Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Do you need a prayer right now?

Do you need a prayer said for you right now? Or do you know of someone else in need of the power of prayer?

Are you struggling with an addiction, money, housing, a job, transportation, love, forgiveness, inner peace, health, a relationship, self acceptance or more?

I would love to pray for you, and ask you to go to david@davidessel.com and leave me your request for a prayer to be said on your behalf or someone that you know. Everything will always be kept confidential.

One of my favorite interviews was with Larry Dossey, M. D., who wrote the book "Prayer is Good Medicine. " A phenomenal writing from a medical perspective on the absolute power of prayer.

Allow me to be one of the many who can, and will, pray for you today.

Don't delay, send your prayer to the email above, and let us help you with the magical beauty of prayer.

Love, peace, Rev. David www.davidessel.com

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Make 2010 A Huge Success! Start today...

Trying to decide how you can make 2010 a huge success, as well as how to pick your new year resolution this year will become a whole lot easier if you simply watch the video posted here.

Too often, we fail to accomplish our most important goals because we are afraid to take the risks necessary to live the life we want to live. We also have a tendency to choose too many goals to go after at the same time.

Make this year totally different. You'll see what I mean after watching this video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tj2JFiEmnQg

Slow down and decide right here, right now, to make 2010 the huge success you want it to be.

Love, peace, Rev. David www.davidessel.com

Breaking Through Our Creative Blocks for Success

During a recent lifestyle coaching session, one of my clients asked if we could discuss the various causes behind our "creative blocks" in life. Probably the most noted one is "writer's block," when we hit a wall in trying to create, begin, or finish anything from a homework assignment, speech, or actual literary project.

But these blocks can also arise with projects that pertain to music, art, or even trying to decide how to landscape our yard. The block many times will manifest itself as procrastination — with a seeming lack of creativity we put off finishing projects we are working on or find a thousand reasons why we don't even begin them.


While there may be many causes for creative block, I believe the most prolific ones have to do with : 1) a mental, physical, or spiritual fatigue; or 2) a self limiting judgment/belief that questions "who are we to be creative" . . . or "who are we to take this time for ourselves to . . .".
If we are fatigued mentally, physically, or spiritually, our ability to be creative diminishes greatly. Creativity needs to come from a place that is well nourished, a mind that is relaxed, open and intuitive, a body that is rested and well fed, and a spiritual foundation that is supported by daily prayer, meditation, and gratitude. If you personally hit a creative block, evaluate yourself against these three criteria and make the changes necessary. I'd even recommend putting a project off if possible for a few days so that you can focus on nourishing your mind, body, and spirit. Creativity will then begin to flow naturally.


The second major cause of these creative blocks has to do with our own self-limiting judgments or beliefs. The thought may arise . . . "Who am I to think I'm creative enough to write for that magazine, to direct the school play, or to speak to this group." This judgment can easily stop us cold and present a block in the form of procrastination. Or we may struggle with the belief that it is selfish for us to take time away from other responsibilities (family, friends, etc.) to go after our dreams. "Who do I think I am spending this hour writing or playing the piano when I should be . . .".

These conscious and subconscious thoughts easily derail us from pursuing our goals, blocking creativity, and create the perfect opportunity to procrastinate. What we forget to realize is that if we are pursuing dreams and goals that nurture our own purpose here, we'll actually bring more zest, vitality and love to those around us.

We can only lose if we submerge our true passions.
Create the space to nurture your essence and to release these self-limiting judgments. It is at this place that creativity will flow non-stop.

Slow down to release any and all creative blocks today.

Love, peace, REv. David www.davidessel.com
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If you believe this article can help someone you know, please pass it on.Search. Grow. Love.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

A Rigid Mind Equals A Rigid Life

Did you ever stop to realize that the more rigid your mind is about anything, the more rigid or inflexible your life becomes?

If we take an unmovable position, a rigid mindset on religion, politics, finances, health, love..."my way is the right way", our lives become ensconced in rigidity!

We miss out on learning! If our mind is "full", how can we learn anything new?

When our minds are open, we can feel more alive for the very first time! Information flies in, and we can see the truth, where before we missed it all.

Watch this video and see if you can feel yourself shutting down, or opening up, to it's message.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2hQVfzwpKkA


Slow down and open your mind to the wonder of life that is all around us.

Love, peace, Rev. David www.davidessel.com

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Creating Separation During Sex

I received a call yesterday from a former client who needed to vent, who was deeply hurt when her partner answered a phone call while they were making love. From the cell phone, to TV, to sending text messages....it seems that we are separating from our lovers at a more frequent pace, which is bringing a deeply disturbing issue to the surface.

If we want, we can heal our resentments and frustrations that occur during intimacy. If we choose, we can get the professional help we need before we hurt our partners and our relationship any more.

Here is a video we did that covers this disturbing trend, how we separate from our lovers during sex. Watch it, then decide to be fully present in love, while making love.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q2cxv01VDVk



Create union, versus separation, while making love.

Love, peace, Rev. David www.davidessel.com

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

A New Look at Christmas

There are so many reasons and ways that we celebrate Christmas, that I thought I'd do a youtube video describing a different way to see the power of this Holiday.

Sit back and relax as we explore how the ordinary in you can become extraordinary through God's help.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Msww5LU9Bs

Merry Christmas!!

Love, peace, Rev. David www.davidessel.com

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Are We Addicted to Love Realtionships?

Outside of our addiction to negative thoughts, I believe the second most common addiction in this world is that to love relationships. Being addicted is easily defined as returning to a thought , substance or behavior that is not healthy for us. And millions of love relationships easily fall into that category.

Many of my past and current clients put all of their hopes and dreams on the thought that "If only I was in a true love relationship, my world would be complete. " If we're single, this thought can become compulsive. If we're in a relationship that is not working, we're sure that if we had someone different, our life would be amazing. Addiction is written all over these thought processes.

In my own life, more times than I care to recall, I've stayed in relationships that even after a short period of 30 days I knew were totally not in my best interest! Yes, I was addicted to the notion of love, and even though my inner voice was screaming it's time to move on, the other voice of love addiction was begging me to stay.

There were times where I was with someone who had religious beliefs that ran counter to mine, and after seeing the only answer for us both was to move on and find someone who we did connect with at this critical level, we stayed, and the drama continued.

Or other times when I found myself with a wonderful person, but not connected with a similar vision of communication. I would stay against all warning signs going off, in the quest for love. Yes, a form of addiction.

I wrote recently about a client who was wondering if they should stay with their partner after he saw her texting her friends while he was making love to her. His decision to stay, even after she had again returned to the act of texting during sex with him is a sign of an addiction, in his words, to a great desire to make love work. Yes, an addiction to love.

When we continue to go back to an unhealthy love relationship, we are acting out of an addiction, that can be chemically based as well. Millions of chemicals, endorphins and hormones are released not just during sex, but even during the thought or fantasy of love. When we try to leave an unhealthy love affair, within a day or so both an emotional and physiological withdrawal can take place, and if we are not aware that this is because of our own addiction to love, we'll return once again to the person that is not right for us.

Many men and women stay in abusive relationships because of the power of both the emotional and physical addiction of "LOVE".

There are couples who have been together for 50 years or longer, who stayed not because they were right for each other, but because of their addiction to love.

Break your addiction to love relationships today with the help of a minister, counselor or skilled coach. For most of us, seeing the patterns of love addiction must be done with a professional, who can then also help us to create a future based in real, healthy, love relationships. Yes, it can be done.

Love, peace, Rev. David www.davidessel.com

Friday, December 18, 2009

Sensual Intimacy with Your Partner:The Breath

Please enjoy this video as we explore one of the most powerful ways to enhance sensual intimacy, through the beauty of sensual breathing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dquKp3pVE6c



Slow down, breath together.

Love, peace, Rev. David www.davidessel.com

Monday, December 14, 2009

Dealing with Lost Love over the Holidays

While it is very challenging to deal with the loss of a love relationship at any time of year, handling this tragedy during the holidays can be especially painful.

The client from my last blog, who felt so overwhelmed with the many losses in her life recently, sent this email in with permission to print it.

"Yes, you wrote perfectly in your column exactly the state I am in: ovewhelmed. after our last session, I began writing and found that the pain that is most deep right now is over the loss of my love relationship of 3 years. As the holidays approach, it deeply saddens me that i will not have my lover with me. His gifts need to be returned, and the trip we planned is now cancelled. You asked me to write out the role I played in the demise of this love, and at first i thought you were crazy!

