Saturday, July 26, 2008

The Negative Side of Positive Thinking

Too much of anything, the saying goes, just might not be good for us after all.

Chocolate is actually very good for us in small amounts, due to the antioxidants buried in this wonderful treat, but if taken to the extreme it can cause a variety of health problems.

And so it is also with positive thinking.

You might be surprised to read this coming from a motivational speaker, so let me give you an example.

A friend of mine came to me sharing how her husband had been delaying taking care of a huge problem in their life, and when I asked her how she felt about it, her response was, "Well it's all good you know", followed by a nervous laugh.

When I then asked if she had been attending the classes she had told me about to help her break one of a few addictions, there was that nervous laugh again followed by 'Well no, but it's all good."

'I'm staying positive through it all, it's all good."

Honestly, no one can stay positive through great challenges in life if they're burying their head in the sand with statements like "it's all good....things always work out for the best" etc etc.

If you really want to know the truth, the most positive people in this world are actually DOING something about the challenges they face on a daily basis, not just chiming in with cute sayings.

Ignoring serious health, relationship or financial problems with positive statements does nothing for the situation, or our self esteem.

The negative side of positive thinking lies in our fear of taking action when we know we should, and instead just reading positive books or listening to uplifting Cd's.

While these are important things to do, our confidence is only truly enhanced through our actions, and secondarily improved through our thoughts.

So today if you notice that you've been less than successful in any area of your life, but you tell everyone around you that "it's all good".... ask yourself a serious question..."Is my life really that great?"

I think the answer might surprise you.

Slow down. Then take that step you've been procrastinating on...and watch your world drastically change for the better.

Love, Peace, David Essel

Monday, July 14, 2008

Women Who Master Intimate Relationships....

Recently I was asked a very important question regarding what some of the most important qualities that women who were in deep loving relationships do on a regular basis.

In other words, what are they doing daily that draws their partners TOWARDS themselves, deeply, intimately....versus the traits that many women have that actually push their lovers away.

While I could come up with 1,000 things that women can do regarding this topic, let's look at 4 of the most important, just like we did with the blog here that I wrote about men and intimacy last month.

1) Release Gossip: the last thing your partner wants to hear about when he sees you every night, or each weekend, is "how frustrated you are that Jenny went out with that loser John, the one that totally used Mary 2 years ago and never called her after 4 dates, the guy has no class, my girlfriends deserve classy guys" ...type of nonsense. If you want to see your man zone out , and be less interested in communicating with you, share all the gossip you want with him. Women who have mastered intimacy have realized that gossip is truly for "the bottom feeders of life",
and that nothing good ever comes out of spreading the stuff around.

2) Release Interrupting Your Partner: So you want great communication with your lover. You want to hear his true deep feelings. You want him to open up to you about everything....and yet when he does begin to talk to you, you constantly interrupt him. Just as he's sharing something that he feels strongly about, you begin "but that's not what I meant...let me explain don't understand..." and the interruptions go on and on. If you wonder why your man has left your relationship emotionally and doesn't share much with you, this can be a major reason why.

Women who truly get intimacy, have learned to sit and listen, to let their man talk, for minutes in a row, allowing him to express and show his emotions without shutting him down with their flurry of interruptions.

3) Release Addictions: This is a huge issue that absolutely blocks deep intimacy. If a women avoids her feelings in life, by shopping, spending, smoking, drinking, emotionally eating....she's telling her partner in non verbal ways that she's not able to go deep intimacy. Women who truly want to go after the deepest union with their partner know that they cannot run from their emotions through any substance or addiction. They realize that facing their addiction and getting help for it will open the deepest avenue for intimacy, as when they can face their own challenges, they become more trustworthy to their partner. Hence, their partner will WANT to go deeper in love with them.

4) Initiate Sex More Often: Yes, even though men are taught to be the aggressor sexually, and society reinforces this belief, women who want to go to deeper levels of love, or intimacy, are on the front lines with this one already. They"re willing to face rejection, they're willing to take the risks, they're willing to be the wonderful seductress to add a spark of excitement to their relationship.

Ok, now to everyone who reads these points and gets upset, saying that they can do the opposite of what is published here because they are a "woman", who communicates through gossip, who interrupts because their man simply doesn't get it, who escapes through shopping or whatever because they are entitled to and who would rarely initiate sex because that's the man's role...all I can say is good luck. And if your experiencing the most amazingly deep and intimate relationship with their man, more power to you. Do not change a thing.

To everyone else, I know these deep yet simple steps will bring you to a whole new level of love and intimacy.

Slow Down, and enjoy your new life, with your new man...he may be the same man you've been with for a while,
but it will seem brand new as you alter your life, which will alter your love.

Love, Peace, David Essel

Monday, July 7, 2008

Loss of my mentor, Richard Gerson

I could not believe the email telling me of Richards recent passing. Immediately after reading it I jumped out of my chair, tears in my eyes, and did not know where to turn, what to think, or what to do.

His wife Robbie wrote, letting me know that he passed, and asked if I would call her.
But I couldn't, not right then.

I sought out one of my best friends Troy DeMond, who knew Richard and talked for a few minutes. I could feel the tears again. Dam, What to do now??

I went back to my office, closed the door and just cried.

Robbie told me Richard had passed away in his sleep recently, with no warning signs whatsoever. As a matter of fact, she said he felt that he was in the best shape of his life. I should know his exact age, but he could not have been older that 56, way way too young.

Tears came again.

I met Richard around 1984, as he was a celebrity judge at an aerobics competition I had entered on Ft Myers Beach, Florida. 24 years ago, I was still a baby in the world of business and was making my living running a Wellness program for the State of Florida in Naples, and teaching aerobic classes, when I decided to enter the competition.

Funny, I won it that nite and it was a major turning point in my career, as I met Richard then and he immediately took me under his wing.

He hired me to work for him at the Sanibel Harbour Spa, and quickly told me that if I wanted to accomplish the lofty dreams I had for my career, I'd have to get my Masters Degree.

Before I knew it, HE had researched the best universities in the USA , where I could get my degree by going to school full time, working for him full time, in about a 2 year period of time.

I told him he was crazy, but in 3 months I was following his advice...and after 2 years of a hellish schedule, I had my Masters Degree, and he was absolutely right. It began to open doors immediately for my career.

Richard was also the one who told me that if I wanted to become an exceptional motivational speaker, that I had to start speaking immediately anywhere I could. And once again, he was calling around trying to find any clubs he could that would let me speak.

As you can see, he was a huge part of my life, and his advice and attitude has had the most amazing impact on how my career grew in the beginning, when we all need guidance.

Richard loved me, he believed in my talents.

At our church service last Sunday, I opened with words telling of his passing, and what he meant to me.

Afterwards, one of our congregation came up to me, who is a medium, and said..."Your friend was in the room, he told me to tell you he is so proud of what you have accomplished in life...that he knew you would..and that he'd always be around you.."

Thank you Richard for all of your love. I love you, your drive, your belief in others, your wish that we all follow our passions to live an exciting and meaningful life.
He wanted to make a difference in this world, and he did.

Slow Down. Live with passion.

Love, Peace, David Essel