Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Do you need a prayer right now?

Do you need a prayer said for you right now? Or do you know of someone else in need of the power of prayer?

Are you struggling with an addiction, money, housing, a job, transportation, love, forgiveness, inner peace, health, a relationship, self acceptance or more?

I would love to pray for you, and ask you to go to and leave me your request for a prayer to be said on your behalf or someone that you know. Everything will always be kept confidential.

One of my favorite interviews was with Larry Dossey, M. D., who wrote the book "Prayer is Good Medicine. " A phenomenal writing from a medical perspective on the absolute power of prayer.

Allow me to be one of the many who can, and will, pray for you today.

Don't delay, send your prayer to the email above, and let us help you with the magical beauty of prayer.

Love, peace, Rev. David

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Make 2010 A Huge Success! Start today...

Trying to decide how you can make 2010 a huge success, as well as how to pick your new year resolution this year will become a whole lot easier if you simply watch the video posted here.

Too often, we fail to accomplish our most important goals because we are afraid to take the risks necessary to live the life we want to live. We also have a tendency to choose too many goals to go after at the same time.

Make this year totally different. You'll see what I mean after watching this video.

Slow down and decide right here, right now, to make 2010 the huge success you want it to be.

Love, peace, Rev. David

Breaking Through Our Creative Blocks for Success

During a recent lifestyle coaching session, one of my clients asked if we could discuss the various causes behind our "creative blocks" in life. Probably the most noted one is "writer's block," when we hit a wall in trying to create, begin, or finish anything from a homework assignment, speech, or actual literary project.

But these blocks can also arise with projects that pertain to music, art, or even trying to decide how to landscape our yard. The block many times will manifest itself as procrastination — with a seeming lack of creativity we put off finishing projects we are working on or find a thousand reasons why we don't even begin them.

While there may be many causes for creative block, I believe the most prolific ones have to do with : 1) a mental, physical, or spiritual fatigue; or 2) a self limiting judgment/belief that questions "who are we to be creative" . . . or "who are we to take this time for ourselves to . . .".
If we are fatigued mentally, physically, or spiritually, our ability to be creative diminishes greatly. Creativity needs to come from a place that is well nourished, a mind that is relaxed, open and intuitive, a body that is rested and well fed, and a spiritual foundation that is supported by daily prayer, meditation, and gratitude. If you personally hit a creative block, evaluate yourself against these three criteria and make the changes necessary. I'd even recommend putting a project off if possible for a few days so that you can focus on nourishing your mind, body, and spirit. Creativity will then begin to flow naturally.

The second major cause of these creative blocks has to do with our own self-limiting judgments or beliefs. The thought may arise . . . "Who am I to think I'm creative enough to write for that magazine, to direct the school play, or to speak to this group." This judgment can easily stop us cold and present a block in the form of procrastination. Or we may struggle with the belief that it is selfish for us to take time away from other responsibilities (family, friends, etc.) to go after our dreams. "Who do I think I am spending this hour writing or playing the piano when I should be . . .".

These conscious and subconscious thoughts easily derail us from pursuing our goals, blocking creativity, and create the perfect opportunity to procrastinate. What we forget to realize is that if we are pursuing dreams and goals that nurture our own purpose here, we'll actually bring more zest, vitality and love to those around us.

We can only lose if we submerge our true passions.
Create the space to nurture your essence and to release these self-limiting judgments. It is at this place that creativity will flow non-stop.

Slow down to release any and all creative blocks today.

Love, peace, REv. David
If you believe this article can help someone you know, please pass it on.Search. Grow. Love.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

A Rigid Mind Equals A Rigid Life

Did you ever stop to realize that the more rigid your mind is about anything, the more rigid or inflexible your life becomes?

If we take an unmovable position, a rigid mindset on religion, politics, finances, health, love..."my way is the right way", our lives become ensconced in rigidity!

We miss out on learning! If our mind is "full", how can we learn anything new?

When our minds are open, we can feel more alive for the very first time! Information flies in, and we can see the truth, where before we missed it all.

Watch this video and see if you can feel yourself shutting down, or opening up, to it's message.

Slow down and open your mind to the wonder of life that is all around us.

Love, peace, Rev. David

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Creating Separation During Sex

I received a call yesterday from a former client who needed to vent, who was deeply hurt when her partner answered a phone call while they were making love. From the cell phone, to TV, to sending text seems that we are separating from our lovers at a more frequent pace, which is bringing a deeply disturbing issue to the surface.

If we want, we can heal our resentments and frustrations that occur during intimacy. If we choose, we can get the professional help we need before we hurt our partners and our relationship any more.

Here is a video we did that covers this disturbing trend, how we separate from our lovers during sex. Watch it, then decide to be fully present in love, while making love.

