Posts
Unconditional romantic love, is it even possible?'
If you believe the romance novels, we should all be so lucky to have this type of a love relationship.
But is it really a healthy love?
Watch this video, then decide for yourself.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ehrt1ncamao
If I can help you with this very sensitive topic let me know. Love, david
www.davidessel.com
Showing posts with label unconditional love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label unconditional love. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Can You Date Multiple People, and be Healthy?
The following short video was created after one of my clients came to me to discuss this very question: is it healthy, sane , to try and date more than one person at a time?
Watch, share this with people you know.
For some, dating several people at once, allows them to slow down, before jumping into a serious relationship. For others, it creates chaos.
Love, share, peace, david www.davidessel.com
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Unconditional Love? Yes, It Is Possible
Many of us talk about how we truly want to experience unconditional love with a partner , but few actually do it.
Yes it is possible, but it will require that you know how to put your partners needs ahead of your own.
Watch this video, to see what it really looks like.
Jimmy and Joanne experienced it, are you now ready to go there as well?
Unconditional love, it's possible for everyone.
Slow down, and share this video with as many people as you can.
Love, peace, david
www.davidessel.com
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Showing Love in Frustration: That's Real Love
When we have reached the level of awakening that we can show love to our partner or child when things are in a frustrated state, we have truly begun to master the art of love. Anything short of that is nice, but we're still working at a lower evolutionary level.
Anyone can love someone or be in love when things are going well. The sun is shining, your partner agrees with you, your job is secure and life is just humming along at a great clip. But when the other side of life rears it's head, that's what separates the amateurs of love from the true professionals.
If you truly want to experience the amazing benefits of love, you'll have to figure out how to stay in love , especially stay in love, when things are not going so well.
The first step is to make a verbal, or even written agreement with your partner that you will love each other through the good times and bad. Yes, as an ordained minister, I have couples repeat this when I marry them, but few really know what this means. So do it again today, if your married, or make an agreement with your partner that this is something you'd like to experience if you're not married.
I believe all couples who are serious about love should do this. Make a devoted commitment, look into each others eyes and do this now. Don't procrastinate, make the commitment and then hold each other accountable.
So, in the middle of a disagreement, one of you as to pull back and remind each of you that even though this is tense, you are in this for love. RECENTLY MY PARTNER AND I HAD THE CHANCE TO PRACTICE THIS VERY SAME THING IN OUR RELATIONSHIP, AND I WILL TELL YOU FIRST HAND THAT IT IS NOT EASY.
Yes, even though I do this work for a living, it takes a desire to experience the deepest of love in order to pull this off. My partner has agreed to do the same as I do for our relationship, and the tests will come throughout life as we both know. In the middle of a disagreement, we pulled back to remind ourselves that we can change this energy, back to love if we want to. The first attempt at this lasted about 4 minutes. LOL. Then we were back to believing we were each right. The second attempt at reconciliation lasted a little longer. It wasn't until the fourth attempt at resurrecting the FEELING of love that we have for each other that it was real, that it stuck.
At this point, I think we both recognized subconsciously how hard the other person was working at regaining the love and respect for each other that we do have, that we were finally able to come back to peace and love, to hold each other tightly, to say "I love you", and really mean it with emotion.
Then we had to carry this feeling into the night, as we slept, and awaken with the peace that flowed from love for each other. The verbal clues that we use, like "we're playing way below our capacity to love", helps us to cut off the flow of the small ego, and return to love.
But, without a conscious plan, it would never work.
Slow down today and decide to show your partner love in the middle of discontent, and watch the true meaning of love begin to surface in your life.
Love, peace, David www.davidessel.com
Anyone can love someone or be in love when things are going well. The sun is shining, your partner agrees with you, your job is secure and life is just humming along at a great clip. But when the other side of life rears it's head, that's what separates the amateurs of love from the true professionals.
If you truly want to experience the amazing benefits of love, you'll have to figure out how to stay in love , especially stay in love, when things are not going so well.
The first step is to make a verbal, or even written agreement with your partner that you will love each other through the good times and bad. Yes, as an ordained minister, I have couples repeat this when I marry them, but few really know what this means. So do it again today, if your married, or make an agreement with your partner that this is something you'd like to experience if you're not married.
I believe all couples who are serious about love should do this. Make a devoted commitment, look into each others eyes and do this now. Don't procrastinate, make the commitment and then hold each other accountable.
So, in the middle of a disagreement, one of you as to pull back and remind each of you that even though this is tense, you are in this for love. RECENTLY MY PARTNER AND I HAD THE CHANCE TO PRACTICE THIS VERY SAME THING IN OUR RELATIONSHIP, AND I WILL TELL YOU FIRST HAND THAT IT IS NOT EASY.
