Monday, December 29, 2008

New Years Resolution ...Solution

Year after year, I've heard the same desires being stated by both men and women from around the USA. "How can I finally find a solution to my New Years Resolutions?"

It seems a common theme. We have a tendency to repeat every year the same resolutions, maybe with a slightly different twist, but in essence the same ones.

"I'm going to...lose weight, quit smoking, save more money and enhance my relationships."

One of the biggest problems we face in regards to New Years Resolutions, is that we select more than one.

This year, let's get serious, let's become successful, and let's start by choosing just one goal to go after.

Choose the one you've been procrastinating on, the one that seems to pop up year after year.

The one, that as you read this you do not really want to go after. Yeah, that one.

The one, that once you are on the path to accomplishing, will offer the greatest benefits in your entire life.

The one that will force you to ask someone else to help you with.

Yeah, that one.

Now, in writing, set a path, specific, with a timeline, that you will hold yourself accountable to.

Hire a therapist, coach, trainer, nutritionist, minister...........................find someone with experience to help you.

Go to 12 step meetings, do whatever it is that makes you vulnerable, uncomfortable. Whatever you need to do that scares the hell out of you...just do it.

Make 2009 the year of YOU.

Get enthusiastic every day, force it at first if you must, but get excited. Let your passion sink into your being as you mentally see yourself successful in this goal.

Slow down.

Let's really do it this year.

Love, peace... David Essel

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Dating : Part 2 Looking for Love, The challenge

I had a feeling that the first blog on dating would get a reaction from both men and women who are looking for love, and facing the challenges that go with the territory.

"So, if people do not call when they say they will, do you give them a second chance? is that the same as a physical no-show for coffee or a drink?"

"I feel very frustrated with the number of women who lead you to believe they are interested in dating, then disappear....without a return call, with no answer, after 1 or 2 meetings, they kiss you and tell you how much they loved the date..then poof!! you never get a response! what the hell is that???"

I think you now know the challenges of dating. If you're not in the game, you're probably thinking "Thank God!!" lol......

Let's look at my first response, that no shows of any kind are truly a blessing, that these people were not right for you.

Now, also think of this. Often times our outer world is a reflection of our inner thoughts. So, if you do not trust men, or women, you may be getting this "poor treatment" by others as a reflection of your inner thoughts. You'll have to do some inner work to see what your real beliefs that now, be brutally honest with yourself.

And, make sure that you are not treating others, even subconsciously, as you are being treated.

Make sure your word to EVERYONE is solid, that You do what you say you will at all times.

Last, if how someone treats you does not feel right, let them go. Quickly.

Slow down, love yourself and others.

Love, peace, David Essel.

Friday, December 26, 2008

"Thinking " your way through challenging times

The last few months have been filled with coaching sessions with clients who are facing a variety of challenges.

The loss of a beloved pet.

The loss of employment.

The loss of a relationship.

The loss of a parent.

The loss of a child.

Through all of these challenges a question that has arisen many many times is, "is it possible to think my way through these difficulties?"

The answer is yes, and no.

Yes, we can distract ourselves by thinking of solutions to our challenge, or by finding gratitude for what we DO have that is going well........

But no, this is not the only solution for us to look for.

The other key is to "Feel, deeply feel" the loss that we have recently experienced. Now this is the part of personal growth that a lot of us do not want to look at, for the simple reason that it is hard. It's uncomfortable, which is why it's such a valuable tool to use to help us to heal.

So, when faced with a loss, yes, look for solutions.

Also, go into the fire of the loss and feel the pain, the loneliness, the angst. If you chose, do this with a friend, coach, therapist or minister as well.

There is comfort in numbers.

Slow down to heal.

Love, peace, David Essel.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Dating: Loving the Challenge

If you want to become more at peace in the world of dating, you will have to begin to actually love the challenge of dating. I know at first this may seem like an insane concept, but let me explain.

My client enters the office this week, throws down her purse and screams, "I hate this dating crap!!! All of it!!!!".

It seems she was stood up 2 weeks in a row, a very uncomfortable feeling indeed. The words "men are all dogs......society sucks....everyone sucks"...continued to pour out of her mouth.

