our interview, was her background, and the trials she had gone through in her past to get her to where she is today.
Many may not know that a number of years ago, one of her assistants embezzled almost her entire life savings! After giving this person the responsibility of handling her business and income, she returned from a trip to find out the money, almost down to her last cent, had been stolen.
As she told me during this interview, that the lessons learned through this experience actually created the person she is today, both personally and professionally.
Her ability to forgive, and create steps to eliminate this experience from ever reoccurring in the future has made her into one of the most successful financial advice experts of our times.
And, her passion, energy, and love for what she does comes through in each and every interview I have ever done with her.
Slow Down. Learn from your own past financial choices, let them go...forgive yourself and anyone else you may need to in this arena of your life to create the future you desire.
Love, Peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Holiday Celebrations..Making them count
With all of the stressed out clients, friends and acquaintances I see daily during the Holiday Celebration Season..I have to ask everyone to write out the answer to this question.
"What do the holidays really mean to you? What would you like them to mean? Have you lost the connection, have the Holidays simply turned into a gift giving/receiving time of year with no real foundation?"
For those of you who are familiar with my work, these questions cannot be simply answered in your head. They must be written down. And, then the solutions must be in writing if you really want to see a change occur.
Maybe this is the year to create new rituals, for yourself, or your family, to add the spark of spirit that seems missing.
What would they be? Reading every evening about the meaning of Christmas? Hanukkah? Or any other seasonal holiday?
Slow down. Take control of your life today. Retrieve it from the marketers who want us to believe it's all about the material gifts. It's not.
Love, peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
"What do the holidays really mean to you? What would you like them to mean? Have you lost the connection, have the Holidays simply turned into a gift giving/receiving time of year with no real foundation?"
For those of you who are familiar with my work, these questions cannot be simply answered in your head. They must be written down. And, then the solutions must be in writing if you really want to see a change occur.
Maybe this is the year to create new rituals, for yourself, or your family, to add the spark of spirit that seems missing.
What would they be? Reading every evening about the meaning of Christmas? Hanukkah? Or any other seasonal holiday?
Slow down. Take control of your life today. Retrieve it from the marketers who want us to believe it's all about the material gifts. It's not.
Love, peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
Sunday, December 7, 2008
The Power of "Self-Talk"..Help or Hinderance....
Every day I hear the complaints...the insane conversations going on both inside and outside of peoples heads. Yes, I can even hear the internal chatter as someone walks by just by looking at their body language.
"I'll never lose this weight.... This is the worst recession of our lifetime..... Guys are just plain dogs.... why quit drinking now, that's not going to change anything... I've tried to quit smoking 20 times! there's no program that will work for me ......I never have enough time for the gym, me, or to do anything fun! "
Of course there are a million more ludicrous statements that people repeat every day to themselves, and oftentimes to anyone else who will listen and they all serve on amazing purpose: to keep you stuck in your miserable rut.
That's right, that's all they do. Keep you stuck.
How do I know this to be true? Because there are millions of people in this world today in a position much more devastating than yours, who are happy today. Who are at peace today. Because they have mastered the art of self-talk.
Self talk, positive self talk, can be mastered. But it begins with a conscious choice to do so.
You become what you think about, and what you talk about all day long.
So, if you want a more powerful life, a more abundant life, watch the words you say and think. Replace the limiting ones with a powerful projection of who you want to be.
Ask your friends to catch you when you gossip, when you complain. Then, change the words you are using right on the spot.
Slow down, and watch your world change for the better right before your eyes.
Love, peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
"I'll never lose this weight.... This is the worst recession of our lifetime..... Guys are just plain dogs.... why quit drinking now, that's not going to change anything... I've tried to quit smoking 20 times! there's no program that will work for me ......I never have enough time for the gym, me, or to do anything fun! "
Of course there are a million more ludicrous statements that people repeat every day to themselves, and oftentimes to anyone else who will listen and they all serve on amazing purpose: to keep you stuck in your miserable rut.