I could rationalize my anger at him, for he ended up our last nite together in a deeply crushing arguement, kicking me out of his house at 2am, from which i had to then drive 5 hours to get back to my house. so it's been easy to be mad, and not go deeper.

But in my writing, I saw that I had not been honest with him over the years about my feelings. Each week, we'd go to his church which i did not enjoy, but continued going "for love", which I see now was a mistake as I must have held onto resentments, yet never dealt with them. It would had been better to express this, and go with him maybe once a month.

Each weekend we were together, we went to his parents for lunch, which again was overkill for me. As an only child, he obviously got whatever he wanted , and expected me to go with him, as that's just the way it was. Again, I know now I held a resentment against him, as I got tired of this very fast. I should have said i'll go once in a while with him, and filled that time doing other activities I missed doing.

It's amazing now that I find out that I'm really quite upset with myself, for not setting my own boundaries, instead just going along even if it did not feel right for me. I know in love we all must be flexible, but we also must be willing to have someone be upset with us if our beliefs are not the same.

I think ultimately, i did all of these things as I so wanted our relationship to last. I was afraid of being rejected, bottom line.

Now I must deal with this loss during the most festive time of the year. seeing my role in it now, how I did not discuss my true feelings, might make my healing a little easier, and now I will find maybe other people to help over the holidays.

Thank you so much for all of your help, your writing exercises have helped me seee the truth, and forgive myself and him a little more. "

Slow down, and be the love you already are.

Love, peace, David www.davidessel.com

Sunday, December 13, 2009

"I feel so overwhelmed...." Sadness, Anger, More

My client looks me straight in the eye yesterday, and begins to cry, stating "I feel so overwhelmed, I'm unsure if I'm mad, sad, depressed...or a combination of all three!"

Within the last month, they lost their job of 15 years with no severance pay, lost their home of 5 years, and watched as their partner of 3 years walked out the door . It's taken a few weeks to settle in, and now they feel absolutely lost. The anger they held at their past employer has begun to fade, the frustration at their partner is waning, and the fact that they are living in a small apartment instead of a sprawling new home is becoming more real.

As I looked into her eyes, I could see the loss, and more importantly I could feel the sadness that she had not allow herself to feel yet. As I urged her on, she began to share how with all of her free time, she misses having someone she was in love with to spend it with. She knows the relationship was supposed to end for a variety of reasons, but did not realize that the available time she now has would bring up at first anger towards this person and herself, followed by an intense sadness that she had not let surface. Until today.

"My gosh, how I miss waking up with them every day, and walking together each evening. And weekends, was just time to relax together. I wasn't ready for these emotions to surface." And with that, the tears streamed down her face again.

This is a time of great change for many people, and quite honestly, no one is ever ready for changes that carry this much weight. In her case, it's the loss of love, money, and a career which is supposed to add some sense of security to our lives. Swoooosh! All gone in a short period of time.

Feeling anger, followed by depression, loss, followed by sadness, followed by resolution, is the path many of us walk during periods of great change. Each of these emotions must be felt, and even prodded by another if we get stuck at one level too long. Feeling sadness is the one area that I've seen in my practice that most clients stay away from for too long.

Today, finally she felt the sadness that had been building inside. I sat as she let the tears continue to flow, knowing that in that instant, a great healing was taking place.

Slow down and allow all of the feelings of change to wash through your body today, as you gather up the strength for a new chapter in your life.

Love, peace, Rev. David www.davidessel.com

Texting During Sex 3: More Comments!

The response to this blog has totally shocked me. I had no idea that this was occuring regularly. Read on.


"yes...........I'm one of those women that did this too. As I was texting when my xboyfriend was pleasing me, he looked up, yelled something, got up and left. I did nothing, did not run after him , nothing. Yes, I was sorry. An hour later I got a text from him saying it was over. We were going to get married in 3 months, and I totally blew it. He was right to leave me. It was the most insensitive move I could have ever made. I am sorry, and have learned a lot since then about life...the hard way. "

"As a retired minister, my goal is to help couple work through their issues. It would have been wise for them both to get into counseling the very next day. It could have saved their relationship. There were probably many more issues that were not being addressed within their love, which is one of the reasons she acted in this way. "

"Men in general have a tendency to blow up first, then talk. It would have been great if he could have done that here. However, even as I say this, as a woman, we can do some pretty cruel things to men, and this is one of the worst things you can do to a mans self confidence, or at least the confidence he would have in the relationship. Trust can be shattered deeply, when women, or men, hurt their partner in bed. "

"Oh my Gosh! This could have been probably eliminated if she would have stopped texting the first time he said something and apologized deeply for the insensitive move she just made!!!! He might have been able to forgive her there, there, right away, if he felt that she was sincere. What was she thinking!!!!!"

Let's all awaken to the reality of love.

Slow down, and be love always, especially when intimacy is involved.

Love, peace, Rev. David http://www.davidessel.com/

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Texting During Sex 2 : Your Comments....WoW...

"As a psychotherapist with , like you David many years of experience, I must say that the woman who texted during sex either is coming from a sense of entitlement, where her needs in that moment were much more important than his or theirs, or she may have an emotional blockage. You described it as "dissociation", a powerful mechanism designed to keep us from full emotional vulnerability and attachment in love. I hope either way she finds herself with a great therapist or coach, and honestly describes what she was doing during intimacy with this man. and I hope he heals well, that is hell to put someone through. It's looked at as a form of betrayal, which shatters trust in love. "

"ok, no one reading this will be a fan of mine. Honestly, I used to do that kind of crap regularly to a former boyfreind, and I'm not proud of it now. My therapist told me it was because I was afraid of depth, I was self centered, so I would do whatever was of most interest to me, whatever made me comfortable. I would slide away from being in good contact with him during the day, occaisionally grab the cell during sex. I usually got my way in relationships...a pretty lame way to live. I've left guys hanging during events that they really wanted me at.
That was a few years ago, and when one guy finally put me in my place, I went and got help. this is not the first time I bet this chick treated this guy poorly, either. I know that for sure. "


"I swear it is getting worse and worse. Total lack of regard. What's worse is, she probably has him totally controlled by random acts of hurt and manipulation such as this."


"This is funny and sad. Nobody is aware of the ppl around them anymore. Just go out to dinner or coffee, every one is texting wile they are with there loved ones or friends. We are so disconnected from each-other. "


"Hi David. Very interesting posting. It's sad that we are living in a society that it has resulted in to text messaging during something as wonderful as sex. I am glad your client has been able to move on from this experience. I agree with Doris' posting. "



If you see yourself in this situation, where you are not respecting the person you are with, get help. To actually think that someone could be texting while their lover is performing oral sex on them, just get the picture in your mind right now, is so very sad.

Love, peace, Rev. David www.davidessel.com

Texting during Sex? It's amazing......

Just when I think I have heard it all in over 20 years as a relationship coach, a client shares with me his absolute frustration over the fact that his girlfriend was texting her friends during sex. What? What?

Yes, it is true. As he was performing oral sex on his girlfriend, he heard what seemed to be her texting, but let it pass as he knew that would never happen with her. Another minute goes by and he hears it again, gets up on his knees and in total shock tells her to stop texting.

As he resumes pleasuring her, he hears it again, looks up, and it utter amazement watches her text again! In disgust, he leaves the bed and sits in total disbelief and frustration over what had just occurred.

After a while he walks in and asks her what she was thinking , and receives a feeble apology, which sends him over the roof.

Now he's in front of me, wondering what the heck has happened to a relationship he felt was deeply rooted in love. Yet, could someone do this who was in love with him as well?

There are no valid reasons for someone in a deep love relationship to text during sex, ever, yet there are some plausible causes such as :

1. she did not like having sex with him

2. she was not in the mood for sex

3. She did not enjoy oral sex

4. she was holding resentments against him, consciously or subconsciously, and these resentments came out in a totally inappropriate way.

Regardless of which of these reasons may have been the answer, the bottom line is it was her responsibility to talk to the man she was in love with, and never dissociate during sex through another activity. Mental or physical.

The pain on his face was so real as he sat in front of me, trying to decide what to do with this hurt.

