Saturday, November 29, 2008

Top Radio Interviews: Part 1 : Wayne Dyer

As many of you know, for 10 years I hosted the nationally syndicated radio talk show "David Essel Alive!" heard in over 220 cities across the USA. During that time, I had the opportunity to interview some of the most amazing people on our planet today, including best selling authors like Wayne Dyer.

Without a doubt , this was one of the most incredible periods of my existence. For six hours each week, I was immersed in the minds of the top actors, athletes, doctors, monks, priests, rabbis, nuns, philosophers, musicians and more.

From time to time in this blog, I will share with you a nugget or two of the wisdom handed down to me, from these varied guests, that just might make a difference in your life as they have mine.

Today, we'll begin with Wayne Dyer. Wayne was the consummate guest....always energetic, courteous and filled with patience and compassion. so the quote that stands out from one of the several interviews that I did with him will not surprise you.

When i asked him once what was a key to long lasting love relationships his answer was straight to the point:

"David, we always have the choice to be right in a relationship, or to be kind."

Simple isn't it? Yet how often do we put this wisdom to use when we are struggling with a loved one? It's usually the ego's desire to be right at all costs. If we're right, than our partner must see this, so we dig in for the long haul.

Today, let's see how we can apply the other thought in our lives. See where you can be kind instead of right, and watch your relationships rise to the next level.

Slow Down.

Love, Peace... David Essel

Monday, November 24, 2008

The Search For Our Soul mate.... or Soul mates?

As my client sat in front of me, tears of frustration running down her face as she searched in vain for her soul mate, I remember how I felt the same anguish that she was experiencing right now in front of me a number of years ago.

"I'm so tired of looking for him...of dating people who start off great but end up being so far from my soul mate that I don't have any idea of what to do next..Can you point me in the direction to finally find him?"

"How will your life be different once you connect with your soul mate?" I ask.

" Oh, the word that comes to me is blissful. I know that once we're together, my life and his will be amazing. I deserve that, and he does too. I know that the fighting that I see and have experienced, the arguing, the doubt will be gone. When you connect with your true soul mate, you don't have to go through the craziness anymore. "

She went on to mention several very popular books she had read that created the image she so wanted to experience.

For many of us, this image of the day when all will be perfect reminds me of the fairy tale books we read when we were younger. The prince saves the day. The beautiful maiden takes our cares away.

But, how realistic I wonder is this fantasy that swirls in our minds?

I wonder if your last relationship that ended abruptly could have been with a soul who had been perfectly presented for us to learn an amazing life lesson or two.

In other words, what if everyone you had ever dated was a soul mate?

What if the ones that pushed you the hardest, that drove you crazy with their control issues, or laziness, or lies...were all there to help you to grow, to learn how to set healthy boundaries so that you'd be ready for the next level of love?

What if there was really no hierarchy of lovers, just simply all perfect beings that assisted you in learning to love yourself more, so as you matured you could learn to love and accept others more deeply?

Of course if that was true, then we'd see that we are responsible for our own levels of growth, happiness and love. We'd see that we can't be pinning our hopes on some man or women to save us, and we'd begin to appreciate everyone who we have ever loved as the beautiful being that they are.

We'd also have to let go of the resentments we hold against past lovers...which is something the ego may battle you over. =) And admit they were soul mates too. Hmmmmm, could you possibly ever do that?

I believe in everything written here today that has to do with being responsible in love.

I believe in soul mates, not one soul mate. And, I am blessed by every woman I've ever dated, for the absolute awareness and love each of them has brought into my life.

Yes, there were, and still are, my soul mates.

Slow down. Let go of the fantasy of love, and jump into the reality of the beauty of your life, and all of those who have been a part of your learning curve in love.

Love, Peace, David Essel

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Investing in Yourself as a Path to Abundance

Whenever a client I'm working with creates the desire to become more abundant, the very first step to look at is how they are currently investing in themselves.

Abundance in this sense is often tied into financial abundance, but it honestly can relate to any type of abundance at all. One might desire a greater abundance of love...time...happiness, as well as or separate from money.

