Sunday, February 10, 2008

Internet Dating and Emotional Disorders

A very good friend of mine and practicing psychologist in NYC asked me recently if anyone in my coaching client base had come to me in the last few years complaining of their frustration with people being honest in the world of Internet dating. As the universe works…=) was amazing because just the week before I had started working with someone who had been devastated by a relationship that began through one of the very popular Internet dating sites.

Through our sessions together, it was obvious that she had met someone with an untreated emotional disorder…filled with lies, manipulation, hidden addictions…While I’m not a psychologist and do not portray myself as one, over the past 16 years in my line of work I have seen the absolute chaos someone who has an untreated disorder such as depression, borderline personality disorder, bi polar disorder, or any of the addictions from substance abuse to compulsive spending or even eating can cause in their partners lives.

“It’s an easy place to hide, the world of Internet dating, any of the emotional disorders that we’re talking about David, and I have seen in my practice some very happy and healthy people get dragged through hell and back when they date someone with one of these conditions….and often times the person with the condition is not being treated for it., and /or is in complete denial and won’t get treatment, or at least the very serious treatment they need to begin to heal themselves. On the same note, I’ve encouraged many of my female clients, which is about 90% of my client base…who have any of these disorders to remove themselves from the world of dating, and definitely Internet dating, until they have their condition under control. But denial is so strong amongst this population, that it’s hard to get them to see the absolute destruction their behavior is causing others. “

I myself had experienced firsthand the immense pain and incredible chaos when I went through this very experience…dating someone with a severe and untreated form of several emotional disorders. To the outside world, and people who may come in contact with this type of person irregularly, they seem oftentimes fine..even normal. Yet, to the people who become part of their daily, intimate life…it’s a whole different story. A tragedy in the making.

I see now that through my experiences, I can help others to heal through my work as a coach, after I have gone through the real life challenges that my clients are going through. And for that I am blessed.

To help yourself to heal, think about these steps..1..forgive yourself as you had no idea about the challenges ahead when dating someone with undisclosed, and untreated emotional disorders. 2 if someone you meet lies often, disappears when they say they will call or meet you…or if you get the feeling intuitively that something is not right, follow your intuition…3..if you find out , especially via Internet dating, that they have misrepresented themselves in their ad/profile, they say on their ad they are divorced when they are married or separated…list themselves as non smokers when they smoke… these are often signs of something much deeper…be very aware, and my advice would be to move Right on to the next person. 4 after such a painful dating experience, try to forgive them the best that you can , as they have a disease that is like any other..untreated, it will only get worse. 5 be filled with gratitude daily that you have moved on and are no longer living in the devastation of their world.

My client is doing so much better on her way to recovery after just a few sessions. It may take a little time for her to fully heal emotionally, but she will. And so will you .

Slow Down. Love, Peace, David

No comments:

Post a Comment