Yes, even though I do this work for a living, it takes a desire to experience the deepest of love in order to pull this off. My partner has agreed to do the same as I do for our relationship, and the tests will come throughout life as we both know. In the middle of a disagreement, we pulled back to remind ourselves that we can change this energy, back to love if we want to. The first attempt at this lasted about 4 minutes. LOL. Then we were back to believing we were each right. The second attempt at reconciliation lasted a little longer. It wasn't until the fourth attempt at resurrecting the FEELING of love that we have for each other that it was real, that it stuck.
At this point, I think we both recognized subconsciously how hard the other person was working at regaining the love and respect for each other that we do have, that we were finally able to come back to peace and love, to hold each other tightly, to say "I love you", and really mean it with emotion.
Then we had to carry this feeling into the night, as we slept, and awaken with the peace that flowed from love for each other. The verbal clues that we use, like "we're playing way below our capacity to love", helps us to cut off the flow of the small ego, and return to love.
But, without a conscious plan, it would never work.
Slow down today and decide to show your partner love in the middle of discontent, and watch the true meaning of love begin to surface in your life.
Love, peace, David www.davidessel.com
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Communication in Relationships: Comments
As expected, this series of blogs has received a lot of responses. I'll list a few here.
"Men were never supposed to communicate as much as women want. It's not in our genes. "
"I think Clair is so right on, go for what you desire in love, and never let any moron try to convince you otherwise....men can be just as great as communicators as women, if they want to."
"I know a lot of my girlfriends who are just like Clairs ex..they entice a guy in by being available to talk, text in the beginning..then they feel entitled to be "chased by a man if he wants me"...that attitude can turn a lot of guys off...I'm a woman and I don't blame them..it's a crappy way to be in a relationship."
True love is equal......both parties must be able to communicate at the same level...which is why we are not for everyone...so, if you start out in love with great text, email, phone connection..do not lose it! even if it stretches you...find the time in the day to text..it takes just a few seconds..and do you know how great it will make your partner feel? my husband is awesome, he makes me feel so special everyday with his contact..for a while i took it for granted...if he'd contact me , sometimes i'd respond, sometimes i wouldn't..my best friend woke me up one day to the fact about love....i have to stretch myself more if i want it to stay...20 years later, i am blessed by the most amazing man on earth"
" as a guy, I can tell you that getting a text for no reason simply makes me feel loved, yes, some guys would call me a wimp, but whatever..."
" I'm a woman who loves to court and be courted, it should never stop, wane or slow down..if it does, maybe you're not ready for real love.Clair, I think you are...go find the guy who is ready too...."
Slow down, and let your partner know how you feel right now, and every day you are alive.
Love, peace, David www.davidessel.com
."
"Men were never supposed to communicate as much as women want. It's not in our genes. "
"I think Clair is so right on, go for what you desire in love, and never let any moron try to convince you otherwise....men can be just as great as communicators as women, if they want to."
"I know a lot of my girlfriends who are just like Clairs ex..they entice a guy in by being available to talk, text in the beginning..then they feel entitled to be "chased by a man if he wants me"...that attitude can turn a lot of guys off...I'm a woman and I don't blame them..it's a crappy way to be in a relationship."
True love is equal......both parties must be able to communicate at the same level...which is why we are not for everyone...so, if you start out in love with great text, email, phone connection..do not lose it! even if it stretches you...find the time in the day to text..it takes just a few seconds..and do you know how great it will make your partner feel? my husband is awesome, he makes me feel so special everyday with his contact..for a while i took it for granted...if he'd contact me , sometimes i'd respond, sometimes i wouldn't..my best friend woke me up one day to the fact about love....i have to stretch myself more if i want it to stay...20 years later, i am blessed by the most amazing man on earth"
" as a guy, I can tell you that getting a text for no reason simply makes me feel loved, yes, some guys would call me a wimp, but whatever..."
" I'm a woman who loves to court and be courted, it should never stop, wane or slow down..if it does, maybe you're not ready for real love.Clair, I think you are...go find the guy who is ready too...."
Slow down, and let your partner know how you feel right now, and every day you are alive.
Love, peace, David www.davidessel.com
."
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Silence: A Powerful Tool in all Relationships
When most of us think of people who are great communicators, we often miss one of the most important traits these people carry: the knowledge of when to be silent in relationships and just how powerful of a tool this really is.
Most men are at a disadvantage here, as we have been raised to fix, fix and then fix again anything in sight that seems to be broken. And that includes relationships. But this trait is not alone one that gets men into hot water, as many women over the years have developed the same issue: when someone comes to us with a challenge, we want to give advice and fix it right away.
In my courses that I teach at universities and colleges, this tool is an important part of the materials that we explore in regards to life mastery: the ability to sit with someone else's pain, or challenge, without having to fix it.
At our weekly men's group on success and faith, we discussed this just last night, as I shared the power behind allowing a lover, child or friend to express to us a worry, insecurity or fear without having to say a word in return. Just our presence with them is enough to help the healing process begin.
When someone comes to us in pain, or in a quandary about life, and we immediately share with them the three things they could do to "fix" their problem, we have basically shut them down emotionally. We have said, "I really am not strong enough to hear your pain, so just do this thing I'm telling you, so we can move on. " Where most of the time they are just looking for a safe place to let their true emotions out, by giving advice we are throwing their fears right back in their face.
