Monday, June 16, 2008

Men in Amazing, Intimate Relationships

On a recent Fox tv segment I was asked to share what I thought were the keys that men could follow in order to create powerful, intimate relationships.

Over the past 16 years, I have had the chance to work with both men and their partners on this very topic. In addition to working with hundreds of clients who desired deep intimacy, I also reflected on the changes I have made over the years that have had an impact on the type of relationships I have been in.

Every man who has created deep, powerful, intimate relationships has done so by:

1). Becoming more involved in decision making at home. This may seem mundane, even trivial, but every woman I've worked with has complained that their partners were not involved enough in items like the choice of foods they ate as a family, as well as actually being a part of the planning for weekend trips or annual vacations. When men showed a greater interest in areas of the relationship like these two, women felt more secure, cared for and yes even loved.

2). Healing their relationships with their mother and/or father. Yes, the core relationships with our parents is a key indicator of healthy, deep intimate relationships with the women in men's lives. If men have feelings of resentment, anger or even ongoing jealousy towards their mother or father, their level of intimacy with women may be deeply affected. Forgiveness, towards themselves for holding these resentments, as well as towards their parents, whether they are alive or not, opens their hearts to a deeper capacity to love. And as most of us know, this often is assisted greatly through the help of a therapist, minister or coach.

3). Listen more, talk less. The ability to listen with empathy to their girlfriend or wives fears, dreams, insecurities or concerns without having to offer an answer to anything said, unless their partner specifically asks for an answer, ranks very high on the lists of most women wanting a deeper relationship with their male partner.

4). Begin the process of releasing addictions. Addictions to men totally away from intimacy. Depth, true depth of love, honesty, empathy and more cannot be accomplished while active in addiction of any kind. The beginning of the surrender of any addiction however can be a huge portal to deeper love.

While there are many more avenues to deeper intimacy for men, this is a beautiful place to start.

Slow Down.

Love, Peace, David

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