Create union, versus separation, while making love.

Love, peace, Rev. David

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

A New Look at Christmas

There are so many reasons and ways that we celebrate Christmas, that I thought I'd do a youtube video describing a different way to see the power of this Holiday.

Sit back and relax as we explore how the ordinary in you can become extraordinary through God's help.

Merry Christmas!!

Love, peace, Rev. David

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Are We Addicted to Love Realtionships?

Outside of our addiction to negative thoughts, I believe the second most common addiction in this world is that to love relationships. Being addicted is easily defined as returning to a thought , substance or behavior that is not healthy for us. And millions of love relationships easily fall into that category.

Many of my past and current clients put all of their hopes and dreams on the thought that "If only I was in a true love relationship, my world would be complete. " If we're single, this thought can become compulsive. If we're in a relationship that is not working, we're sure that if we had someone different, our life would be amazing. Addiction is written all over these thought processes.

In my own life, more times than I care to recall, I've stayed in relationships that even after a short period of 30 days I knew were totally not in my best interest! Yes, I was addicted to the notion of love, and even though my inner voice was screaming it's time to move on, the other voice of love addiction was begging me to stay.

There were times where I was with someone who had religious beliefs that ran counter to mine, and after seeing the only answer for us both was to move on and find someone who we did connect with at this critical level, we stayed, and the drama continued.

Or other times when I found myself with a wonderful person, but not connected with a similar vision of communication. I would stay against all warning signs going off, in the quest for love. Yes, a form of addiction.

I wrote recently about a client who was wondering if they should stay with their partner after he saw her texting her friends while he was making love to her. His decision to stay, even after she had again returned to the act of texting during sex with him is a sign of an addiction, in his words, to a great desire to make love work. Yes, an addiction to love.

When we continue to go back to an unhealthy love relationship, we are acting out of an addiction, that can be chemically based as well. Millions of chemicals, endorphins and hormones are released not just during sex, but even during the thought or fantasy of love. When we try to leave an unhealthy love affair, within a day or so both an emotional and physiological withdrawal can take place, and if we are not aware that this is because of our own addiction to love, we'll return once again to the person that is not right for us.

Many men and women stay in abusive relationships because of the power of both the emotional and physical addiction of "LOVE".

There are couples who have been together for 50 years or longer, who stayed not because they were right for each other, but because of their addiction to love.

Break your addiction to love relationships today with the help of a minister, counselor or skilled coach. For most of us, seeing the patterns of love addiction must be done with a professional, who can then also help us to create a future based in real, healthy, love relationships. Yes, it can be done.

Love, peace, Rev. David

Friday, December 18, 2009

Sensual Intimacy with Your Partner:The Breath

Please enjoy this video as we explore one of the most powerful ways to enhance sensual intimacy, through the beauty of sensual breathing.

Slow down, breath together.

Love, peace, Rev. David

Monday, December 14, 2009

Dealing with Lost Love over the Holidays

While it is very challenging to deal with the loss of a love relationship at any time of year, handling this tragedy during the holidays can be especially painful.

The client from my last blog, who felt so overwhelmed with the many losses in her life recently, sent this email in with permission to print it.

"Yes, you wrote perfectly in your column exactly the state I am in: ovewhelmed. after our last session, I began writing and found that the pain that is most deep right now is over the loss of my love relationship of 3 years. As the holidays approach, it deeply saddens me that i will not have my lover with me. His gifts need to be returned, and the trip we planned is now cancelled. You asked me to write out the role I played in the demise of this love, and at first i thought you were crazy!

I could rationalize my anger at him, for he ended up our last nite together in a deeply crushing arguement, kicking me out of his house at 2am, from which i had to then drive 5 hours to get back to my house. so it's been easy to be mad, and not go deeper.

But in my writing, I saw that I had not been honest with him over the years about my feelings. Each week, we'd go to his church which i did not enjoy, but continued going "for love", which I see now was a mistake as I must have held onto resentments, yet never dealt with them. It would had been better to express this, and go with him maybe once a month.

Each weekend we were together, we went to his parents for lunch, which again was overkill for me. As an only child, he obviously got whatever he wanted , and expected me to go with him, as that's just the way it was. Again, I know now I held a resentment against him, as I got tired of this very fast. I should have said i'll go once in a while with him, and filled that time doing other activities I missed doing.

It's amazing now that I find out that I'm really quite upset with myself, for not setting my own boundaries, instead just going along even if it did not feel right for me. I know in love we all must be flexible, but we also must be willing to have someone be upset with us if our beliefs are not the same.

I think ultimately, i did all of these things as I so wanted our relationship to last. I was afraid of being rejected, bottom line.