So, how are you currently investing in yourself in order to create greater financial abundance? Are you creating a budget recall plan to see where your money is being spent each week? Are you working with a financial planner, or life coach? Are you taking any personal growth courses? (Remember, these courses do not have to be directly related to enhancing your finances to get you thinking and acting in a more abundant way, which will ultimately enhance your overall abundance. ) Are you currently reading any books, listening to cd's, or watching dvd's on personal growth?

Each of these activities , if you are doing them on a regular basis, would prove that you are investing in yourself and would absolutely lead you to greater abundance. We need to be investing in ourselves, in our own growth on a weekly, if not daily basis, in order to see a shift in our outer world.

Abundance in regards to finances takes the same energy exchange, intention and action steps that abundance in love demands. If you desire more love, you must put the time and effort into expanding your capability to give more love.

Simple isn't it? =)

Slow down.

Whatever abundance you desire, invest in yourself today in order to bring it into your life. Put yourself into situations that create the feeling of abundance, like looking at magazines that have photo's of beautiful vacation villas overlooking an expansive beach... if that is your idea of abundant living.

If you desire abundance, take the time to invest in your own growth, and watch it become your reality.

Love, Peace, David Essel.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Re. 'Self Betrayal"

I guess this writing touched many people in a variety of ways. I'd like to grab some of the questions asked, comments made, and see if we cannot add more clarity to this incredibly important subject.

"If I have similar traits to your former partner, what to do now? I'm amazed to see myself acting in many similar ways...escaping being truthful to my lover...disappearing if we get into stressful disagreements and more."

Simply remember that while it is really hard to live honestly all the time in a relationship, as we fear our partners disapproval or rejection, that it is the only way to be be yourself . Anything short, we are actually betraying ourselves, not just them. Get into counselling with a therapist, coach, minister...for at the very least several months. Do the work to change.

" You seem to be labeling the problems in your relationship to your partner. I thought you were supposed to be honest with yourself and accept your role here."

Please go back and read the blog again. I think you'll see that in the beginning even I believed that the dysfunction in our relationship was her fault..but as I explored the reality deeper, I saw that I was as much to blame, as I continued to return to a relationship that was not healthy for me. Once I saw this, that I was betraying myself by not living up to my own words, I was able to take the blame off of her, and share in it equally.

Slow Down.

Look honestly into all of your relationships that are challenging, and see your role
in them all.

Love, Peace, David Essel.

Please see how you can become a Certified Life Coach via our teleconference series at


....... The world of success is , always has been, always will be, based on your action.

You cannot think your way to success. You cannot think your way to a deeper spiritual path.

You cannot think your way to deeper love.

A client of mine recently decided that she wanted a deeper connection with God and herself. And, she found it. How? By getting up at 4am to meditate every day. The changes in her life are SO profound, because she acted on her desires.

Another client tripled her income in 90 days following a course of action we created through my slow down coaching philosophy. How? She acted on the steps created. Every day, for 2 hours each nite after she had put in a full day at work. . For 90 straight days.

Whatever you want to accomplish has to be followed by daily action steps. If anyone tells you differently, I would question their motives.

Act, Now, to create the life you desire. And tomorrow too.

Slow Down. Go after what you truly want in this lifetime today.

Peace, Love, David Essel.

ps..starting in early December, we will be offering our Life Coach Level 1 Certification, The Foundations for Life Mastery, via teleconference phone calls that you can be a part of from anywhere in the world!! We look forward to having you join us. Act. Now.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Self Forgiveness..Self Betrayal....How to Heal

One major anchor that holds people back in life is the inability to forgive themselves for events from their past. This inability to forgive oneself, leads to self betrayal, which makes it very difficult to heal from any past event.

This work is a little tricky though, because most of us can't even see how we get into some of the messes we create, even years after they supposedly are past.

Let me give you an example of an event that occurs in the lives of many of my clients that leads to the understanding of how self betrayal may even look like a betrayal that someone else has done to us.