My partner came to me once with a heavy pain surrounding her beloved horse, an animal that is as close to human with his sensitive and beautiful feelings as any horse could get. Years ago my response would have been , "But what about this, or trying that, have you asked the vet if this is a possibility too?". My intentions might have been good, but the end result would have been horrific, as she would not have had a chance to truly release at the deepest level her pain, her tears, which was a deep sign of love that she had with her companion Simon.
Instead, I opted for the path that I now teach others, to sit with this persons pain, in my case just to hold her, and stroke her hair as she goes to the beautiful depth of emotional release. As she goes deeper and deeper, her healing is more and more profound.
You and I are not here on earth to "fix" anyone, but rather to sit with their pain. During this time together, I had tears too as I felt her love for her horse, and her fears as well. It's not the easiest path, but 45 minutes later, after saying very little, I could feel her tears wane, her heart open, as she joyfully recalled amazing memories from her past with this beautiful animal.
If we want to be phenomenal communicators, we all must move to this type of interaction, where we move away from giving advice, and move into unconditional love. I advise my clients, students as well as myself daily, to never give advice unless someone directly asks you for it.
Slow down and allow the people in your life, lovers, children, family, friends, coworkers, to come to you as a safe haven, a warm home against life's storms, where they can share their emotions without the fear of being told , once again, what they should do with their pain. Silence is a powerful tool in all exceptional relationships.
Love, peace, David www.davidessel.com
Most men are at a disadvantage here, as we have been raised to fix, fix and then fix again anything in sight that seems to be broken. And that includes relationships. But this trait is not alone one that gets men into hot water, as many women over the years have developed the same issue: when someone comes to us with a challenge, we want to give advice and fix it right away.
In my courses that I teach at universities and colleges, this tool is an important part of the materials that we explore in regards to life mastery: the ability to sit with someone else's pain, or challenge, without having to fix it.
At our weekly men's group on success and faith, we discussed this just last night, as I shared the power behind allowing a lover, child or friend to express to us a worry, insecurity or fear without having to say a word in return. Just our presence with them is enough to help the healing process begin.
When someone comes to us in pain, or in a quandary about life, and we immediately share with them the three things they could do to "fix" their problem, we have basically shut them down emotionally. We have said, "I really am not strong enough to hear your pain, so just do this thing I'm telling you, so we can move on. " Where most of the time they are just looking for a safe place to let their true emotions out, by giving advice we are throwing their fears right back in their face.
My partner came to me once with a heavy pain surrounding her beloved horse, an animal that is as close to human with his sensitive and beautiful feelings as any horse could get. Years ago my response would have been , "But what about this, or trying that, have you asked the vet if this is a possibility too?". My intentions might have been good, but the end result would have been horrific, as she would not have had a chance to truly release at the deepest level her pain, her tears, which was a deep sign of love that she had with her companion Simon.
Instead, I opted for the path that I now teach others, to sit with this persons pain, in my case just to hold her, and stroke her hair as she goes to the beautiful depth of emotional release. As she goes deeper and deeper, her healing is more and more profound.
You and I are not here on earth to "fix" anyone, but rather to sit with their pain. During this time together, I had tears too as I felt her love for her horse, and her fears as well. It's not the easiest path, but 45 minutes later, after saying very little, I could feel her tears wane, her heart open, as she joyfully recalled amazing memories from her past with this beautiful animal.
If we want to be phenomenal communicators, we all must move to this type of interaction, where we move away from giving advice, and move into unconditional love. I advise my clients, students as well as myself daily, to never give advice unless someone directly asks you for it.
Slow down and allow the people in your life, lovers, children, family, friends, coworkers, to come to you as a safe haven, a warm home against life's storms, where they can share their emotions without the fear of being told , once again, what they should do with their pain. Silence is a powerful tool in all exceptional relationships.
Love, peace, David www.davidessel.com
Saturday, September 19, 2009
The Path to Love Through Devotion
If we ever want to reach the highest level of our existence on earth, we will at some point have to realize the reason for our existence: to create the deepest of love through daily devotion.
Now admittedly, this is a huge undertaking, but the end result will surely be more than worth our effort. As I write this, I can reflect on the relationships that did not work, partially due to the fact that I never consciously, verbally, and in writing, offered this type of unending devotion to my partner. Why? Because then we are held accountable. Then we will be asked daily to prove our words to be true. And quite frankly, that can scare the hell out of us.
But oh my Lord...just think of the most amazing end result if we now choose to walk this path! To devote our self to our partner, our lover, offers the deepest ,most intimate of all relations. To consciously, together, repeat that we are devoted to one another for life........to rise above the small ego's pettiness, to let go of resentments AS THEY OCCUR, and yes, to not hold them a second longer than necessary. To awaken each morning with the mantra, "God, direct me to do more for my partner today in all ways, show me the path to serve them with devoted love. "
Now that, is devotion. Are you ready to walk this path with me? Are you ready to open your heart to the most vulnerable of all places to flow in the love of the divine with your partner? To be free of past conditioning of what love means, and to jump off the cliff of true love, with your mind simply wrapped around the concept of serving your lover?
