My client was filled with absolute guilt and rage, as she tried to deal with the anger that she held against God. "Is it ok to be this mad at God? For all that he's done, and hasn't done?"
I had been down this road many times before with clients who had a very good reason, or reasons, to be very upset, and yes even filled with rage against God. They all professed the same resentment, though filled with guilt at some level too, as their religious upbringing had told them not to be pissed at God.
For those raised in a more fundamental family, God would get angry at you for being angry at God. And no one wants a God throwing his wrath their way. So, these people would eat their anger, eat and submerge the guilt they had, so as not to provoke the wrath of God in any way possible. They would turn into control freaks, alcoholics, or become abusive emotionally or physically towards their partners or children, as well as towards theme selves.
For those raised in a more traditional household, they would be taught the lesson of pure guilt, which often then turns them into the victim in life. With God, they must not be good enough for Him to love them as He does others. This low self esteem makes them perfect targets for the control freaks in life, whether that be in the form of a boss, lover or parent. Nothing ever goes their way. They never get the breaks other people get. They wallow in their misery, always blaming someone else, or the economy, or genetics, for the lousy life they have.
In both cases, regardless of what type of family they were raised in, getting mad at God was not a viable option. The client who sat in front of me had watched their child die. They wanted so badly to be mad at God, but held back expressing this to anyone but a professional behind closed doors.
Years before, I worked with a young lady who had watched her younger sister get killed instantly right in front of her. She had held in her rage against God for 30 years before we started working together. And for many weeks did not want to even mention the anger she had at Him.
Regardless of what we are taught, and by whom, I believe it is totally normal, and yes even ok to be mad at God. To be filled with rage at God. To scream at God for all the reasons that you might have. I even encourage clients to express this rage in writing, with a letter to God telling Him, Her, how you truly feel.
The alternative to expressing these emotions is unacceptable. To submerge emotions is the pathway to emotional and physical death. If anyone can handle your rage against God, it's God!
In every instance, shortly after releasing their anger at god, my clients have begun their own healing process. The rage begins to subside, and eventually becomes dull ache. The ache stays for as long as it needs to, sometimes fluctuating to pain and then back again to a dull throb, before in transforms into something lighter. As is often the case, the persons spiritual or religious path returns, sometimes in a totally new direction, one they would have never followed without the release of their anger at God.
Today is the best day to begin your quest if you have anger at God. Waiting will not solve a thing. Being a "good boy, girl, christian " and submerging your anger will get you nowhere. Release your anger so that you can be the complete person you were meant to be, here, now.
In my work and life, I have found God to be able to handle anything a human can do or say, and to be filled with forgiveness and love towards us at ALL times, for any reason.
Slow down.
Love, peace, Rev. David Essel. http//:www.churchofspirituallight.org
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