Now I must deal with this loss during the most festive time of the year. seeing my role in it now, how I did not discuss my true feelings, might make my healing a little easier, and now I will find maybe other people to help over the holidays.

Thank you so much for all of your help, your writing exercises have helped me seee the truth, and forgive myself and him a little more. "

Slow down, and be the love you already are.

Love, peace, David

Sunday, December 13, 2009

"I feel so overwhelmed...." Sadness, Anger, More

My client looks me straight in the eye yesterday, and begins to cry, stating "I feel so overwhelmed, I'm unsure if I'm mad, sad, depressed...or a combination of all three!"

Within the last month, they lost their job of 15 years with no severance pay, lost their home of 5 years, and watched as their partner of 3 years walked out the door . It's taken a few weeks to settle in, and now they feel absolutely lost. The anger they held at their past employer has begun to fade, the frustration at their partner is waning, and the fact that they are living in a small apartment instead of a sprawling new home is becoming more real.

As I looked into her eyes, I could see the loss, and more importantly I could feel the sadness that she had not allow herself to feel yet. As I urged her on, she began to share how with all of her free time, she misses having someone she was in love with to spend it with. She knows the relationship was supposed to end for a variety of reasons, but did not realize that the available time she now has would bring up at first anger towards this person and herself, followed by an intense sadness that she had not let surface. Until today.

"My gosh, how I miss waking up with them every day, and walking together each evening. And weekends, was just time to relax together. I wasn't ready for these emotions to surface." And with that, the tears streamed down her face again.

This is a time of great change for many people, and quite honestly, no one is ever ready for changes that carry this much weight. In her case, it's the loss of love, money, and a career which is supposed to add some sense of security to our lives. Swoooosh! All gone in a short period of time.

Feeling anger, followed by depression, loss, followed by sadness, followed by resolution, is the path many of us walk during periods of great change. Each of these emotions must be felt, and even prodded by another if we get stuck at one level too long. Feeling sadness is the one area that I've seen in my practice that most clients stay away from for too long.

Today, finally she felt the sadness that had been building inside. I sat as she let the tears continue to flow, knowing that in that instant, a great healing was taking place.

Slow down and allow all of the feelings of change to wash through your body today, as you gather up the strength for a new chapter in your life.

Love, peace, Rev. David

Texting During Sex 3: More Comments!

The response to this blog has totally shocked me. I had no idea that this was occuring regularly. Read on.

"yes...........I'm one of those women that did this too. As I was texting when my xboyfriend was pleasing me, he looked up, yelled something, got up and left. I did nothing, did not run after him , nothing. Yes, I was sorry. An hour later I got a text from him saying it was over. We were going to get married in 3 months, and I totally blew it. He was right to leave me. It was the most insensitive move I could have ever made. I am sorry, and have learned a lot since then about life...the hard way. "

"As a retired minister, my goal is to help couple work through their issues. It would have been wise for them both to get into counseling the very next day. It could have saved their relationship. There were probably many more issues that were not being addressed within their love, which is one of the reasons she acted in this way. "

"Men in general have a tendency to blow up first, then talk. It would have been great if he could have done that here. However, even as I say this, as a woman, we can do some pretty cruel things to men, and this is one of the worst things you can do to a mans self confidence, or at least the confidence he would have in the relationship. Trust can be shattered deeply, when women, or men, hurt their partner in bed. "

"Oh my Gosh! This could have been probably eliminated if she would have stopped texting the first time he said something and apologized deeply for the insensitive move she just made!!!! He might have been able to forgive her there, there, right away, if he felt that she was sincere. What was she thinking!!!!!"

Let's all awaken to the reality of love.

Slow down, and be love always, especially when intimacy is involved.

Love, peace, Rev. David

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Texting During Sex 2 : Your Comments....WoW...

"As a psychotherapist with , like you David many years of experience, I must say that the woman who texted during sex either is coming from a sense of entitlement, where her needs in that moment were much more important than his or theirs, or she may have an emotional blockage. You described it as "dissociation", a powerful mechanism designed to keep us from full emotional vulnerability and attachment in love. I hope either way she finds herself with a great therapist or coach, and honestly describes what she was doing during intimacy with this man. and I hope he heals well, that is hell to put someone through. It's looked at as a form of betrayal, which shatters trust in love. "

"ok, no one reading this will be a fan of mine. Honestly, I used to do that kind of crap regularly to a former boyfreind, and I'm not proud of it now. My therapist told me it was because I was afraid of depth, I was self centered, so I would do whatever was of most interest to me, whatever made me comfortable. I would slide away from being in good contact with him during the day, occaisionally grab the cell during sex. I usually got my way in relationships...a pretty lame way to live. I've left guys hanging during events that they really wanted me at.
That was a few years ago, and when one guy finally put me in my place, I went and got help. this is not the first time I bet this chick treated this guy poorly, either. I know that for sure. "

"I swear it is getting worse and worse. Total lack of regard. What's worse is, she probably has him totally controlled by random acts of hurt and manipulation such as this."