In Hinduism, one of the paths to God is called bhakti yoga. Simply put, it is a path of love, where everything you do all day long is devoted to God. As you work, walk, eat, you chant God's name. As you read scripture, you devote yourself to God. The emotion of love for God is the driving force behind this path. It is the driving force of life.
We can use this metaphor and take it another step forward by deciding to love God with all of our heart, and then put this same energy into loving with deep devotion, our partner as well. I have heard of so many "arranged marriages", where the partners fall into this type of devoted love. Even in the beginning, if they were not overly attracted to their arranged partner, over a short period of time they fell madly in love due to their devotional mindset!!
Think about this!!! Can you imagine what you and I can do, if we devote ourselves to loving a partner who we are attracted to??? If they can accomplish this after being "set up" in a marriage, can you imagine what we can do as well, when we enter our marriage/relationship by choice?
When I think about devoting my life, my love, to my partner, it brings about a feeling of surrender. A feeling so deep, that it can barely even be described. When we choose to do this together, a whole new world, a whole new definition of love becomes a part of our beings. Divine union has just occurred, and yes, we can then experience Shambala, or Heaven on Earth.
Decide today to walk this path with me, to create the most sacred of relationships.
Slow down to create a path of love through devotion to your partner.
Love, peace, David http://www.davidessel.com
Now admittedly, this is a huge undertaking, but the end result will surely be more than worth our effort. As I write this, I can reflect on the relationships that did not work, partially due to the fact that I never consciously, verbally, and in writing, offered this type of unending devotion to my partner. Why? Because then we are held accountable. Then we will be asked daily to prove our words to be true. And quite frankly, that can scare the hell out of us.
But oh my Lord...just think of the most amazing end result if we now choose to walk this path! To devote our self to our partner, our lover, offers the deepest ,most intimate of all relations. To consciously, together, repeat that we are devoted to one another for life........to rise above the small ego's pettiness, to let go of resentments AS THEY OCCUR, and yes, to not hold them a second longer than necessary. To awaken each morning with the mantra, "God, direct me to do more for my partner today in all ways, show me the path to serve them with devoted love. "
Now that, is devotion. Are you ready to walk this path with me? Are you ready to open your heart to the most vulnerable of all places to flow in the love of the divine with your partner? To be free of past conditioning of what love means, and to jump off the cliff of true love, with your mind simply wrapped around the concept of serving your lover?
In Hinduism, one of the paths to God is called bhakti yoga. Simply put, it is a path of love, where everything you do all day long is devoted to God. As you work, walk, eat, you chant God's name. As you read scripture, you devote yourself to God. The emotion of love for God is the driving force behind this path. It is the driving force of life.
We can use this metaphor and take it another step forward by deciding to love God with all of our heart, and then put this same energy into loving with deep devotion, our partner as well. I have heard of so many "arranged marriages", where the partners fall into this type of devoted love. Even in the beginning, if they were not overly attracted to their arranged partner, over a short period of time they fell madly in love due to their devotional mindset!!
Think about this!!! Can you imagine what you and I can do, if we devote ourselves to loving a partner who we are attracted to??? If they can accomplish this after being "set up" in a marriage, can you imagine what we can do as well, when we enter our marriage/relationship by choice?
When I think about devoting my life, my love, to my partner, it brings about a feeling of surrender. A feeling so deep, that it can barely even be described. When we choose to do this together, a whole new world, a whole new definition of love becomes a part of our beings. Divine union has just occurred, and yes, we can then experience Shambala, or Heaven on Earth.
Decide today to walk this path with me, to create the most sacred of relationships.
Slow down to create a path of love through devotion to your partner.
Love, peace, David http://www.davidessel.com
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Creating love: Lead with your heart, follow a plan
"When you told me that we would create a place for love to come into my life, by leading with my heart, but also through creating a plan, I really thought this sounded like way too much work. Ninety days later, I see the reality in front of me, and I am just blown away! Wow!"
Frank was somewhat skeptical when he sat in my office a few months ago, and we discussed his desire to create a beautiful love relationship. And yet, as he begins his walk into a new love affair, he is seeing the payoff to both his "heart work", and "head work". ( To see the plan we followed, please read our blog from two days ago, where we describe the steps of intention, gratitude, and action, in our quest for love.)
Over the past number of years, I have seen the same reaction from so
many clients. They are skeptical of creating deep love. They've been hurt too many times. They've been lied to and mislead in love. It may work for others, but they have just about given up on their own beliefs, that deep love can happen for them.
They have just reached the perfect stage of "surrender", and if they now create a plan and follow it daily, they have a fantastic chance to find the love within themselves, and another, that they have been searching for.