That's right, that's all they do. Keep you stuck.
How do I know this to be true? Because there are millions of people in this world today in a position much more devastating than yours, who are happy today. Who are at peace today. Because they have mastered the art of self-talk.
Self talk, positive self talk, can be mastered. But it begins with a conscious choice to do so.
You become what you think about, and what you talk about all day long.
So, if you want a more powerful life, a more abundant life, watch the words you say and think. Replace the limiting ones with a powerful projection of who you want to be.
Ask your friends to catch you when you gossip, when you complain. Then, change the words you are using right on the spot.
Slow down, and watch your world change for the better right before your eyes.
Love, peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
Thursday, December 4, 2008
"I am a Warrior"....Wayman Tisdale
As I was watching a college basketball game today, former NBA player Wayman Tisdale was interviewed in regards to the recent amputation of one of his legs, just above the knee, due to cancer.
The hosts were discussing his amazing attitude, and asked him how he could stay so positive during such a stressful time.
"I realized how blessed I have been...that it happened after I left Pro basketball is such a blessing...I look back at how I've always been pushed in my basketball career by coaches like Bobby Knight...who made me see that I can handle so much more than I ever thought I could....through my faith.....I've finally seen that I am a warrior."
Tears started to well in my eyes as I watched Wayman on tv. The smile on his face was so real, so true, and he just lost 1/2 his leg!!
I am a warrior as well. And as soon as you say it, say it out loud, you are a warrior too.
We all are warriors in life, something that we can say and feel with pride. The power that comes through the faith, the belief in yourself, can help you rise above anything that life can throw your way.
If you ever doubt it, just think of Wayman. And all of the other amazing human beings that we can look to who have overcome adversity. They are all leading us back home, home to our true powerful selves.
Slow down.
Love, peace, David Essel http://www.talkdavid.com/
The hosts were discussing his amazing attitude, and asked him how he could stay so positive during such a stressful time.
"I realized how blessed I have been...that it happened after I left Pro basketball is such a blessing...I look back at how I've always been pushed in my basketball career by coaches like Bobby Knight...who made me see that I can handle so much more than I ever thought I could....through my faith.....I've finally seen that I am a warrior."
Tears started to well in my eyes as I watched Wayman on tv. The smile on his face was so real, so true, and he just lost 1/2 his leg!!
I am a warrior as well. And as soon as you say it, say it out loud, you are a warrior too.
We all are warriors in life, something that we can say and feel with pride. The power that comes through the faith, the belief in yourself, can help you rise above anything that life can throw your way.
If you ever doubt it, just think of Wayman. And all of the other amazing human beings that we can look to who have overcome adversity. They are all leading us back home, home to our true powerful selves.
Slow down.
Love, peace, David Essel http://www.talkdavid.com/
Finding a Job Today....What Works?
If you watch television, listen to the radio and read the reports in the newspaper about the trials of people trying to find a job, you might just give up before you really give it your best shot. Finding a job today is possible, if you're willing to go above and beyond your normal interviewing/ searching practices.
Yes, you have a challenge on your hands. Yes it is possible to find work. The question you must ask yourself, is how bad do you want it?
I would love to share with you some proven job search methods that will help you today, or any day for that matter :
1) Create a great resume, even if you have to use a resume writer.
2) Get offline and in front of people. Too many people rely on the ease of the Internet when they should be asking for work in person.
3) Walk into 10 , yes, 10 businesses a day, ask for the manager, leave your resume and fill out an application...even if they have no jobs listed.
4) Take a job even if you think it's "below" your experience if your really need one...prove yourself, get humble, kick butt, and work your way to the top. Or are you too wrapped up in your own ego to do this?
5) Email and call 10 former contacts, friends etc. every day, asking them to refer you to anyone they know who you can contact about an open position.
6) Repeat steps 1-5 and watch your world change for the better.
Slow down. Do the action steps necessary to find work, even the ones you really do not want to do.