I'll even use myself as the example.

A number of years ago I fell head over heels for a young woman shortly after meeting her. One of the areas in life we discussed immediately was the need to be fully honest, fully present with each other. I stated quite boldly that without this form of honesty, I would not be able to stay with her, or anyone for that matter. I was past anything short of honesty in a relationship.

She wholeheartedly agreed, and off we went.

Within a month, things started to go sour. When we met, she said she was divorced, to find out later she was still married. Betrayal.

When she shared that several members of her family had serious untreated emotional issues, like Bi-polar disorder , I asked if she was being treated as well. I was concerned as her behavior over the first several months would be extremely erratic at times. Her answer was she had no such disorders. Which was a lie. Betrayal.

She was addicted to smoking, which she covered up by disappearing for hours in the evening, unable to be reached. Which meant on these nites I could not see her. But by the next morning she had showered, cleansed her breath, and had excuses as to where she had been. All lies. Betrayal.

She had an addiction to prescription medications, which when she did have any, albeit infrequently, she again would disappear or act irrationally, and then confess to having taken some after promising she would not. Betrayal.

But wait!!

What seems to be so cut and dry here ladies and gentleman is really not!!

So far, by what we've seen, the reason the relationship crashed, and the hard feelings I had for a while after that could easily, at first glance be directed at this young woman. It would seem, that her continual lies, and the betrayal of truth would be the reason for my angst...but that is only part of the story.

If we were to look deeper, the reason I could not fully release the frustration of this relationship for months afterwards was because : I Betrayed Myself.

If you remember in the beginning of this writing, I had boldly stated that if someone could not be fully honest, I would have to leave.

Every time she betrayed me, or my trust, with another lie and I still stayed...I was betraying myself. You see, if I had honored my word, after the first betrayal, I would have ended the relationship. Or the second.

But I stayed. And because I continued to stay, my own sense of self, of self respect, continued to be eroded. And as the erosion deepened, it made it harder to let go of the relationship emotionally until I forgave myself, for betraying myself.

As I continued to walk through my own healthy boundaries, and go back to her time after time, knowing what I did, I damaged my own integrity.

The only way to fully heal this wound, is to forgive ourselves for the way we have betrayed our own selves!!

Full self forgiveness then will lead to the ability to fully forgive the other person as well.

But as long as we continue to point the finger, as long as we hold the grudge against someone else... the longer we delay looking at how we betray ourselves by not living up to our own standards, or by not paying attention to the intuitive red flags that pop up in business or love, the longer it will be to heal.

Slow down. Forgive yourself for past relationship failures, let go of the self betrayal, and watch yourself heal.

Love, Peace, David Essel

Monday, November 3, 2008

Saturday, November 1, 2008

The Limitations of Positive Thinking

The Power of Positive Thinking was made incredibly famous by the book of the same name, written by Norman Vincent Peale. And , with all of the press about the power of this concept, there are huge limitations to it's application in life.

Mainly, that people who desire a change in their lives often stop after trying to change their mindset ..... in other words, they believe that by thinking positive thoughts their world will change.

It won't.

I hate to disappoint those of us who want to believe that all we need to do is think positively, but as I've written before, positive thinking is just one of the many key steps to take if you want to live a more successful and joyful life.

Let me share briefly what I teach in my Life Mastery and Life Coach Certification workshops that will help you immensely right now:

1. Create positive intentions, statements to repeat every morning and evening.

2. Write a list of all of the things that you have gratitude for right now in your life.

3. Pick one goal to go after, and not more than one.

4. Create a specific daily action list, by a timeline, that is measurable . The key is daily steps.

5. Ask for assistance from a minister, friend, coach, or therapist to hold you accountable to your goals.

6. Rock on with your new life.

Slow Down. Get real with the keys to changing your life and remember if it seems too easy... to good to be true....if someone says "all you have to do is this one simple step, just think positively...." run for the hills....=). And then do what truly needs to be done to change your life forever.

Love, Peace, David Essel