Frank was laughing hysterically, actually with a joy I had not seen in our months of weekly meetings. He was blown away, that by writing down the characteristics of the type of person he wanted to meet, (emotionally free of past relationships, happy with herself, a good communicator, fun, spiritual, free of habits that would cause a separation between them, healthy, honest, etc.)and putting a date next to these traits that they would meet by, (Sept, 1st, 2009), and then daily seeing their union in his mind, (visualization with emotion), that the possibility of deep love would actually appear in his life.
Yet, as they met for the first time, as he says, "there was an instant comfort zone that had already been created, we both felt we had been together for a very long time. All I can say is wow, this stuff really works."
The surprise to me every time I see this happen in my work, is "Why would anyone be that surprised? You've just created love on earth, by leading with your heart, (deep desire), and followed a plan." (Brought your desire into the physical plane by writing it down, and following it daily. )
Frank now has the ability, through daily surrender and service, to follow his heart, and watch the love he desires to grow. If his partner is on the same path, there is literally nothing that can stop the flow of love between two conscious, connected souls. Daily reminding each other of the unique love they have, and speaking about how to go to deeper, more open levels of communication, will be the fuel needed to flourish in love.
Slow down, create your path to love, with your current partner, or a new one if you are single today.
Peace, love, David http://www.davidessel.com
Frank was somewhat skeptical when he sat in my office a few months ago, and we discussed his desire to create a beautiful love relationship. And yet, as he begins his walk into a new love affair, he is seeing the payoff to both his "heart work", and "head work". ( To see the plan we followed, please read our blog from two days ago, where we describe the steps of intention, gratitude, and action, in our quest for love.)
Over the past number of years, I have seen the same reaction from so
many clients. They are skeptical of creating deep love. They've been hurt too many times. They've been lied to and mislead in love. It may work for others, but they have just about given up on their own beliefs, that deep love can happen for them.
They have just reached the perfect stage of "surrender", and if they now create a plan and follow it daily, they have a fantastic chance to find the love within themselves, and another, that they have been searching for.
Frank was laughing hysterically, actually with a joy I had not seen in our months of weekly meetings. He was blown away, that by writing down the characteristics of the type of person he wanted to meet, (emotionally free of past relationships, happy with herself, a good communicator, fun, spiritual, free of habits that would cause a separation between them, healthy, honest, etc.)and putting a date next to these traits that they would meet by, (Sept, 1st, 2009), and then daily seeing their union in his mind, (visualization with emotion), that the possibility of deep love would actually appear in his life.
Yet, as they met for the first time, as he says, "there was an instant comfort zone that had already been created, we both felt we had been together for a very long time. All I can say is wow, this stuff really works."
The surprise to me every time I see this happen in my work, is "Why would anyone be that surprised? You've just created love on earth, by leading with your heart, (deep desire), and followed a plan." (Brought your desire into the physical plane by writing it down, and following it daily. )
Frank now has the ability, through daily surrender and service, to follow his heart, and watch the love he desires to grow. If his partner is on the same path, there is literally nothing that can stop the flow of love between two conscious, connected souls. Daily reminding each other of the unique love they have, and speaking about how to go to deeper, more open levels of communication, will be the fuel needed to flourish in love.
Slow down, create your path to love, with your current partner, or a new one if you are single today.
Peace, love, David http://www.davidessel.com
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Risking it All for Love: Never Play It Safe
As we examine the reason for our existence on planet Earth, it has become easier to see over the years that it truly is all about the quest for love, and with this as the conclusion for the reason for living, we should never play it safe when it comes to exploring the path to love.
Over the past 24 years, I have worked with so many people who were filled with resentment at a former partner, or a parent, and while hanging onto the anger at someone who could not love them, lost their own ability to love. They became isolated from the heart down. Bitter at the opposite sex. They created all kinds of excuses as to why it was better to be alone, then even try their hand at love again. They played it so safe when it came to love, that they missed out on the whole reason for living.
We are here to love. To love ourselves, yes even with all of our faults, and then to love another. And if that doesn't work, another. And another. And then another. You see there are no reasons to stop growing in love, to stop taking risks for the ultimate prize:love.
Love offers no guarantee that it will last, yet it is the "Holy Grail" in life. The love a dog shows it's owner is simply perfect. The smile that naturally grows as you are about to see your baby as it wakes up. The excitement that comes in a new relationship, the anticipation of the first kiss of the day, abounds in love.
Never playing it safe also means loving someone deeply even when they don;t return the favor immediately. It means dropping the scorecard in love. If they haven't returned your call, you call again and leave a beautiful message. You ask for their help in picking up the dishes after dinner, and then do it yourself if their own anger at any issue between you stops them from helping. Instead of playing it safe, and dropping back in your giving of love to your partner when they have decreased the love they are showing you, you keep on loving at the level you were meant to: full out love.