Love, peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
Yes, you have a challenge on your hands. Yes it is possible to find work. The question you must ask yourself, is how bad do you want it?
I would love to share with you some proven job search methods that will help you today, or any day for that matter :
1) Create a great resume, even if you have to use a resume writer.
2) Get offline and in front of people. Too many people rely on the ease of the Internet when they should be asking for work in person.
3) Walk into 10 , yes, 10 businesses a day, ask for the manager, leave your resume and fill out an application...even if they have no jobs listed.
4) Take a job even if you think it's "below" your experience if your really need one...prove yourself, get humble, kick butt, and work your way to the top. Or are you too wrapped up in your own ego to do this?
5) Email and call 10 former contacts, friends etc. every day, asking them to refer you to anyone they know who you can contact about an open position.
6) Repeat steps 1-5 and watch your world change for the better.
Slow down. Do the action steps necessary to find work, even the ones you really do not want to do.
Love, peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Marriage = Love plus...What?
"But I loved her with all my might, isn't that what it is supposed to take to create a marriage that lasts?" My client was stunned. His wife had just filed for divorce, after years of what he had thought was a successful marriage.
As I reflected on our meeting, and the weeks of work that followed, it became evident to me that love alone will never be enough to make a marriage work, or be successful for both partners in the long run.
I remember interviewing a man that had been married well over 50 years and posing the question to him about what makes a successful long term marriage.
His words still echo through my mind. "A deep love for the person is the place to start, but truly David you must really enjoy living together...in the same house, no matter how small. You must really enjoy their company for it to last. It's not enough to just love someone."
Love will really never be enough. You can deeply love someone, but not truly enjoy their company. Or respect their opinions on life. Or look for ways to create fun together. Or be willing to set healthy boundaries early on that shows how much you respect yourself.
My client definitely loved his wife, but over the years had refused to listen to her pleas to create more time to spend together. While he did not want to notice the fact they were drifting apart, she had created a life outside of her marriage that was more fulfilling then the fact that he was making an income to cover their living expenses.
She wanted more time, more creativity in their relationship, while he wanted to stay in his comfort zone.
As I look back at my own marriage that ended 8 years ago, I know we both loved each other . I also know that it was not enough. In my case, I believe I entered into marriage too soon for it to last, without enough of a foundation that all marriages really need. The ground work that is essential was bypassed.
Love+ Respect+Creativity+Communication+Understanding= A healthy marriage. Not a perfect marriage, but a healthy one that might just pass the test of time.
Slow down.
Love, peace, David Essel. www.talkdavid.com
As I reflected on our meeting, and the weeks of work that followed, it became evident to me that love alone will never be enough to make a marriage work, or be successful for both partners in the long run.
I remember interviewing a man that had been married well over 50 years and posing the question to him about what makes a successful long term marriage.
His words still echo through my mind. "A deep love for the person is the place to start, but truly David you must really enjoy living together...in the same house, no matter how small. You must really enjoy their company for it to last. It's not enough to just love someone."
Love will really never be enough. You can deeply love someone, but not truly enjoy their company. Or respect their opinions on life. Or look for ways to create fun together. Or be willing to set healthy boundaries early on that shows how much you respect yourself.
My client definitely loved his wife, but over the years had refused to listen to her pleas to create more time to spend together. While he did not want to notice the fact they were drifting apart, she had created a life outside of her marriage that was more fulfilling then the fact that he was making an income to cover their living expenses.
She wanted more time, more creativity in their relationship, while he wanted to stay in his comfort zone.
As I look back at my own marriage that ended 8 years ago, I know we both loved each other . I also know that it was not enough. In my case, I believe I entered into marriage too soon for it to last, without enough of a foundation that all marriages really need. The ground work that is essential was bypassed.
Love+ Respect+Creativity+Communication+Understanding= A healthy marriage. Not a perfect marriage, but a healthy one that might just pass the test of time.
Slow down.
Love, peace, David Essel. www.talkdavid.com
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