"This is funny and sad. Nobody is aware of the ppl around them anymore. Just go out to dinner or coffee, every one is texting wile they are with there loved ones or friends. We are so disconnected from each-other. "

"Hi David. Very interesting posting. It's sad that we are living in a society that it has resulted in to text messaging during something as wonderful as sex. I am glad your client has been able to move on from this experience. I agree with Doris' posting. "

If you see yourself in this situation, where you are not respecting the person you are with, get help. To actually think that someone could be texting while their lover is performing oral sex on them, just get the picture in your mind right now, is so very sad.

Love, peace, Rev. David

Texting during Sex? It's amazing......

Just when I think I have heard it all in over 20 years as a relationship coach, a client shares with me his absolute frustration over the fact that his girlfriend was texting her friends during sex. What? What?

Yes, it is true. As he was performing oral sex on his girlfriend, he heard what seemed to be her texting, but let it pass as he knew that would never happen with her. Another minute goes by and he hears it again, gets up on his knees and in total shock tells her to stop texting.

As he resumes pleasuring her, he hears it again, looks up, and it utter amazement watches her text again! In disgust, he leaves the bed and sits in total disbelief and frustration over what had just occurred.

After a while he walks in and asks her what she was thinking , and receives a feeble apology, which sends him over the roof.

Now he's in front of me, wondering what the heck has happened to a relationship he felt was deeply rooted in love. Yet, could someone do this who was in love with him as well?

There are no valid reasons for someone in a deep love relationship to text during sex, ever, yet there are some plausible causes such as :

1. she did not like having sex with him

2. she was not in the mood for sex

3. She did not enjoy oral sex

4. she was holding resentments against him, consciously or subconsciously, and these resentments came out in a totally inappropriate way.

Regardless of which of these reasons may have been the answer, the bottom line is it was her responsibility to talk to the man she was in love with, and never dissociate during sex through another activity. Mental or physical.

The pain on his face was so real as he sat in front of me, trying to decide what to do with this hurt.

Over the next month we worked together weekly, and then one day we discussed the role he played in this freakish experience. He admitted that this was not the first time that he had run from discussing hurtful events that had occurred with his girlfriend. After the texting incident, he accepted her less than enthusiastic apology, and instead of exploring with her how it had really made him feel, unimportant, used, hurt, embarrassed, he tried to blow it off and just resume their relationship.

Yet, with it left unresolved, he held a resentment against her. Just like the several other times she had hurt him deeply, he had never openly discussed the pain, and had never held her accountable to getting the counseling that she had admitted she needed.

So, now he could see his role in the on going drama and chaos. Within a short period of time, he decided to end the relationship, and move on , knowing that in his next one he had to be more open with unresolved feelings.

It's a bold and insensitive move to text during sex, quite obviously, and if you find yourself in a situation like this, please don't sweep it under the carpet. Get the help you need to uncover the reasons, and potentially save your relationship. The pain you cause your partner, and yourself, may be deeper than you know.

Slow down, and treat intimate times with the respect and love they deserve.

Love, peace, Rev. David

Friday, December 11, 2009

Relationships, Love and Religion: Time to talk

As the couple sat before me, I could see their smiles turn inward as we began to discuss their relationship issues concerning religion. Yes, it was time to talk about the pink elephant sitting in the living room that no one wanted to notice.

Candace was a liberal Buddhist, as she would say, and Mark was a conservative Christian. They were deeply in love they said, had been dating for 8 months, and found their way into my office when their discussion about marriage and children always ended with an argument over religion. Candace believed in many different paths to create a connection with the inner divine, while Mark saw one path to salvation, as it is stated in the bible that he referred to often.

After 45 minutes of a somewhat heated discussion, they realized that it would take more than love to make their relationship work. When it comes to topics that can derail any relationship, religion, politics and money usually lead the list. If a couple decides to discuss their differences head on, and not hide from them for months at a time as these two had, the resentments about their different opinions will be lessened.

Unfortunately in this case, they both had major resentments against each other, and one of the reasons Candace felt so slighted was that Mark said during our session, that he would never raise their children in any other way then the Christian path. This strong statement had never been shared with her before. She said if she would have known this months ago, she may have seen that the challenge for her beliefs was too great to bear, and would have moved on.