Over the next month we worked together weekly, and then one day we discussed the role he played in this freakish experience. He admitted that this was not the first time that he had run from discussing hurtful events that had occurred with his girlfriend. After the texting incident, he accepted her less than enthusiastic apology, and instead of exploring with her how it had really made him feel, unimportant, used, hurt, embarrassed, he tried to blow it off and just resume their relationship.

Yet, with it left unresolved, he held a resentment against her. Just like the several other times she had hurt him deeply, he had never openly discussed the pain, and had never held her accountable to getting the counseling that she had admitted she needed.

So, now he could see his role in the on going drama and chaos. Within a short period of time, he decided to end the relationship, and move on , knowing that in his next one he had to be more open with unresolved feelings.

It's a bold and insensitive move to text during sex, quite obviously, and if you find yourself in a situation like this, please don't sweep it under the carpet. Get the help you need to uncover the reasons, and potentially save your relationship. The pain you cause your partner, and yourself, may be deeper than you know.

Slow down, and treat intimate times with the respect and love they deserve.

Love, peace, Rev. David www.davidessel.com

Friday, December 11, 2009

Relationships, Love and Religion: Time to talk

As the couple sat before me, I could see their smiles turn inward as we began to discuss their relationship issues concerning religion. Yes, it was time to talk about the pink elephant sitting in the living room that no one wanted to notice.

Candace was a liberal Buddhist, as she would say, and Mark was a conservative Christian. They were deeply in love they said, had been dating for 8 months, and found their way into my office when their discussion about marriage and children always ended with an argument over religion. Candace believed in many different paths to create a connection with the inner divine, while Mark saw one path to salvation, as it is stated in the bible that he referred to often.

After 45 minutes of a somewhat heated discussion, they realized that it would take more than love to make their relationship work. When it comes to topics that can derail any relationship, religion, politics and money usually lead the list. If a couple decides to discuss their differences head on, and not hide from them for months at a time as these two had, the resentments about their different opinions will be lessened.

Unfortunately in this case, they both had major resentments against each other, and one of the reasons Candace felt so slighted was that Mark said during our session, that he would never raise their children in any other way then the Christian path. This strong statement had never been shared with her before. She said if she would have known this months ago, she may have seen that the challenge for her beliefs was too great to bear, and would have moved on.

In this situation, the greatest problem couples face is their desire to not rock the boat, to keep a distance from the topics that cause an initial separation. As time goes by, the problem becomes bigger because of the resentments behind the problem on each side.

After working with this couple for 4 weeks, Mark decided to end the relationship, as he saw more clearly over time that his beliefs could not be compromised. We worked as a team to make sure that everyone agreed that no one was right here, that no one was wrong, and that their opposite beliefs were to be respected.

They both learned a very hard and painful lesson about the early stages of love, and how we sabotage the chances of it flourishing when we do not commit to being honest about our differences from the beginning.

Mark also came to realize the hard way that he truly needed to be looking for a woman who shared his own religious beliefs only, and that dating anyone from outside of these beliefs would lead to heartache and frustration.

Slow down in any stage of a relationship to ensure that the love you have is real, and that you can openly and honestly discuss the differences of opinion that you may have in your current relationship regarding religion, marriage, love and children. .

Love alone will never be enough to keep you in a healthy relationship together.

Love, peace, Rev. David www.davidessel.com

Thursday, December 10, 2009

It's Ok to Feel Defeated..Now what do we do?

“IT'S OK TO BE DEFEATED”

The above statement made by the best selling author Paulo Coellho during an interview I did with him, brought a sense of comfort to me. Isn't it true that we so often want to quit, give up over one, two or three defeats, when instead we should just realize that these setbacks are simply a fact of life, not its totality.

We seem so willing to immerse ourselves in defeat instead of just acknowledging it and letting it go.

Many of us define our lives by our defeats vs. our aspirations. "I guess I'm not supposed to be in a loving, committed relationship or I wouldn't have gone through three divorces. If I was supposed to be an actress, it would have happened by now, after all, I'm already 39 years old. I was born an addict and I guess I'll always be one. This is the 10th smoking cessation class I've attended and I'm still smoking."

These comments, and you can probably add your own here, are made by people who have not accepted defeat and moved on, but rather by people who have decided to define themselves and their lives as defeated.

Paulo's books, including one of my all time favorites The Alchemist: A Fable About Following Your Dream, have sold over 27 million copies, a number that truly is unfathomable. Yet, here is a man that has faced defeat many times but never defined himself as defeated. As he reiterated the story, when The Alchemist was released in his home country of Brazil, the sales were so slow that at the end of one year his publisher dropped the title. I wonder how many of us at this time would have concluded that we were not the talented writer we had hoped we were and taken this "defeat" as a sign to find some other form of work to do. Instead, Paulo continued his search, not an easy task, for a new publisher. After knocking on many doors, a new one took the chance on his "defeated book" and millions of copies later his story unfolds to become one of immense success.

It is okay to be defeated. I also believe it's what we do after the defeat that really defines us. I ask you to learn from your defeats, your failures, and move on. Drop your urge to label yourself with such limitation. Instead, surge ahead to the newly formed wonder that you truly are.
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If you believe this article can help someone you know, please pass it on.Search. Grow. Love.

Love, peace, Rev. David www.davidessel.com

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Chinese Good Luck Totem: Rules to Live By

CHINESE GOOD LUCK TANTRA TOTEM
After reading the following "rules to live by," I knew I had to share these words with as many people as possible. Enjoy the wisdom here, and then share this with your family and friends.

ONE: Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

TWO: Marry the man or woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

THREE: Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have, or sleep all you want.

FOUR: When you say, “I love you,” mean it.

FIVE: When you say, “I'm sorry,” look the person in the eye.

SIX: Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

SEVEN: Believe in love at first sight.

EIGHT: Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.

NINE: Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

TEN: In disagreements, fight fairly. No name-calling.

ELEVEN: Don't judge people by their relatives.

TWELVE: Talk slowly but think quickly.

THIRTEEN: When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, “Why do you want to know?”

FOURTEEN: Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

FIFTEEN: Say “bless you” when you hear someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN: When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

SEVENTEEN: Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; Responsibility for all your actions.

EIGHTEEN: Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

NINETEEN: When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

TWENTY: Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

TWENTY-ONE: Spend some time alone.

If you believe this article can help someone you know, please pass it on.Search. Grow. Love.

Slow down, be love today.

Love, peace , Rev. David Essel www.davidessel.com

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Your Personality Type? This may surprise you....

I’m sure over the years you’ve heard of the various systems that have been created to measure one’s personality type. From the simple Type A, B or C personality to the more complex Meyers-Brigg evaluations, we’ve been trying to figure out the how’s and why’s of our personalities since, well probably, the beginning of time.

Back in the day, our caveman ancestor “OGG-A” could not imagine why his brother “OGG-B” wasn’t as motivated to get up early the first day of dinosaur hunting season. Now of course we all realize that “OGG-B” was simply following his natural inclination to be a little more laid back, hence his “B” like personality.

It dawned on me recently that we need to introduce a new personality scale based on the incredible, and oh yes edible, egg. You know, instead of letting all of those professor types lead us into believing that they actually have figured our who we all are, I wanted to hit it from a slightly different, or maybe a very different angle. =)


So today I unveil the “Perceived Essel Egg Personality Profile,” soon to be recognized as the world renowned “PEEPP” scale. (If you already connected the dots and saw the correlation between eggs, baby chickens and the “peep” noise they make, you’re way too evolved to finish this article. Carry on with a more meaningful task, perhaps.)


See if you can locate your personality type in the “PEEPP” Scale:


Hard Boiled — You guessed it, a real stubborn and mostly pessimistic personality who rarely want to hear anyone else’s opinion. Their gruff exterior is equally matched with a tough and untouchable heart.

Scrambled — These people really have it tough. Nothing ever seems to go right, usually rushed and frantic in their day to day dealings with the world. Often view themselves as a “victim” due to harshness of the hard boiled’s attitude.

Over-easy — Nothing ever seems to bother this group as they move slowly and confidently through each day. Great at accepting both compliments and criticisms alike, truly the envy of all other personalities. (and hated by the hard boiled gang.)

Poached — Stubborn, yet with a soft spot for the scrambled gang. Tough exterior is a fa├žade to a sweet and warm heart.

Spicy Omelet — Never a dull moment with this group, they love living life to the max! While sometimes initially confused with the scrambled gang, people quickly see how the spicy omelet in a matter of minutes can get their act together. If provoked, quick to anger, so beware.
So, which egg-type personality are you? How about your best friend or lover? Feel free to email me at david@davidessel.com if you’re interested in having me help you to deal with another egg-type that’s got you heated underneath your shell.

