Friday, July 17, 2009

Patience, Kindness:The Two Keys To Love

Someone once asked me that if there were two keys to love, to a loving relationship, what did I think they would be? Without hesitation, I answered patience and kindness, and I'd love to tell you why.

Last week at my nieces wedding, she asked me to do the sermon at the mass just before they took their vows of matrimony. I was just so excited standing there, looking at how incredibly beautiful she was, and remembering the days on the beaches in Florida where we would play a number of years ago.

I began by quoting St. Paul, where in one of his most celebrated writings he began, "Love is patient, love is kind. " I truly believe that this is all a couple needs to remember, and put into practice daily, in order to have an amazing life together. Of course this is easier said than done, but if the desire is there, just about anyone can do it.

As I watched them intently watching me during the sermon, I felt a wave of confidence go through me. Their desire to listen was evident, as it's a sign that they have an excellent chance at a great long and loving relationship. At 25, I know I would not have been paying a whole lot of attention to what any minister would have said to be quite honest, but they were different.

Patience, kindness, are the bedrocks of any relationship. I offered that if they should ever have an argument, a little laughter went through the church at this comment, that if they could just pull back and ask themselves before it went on too long, "Am I being patient and kind right now?", that the end result of this simple act would astound them both.

It reminded me of the many times I interviewed best selling author Wayne Dyer about this very subject, and his response was always the same. "David, in all great relationships, each person remembers in times of stress, that they always have the choice to be right, or to be kind."

To be patient, to be kind, is a choice we either make, or don't make with our partner on a daily, and sometimes hourly basis.

Patience, kindness, love. The three words go hand in hand, don't they?

When I work with couples who have been together for a long period of time,I share that there first has to be a question asked by each individual that is a tough one. "Am I willing to drop my ego, to react and act differently to my partner now, than I have in the past 5, 10 or 20 years?"

It has to be a conscious decision that we begin to make everyday, to act with kindness, to drop the past, to start anew. If the small ego gets involved, there will never be a chance to resurrect any relationship that has hit rough waters. The desire to be right, vs kind, is one that has to be dismantled everyday in order for true love to flourish.

When we reach back into the past, to remind our lover that "they did this...they did that, they created this pain"....over and over, there is no chance at all for love to be reborn. It's that simple, yet very challenging to change.

However, where there is the desire to change, and to bring patience and kindness into the picture, almost all relationships can be saved and more! Keep reminding yourself, that the two most powerful keys to love are patience and kindness. Then act on this truth daily.

Slow down, get the help you need to heal your relationship, and watch it prosper.

Love, peace, David Essel

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