What I'm discussing here is radical to the small ego. The side of us that wants to be right versus kind. That wants to play it safe instead of loving unconditionally.It's time to love for the sake of loving. It's time to go out and date, right now, instead of waiting for years for your heart to heal. The victim mentality that follows a nasty breakup, or unkind treatment should not stop us from the freedom real love brings.
If you are hurting from love, get help, then get back in the game. Whether you're 20, 50, or 90, love for the sake of loving. Love for the sake of living, after all, it's the only reason we are here to begin with.
You can play it safe when you're dead, but since you're reading this right now, risk looking like the fool for love. Live ,live with passion, abandon, and love. Live, love for your hearts sake now, as well as every living being on this planet. We all need to be inspired, by you. Don't let us, you, or your partner down. Live with love now.
Over the past 24 years, I have worked with so many people who were filled with resentment at a former partner, or a parent, and while hanging onto the anger at someone who could not love them, lost their own ability to love. They became isolated from the heart down. Bitter at the opposite sex. They created all kinds of excuses as to why it was better to be alone, then even try their hand at love again. They played it so safe when it came to love, that they missed out on the whole reason for living.
We are here to love. To love ourselves, yes even with all of our faults, and then to love another. And if that doesn't work, another. And another. And then another. You see there are no reasons to stop growing in love, to stop taking risks for the ultimate prize:love.
Love offers no guarantee that it will last, yet it is the "Holy Grail" in life. The love a dog shows it's owner is simply perfect. The smile that naturally grows as you are about to see your baby as it wakes up. The excitement that comes in a new relationship, the anticipation of the first kiss of the day, abounds in love.
Never playing it safe also means loving someone deeply even when they don;t return the favor immediately. It means dropping the scorecard in love. If they haven't returned your call, you call again and leave a beautiful message. You ask for their help in picking up the dishes after dinner, and then do it yourself if their own anger at any issue between you stops them from helping. Instead of playing it safe, and dropping back in your giving of love to your partner when they have decreased the love they are showing you, you keep on loving at the level you were meant to: full out love.
What I'm discussing here is radical to the small ego. The side of us that wants to be right versus kind. That wants to play it safe instead of loving unconditionally.It's time to love for the sake of loving. It's time to go out and date, right now, instead of waiting for years for your heart to heal. The victim mentality that follows a nasty breakup, or unkind treatment should not stop us from the freedom real love brings.
If you are hurting from love, get help, then get back in the game. Whether you're 20, 50, or 90, love for the sake of loving. Love for the sake of living, after all, it's the only reason we are here to begin with.
You can play it safe when you're dead, but since you're reading this right now, risk looking like the fool for love. Live ,live with passion, abandon, and love. Live, love for your hearts sake now, as well as every living being on this planet. We all need to be inspired, by you. Don't let us, you, or your partner down. Live with love now.
Friday, May 15, 2009
Is it alright to be angry at God?
My client was filled with absolute guilt and rage, as she tried to deal with the anger that she held against God. "Is it ok to be this mad at God? For all that he's done, and hasn't done?"
I had been down this road many times before with clients who had a very good reason, or reasons, to be very upset, and yes even filled with rage against God. They all professed the same resentment, though filled with guilt at some level too, as their religious upbringing had told them not to be pissed at God.
For those raised in a more fundamental family, God would get angry at you for being angry at God. And no one wants a God throwing his wrath their way. So, these people would eat their anger, eat and submerge the guilt they had, so as not to provoke the wrath of God in any way possible. They would turn into control freaks, alcoholics, or become abusive emotionally or physically towards their partners or children, as well as towards theme selves.
For those raised in a more traditional household, they would be taught the lesson of pure guilt, which often then turns them into the victim in life. With God, they must not be good enough for Him to love them as He does others. This low self esteem makes them perfect targets for the control freaks in life, whether that be in the form of a boss, lover or parent. Nothing ever goes their way. They never get the breaks other people get. They wallow in their misery, always blaming someone else, or the economy, or genetics, for the lousy life they have.
In both cases, regardless of what type of family they were raised in, getting mad at God was not a viable option. The client who sat in front of me had watched their child die. They wanted so badly to be mad at God, but held back expressing this to anyone but a professional behind closed doors.
Years before, I worked with a young lady who had watched her younger sister get killed instantly right in front of her. She had held in her rage against God for 30 years before we started working together. And for many weeks did not want to even mention the anger she had at Him.
Regardless of what we are taught, and by whom, I believe it is totally normal, and yes even ok to be mad at God. To be filled with rage at God. To scream at God for all the reasons that you might have. I even encourage clients to express this rage in writing, with a letter to God telling Him, Her, how you truly feel.
The alternative to expressing these emotions is unacceptable. To submerge emotions is the pathway to emotional and physical death. If anyone can handle your rage against God, it's God!
In every instance, shortly after releasing their anger at god, my clients have begun their own healing process. The rage begins to subside, and eventually becomes dull ache. The ache stays for as long as it needs to, sometimes fluctuating to pain and then back again to a dull throb, before in transforms into something lighter. As is often the case, the persons spiritual or religious path returns, sometimes in a totally new direction, one they would have never followed without the release of their anger at God.