Peace, Love,
Rev. David Essel, M.S.www.davidessel.comAuthor, Radio & Television Host, Lifestyle Coach

Monday, December 7, 2009

Tiger Woods: Part 2: Your Comments

Let's look for a voice of reason to go along with all of the negative sensationalism that is currently surrounding Tiger Woods. Here are a few comments relating to my first blog on Tiger.

"I admire Tiger charities, all the magnificent work he has done for children, and the centers are so educational. He is someone with a big heart and HUMAN after all...I hope everything turns out OK in his personal life...You are right sooner or later we all make mistakes and our duties are to improve ourselves and become better people, perhaps the only way we can achieve the improvement is with love and support from others...REJECTION and negativity makes things worse..."

"The media is based on sensationalism, and in this case continuing to bring more information into the public eye will hurt everyone, his wife, families and children even more. Like you said, those around the office gossiping about people like Tiger should look into their own imperfections, and heal themselves first. "


"We are looking into the mirror as we exhaust Tigers errors. Yes, gossip is all about trying to make ourselves feel better, more superior than who we are talking about. you nailed that point."

"You've written before about sex addiction, and I even heard you do a radio show on this topic. You said then that many people caught in affairs are actually battling a sexual addiction, like alcoholism, the drinker cannot stop at one. The analogy here is interesting David. Maybe you could help him heal."

"The answer is to turn off all media reporting on this topic, and to walk away from anyone who wants to discuss it. As you say, Period. "

As I said earlier, it is better that we focus on ourselves, loving each other more, and taking care of our own faults and weaknesses instead of gossiping about others. Forgive yourself for all the errors you've made in life first.

Love, peace, Rev. David http://www.davidessel.com/

Tiger Woods: What to do now? We are like him

So, if you were Tiger Woods, what would you do right now? Did you ever stop to think that you, me , everyone, is identical to him in our lives right now?

There was a famous saying once that went something like..."people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones." Hmmmmmm, or something like that.

Yet, if you're like me, the first thing I want to do when a celebrity goes down for being human, is to say things to feel superior. To throw stones. I do my very best not to do this, yes I do. And just because I'm a minister, trust me, I'm the last person in the world who should be commenting about someone else's errors.

So, how are you right now like Tiger?

What have you done in the past, that you would not want the world to know?

One of the major differences between you and Tiger, is that your life is not on camera 24/7. But if it was, what did you do yesterday, today, last month or 20 years ago that you would NEVER want your friends or co-workers to know about?

Over the past 20 years, I have been blessed to work with many couples that have gone through affairs, some have kept their marriages together, others have not. But not one of them were broad casted on the news. For the most part, they were able to keep their errors within their small community. Can you imagine if your error, was seen on the news?

This writing is all about perspective, love, support of others, and yes, love. You may not agree with what happened, but none of us know the whole story, and it is truly none of our business.

If you want to do something positive right now, pray for Tiger and his family to find the wise council needed to get everyone through this challenging time. Period.

Slow down, be a positive force in this world. Stop the gossip and negativity, and see how we are all more like Tiger, imperfect beings, than separate from him.

Love, peace, Rev. David www.davidessel.com

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Everyone is Our Teacher in Love, Yes, Everyone

At the end of a seminar I taught on leadership at a major university, one of the participants came up to question me on the statement that "everyone we meet is a teacher for us in life." It's an important concept that not only leaders need to master, but that all of us need to be more conscious about.

"My last boyfriend did not teach me a thing, I can't agree with that statement, unless you mean that he maybe taught me how to argue more. "

"What was your role in the arguments" I asked.

"I had no role, he would just argue to argue. For over a year, the same old thing", she replied.

At the end of our 20 minute conversation, she saw that he was trying to teach her a very valid lesson: there is a time to leave a relationship that is not working, or at least go and get the help we need if one is in turmoil.

Everyone , especially in romantic relationships that do not work, is trying to help us get to the next level of love. They are trying to get us to pick up "our game", to play at a higher level of love. There is a divine reason for all relationships, and it is up to us to figure out the reason so that we can become more awakened, and less resentful.

If I look at all of my love relationships that did not work, I can see the absolute beauty that each of these magnificent beings brought into my life. Some of the lessons I honestly did not want to learn, because it meant that I had to change. Some were here to help me strengthen my communication skills, while others pushed my buttons about religion, so that I could work on showing a deeper level of compassion for those who were on a different path than my own.

Others were in my life to help me to become more flexible, the teaching was to help me release the "my way was the best way" mentality. And others were definitely brought into my life to help me practice the art of listening without giving my advice, unless I was asked for it. A difficult lesson for me indeed! And last, there were those that were asking me to prove that I desired the deepest of love, when boundaries were crossed and I had to walk away.

The homeless are another great set of teachers that I have written about here before. In other words, our real teachers in life may be those who we feel most uncomfortable with. Isn't that interesting?

Former lovers, children, former bosses, the homeless....all great teachers in life about love.

Slow down and send a mental note of gratitude for all of your past, and current teachers.

Love, peace, Rev. David www.davidessel.com

Letting Go: A Key to Success in life

Many of us have fallen victim to the belief that to create the life we really want to live, we have to have more, get more, and be more than we have, got or are today. In reality, the first step to creating what we want in life is to let go of things that are not serving us the way we desire to be served.

This could mean that we have to let go of impatience, control, and resentments against others and ourselves in order to find the inner peace we so desire.

It might mean we have to let go of the thought that "when these things change, I'll really be happy", in order to focus on your happiness today. Actually you can create happiness today with nothing changing. Yes, very possible indeed.

Or maybe it's time to let go of an addiction to alcohol, food, spending or drugs in order to bring in the clarity needed to truly love yourself.

Or letting go of a known religious or spiritual path so that your mind can be opened to a deeper connection with the Divine.

It could mean letting go of a job that you cannot stand in order to find one that you become thrilled about! Or letting go of a relationship that may not be right for you or your partner, so that you have the space open to bring into your lives individuals more compatible with where you currently are in life.

Before we create, there has to be space in your life open and available for this "new thing" to fit into.

Slow down and look at areas of your life that are not serving you, and decide today to address them or let them go. Your intuition, your higher self, is the best council to ask for advice that will be the right answer for you.

Ask trusted friends for their advice, then remember that You alone must make the end decision. Letting go is the key to creating a more successful life.

Love, peace, Rev. David www.davidessel.com

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Emotional Recovery: It takes a Professional, or Two

A client walked in several months ago, sat down and proudly proclaimed she would not need to go through with our planned work together as she had diagnosed her own issues, and was well on her way to self healing. She had read enough books, received more information off of the inter net, and now was going to heal her emotional problems from her past, by herself.

This was not, unfortunately, this first time I had seen this very same experience in my office occur. As she left, I wished her the very best, and said a prayer that if she did not follow through with the work we had planned, that she would find another professional to work with.

Issues of abandonment from our childhood, emotional or physical abuse from any age, or low self worth followed by continued self sabotaging behaviors will rarely, if ever, be healed by ourselves.

The reason this client left, or others choose to bypass a professionals assistance is because they really do not want to do the deep work necessary to get past their past experiences. Why? Because, there often is alot of work to be done. Work that while not necessarily fun in the moment, brings huge relief down the road.

I know myself, for years I tried to heal my own issues of abandonment by myself, and thought I had until they would raise their head again somehow in a business or personal relationship. I finally relented, and got the most amazing help from both a relationship coach and a therapist.

I pulled the same "I can heal/fix myself" attitude when I finally faced my alcoholism. Guess what? Yes, you're right, it never worked until I surrendered to a team of professionals.

If you're reading this and have experienced emotional issues in relationships, intimate ones or maybe with your core family members, get out of denial, get out of the delusion that you can fix yourself. You simply cannot.

Slow down, and ask a professional for help today for long lasting emotional recovery. . And do not expect a correct diagnosis, or even the perfect plan of action for up to 4- 8 sessions of working together. The professional coach, counselor or therapist will need at least that much time for a correct diagnosis.

(ps....After months of trying to heal herself, with no results, I'm excited to say this former client has finally surrendered, and is working one on one with two fantastic professionals. As I see her changes weekly, I can say that what held her back before, will finally be released for good.)