I sat with an internal grin, which she obviously felt for in a few minutes she was laughing and crying at the same time.

I shared with her the concept of accepting that this was simply a part of the world of dating, and the world in general. We will be let down at times. We will get rejected at times.

And if we can at first accept this concept, and then go to the point of loving it, our lives will be much less stressed.

So how do we actually love being stood up? This was something she was dying to hear, and a bit skeptical about my potential answer, I might add.

"It's easy. First, the reason these men stood you up is because they were not the right ones for you. God, or the Universe, is very wise in helping us to meet the people we are actually supposed to date. We can love the fact that these men did not show up because we have just possibly avoided a pain in the butt relationship!! Let's love the fact they were a no-show!"

She was instantly feeling the facts behind my words. It's not that instantly we will feel great about someone not showing up...or not calling...or lying to us about something...but with this philosophy of trusting that all is truly in place, we can learn to feel, then let go of the disappointment quickly.

Which of course opens us up to meeting people much more suited for us. Loving the challenges that come with the world of dating diminishes the chance of long held anger or resentments. Which opens our heart to love.

Slow down, love whatever occurs, then make sure to set the healthy boundaries that you will and will not accept in the wonderful world of dating.

Love, peace...David Essel

Radio Interview: Suze Orman, Financial Guru

Suze Orman, now known by most as the financial guru seen on her own television show, as well as heard on her radio program, was an extremely interesting and upbeat guest to interview.

What impressed me the most about Suze during our interview, was her background, and the trials she had gone through in her past to get her to where she is today.

Many may not know that a number of years ago, one of her assistants embezzled almost her entire life savings! After giving this person the responsibility of handling her business and income, she returned from a trip to find out the money, almost down to her last cent, had been stolen.

As she told me during this interview, that the lessons learned through this experience actually created the person she is today, both personally and professionally.

Her ability to forgive, and create steps to eliminate this experience from ever reoccurring in the future has made her into one of the most successful financial advice experts of our times.

And, her passion, energy, and love for what she does comes through in each and every interview I have ever done with her.

Slow Down. Learn from your own past financial choices, let them go...forgive yourself and anyone else you may need to in this arena of your life to create the future you desire.

Love, Peace, David Essel

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Holiday Celebrations..Making them count

With all of the stressed out clients, friends and acquaintances I see daily during the Holiday Celebration Season..I have to ask everyone to write out the answer to this question.

"What do the holidays really mean to you? What would you like them to mean? Have you lost the connection, have the Holidays simply turned into a gift giving/receiving time of year with no real foundation?"

For those of you who are familiar with my work, these questions cannot be simply answered in your head. They must be written down. And, then the solutions must be in writing if you really want to see a change occur.

Maybe this is the year to create new rituals, for yourself, or your family, to add the spark of spirit that seems missing.

What would they be? Reading every evening about the meaning of Christmas? Hanukkah? Or any other seasonal holiday?

Slow down. Take control of your life today. Retrieve it from the marketers who want us to believe it's all about the material gifts. It's not.

Love, peace, David Essel

Sunday, December 7, 2008

The Power of "Self-Talk"..Help or Hinderance....

Every day I hear the complaints...the insane conversations going on both inside and outside of peoples heads. Yes, I can even hear the internal chatter as someone walks by just by looking at their body language.

"I'll never lose this weight.... This is the worst recession of our lifetime..... Guys are just plain dogs.... why quit drinking now, that's not going to change anything... I've tried to quit smoking 20 times! there's no program that will work for me ......I never have enough time for the gym, me, or to do anything fun! "

Of course there are a million more ludicrous statements that people repeat every day to themselves, and oftentimes to anyone else who will listen and they all serve on amazing purpose: to keep you stuck in your miserable rut.

That's right, that's all they do. Keep you stuck.

How do I know this to be true? Because there are millions of people in this world today in a position much more devastating than yours, who are happy today. Who are at peace today. Because they have mastered the art of self-talk.

Self talk, positive self talk, can be mastered. But it begins with a conscious choice to do so.

You become what you think about, and what you talk about all day long.

So, if you want a more powerful life, a more abundant life, watch the words you say and think. Replace the limiting ones with a powerful projection of who you want to be.