In this situation, the greatest problem couples face is their desire to not rock the boat, to keep a distance from the topics that cause an initial separation. As time goes by, the problem becomes bigger because of the resentments behind the problem on each side.

After working with this couple for 4 weeks, Mark decided to end the relationship, as he saw more clearly over time that his beliefs could not be compromised. We worked as a team to make sure that everyone agreed that no one was right here, that no one was wrong, and that their opposite beliefs were to be respected.

They both learned a very hard and painful lesson about the early stages of love, and how we sabotage the chances of it flourishing when we do not commit to being honest about our differences from the beginning.

Mark also came to realize the hard way that he truly needed to be looking for a woman who shared his own religious beliefs only, and that dating anyone from outside of these beliefs would lead to heartache and frustration.

Slow down in any stage of a relationship to ensure that the love you have is real, and that you can openly and honestly discuss the differences of opinion that you may have in your current relationship regarding religion, marriage, love and children. .

Love alone will never be enough to keep you in a healthy relationship together.

Love, peace, Rev. David

Thursday, December 10, 2009

It's Ok to Feel Defeated..Now what do we do?


The above statement made by the best selling author Paulo Coellho during an interview I did with him, brought a sense of comfort to me. Isn't it true that we so often want to quit, give up over one, two or three defeats, when instead we should just realize that these setbacks are simply a fact of life, not its totality.

We seem so willing to immerse ourselves in defeat instead of just acknowledging it and letting it go.

Many of us define our lives by our defeats vs. our aspirations. "I guess I'm not supposed to be in a loving, committed relationship or I wouldn't have gone through three divorces. If I was supposed to be an actress, it would have happened by now, after all, I'm already 39 years old. I was born an addict and I guess I'll always be one. This is the 10th smoking cessation class I've attended and I'm still smoking."

These comments, and you can probably add your own here, are made by people who have not accepted defeat and moved on, but rather by people who have decided to define themselves and their lives as defeated.

Paulo's books, including one of my all time favorites The Alchemist: A Fable About Following Your Dream, have sold over 27 million copies, a number that truly is unfathomable. Yet, here is a man that has faced defeat many times but never defined himself as defeated. As he reiterated the story, when The Alchemist was released in his home country of Brazil, the sales were so slow that at the end of one year his publisher dropped the title. I wonder how many of us at this time would have concluded that we were not the talented writer we had hoped we were and taken this "defeat" as a sign to find some other form of work to do. Instead, Paulo continued his search, not an easy task, for a new publisher. After knocking on many doors, a new one took the chance on his "defeated book" and millions of copies later his story unfolds to become one of immense success.

It is okay to be defeated. I also believe it's what we do after the defeat that really defines us. I ask you to learn from your defeats, your failures, and move on. Drop your urge to label yourself with such limitation. Instead, surge ahead to the newly formed wonder that you truly are.
If you believe this article can help someone you know, please pass it on.Search. Grow. Love.

Love, peace, Rev. David

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Chinese Good Luck Totem: Rules to Live By

After reading the following "rules to live by," I knew I had to share these words with as many people as possible. Enjoy the wisdom here, and then share this with your family and friends.

ONE: Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

TWO: Marry the man or woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

THREE: Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have, or sleep all you want.

FOUR: When you say, “I love you,” mean it.

FIVE: When you say, “I'm sorry,” look the person in the eye.

SIX: Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

SEVEN: Believe in love at first sight.

EIGHT: Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.

NINE: Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

TEN: In disagreements, fight fairly. No name-calling.

ELEVEN: Don't judge people by their relatives.

TWELVE: Talk slowly but think quickly.

THIRTEEN: When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, “Why do you want to know?”

FOURTEEN: Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

FIFTEEN: Say “bless you” when you hear someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN: When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

SEVENTEEN: Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; Responsibility for all your actions.

EIGHTEEN: Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

NINETEEN: When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

TWENTY: Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

TWENTY-ONE: Spend some time alone.

If you believe this article can help someone you know, please pass it on.Search. Grow. Love.

Slow down, be love today.

Love, peace , Rev. David Essel

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Your Personality Type? This may surprise you....

I’m sure over the years you’ve heard of the various systems that have been created to measure one’s personality type. From the simple Type A, B or C personality to the more complex Meyers-Brigg evaluations, we’ve been trying to figure out the how’s and why’s of our personalities since, well probably, the beginning of time.

Back in the day, our caveman ancestor “OGG-A” could not imagine why his brother “OGG-B” wasn’t as motivated to get up early the first day of dinosaur hunting season. Now of course we all realize that “OGG-B” was simply following his natural inclination to be a little more laid back, hence his “B” like personality.