Love, peace, Rev. David http://www.davidessel.com/

Thursday, December 3, 2009

"Love never leaves us....."

As my client asked for the way out of her pain, over the divorce papers she had just signed, I said to her "Sara, you and I both know that the answer you are seeking is this, love never leaves us. "

She looked at me with tears streaming down her face, smiled and simply said, "I know that is the truth."

Now, in the middle of pain, I would never expect anyone to really get the truth about love and loss, but Sara was ready to hear it, and knew it to already be true.

If a loved one passes or lover leaves us, love is always right next to us, with a huge fuzzy smile on it's face, letting us know that "IT", the reason for our existence, is here to stay. Love will surely manifest again in our lives as soon as we are ready to open our hearts once again.

And this is great news! Why? Because, in our pain, in the processing we all must go through, so many people get stuck in the belief that love has gone away for good. That this one person, maybe someone they considered there soul mate, can never be replaced. Or a parent they loved deeply, will not be back in this lifetime.

Yet, time after time the opposite has happened. The minute we re-open our hearts, love comes waltzing back in. Sometimes in the form of a lover, a pet, or a brand new friend that just lifts our spirits.

Slow down and let love back in right now. Open your closed heart and see life, see love, look for love right now. It's been looking for you as well.

Love, peace, REv. David www.davidessel.com

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Coffee, Joe, Java, the Benefits;Part 2

It may come as a surprise to many that almost 110 million Americans drink coffee everyday, and as noted in a previous column, it’s just not for breakfast anymore.

A coffee researcher (yes there is such a field of study!) from Vanderbilt University, Dr. Tomas DePaulis, says that not only do regular coffee drinkers have a decreased chance of developing the debilitating condition of Parkinson’s disease, but that the latest drugs to treat this condition utilize a derivative of caffeine.

We all know that caffeine boosts energy, but did you also realize that for some people it can aid in decreasing a headache? That’s why the makers of products like Excedrin have it listed as one of its major ingredients.

Along with caffeine coffee also contains powerful antioxidants, which may be one of the reasons it can be beneficial in helping the body in a variety of ways. Recent studies reported in The Journal of the National Cancer Institute shared some downright amazing information: that coffee may significantly lower the risk of colon and liver cancers.

With all of this great news about the benefits of coffee consumption though, we must also look at the downside of the popular drink. Specialty coffees, like a double mocha latte, can have as much or more sugar, calories and fat than a fast food meal! And people who smoke and drink coffee may be at a much greater risk for heart disease. Studies linking high blood pressure and coffee are not as conclusive, but if you suffer from this condition it would be wise to cut down on your coffee consumption.

As a coffee lover myself, I made the switch a number of years ago to drinking my morning brew as a mixture of 1/2 regular and 1/2 decaffeinated, hedging my bets that moderation may just be the key to better health in everything we do..

Wishing You Love and Peace,
David Essel, M.S.www.davidessel.comAuthor, Radio & Television Host,Minister

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

The Benefits of Coffee, Joe, Java

Whether you call it Java, Jo or Brew, more Americans are visiting coffee shops, bistros and specialty restaurants now for their daily energy booster than researchers can ever remember.


The noon martini has been swiftly replaced by a latte or espresso, making lunch meetings or afternoon social gatherings a healthier experience. Business “mastermind” groups, popularized in the 50’s & 60’s, by admirers of Napoleon Hill, author of Think & Grow Rich, have come back in vogue as entrepreneurs and managers meet in the early mornings over specialty coffees to keep their creative juices flowing.


And now, fascinating news from the world of medicine is supporting the trend of coffee consumption in our country.
Harvard researchers recently reported that those who drink 6 cups or more each day decreased the risk of diabetes in men and women, by an incredible 54% & 30% respectively over coffee avoiders.
What’s even more powerful about this particular study is the fact that this trial involved data on over 120,000 people for 18 years. Direct medical costs for the treatment of diabetes in the United States exceeded $130 billion in the year 2003, making this finding a possible important key to reducing this deadly disease.


Of course, for caffeine sensitive individuals, a more moderate level of coffee consumption may be recommended to decrease the possible side effects of nervousness or insomnia. Either way, coffee consumption is here to stay.


Wishing You Love and Peace,
David Essel, M.S.www.davidessel.comAuthor, Radio & Television Host, Lifestyle Coach

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

The Secrets to Holiday Serenity

The Secrets to Holiday Serenity
By Carly Hallam
YourHealth Monthly

It’s the most wonderful time of the year. There’ll be parties for hosting. Humidity that’s toasting. And your in-laws won’t leave you alone. There’ll be scary ghost stories. And pictures that will bore you of Aunt Linda from a long time ago. Oh wait, that’s not how it goes. But it’s a bit more like the truth.


Of course the holidays can be wonderful. And the humidity has let up a bit. But you’ve got to take time for away from the crowds to relax. Here are three things you should do to stay sane. Otherwise, you’ll end up taking things out on Aunt Linda. And despite her nagging, she really doesn’t deserve it.


Meditate.


Life Coach David Essel of Ft. Myers suggests making your sanity a priority this season. “People forget to take care of themselves,” he says. “You have to schedule serenity, it never comes by itself.” Schedule your serenity by taking yoga and meditating.


Picnic on the beach.


Sue Fowler of Elegant Affairs Event Planning in Ft. Myers says just being outside is a great way to relax. “Get away from the house,” she suggests, “and have an old-fashion picnic on the beach.”


Have a spa day.


A 1-hour massage, which can cost as little as $40 at local massage schools, will alleviate stress and allow you to forget the holiday frenzy for an afternoon. Fowler points out that being pampered is a boost to mood and confidence. “It’s nice to unwind then leave feeling good about yourself.”

Dauphie Piper: A Beautiful Soul

Adventurer. Spiritual. Caring. Athletic. Healing. Sensitive. Explorer. Dependable. Trustworthy. Friend. Son. Brother. Client.


The words above came to me in a split second when I stopped to write about Dauphie. I met Dauphie Piper through his sister, Michel, a number of years ago. Our first meeting was over the phone as he had decided he wanted to work with me as his life coach. From the very first conversation I knew he and I would work together perfectly. He was the type of client I truly admire— his zest for life and his ability to look deeply and honestly at his strengths as well as his challenges.


Dauphie attacked life. He loved life. He was a searcher, a person who knew that his quest here had to have great meaning. When we first spoke, he was an intern as an emergency room physician. In this capacity, he was frustrated that he often only saw his patients one time. His desire was to do follow up with all of his patients, as he truly cared about their well being, but in the emergency room setting this rarely happened, and I know that bothered his sensitive nature.


In my work with all clients there are writing exercises due within 24 hours after our session. The point of this work is to help every person I work with to go deeper into their own personal world to find the answers to the questions that are present during our work. Dauphie's work often came written an hour after our talks. His dedication to his path was evident in how seriously he wanted to be in the physical world, but also knew that his life had a great spiritual meaning as well.


One of our most trans formative times came after I had asked him to read a very deep and powerful book called The Power of Now. We had continuous and extremely intense discussions on how he could apply the difficult principle of “living in the moment, every moment of every day.” This psychological “immersion” process meant that one would be totally conscious of all that was going on inside, feelings on a moment to moment basis, as well as what was happening in surroundings in the “outside world.” Dauphie took this exercise very seriously and it led to some amazing opportunities, self discovery, the type of discovery that he immediately started sharing with those around him. He began to seriously question the loads of “red tape” in the world of medicine that he believed prevented physicians from offering the utmost in patient care.


On a personal level, this “living in the moment” became a powerful part of his daily runs while living in Chicago. He first started to notice the amount of homeless people he would pass on a regular basis. This led him to test his own ego — he began purposely making eye contact with them. His final exercise was to look into their eyes as he ran by them daily and to consciously “send them love”. He told me the most incredible experience would occur when in unison they would look back at him and smile. These experiences became commonplace for Dauphie.
I was thrilled to have him in my life, not only as a client but also as a friend. When we met in person at a Barnes & Noble bookstore in Sarasota, it truly was like we had known each other for years.His ready and infectious smile put people at ease. His desire to explore the seas on his father's boat, travel to Asia to discover Buddhist Temples, or trek to mountaintops in Bolivia, were all a part of his amazingly adventurous spirit.


