Sunday, November 16, 2008

Re. 'Self Betrayal"

I guess this writing touched many people in a variety of ways. I'd like to grab some of the questions asked, comments made, and see if we cannot add more clarity to this incredibly important subject.

"If I have similar traits to your former partner, what to do now? I'm amazed to see myself acting in many similar ways...escaping being truthful to my lover...disappearing if we get into stressful disagreements and more."

Simply remember that while it is really hard to live honestly all the time in a relationship, as we fear our partners disapproval or rejection, that it is the only way to be be yourself . Anything short, we are actually betraying ourselves, not just them. Get into counselling with a therapist, coach, minister...for at the very least several months. Do the work to change.

" You seem to be labeling the problems in your relationship to your partner. I thought you were supposed to be honest with yourself and accept your role here."

Please go back and read the blog again. I think you'll see that in the beginning even I believed that the dysfunction in our relationship was her fault..but as I explored the reality deeper, I saw that I was as much to blame, as I continued to return to a relationship that was not healthy for me. Once I saw this, that I was betraying myself by not living up to my own words, I was able to take the blame off of her, and share in it equally.

Slow Down.

Look honestly into all of your relationships that are challenging, and see your role
in them all.

Love, Peace, David Essel.

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