Ask your friends to catch you when you gossip, when you complain. Then, change the words you are using right on the spot.

Slow down, and watch your world change for the better right before your eyes.

Love, peace, David Essel

Thursday, December 4, 2008

"I am a Warrior"....Wayman Tisdale

As I was watching a college basketball game today, former NBA player Wayman Tisdale was interviewed in regards to the recent amputation of one of his legs, just above the knee, due to cancer.

The hosts were discussing his amazing attitude, and asked him how he could stay so positive during such a stressful time.

"I realized how blessed I have been...that it happened after I left Pro basketball is such a blessing...I look back at how I've always been pushed in my basketball career by coaches like Bobby Knight...who made me see that I can handle so much more than I ever thought I could....through my faith.....I've finally seen that I am a warrior."

Tears started to well in my eyes as I watched Wayman on tv. The smile on his face was so real, so true, and he just lost 1/2 his leg!!

I am a warrior as well. And as soon as you say it, say it out loud, you are a warrior too.

We all are warriors in life, something that we can say and feel with pride. The power that comes through the faith, the belief in yourself, can help you rise above anything that life can throw your way.

If you ever doubt it, just think of Wayman. And all of the other amazing human beings that we can look to who have overcome adversity. They are all leading us back home, home to our true powerful selves.

Slow down.

Love, peace, David Essel

Finding a Job Today....What Works?

If you watch television, listen to the radio and read the reports in the newspaper about the trials of people trying to find a job, you might just give up before you really give it your best shot. Finding a job today is possible, if you're willing to go above and beyond your normal interviewing/ searching practices.

Yes, you have a challenge on your hands. Yes it is possible to find work. The question you must ask yourself, is how bad do you want it?

I would love to share with you some proven job search methods that will help you today, or any day for that matter :

1) Create a great resume, even if you have to use a resume writer.

2) Get offline and in front of people. Too many people rely on the ease of the Internet when they should be asking for work in person.

3) Walk into 10 , yes, 10 businesses a day, ask for the manager, leave your resume and fill out an application...even if they have no jobs listed.

4) Take a job even if you think it's "below" your experience if your really need one...prove yourself, get humble, kick butt, and work your way to the top. Or are you too wrapped up in your own ego to do this?

5) Email and call 10 former contacts, friends etc. every day, asking them to refer you to anyone they know who you can contact about an open position.

6) Repeat steps 1-5 and watch your world change for the better.

Slow down. Do the action steps necessary to find work, even the ones you really do not want to do.

Love, peace, David Essel

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Marriage = Love plus...What?

"But I loved her with all my might, isn't that what it is supposed to take to create a marriage that lasts?" My client was stunned. His wife had just filed for divorce, after years of what he had thought was a successful marriage.

As I reflected on our meeting, and the weeks of work that followed, it became evident to me that love alone will never be enough to make a marriage work, or be successful for both partners in the long run.

I remember interviewing a man that had been married well over 50 years and posing the question to him about what makes a successful long term marriage.

His words still echo through my mind. "A deep love for the person is the place to start, but truly David you must really enjoy living the same house, no matter how small. You must really enjoy their company for it to last. It's not enough to just love someone."

Love will really never be enough. You can deeply love someone, but not truly enjoy their company. Or respect their opinions on life. Or look for ways to create fun together. Or be willing to set healthy boundaries early on that shows how much you respect yourself.

My client definitely loved his wife, but over the years had refused to listen to her pleas to create more time to spend together. While he did not want to notice the fact they were drifting apart, she had created a life outside of her marriage that was more fulfilling then the fact that he was making an income to cover their living expenses.

She wanted more time, more creativity in their relationship, while he wanted to stay in his comfort zone.

As I look back at my own marriage that ended 8 years ago, I know we both loved each other . I also know that it was not enough. In my case, I believe I entered into marriage too soon for it to last, without enough of a foundation that all marriages really need. The ground work that is essential was bypassed.

Love+ Respect+Creativity+Communication+Understanding= A healthy marriage. Not a perfect marriage, but a healthy one that might just pass the test of time.

Slow down.

Love, peace, David Essel.