The saddest phone call I have ever received came three weeks ago from Dauphie. With tears he told me of his recent medical diagnosis and that he may not be in this world much longer. He reached out to me with his incredible ability to share his deep emotion, telling me what I had meant to him, that he loved me for who I am and all that I am. Tears streamed down my face as I drove, not believing what I was hearing. I told him how much I loved him too, and how much I wanted to see him one more time. That one more time never came. Yet, as I write this, he is right here with me, overlooking my writing and making sure I don't leave anything important out (smile).


In memory of this amazing man, I now intend to live more like him. I intend, in Dauphie's honor, to be more adventurous, to explore more of what all of life has to offer. He touched me in a way that as I write this I have to say was unexpected. While he came into my life to learn about the process I use to help others, he left teaching me as well. And Dauphie, in your honor, I will carry forward in life with a new zest for living with a new sense of adventure. How can I ever thank you enough for that.
Love, your friend,

Rev. David www.davidessel.com

Dealing with Stress: There's Only One Way

When we are faced with great, or even minor stress, the only way I know that we can begin to overcome it is to feel and bless it at the same time. Let me explain.

There once was a man who had everything in life that anyone could ever desire. Great wealth, a wonderful family and a strong religious path. One day, almost like a great depression, or a stock market crash, all of his wealth was gone. Bam! Gone.

When he went home, he went to prayer thanking God for all that he did still have.

The very next day, his children were killed in a freak accident. Through his tears, he still thanked God for all that he had remaining, as you can imagine a very difficult thing to do.

His friends came to ask him the reason for his extremely bad luck, assuming he had been the cause somehow of all of his troubles. But, in fact, he had not personally done anything that would have created the havoc he was going through.

A short time later, he came down with a serious illness, life threatening, but still managed to find the strength to give thanks in his prayers.

His wife and friends asked him to just give up, to let go of holding onto life, and his gratitude so strongly, so that he could end his personal suffering. But he refused, and instead everyday just went deeper into gratitude for what he still did have.

Yes, he also questioned God, wondering how all of this tragedy could have entered his life. And right after that, went to praise.

A while later, his life began to turn around. His health returned, his wealth returned even greater than before, and he had more children with his wife. An amazing experience!

The one grounding force during all of his trials was his daily gratitude for what he did have in life. A powerful testament to the power of thankful prayers.

Slow down, as you deal with stress today, feel the discomfort and then go to praise, to prayers of gratitude for all that you do have in life.

Love, peace, Rev. David www.davidessel.com

(the above story, is the story of Job, from the Old Testament)

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Is life Slipping Away?

Are you fully immersed in life, or is it slowly slipping away from you?

Have you opened yourself up to the absolute beauty, the divinity that you are, or are you still in a place of self judgement?

Have you ripped open your heart, so wide as to love someone like you never have before? Fully vulnerable, fully transparent? Or in some way are you playing it safe? Not sharing your vulnerabilities, feelings, fears?

Have you pushed yourself to love someone back, accepting their quirks or small irritating habits, allowing them to be who they are?

Have you shared with them recently, that you love all of them?

Is it time to go after a new career, a new life, yet you feel filled with fear about the timing to do so?

Is it time to move, to experience life at a new level?

Is it time to devote yourself to God, but are fearful of how that might affect how others view you?

Is it time to let go of habits and addictions that have imprisoned you, yet you're afraid of what life might be like without these crutches? Like food, spending, alcohol, cigarettes ?

Slow down, and begin to experience the life you were meant to live. Do it now. with passion. With gusto. Right at this very second.

Love, peace, Rev. David www.davidessel.com

Monday, November 9, 2009

Lacking The Female Orgasm: Taking Responsibilty

On my last blogtalkradio show, www.blogtalkradio.com/davidessel , I discussed an email that I received from a woman blaming her partner for her lack of reaching an orgasm during their intimate moments. Because this issue has been brought to my attention many times over the years in my work as a Relationship Coach, I wanted to create a space here to help those in a similar situation.

The cause of disappointment in women who do not reach orgasm in their intimate relations lies in one of three causes:

1. ) they do not know their body and it's sensual/sexual needs, or

2.) they have not shared with their partner exactly how they desire/need to be pleased, or

3.) they have in detail on multiple occasions shown their partner how to explicitly please them, but their partner is insensitive to these needs.

If you fall into category 3, which is an extremely rare event in the cases I have worked with but one that many woman feel they are a part of, get into counseling yesterday.

If you fall into category 2, which has a huge fan base it seems as it by far is where almost every woman I have worked with over the years resides, who fail to reach orgasm with their partner, here's great news. This is easily remedied if you want it to be. Unfortunately, many woman say they want to have this part of their relationship fixed, but they do not want to do the work I am about to propose.

The reason for this is that they have a subconscious desire to stay unfulfilled. They are able to wrestle some power from their male partner by being able to say to their close friends that he just can;t please her. Sad, but true.

It also allows her to stay away from the deep , vulnerable intimacy that occurs when a couple is trying to heal sexual issues. If she really wanted to explore her needs, both emotional and physical with a partner, she would have to become fully open, honest and transparent in bed. She would have to direct him, with words and action. If she carries any shame or guilt around sex, she might find this too scary to do. In this case, it's time to get help.

"He should know how to please a woman", is the excuse many make so that they don't have to go deep in intimacy.

If you fall into category 2, please follow this exercise. Write a story to your partner describing how you would love to have your needs , both emotional and physical, met. When it gets to your sexual needs, be highly detailed and explicit. Break all of your previously held notions about what a woman should or should not say about her sexual needs, and just go for it. This should be fun for you to do, and if it is written with love, as in a fantasy/reality world, he should love reading it too. Everyone wins.

Hey women!!! Men cannot read minds!!! Help us out!!

If you fall into category one, begin to explore your body today, by yourself. Get lotions, vibrators and toys to see what different pressure and speeds feel like. When you know what it takes to bring you to an orgasm by yourself, re read the above exercise.

Slow down and explore the wonders of reaching your sexual orgasm with your partner. Drop the blame, and go towards deep love and intimacy today.

Love, peace, Rev. David www.davidessel.com

Creating the life you want: Part 2

Here are a few comments about creating the life you truly want.

"Surrendering to the will of God and the Will of the universe is the only way, aligning your will with these two will bring peace of mind and heart. Also knowing that sometimes there is redirection afoot as well which is trying to guide you to be doing something else, that is maybe critical to the long term goal is also important. The most important thing is never make it about you, in doing so the only thing we will create is blockages."


"I find great solace in going directly to God, in my awe of all that He has given me in life. Like your friend, I too have struggled, well I think the regular world would say that, in manifesting alot of money as I use my gifts to assist others. My peace comes from reading about people in the Bible who were given great gifts, yet had a hard time making it in the material world. Yet, they left others feeling better about themselves. Maybe some of us were'nt meant to have it all, maybe we should just live in gratitude for what we do have, regardless of how big, or little. Sounds good to me!"

"My path is filled with great gifts and great financial abundance, for at least the past 10 years. As I look at my life today, my gifts are here, but the finances are gone. Tell your friend to focus on the gifts, then he can help others no matter what his finances are today or in the future. "

My friend responds to the above responses.

"I have followed David's career for the past 10 years, and have been amazed at his attitude towards life regardless of what he has gone through. I came to him in my current situation because I needed to talk to someone i trust.....I did not need a rah rah session. When he asked if he could blog about this, i said sure, and now i know why. I needed everyone's feedback here, to help me see the prioritiy in life:, God, and His plan. I'll let go now, and follow His will. Trusting that the lessons learned, with or without the money i want will help me to help others. And in the world of resl estate, there are alot of people to help. " Jim

Slow down and trust in life, in God.

Love, peace, Rev. David www.davidessel.com

How do we create the life that we want?

In all of the work that I do, and have done, the question "how do we create the life that we want?" seems to be the theme of my clients lives. In my Life Coach Certification classes, we explore the human need to accomplish goals and create a path in order to do just that.

However, even with the most up to date plans and intentions, there are often periods in our lives where life just does not seem to be going our way. We can visualize success , we can join mastermind groups, we can attend seminars and read more and more books, yet we don't see any tangible evidence for our work.

A very good friend of mine with amazing business talents was sitting in front of me recently lamenting this very situation. "How, with all of the gifts God has given me, could I be in a business that I am so passionate about, that is not growing? After all of the planning, praying and work, could I be struggling so deeply? How can I create the life I desire, when everything is at a standstill?"