It dawned on me recently that we need to introduce a new personality scale based on the incredible, and oh yes edible, egg. You know, instead of letting all of those professor types lead us into believing that they actually have figured our who we all are, I wanted to hit it from a slightly different, or maybe a very different angle. =)

So today I unveil the “Perceived Essel Egg Personality Profile,” soon to be recognized as the world renowned “PEEPP” scale. (If you already connected the dots and saw the correlation between eggs, baby chickens and the “peep” noise they make, you’re way too evolved to finish this article. Carry on with a more meaningful task, perhaps.)

See if you can locate your personality type in the “PEEPP” Scale:

Hard Boiled — You guessed it, a real stubborn and mostly pessimistic personality who rarely want to hear anyone else’s opinion. Their gruff exterior is equally matched with a tough and untouchable heart.

Scrambled — These people really have it tough. Nothing ever seems to go right, usually rushed and frantic in their day to day dealings with the world. Often view themselves as a “victim” due to harshness of the hard boiled’s attitude.

Over-easy — Nothing ever seems to bother this group as they move slowly and confidently through each day. Great at accepting both compliments and criticisms alike, truly the envy of all other personalities. (and hated by the hard boiled gang.)

Poached — Stubborn, yet with a soft spot for the scrambled gang. Tough exterior is a fa├žade to a sweet and warm heart.

Spicy Omelet — Never a dull moment with this group, they love living life to the max! While sometimes initially confused with the scrambled gang, people quickly see how the spicy omelet in a matter of minutes can get their act together. If provoked, quick to anger, so beware.
So, which egg-type personality are you? How about your best friend or lover? Feel free to email me at if you’re interested in having me help you to deal with another egg-type that’s got you heated underneath your shell.

Peace, Love,
Rev. David Essel, M.S.www.davidessel.comAuthor, Radio & Television Host, Lifestyle Coach

Monday, December 7, 2009

Tiger Woods: Part 2: Your Comments

Let's look for a voice of reason to go along with all of the negative sensationalism that is currently surrounding Tiger Woods. Here are a few comments relating to my first blog on Tiger.

"I admire Tiger charities, all the magnificent work he has done for children, and the centers are so educational. He is someone with a big heart and HUMAN after all...I hope everything turns out OK in his personal life...You are right sooner or later we all make mistakes and our duties are to improve ourselves and become better people, perhaps the only way we can achieve the improvement is with love and support from others...REJECTION and negativity makes things worse..."

"The media is based on sensationalism, and in this case continuing to bring more information into the public eye will hurt everyone, his wife, families and children even more. Like you said, those around the office gossiping about people like Tiger should look into their own imperfections, and heal themselves first. "

"We are looking into the mirror as we exhaust Tigers errors. Yes, gossip is all about trying to make ourselves feel better, more superior than who we are talking about. you nailed that point."

"You've written before about sex addiction, and I even heard you do a radio show on this topic. You said then that many people caught in affairs are actually battling a sexual addiction, like alcoholism, the drinker cannot stop at one. The analogy here is interesting David. Maybe you could help him heal."

"The answer is to turn off all media reporting on this topic, and to walk away from anyone who wants to discuss it. As you say, Period. "

As I said earlier, it is better that we focus on ourselves, loving each other more, and taking care of our own faults and weaknesses instead of gossiping about others. Forgive yourself for all the errors you've made in life first.

Love, peace, Rev. David

Tiger Woods: What to do now? We are like him

So, if you were Tiger Woods, what would you do right now? Did you ever stop to think that you, me , everyone, is identical to him in our lives right now?

There was a famous saying once that went something like..."people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones." Hmmmmmm, or something like that.

Yet, if you're like me, the first thing I want to do when a celebrity goes down for being human, is to say things to feel superior. To throw stones. I do my very best not to do this, yes I do. And just because I'm a minister, trust me, I'm the last person in the world who should be commenting about someone else's errors.

So, how are you right now like Tiger?

What have you done in the past, that you would not want the world to know?

One of the major differences between you and Tiger, is that your life is not on camera 24/7. But if it was, what did you do yesterday, today, last month or 20 years ago that you would NEVER want your friends or co-workers to know about?

Over the past 20 years, I have been blessed to work with many couples that have gone through affairs, some have kept their marriages together, others have not. But not one of them were broad casted on the news. For the most part, they were able to keep their errors within their small community. Can you imagine if your error, was seen on the news?

This writing is all about perspective, love, support of others, and yes, love. You may not agree with what happened, but none of us know the whole story, and it is truly none of our business.

If you want to do something positive right now, pray for Tiger and his family to find the wise council needed to get everyone through this challenging time. Period.

Slow down, be a positive force in this world. Stop the gossip and negativity, and see how we are all more like Tiger, imperfect beings, than separate from him.