Today is the best day to begin your quest if you have anger at God. Waiting will not solve a thing. Being a "good boy, girl, christian " and submerging your anger will get you nowhere. Release your anger so that you can be the complete person you were meant to be, here, now.
In my work and life, I have found God to be able to handle anything a human can do or say, and to be filled with forgiveness and love towards us at ALL times, for any reason.
Slow down.
Love, peace, Rev. David Essel. http//:www.churchofspirituallight.org
I had been down this road many times before with clients who had a very good reason, or reasons, to be very upset, and yes even filled with rage against God. They all professed the same resentment, though filled with guilt at some level too, as their religious upbringing had told them not to be pissed at God.
For those raised in a more fundamental family, God would get angry at you for being angry at God. And no one wants a God throwing his wrath their way. So, these people would eat their anger, eat and submerge the guilt they had, so as not to provoke the wrath of God in any way possible. They would turn into control freaks, alcoholics, or become abusive emotionally or physically towards their partners or children, as well as towards theme selves.
For those raised in a more traditional household, they would be taught the lesson of pure guilt, which often then turns them into the victim in life. With God, they must not be good enough for Him to love them as He does others. This low self esteem makes them perfect targets for the control freaks in life, whether that be in the form of a boss, lover or parent. Nothing ever goes their way. They never get the breaks other people get. They wallow in their misery, always blaming someone else, or the economy, or genetics, for the lousy life they have.
In both cases, regardless of what type of family they were raised in, getting mad at God was not a viable option. The client who sat in front of me had watched their child die. They wanted so badly to be mad at God, but held back expressing this to anyone but a professional behind closed doors.
Years before, I worked with a young lady who had watched her younger sister get killed instantly right in front of her. She had held in her rage against God for 30 years before we started working together. And for many weeks did not want to even mention the anger she had at Him.
Regardless of what we are taught, and by whom, I believe it is totally normal, and yes even ok to be mad at God. To be filled with rage at God. To scream at God for all the reasons that you might have. I even encourage clients to express this rage in writing, with a letter to God telling Him, Her, how you truly feel.
The alternative to expressing these emotions is unacceptable. To submerge emotions is the pathway to emotional and physical death. If anyone can handle your rage against God, it's God!
In every instance, shortly after releasing their anger at god, my clients have begun their own healing process. The rage begins to subside, and eventually becomes dull ache. The ache stays for as long as it needs to, sometimes fluctuating to pain and then back again to a dull throb, before in transforms into something lighter. As is often the case, the persons spiritual or religious path returns, sometimes in a totally new direction, one they would have never followed without the release of their anger at God.
Today is the best day to begin your quest if you have anger at God. Waiting will not solve a thing. Being a "good boy, girl, christian " and submerging your anger will get you nowhere. Release your anger so that you can be the complete person you were meant to be, here, now.
In my work and life, I have found God to be able to handle anything a human can do or say, and to be filled with forgiveness and love towards us at ALL times, for any reason.
Slow down.
Love, peace, Rev. David Essel. http//:www.churchofspirituallight.org
Monday, April 27, 2009
The Two Sides of Love: Are You ready?
Anyone who truly wants to experience love has to be ready to delve into ALL of love, the two sides of love.
The one side you dream and fantasize about that is readily described in romantic novels, as well as the side that rarely gets mentioned, the side that encompasses unconditional love.
So what is love? Like anything in life, love is composed of it's opposites, to be what it is. Love, a feeling, an emotion, is probably the most written about topic of all times. Love, to many, is the feeling of God. The feeling of the Divine. The feeling that says "all is perfect, all is beautiful, all is well."
If everything in life must have it's opposite to make it complete, to make it known, then love is also vulnerability, insecurity, and jealousy, for without these aspects of love, the feelings of being "perfect, beautiful, Divine and well", could not be felt.
Identical to the thought that if we never had night, we could not experience day, if we never knew insecurity we'd never experience the security that love can offer. They must go hand in hand.
In my practice, I often share with clients that if they truly want to experience the deepest of love than they must be willing to also experience the deepest pain, loss, vulnerability and hurt that this quest for love may offer.
Many of these emotions, the "other" side of love, can surface if we delve into the concept of unconditional love. Unconditional love is the other part of love that most of us give lip service to, but never really have the intention of practicing. To love someone unconditionally means exactly what it says, without conditions. I love you even if "you don't do as I ask,don't make the money I'd like you to make, don't have the body I want you to have, or don't communicate with me the way I want you to communicate". In other words, I will love you at the deepest level regardless of what you do or do not do.
When we start to love someone at this level, we can be assured that for a while, it will scare the heck out of us. We release our ego through the practice of unconditional love and move to a place of pure acceptance. We toss out the fantasy of having a partner that falls into a certain role, and accept the human side of their existence. This is where we often experience the dark side of our own emotions, fears and insecurities as we allow our partner the space to become their own person without limits or expectations. Again, the fantasy that we have created since childhood gets blasted away, and in it's place we become strong enough, and loving enough, to allow them to live the life they desire.