His questions reminded me of the lives of Abraham Lincoln and others who struggled greatly on their personal path to success and contentment in life.

As I looked at his plans, and discussed the work he has done leading up to this very point in his life, I saw the answer quite clearly.

There was no human, no worldly answer for his situation. Yes , great people can hang out on the vine to dry with seeming no rhyme or reason for it. And yes , there is a reason for it, although the reason will not make sense to our material world.

Many people have spoken a great truth when they said, "I guess it's on God's timeline , not mine." If you believe in God as I do, and as my friend does, this somehow is supposed to make us feel a little better. We still have to continue to move forward in faith, knowing that there must be great lessons for us to learn in the process of slowing down, of knowing that there is a greater plan for us than we could possible know at this very moment.

Faith, resolve and trust can be greatly enhanced when we use them to their full extent when we are frustrated by the lack of success in life.

Depending where we are on our spiritual path, is how we react to life when we are not getting it the way we think it should happen. If we are deeply into the path of love, trust and faith, we'll go to doubt but for a short period of time. We might become frustrated for a day or even a week, then we'll surrender to "what is." We'll release the python grip that we've created on life with our expectations, and start to flow with, rather than fight, the life we are living.

We might surrender and spend a day in prayer, asking for the power to accept the things we cannot change. We might get out of our heads, and fill our minds with gratitude for all that is going well, as we become what we focus on all day.

By following these two simple yet powerful steps, we create the life that we want instantly, as we have just created a moment, hour or day of inner peace. Wow, what a beautiful experience.

Acceptance is not a cowards way out of life, but rather the path of the spiritual master.

Slow down today and find the life that you want to create sitting right in front of you. Look for love, peace and you will find your world there. Look for doubt and worry, and you'll find your world there as well.

Love, peace, Rev. David www.davidessel.com

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Religion: Unification or Separation?

To those bound by religion, religion separates. One person will create the idea that their way is the only way to God, and try to push others into their own belief systems. "If you don't believe what I believe, you're going to hell." I received an email the other day from a very good friend telling me this, and it was a sad experience for me, not because it was true, but because now there is a separation in her mind between us.

I still love her, in my heart, not just in these words that you are reading. Most times when someone sends an email like this, they'll end it with "I love you". But can they really love you if they're telling you that you are now dammed for life? HMMMMMM..................

Religion, as I have said for years, is one of the greatest causes of lack, hate, distrust and judgement that this earth has ever known. As evidenced by the above reference. And, for those who are on a religious path that includes acceptance and true love, religion is the experience of heaven on earth.

I love all that I have learned in all the religions I have been exposed too, and find my relationship with God growing every day. Let's use the beauty of religion to unify, not separate.

Slow down, and find the bliss of love for yourself and others on your path today. Then, act in that loving way to everyone free of judgement.

Love, peace, Rev. David www.davidessel.com

Monday, November 2, 2009

The Path of One Minister Who Honors All Faiths

After a church sermon one Sunday, a new member of our congregation asked me how I became an All Faiths Minister. When it happened again last Sunday, I knew it was time to share this story hopefully as a way to break down the separatism between religions, and open a doorway for God, Love, to shine on us all.

I believe in the future , the trend will only get larger where more ministers will want to be able to attend to people who come from a variety of faiths in life. A goal of mine is to somehow use the gifts of ministry to positively affect the lives of those in our congregation and any other congregations I am blessed to address as well as hospitals, or those in recovery and treatment centers, who come from a different faith than myself, or even no faith at all.

As an All Faith Minister, I want to use the gift of love to assist everyone on their path to personal growth, and if they choose, their walk with God. By having even a minimal understanding of different faiths, ministers such as myself can be of the greatest service to everyone, and even help those who are trying to find the walk with God they feel most comfortable with.

My personal walk with God began in the Catholic Church where I served as an altar boy for many years. My aunt Rita, sister Regina, is a nun with over 70 years of dedicated service, so my beginnings were definitely influenced by my Catholic upbringing. Like many people, I left the church when I was old enough to make my own decisions, and quite frankly never believed I'd go back to these beginnings. The church at that time seemed too steeped in traditions from the past, and my short attention span needed something more interesting to keep me on path.

Years passed and then I was introduced to Buddhism, and the unbelievable beauty of meditation. My yearning was quenched for several years as I delved into the Four Noble Truths and other powerful Buddhist teachings. I learned more deeply about the beauty of God within, and fell in love with this way of life, this amazing religion.

Then I was introduced to Hinduism, and my enthusiasm for religion reached an all time high. I began to follow the path of Bhakti, a path to God that is filled with daily devotion and prayer to God! Singing God's praise at every turn of the day, my energy for God increased dramatically. . Reading Hindu quotes, scriptures and writings whenever a moment opened in my daily schedule became my love for life.

As I delved into these religions, I became more in love with life.........which brought me back to my Catholic upbringing. I went to a mass a number of years ago, and fell in love all over again with what I enjoyed as an altar boy: the rituals of the Catholic Mass. To this day I still love them.

When I was asked to lead my first church service in a non denominational church several years ago, I was ecstatic to realize that I could use all of these teachings to assist the congregation to experience the Divine within, the God that resides in each of us. As it is so beautifully stated in the bible,"Made in His image"(Genesis 1:26).

My path then took the most amazing turn of all, one I relish to this day. I was asked to lead a congregation as a temporary minister, and the fire was lit. That led me to becoming the co-founder of The Church of Spiritual Light, an All Faith congregation in Fort Myers, Florida. As my path continues, I find myself once again, becoming immersed in the power of ritual, the words of Christ, the power of enthusiastic prayer which once again has filled me with the fire of love, the path of God, as we ascend to higher levels of awakening. Awakening to the realization that we all have free will, to find God within, and to spread that energy, that love, to all around us through our daily actions. I feel even more in love with God now than ever before.

I love to read writings from all types of spiritual masters: monks, rabbis, nuns, priests and more, and am about to begin a class on Kabbalah, the mystical arm of Judaism. I daily read scripture from the bible and look for the love that resides in everyone, the God within each of us.

Slow down and find love, God, in all you do as we respect the faiths that surround us.

Love, peace, Rev. David www.davidessel.com

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Men in Love: Standing in the Fire

As I sat down to begin the men's group that I lead every week, I received a call from a client expressing his gratitude for the work we have recently done that is saving his love relationship. In a nutshell, he has been learning how to stand "in the fire " of love.

For most men, this is an extremely foreign concept as we were never taught what it truly means to be a man in a deep love relationship. One who is willing to be the pillar of strength at times, especially those times when his partner needs his power the most. Let me explain.

Ben had started to do sessions with me to help him deal with his girlfriends "erratic emotional reactions" during arguments. While he loved her and wanted to be with her, he wasn't sure he could handle her intense emotional periods of tears, anger, and often threats of ending the relationship.

At first glance, many would say leave, you do not deserve this craziness. But if he had, he would have missed the role he played in getting her to this emotional level, and probably would have repeated the same patterns in his next love affair.

You see, Ben was doing what most men do when their partner gets emotionally riled up: they try to solve their partners upset. And this my friends, is EXACTLY the opposite of what needs to be done. Many women who are in an emotionally upset state, need no solving, no fixing. they simply need to express, vent, release. Pure and simple.

So every time Ben noticed that his girlfriend was getting more hysterical, I asked him to think about what his previous words, actions or emotions were doing. and every time it was the same thing: he was trying to logically solve her upset. It will never work.

What most women need, through the experiences I have had with working with women in my practice, is the ability to be expressive without feeling like they need to be fixed. They need to be able to see that their partner can handle a certain amount of their emotional release, stand in the fire with them, and then let go. They want to know that their man will not shrink from their emotional release, but rather stand there and accept it at least momentarily. After this trust is built and the release is over, they can then listen to logic, but not a moment before.

Ben's reaction to me was comical. "You've got to be kidding, just stand there and take it?". Yes, as the saying goes, take it like a man.

It worked, just like magic. Over the past 6 months, his love has deepened, and the frequency of their emotional blowups has diminished to almost nothing. His girlfriend is showering him with affection and love daily, as she sees that he can handle so much more than he ever did in the past. With her trust high, she feels protected, and doesn't need to go to extremes as she knows he'll listen without the need to fix.

Slow down and create the path for your partner to trust your power, your emotional fortitude, and watch your bond deepen in love.

Love, peace Rev. David www.davidessel.com

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Faith: Do You Truly Have It?