Love, peace, Rev. David

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Everyone is Our Teacher in Love, Yes, Everyone

At the end of a seminar I taught on leadership at a major university, one of the participants came up to question me on the statement that "everyone we meet is a teacher for us in life." It's an important concept that not only leaders need to master, but that all of us need to be more conscious about.

"My last boyfriend did not teach me a thing, I can't agree with that statement, unless you mean that he maybe taught me how to argue more. "

"What was your role in the arguments" I asked.

"I had no role, he would just argue to argue. For over a year, the same old thing", she replied.

At the end of our 20 minute conversation, she saw that he was trying to teach her a very valid lesson: there is a time to leave a relationship that is not working, or at least go and get the help we need if one is in turmoil.

Everyone , especially in romantic relationships that do not work, is trying to help us get to the next level of love. They are trying to get us to pick up "our game", to play at a higher level of love. There is a divine reason for all relationships, and it is up to us to figure out the reason so that we can become more awakened, and less resentful.

If I look at all of my love relationships that did not work, I can see the absolute beauty that each of these magnificent beings brought into my life. Some of the lessons I honestly did not want to learn, because it meant that I had to change. Some were here to help me strengthen my communication skills, while others pushed my buttons about religion, so that I could work on showing a deeper level of compassion for those who were on a different path than my own.

Others were in my life to help me to become more flexible, the teaching was to help me release the "my way was the best way" mentality. And others were definitely brought into my life to help me practice the art of listening without giving my advice, unless I was asked for it. A difficult lesson for me indeed! And last, there were those that were asking me to prove that I desired the deepest of love, when boundaries were crossed and I had to walk away.

The homeless are another great set of teachers that I have written about here before. In other words, our real teachers in life may be those who we feel most uncomfortable with. Isn't that interesting?

Former lovers, children, former bosses, the homeless....all great teachers in life about love.

Slow down and send a mental note of gratitude for all of your past, and current teachers.

Love, peace, Rev. David

Letting Go: A Key to Success in life

Many of us have fallen victim to the belief that to create the life we really want to live, we have to have more, get more, and be more than we have, got or are today. In reality, the first step to creating what we want in life is to let go of things that are not serving us the way we desire to be served.

This could mean that we have to let go of impatience, control, and resentments against others and ourselves in order to find the inner peace we so desire.

It might mean we have to let go of the thought that "when these things change, I'll really be happy", in order to focus on your happiness today. Actually you can create happiness today with nothing changing. Yes, very possible indeed.

Or maybe it's time to let go of an addiction to alcohol, food, spending or drugs in order to bring in the clarity needed to truly love yourself.

Or letting go of a known religious or spiritual path so that your mind can be opened to a deeper connection with the Divine.

It could mean letting go of a job that you cannot stand in order to find one that you become thrilled about! Or letting go of a relationship that may not be right for you or your partner, so that you have the space open to bring into your lives individuals more compatible with where you currently are in life.

Before we create, there has to be space in your life open and available for this "new thing" to fit into.

Slow down and look at areas of your life that are not serving you, and decide today to address them or let them go. Your intuition, your higher self, is the best council to ask for advice that will be the right answer for you.

Ask trusted friends for their advice, then remember that You alone must make the end decision. Letting go is the key to creating a more successful life.

Love, peace, Rev. David

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Emotional Recovery: It takes a Professional, or Two

A client walked in several months ago, sat down and proudly proclaimed she would not need to go through with our planned work together as she had diagnosed her own issues, and was well on her way to self healing. She had read enough books, received more information off of the inter net, and now was going to heal her emotional problems from her past, by herself.

This was not, unfortunately, this first time I had seen this very same experience in my office occur. As she left, I wished her the very best, and said a prayer that if she did not follow through with the work we had planned, that she would find another professional to work with.

Issues of abandonment from our childhood, emotional or physical abuse from any age, or low self worth followed by continued self sabotaging behaviors will rarely, if ever, be healed by ourselves.

The reason this client left, or others choose to bypass a professionals assistance is because they really do not want to do the deep work necessary to get past their past experiences. Why? Because, there often is alot of work to be done. Work that while not necessarily fun in the moment, brings huge relief down the road.

I know myself, for years I tried to heal my own issues of abandonment by myself, and thought I had until they would raise their head again somehow in a business or personal relationship. I finally relented, and got the most amazing help from both a relationship coach and a therapist.

I pulled the same "I can heal/fix myself" attitude when I finally faced my alcoholism. Guess what? Yes, you're right, it never worked until I surrendered to a team of professionals.

If you're reading this and have experienced emotional issues in relationships, intimate ones or maybe with your core family members, get out of denial, get out of the delusion that you can fix yourself. You simply cannot.