Within this union, real love can exist. Within this type of relationship, we experience the deepest love for ourselves as we allow our partner more space to grow than they ever could have imagined. When someone feels this type of love coming from you, the will often respond with the same depth in return. The kind of depth that will awaken a new sense of ecstasy within you that may just blow the doors off of anything you could have imagined.
The best way that I have seen this happen is when two people come together and make a conscious decision to discuss this path of unconditional love as a goal that they would like to share. They can then regularly talk honestly about how they are each doing, in a non confrontational and supportive way. While it can also occur without consciousness, the chances of it lasting at this level becomes more of a challenge.
So, now the question lies with you. What do you want when it comes to love? Are you ready to experience the two sides of love in order to reach the zenith of Divine Union or unconditional love? Or, do you want to continue to hold onto the "fantasy love, fantasy partner" that our society continues to promote as realistic to obtain even though we know it is not?
I'd love for you to make a conscious decision today, and then be willing to live with your notion of love. On the one hand is the superficial love filled with shallowness and disappointment from a lover that could never rise to your expectations. Or on the other, is a lover that feels free as a bird, and offers the same freedom in return as you both fly into uncharted territories. A love relationship that offers a connection unknown to most, carried by a current of vulnerability that will stretch you beyond your own wildest dreams. A love that guarantees a soul connection so deep when you make love, one that you could never have created in all of your dreams, even if all you had was time to dream.
Whatever you desire, so it shall be.
Slow down.
Love, peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
The one side you dream and fantasize about that is readily described in romantic novels, as well as the side that rarely gets mentioned, the side that encompasses unconditional love.
So what is love? Like anything in life, love is composed of it's opposites, to be what it is. Love, a feeling, an emotion, is probably the most written about topic of all times. Love, to many, is the feeling of God. The feeling of the Divine. The feeling that says "all is perfect, all is beautiful, all is well."
If everything in life must have it's opposite to make it complete, to make it known, then love is also vulnerability, insecurity, and jealousy, for without these aspects of love, the feelings of being "perfect, beautiful, Divine and well", could not be felt.
Identical to the thought that if we never had night, we could not experience day, if we never knew insecurity we'd never experience the security that love can offer. They must go hand in hand.
In my practice, I often share with clients that if they truly want to experience the deepest of love than they must be willing to also experience the deepest pain, loss, vulnerability and hurt that this quest for love may offer.
Many of these emotions, the "other" side of love, can surface if we delve into the concept of unconditional love. Unconditional love is the other part of love that most of us give lip service to, but never really have the intention of practicing. To love someone unconditionally means exactly what it says, without conditions. I love you even if "you don't do as I ask,don't make the money I'd like you to make, don't have the body I want you to have, or don't communicate with me the way I want you to communicate". In other words, I will love you at the deepest level regardless of what you do or do not do.
When we start to love someone at this level, we can be assured that for a while, it will scare the heck out of us. We release our ego through the practice of unconditional love and move to a place of pure acceptance. We toss out the fantasy of having a partner that falls into a certain role, and accept the human side of their existence. This is where we often experience the dark side of our own emotions, fears and insecurities as we allow our partner the space to become their own person without limits or expectations. Again, the fantasy that we have created since childhood gets blasted away, and in it's place we become strong enough, and loving enough, to allow them to live the life they desire.
Within this union, real love can exist. Within this type of relationship, we experience the deepest love for ourselves as we allow our partner more space to grow than they ever could have imagined. When someone feels this type of love coming from you, the will often respond with the same depth in return. The kind of depth that will awaken a new sense of ecstasy within you that may just blow the doors off of anything you could have imagined.
The best way that I have seen this happen is when two people come together and make a conscious decision to discuss this path of unconditional love as a goal that they would like to share. They can then regularly talk honestly about how they are each doing, in a non confrontational and supportive way. While it can also occur without consciousness, the chances of it lasting at this level becomes more of a challenge.
So, now the question lies with you. What do you want when it comes to love? Are you ready to experience the two sides of love in order to reach the zenith of Divine Union or unconditional love? Or, do you want to continue to hold onto the "fantasy love, fantasy partner" that our society continues to promote as realistic to obtain even though we know it is not?
I'd love for you to make a conscious decision today, and then be willing to live with your notion of love. On the one hand is the superficial love filled with shallowness and disappointment from a lover that could never rise to your expectations. Or on the other, is a lover that feels free as a bird, and offers the same freedom in return as you both fly into uncharted territories. A love relationship that offers a connection unknown to most, carried by a current of vulnerability that will stretch you beyond your own wildest dreams. A love that guarantees a soul connection so deep when you make love, one that you could never have created in all of your dreams, even if all you had was time to dream.
Whatever you desire, so it shall be.
Slow down.
Love, peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