When I look at my life and those who I counsel that are on a spiritual or religious path, the most important question we could ever discuss is about faith. While we all want to believe we are filled with faith, are we?

Faith is belief in the yet unseen. Faith moves mountains, as Christ says in the bible multiple times.

Now listen to this: faith is belief, in the yet unseen.

This means that if we are challenged in love, we believe in the healing that has yet to occur, is occurring now.

We believe in the job we do not have, as here now.

We believe in the money we do not have, as here now.

We already believe that the partner we may not have in love, is here, on this planet and moving to us now.

I challenge myself every day to live a more faith filled life. To be used by God as a messenger of love, of faith, more today than yesterday.

Faith, the food of the Divine, is available to all who practice it daily. But like the person who wants to get their body into great shape, it takes a daily concentrated effort to make faith a part of your life.

You have a greater purpose in life than you may know. Through your daily work to strengthen your faith, God will reveal it to you. Are you ready?

Faith, belief in the yet unseen.

Slow down and create a deeper life, filled with faith, right now. And tomorrow as well.

Love, peace, David www.davidessel.com

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Showing Love in Frustration: That's Real Love

When we have reached the level of awakening that we can show love to our partner or child when things are in a frustrated state, we have truly begun to master the art of love. Anything short of that is nice, but we're still working at a lower evolutionary level.

Anyone can love someone or be in love when things are going well. The sun is shining, your partner agrees with you, your job is secure and life is just humming along at a great clip. But when the other side of life rears it's head, that's what separates the amateurs of love from the true professionals.

If you truly want to experience the amazing benefits of love, you'll have to figure out how to stay in love , especially stay in love, when things are not going so well.

The first step is to make a verbal, or even written agreement with your partner that you will love each other through the good times and bad. Yes, as an ordained minister, I have couples repeat this when I marry them, but few really know what this means. So do it again today, if your married, or make an agreement with your partner that this is something you'd like to experience if you're not married.

I believe all couples who are serious about love should do this. Make a devoted commitment, look into each others eyes and do this now. Don't procrastinate, make the commitment and then hold each other accountable.

So, in the middle of a disagreement, one of you as to pull back and remind each of you that even though this is tense, you are in this for love. RECENTLY MY PARTNER AND I HAD THE CHANCE TO PRACTICE THIS VERY SAME THING IN OUR RELATIONSHIP, AND I WILL TELL YOU FIRST HAND THAT IT IS NOT EASY.

Yes, even though I do this work for a living, it takes a desire to experience the deepest of love in order to pull this off. My partner has agreed to do the same as I do for our relationship, and the tests will come throughout life as we both know. In the middle of a disagreement, we pulled back to remind ourselves that we can change this energy, back to love if we want to. The first attempt at this lasted about 4 minutes. LOL. Then we were back to believing we were each right. The second attempt at reconciliation lasted a little longer. It wasn't until the fourth attempt at resurrecting the FEELING of love that we have for each other that it was real, that it stuck.

At this point, I think we both recognized subconsciously how hard the other person was working at regaining the love and respect for each other that we do have, that we were finally able to come back to peace and love, to hold each other tightly, to say "I love you", and really mean it with emotion.

Then we had to carry this feeling into the night, as we slept, and awaken with the peace that flowed from love for each other. The verbal clues that we use, like "we're playing way below our capacity to love", helps us to cut off the flow of the small ego, and return to love.
But, without a conscious plan, it would never work.

Slow down today and decide to show your partner love in the middle of discontent, and watch the true meaning of love begin to surface in your life.

Love, peace, David www.davidessel.com

Monday, October 26, 2009

One Book: A Life Changing/Life Crisis Experience

The following story is true, as are all my articles, yet this one is about how one book changed someones world. And, how in the midst of crisis, if we are open to the messages in the books around us, our life can be changed too.

After our weekly church service a week ago(please see www.churchofspirituallight.org ), a very dear friend John, who I had not seen in several months, came to me to purchase a copy of my spiritual novel "Heaven on Earth: God Speaks Through The Heart of A Young Monk." That afternoon he went to visit his father and was surprised to see him in an angry and upset mood.

When he found out the reason for his upset, he spent several hours trying to help him to calm down, to no avail. On his way out of his dad's home, he turned and offered him my book and said if you want to read it great, if not call me later and I'll come back and pick it up. He really had no reason to believe his dad would read it in his current state, but had no idea of what else he could do to help him out.

Several hours passed and then surprisingly his dad did call and in an amazingly positive mood! He went on to tell John that the reason for the drastic change in his attitude was the book about the Monk! He went on and on to his son about how the book changed his life, and how he wanted all of his friends to read this book as well.

As the author, I can tell you that this story meant the world to me. You see, in the creative arts, or the healing arts, many of us do the work out of pure love, not just to get the accolades of these fields. And quite honestly, if we were in it for the applause, the waiting might get pretty depressing! Doing what you love, because you are drawn to this type of work is the reason we follow our dreams. If we write a best seller, then our first thanks is always to the notion that maybe we can help more people to change their lives versus fewer, then secondly would be the financial rewards, or the notoriety of fame.

I know that the same thing that happened to John's dad has happened to me as well. Books have changed my life. From Viktor Frankels "Man's Search for Meaning" to the biography of Helen Keller, reading about people on deep spiritual paths, as The Monk showed us in my book, can lead us deeper and deeper into a path of peace, love and joy.

I share this story with humility, and gratitude for John's willingness to let me know how his dad has changed. And the hope that if you are in a stressful place, that you too might grab a book to lift your spirits as well.

One book, might be all it takes to change your very existence right now.

Love, peace, David www.davidessel.com

Thursday, October 22, 2009

The Role of Men in Relationships: A Lost Art

Over the years men have lost their concept of what it means to be a man in a relationship, whether we are talking about those with a partner, or those with a family. What used to be common sense, has been lost. The art of being a man must be brought back into play if we are expecting families to flourish in the future, or face demise as they seem to be doing right now.

In my relationship coaching sessions, as well as the men's groups I have led, I have seen first hand how men have lost their way in regards to what it means to be a leader in love, and a leader in the family structure. The causes of this are truly irrelevant to me. I'm not here to point fingers as to why this has occurred, or who to blame. In my opinion that gets everyone nowhere.

Men were born to lead, to make decisions, to be the foundation of family. They were meant to lead by example. The role of a man in a relationship is to speak less, lead more, and allow his partner to feel safe as well as free. Free to have an outlet for her fears. Free to express her feelings without the need for the man to fix them. You see, a leader does not have to have all the answers for his company, troop or family. His main role is to listen, support, ask questions, and then if and when needed, delegate duties or chores that suit the strengths of his partner and/or children. Then, pick up the rest of the responsibilities himself.

Somewhere along the lines, men were taught to not express their feelings, when expression in the family unit is a sign of strength. As I have counseled couples for the past 20 years, I have yet to have a woman tell me that her husband was too emotional. I often have heard women say that their man rarely shares any of his feelings, any of his fears. In these cases, each woman has said she felt left out of that part of his life. Real men not only eat quiche, but they also open themselves up to their partner in a way that makes the woman feel special, a part of his inner circle , which is what she should be.

Men need to lead by example, in all areas of life. Alcohol, so accepted by society as a way men connect with other men, and oftentimes women as well, has lead millions of men astray. Men need to be role models. The use of alcohol, drugs, food or smoking as coping mechanisms, or the chase for the almighty dollar shows how weak many men are.

They need to be able to listen, direct questions, and allow their kids to have a say in how to figure life out by themselves in many cases, after they've reached the age of 12 and above. For some, even sooner.

Men need to be able to lead by faith. Faith, a strong belief in the "yet unseen", is a powerful gift to offer their partners and children. Men who lead by faith have an aura about them that allows their families and partners to trust them. Regardless of the struggles one might face, men of faith know that there is always a way out, over or around life's challenges.

I have seen over the last several years a true desire by both men and women to see the resurrection of men in relationships. To see them become the leaders they were meant to be.

Slow down, and become the man you are destined to be in love, in life. Once you begin the process of taking responsibility for your actions, for your life, this world will begin to shift in ways we've always hoped we'd see. Once you take that first step, the leader in you will naturally rise to the surface and life will take on a whole new look.

I see in my congregation, my workshops and my coaching sessions the beginning of a new era. Let's keep it going strong.

Love, peace, David www.davidessel.com