Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Single and Blessed: A Path To love

Over the past 25 years, one of the most common complaints from many of my clients has been their frustration with being single, at any age.

"But David, the only thing missing in my life is a partner, if I had that , everything would be perfect...I just hate doing everything alone, if I had a partner, life would be complete...Why does EVERYONE else have someone special in their lives, but me!"

As their tales of frustration sink deeper and deeper into their minds, they continue to reap what they sow. More frustration at the best, or at the worst, they will attract other people with the same mindset. Like does attract like. It's simply the law of attraction. So, when they do attract people interested in a relationship, the match will literally blow apart, as they see the reflection of themselves in the other person, and it surely is not pretty!

I remember recalling a story in the book "Slow Down:The Fastest Way to Get Everything You Want", about a client who said she just wanted a partner so she wouldn't have to do everything alone. When I asked if a future partner would get really excited, hearing this as the main reason she was looking for love, she started laughing so hard she could not speak. "Oh my, I sound so desperate!"

And she did. And so does anyone who cannot see the beauty in their current single state. When we are single is the time to look at our past relationships and see what we did really well, and what we must change.

Are we exceptional at communicating when our feelings are hurt?

Are we able to still show love, when things are not going well?

Have we mastered both emotional and physical intimacy?

Do we still run when things get hard? Shut down?

Do we still project and blame that the reasons our past relationships failed...was "them"?

Have we been able to truly forgive all of our past partners, regardless of what they may have done, or not done, in the relationship we had?

Have we received professional help from a therapist, minister or coach to get an objective view of what we have to change about ourselves in order to create a deep love relationship?

Have we been willing to stay out of a relationship for at least a year, as we explore who we are, what we love, how to communicate, how to let go of ALL past relationships?

As we look at our current single status as a blessing, as a time to grow, to heal, versus a curse, we can propel ourselves towards love. Being single is a blessing, and offers a path to love if we choose to take it.

Slow down.

Love, peace, David Essel


  1. Great blog, David! This is right up my alley! ;)

    Terri Heck

  2. Great blog, David! This is right up my alley! ;)

    Terri Heck