From Incest to Forgiveness :The Rena Romano Story

Recently on my XM radio show, I had the chance to interview an amazing woman who has found a way out of the depth and despair of incest, into the light of forgiveness.

Rena Romano, author of "His Puppet No More", has appeared on the OPRAH show as well, and gives hope to the millions of people from around the world who suffer, or have suffered from, the tragedy of this "family secret."

Watch this short video, to get an idea of the story behind her success.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zamWkFaPY9Y

Yes, regardless of what we have endured in the past, there is a path out of darkness, to forgiveness.

I hope you will find your way, as well.

Love, david http://www.davidessel.com

Helping men to release their "inner bitch. " =)

Yes men of the world, it is time to get in touch with, and release, your "inner bitch".

But before you shut down, and turn away from this critical topic, ask yourself....why?

Watch this short video, to get an idea, of why this information is crucial to our growth as men.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2NXyotCZ_cY

Slow down. Love, david http://www.davidessel.com

Men in Love: Standing in the Fire

As I sat down to begin the men's group that I lead every week, I received a call from a client expressing his gratitude for the work we have recently done that is saving his love relationship. In a nutshell, he has been learning how to stand "in the fire " of love.

For most men, this is an extremely foreign concept as we were never taught what it truly means to be a man in a deep love relationship. One who is willing to be the pillar of strength at times, especially those times when his partner needs his power the most. Let me explain.

Ben had started to do sessions with me to help him deal with his girlfriends "erratic emotional reactions" during arguments. While he loved her and wanted to be with her, he wasn't sure he could handle her intense emotional periods of tears, anger, and often threats of ending the relationship.

At first glance, many would say leave, you do not deserve this craziness. But if he had, he would have missed the role he played in getting her to this emotional level, and probably would have repeated the same patterns in his next love affair.

You see, Ben was doing what most men do when their partner gets emotionally riled up: they try to solve their partners upset. And this my friends, is EXACTLY the opposite of what needs to be done. Many women who are in an emotionally upset state, need no solving, no fixing. they simply need to express, vent, release. Pure and simple.

So every time Ben noticed that his girlfriend was getting more hysterical, I asked him to think about what his previous words, actions or emotions were doing. and every time it was the same thing: he was trying to logically solve her upset. It will never work.

What most women need, through the experiences I have had with working with women in my practice, is the ability to be expressive without feeling like they need to be fixed. They need to be able to see that their partner can handle a certain amount of their emotional release, stand in the fire with them, and then let go. They want to know that their man will not shrink from their emotional release, but rather stand there and accept it at least momentarily. After this trust is built and the release is over, they can then listen to logic, but not a moment before.

Ben's reaction to me was comical. "You've got to be kidding, just stand there and take it?". Yes, as the saying goes, take it like a man.

It worked, just like magic. Over the past 6 months, his love has deepened, and the frequency of their emotional blowups has diminished to almost nothing. His girlfriend is showering him with affection and love daily, as she sees that he can handle so much more than he ever did in the past. With her trust high, she feels protected, and doesn't need to go to extremes as she knows he'll listen without the need to fix.

Slow down and create the path for your partner to trust your power, your emotional fortitude, and watch your bond deepen in love.

Love, peace Rev. David www.davidessel.com

The Role of Men in Relationships: A Lost Art

Over the years men have lost their concept of what it means to be a man in a relationship, whether we are talking about those with a partner, or those with a family. What used to be common sense, has been lost. The art of being a man must be brought back into play if we are expecting families to flourish in the future, or face demise as they seem to be doing right now.

In my relationship coaching sessions, as well as the men's groups I have led, I have seen first hand how men have lost their way in regards to what it means to be a leader in love, and a leader in the family structure. The causes of this are truly irrelevant to me. I'm not here to point fingers as to why this has occurred, or who to blame. In my opinion that gets everyone nowhere.

Men were born to lead, to make decisions, to be the foundation of family. They were meant to lead by example. The role of a man in a relationship is to speak less, lead more, and allow his partner to feel safe as well as free. Free to have an outlet for her fears. Free to express her feelings without the need for the man to fix them. You see, a leader does not have to have all the answers for his company, troop or family. His main role is to listen, support, ask questions, and then if and when needed, delegate duties or chores that suit the strengths of his partner and/or children. Then, pick up the rest of the responsibilities himself.

Somewhere along the lines, men were taught to not express their feelings, when expression in the family unit is a sign of strength. As I have counseled couples for the past 20 years, I have yet to have a woman tell me that her husband was too emotional. I often have heard women say that their man rarely shares any of his feelings, any of his fears. In these cases, each woman has said she felt left out of that part of his life. Real men not only eat quiche, but they also open themselves up to their partner in a way that makes the woman feel special, a part of his inner circle , which is what she should be.

Men need to lead by example, in all areas of life. Alcohol, so accepted by society as a way men connect with other men, and oftentimes women as well, has lead millions of men astray. Men need to be role models. The use of alcohol, drugs, food or smoking as coping mechanisms, or the chase for the almighty dollar shows how weak many men are.

They need to be able to listen, direct questions, and allow their kids to have a say in how to figure life out by themselves in many cases, after they've reached the age of 12 and above. For some, even sooner.

Men need to be able to lead by faith. Faith, a strong belief in the "yet unseen", is a powerful gift to offer their partners and children. Men who lead by faith have an aura about them that allows their families and partners to trust them. Regardless of the struggles one might face, men of faith know that there is always a way out, over or around life's challenges.

I have seen over the last several years a true desire by both men and women to see the resurrection of men in relationships. To see them become the leaders they were meant to be.

Slow down, and become the man you are destined to be in love, in life. Once you begin the process of taking responsibility for your actions, for your life, this world will begin to shift in ways we've always hoped we'd see. Once you take that first step, the leader in you will naturally rise to the surface and life will take on a whole new look.

I see in my congregation, my workshops and my coaching sessions the beginning of a new era. Let's keep it going strong.

Love, peace, David www.davidessel.com

Men's Success & Faith Group - Every Wednesday

Every Wednesday 6-7pm

Join the Men's Success & Faith Group with David Essel, as we explore how men can be more successful, deepen their faith, relationships, career, family and life!!

You may join at anytime. There is no charge. No need to RSVP.

Location: Lotus Blossom Clinic, 6710 Winkler Road, Suite 2, Fort Myers, FL 33919,

Phone: 941 266 7676

See what men are saying...

"Last nights men's group was very powerful as always. This group, under your leadership, has transformed my life in many positive ways. The two simple rules we follow in the group, 1) do not give advice 2) do not speak unless asked, have taught me a new way of listening and communicating. Not giving advice, not trying to fix everyone, not talking over others. WHAT A NOVEL CONCEPT. What this has done for me is give me a place where I can speak in total honesty and know I will not be judged or fixed, just listened to. It is the most freedom I have ever felt.I now know how others would feel if I used these methods. Trust me, this is a work in progress. Our groups path of total honesty has been the hardest thing I have ever attempted. To "stand in the fire", totally vulnerable, to stand in the anothers pain, to accept responsibility for your actions, is the only way a man should live. Thank you my brothers." - B