Slow down, and ask a professional for help today for long lasting emotional recovery. . And do not expect a correct diagnosis, or even the perfect plan of action for up to 4- 8 sessions of working together. The professional coach, counselor or therapist will need at least that much time for a correct diagnosis.

(ps....After months of trying to heal herself, with no results, I'm excited to say this former client has finally surrendered, and is working one on one with two fantastic professionals. As I see her changes weekly, I can say that what held her back before, will finally be released for good.)

Love, peace, Rev. David

Thursday, December 3, 2009

"Love never leaves us....."

As my client asked for the way out of her pain, over the divorce papers she had just signed, I said to her "Sara, you and I both know that the answer you are seeking is this, love never leaves us. "

She looked at me with tears streaming down her face, smiled and simply said, "I know that is the truth."

Now, in the middle of pain, I would never expect anyone to really get the truth about love and loss, but Sara was ready to hear it, and knew it to already be true.

If a loved one passes or lover leaves us, love is always right next to us, with a huge fuzzy smile on it's face, letting us know that "IT", the reason for our existence, is here to stay. Love will surely manifest again in our lives as soon as we are ready to open our hearts once again.

And this is great news! Why? Because, in our pain, in the processing we all must go through, so many people get stuck in the belief that love has gone away for good. That this one person, maybe someone they considered there soul mate, can never be replaced. Or a parent they loved deeply, will not be back in this lifetime.

Yet, time after time the opposite has happened. The minute we re-open our hearts, love comes waltzing back in. Sometimes in the form of a lover, a pet, or a brand new friend that just lifts our spirits.

Slow down and let love back in right now. Open your closed heart and see life, see love, look for love right now. It's been looking for you as well.

Love, peace, REv. David

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Coffee, Joe, Java, the Benefits;Part 2

It may come as a surprise to many that almost 110 million Americans drink coffee everyday, and as noted in a previous column, it’s just not for breakfast anymore.

A coffee researcher (yes there is such a field of study!) from Vanderbilt University, Dr. Tomas DePaulis, says that not only do regular coffee drinkers have a decreased chance of developing the debilitating condition of Parkinson’s disease, but that the latest drugs to treat this condition utilize a derivative of caffeine.

We all know that caffeine boosts energy, but did you also realize that for some people it can aid in decreasing a headache? That’s why the makers of products like Excedrin have it listed as one of its major ingredients.

Along with caffeine coffee also contains powerful antioxidants, which may be one of the reasons it can be beneficial in helping the body in a variety of ways. Recent studies reported in The Journal of the National Cancer Institute shared some downright amazing information: that coffee may significantly lower the risk of colon and liver cancers.

With all of this great news about the benefits of coffee consumption though, we must also look at the downside of the popular drink. Specialty coffees, like a double mocha latte, can have as much or more sugar, calories and fat than a fast food meal! And people who smoke and drink coffee may be at a much greater risk for heart disease. Studies linking high blood pressure and coffee are not as conclusive, but if you suffer from this condition it would be wise to cut down on your coffee consumption.

As a coffee lover myself, I made the switch a number of years ago to drinking my morning brew as a mixture of 1/2 regular and 1/2 decaffeinated, hedging my bets that moderation may just be the key to better health in everything we do..

Wishing You Love and Peace,
David Essel, M.S.www.davidessel.comAuthor, Radio & Television Host,Minister

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

The Benefits of Coffee, Joe, Java

Whether you call it Java, Jo or Brew, more Americans are visiting coffee shops, bistros and specialty restaurants now for their daily energy booster than researchers can ever remember.

The noon martini has been swiftly replaced by a latte or espresso, making lunch meetings or afternoon social gatherings a healthier experience. Business “mastermind” groups, popularized in the 50’s & 60’s, by admirers of Napoleon Hill, author of Think & Grow Rich, have come back in vogue as entrepreneurs and managers meet in the early mornings over specialty coffees to keep their creative juices flowing.

And now, fascinating news from the world of medicine is supporting the trend of coffee consumption in our country.
Harvard researchers recently reported that those who drink 6 cups or more each day decreased the risk of diabetes in men and women, by an incredible 54% & 30% respectively over coffee avoiders.
What’s even more powerful about this particular study is the fact that this trial involved data on over 120,000 people for 18 years. Direct medical costs for the treatment of diabetes in the United States exceeded $130 billion in the year 2003, making this finding a possible important key to reducing this deadly disease.

Of course, for caffeine sensitive individuals, a more moderate level of coffee consumption may be recommended to decrease the possible side effects of nervousness or insomnia. Either way, coffee consumption is here to stay.

Wishing You Love and Peace,
David Essel, M.S.www.davidessel.comAuthor, Radio & Television Host, Lifestyle Coach