Friday, February 15, 2008

Feeling Safe in Love

A therapist called in to my program once to share his opinions on the topic of feeling safe. He explained that some people, either consciously or subconsciously, will “lure” their partner into a false sense of safety in order to try to gain the upper hand in a relationship. They’ll encourage their partner to bare their soul to them, and will always be willing to listen intently to their lover’s dreams and insecurities. While all this sounds fine at first, what the vulnerable ones don’t realize is that their partners have actually shared very little, if any, of their own fears, insecurities, or vulnerabilities. This makes the listeners feel in control, and down the road these people may look for ways to use the private information shared with them by their lovers as a weapon. What a sad way to be in a relationship.

However, when two people are striving for real love, none of these games occur. In a caring relationship, neither partner would purposely bring up shared secrets during a disagreement in order to control or hurt the other, because they would realize that the damage this can cause may be irreversible. Healthy relationships are those in which both partners talk honestly about their past experiences in love, current financial situations, future hopes and dreams, and even spiritual experiences without the fear that these expressions could ever be used against them.

(Excerpt from “Slow Down: The Fastest Way to Get Everything You Want”)

Love, Peace, David

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