Posts
Too much of anything, the saying goes, just might not be good for us after all.
Chocolate is actually very good for us in small amounts, due to the antioxidants buried in this wonderful treat, but if taken to the extreme it can cause a variety of health problems.
And so it is also with positive thinking.
You might be surprised to read this coming from a motivational speaker, so let me give you an example.
A friend of mine came to me sharing how her husband had been delaying taking care of a huge problem in their life, and when I asked her how she felt about it, her response was, "Well it's all good you know", followed by a nervous laugh.
When I then asked if she had been attending the classes she had told me about to help her break one of a few addictions, there was that nervous laugh again followed by 'Well no, but it's all good."
'I'm staying positive through it all, it's all good."
Honestly, no one can stay positive through great challenges in life if they're burying their head in the sand with statements like "it's all good....things always work out for the best" etc etc.
If you really want to know the truth, the most positive people in this world are actually DOING something about the challenges they face on a daily basis, not just chiming in with cute sayings.
Ignoring serious health, relationship or financial problems with positive statements does nothing for the situation, or our self esteem.
The negative side of positive thinking lies in our fear of taking action when we know we should, and instead just reading positive books or listening to uplifting Cd's.
While these are important things to do, our confidence is only truly enhanced through our actions, and secondarily improved through our thoughts.
So today if you notice that you've been less than successful in any area of your life, but you tell everyone around you that "it's all good".... ask yourself a serious question..."Is my life really that great?"
I think the answer might surprise you.
Slow down. Then take that step you've been procrastinating on...and watch your world drastically change for the better.
Love, Peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Monday, July 14, 2008
Women Who Master Intimate Relationships....
Recently I was asked a very important question regarding what some of the most important qualities that women who were in deep loving relationships do on a regular basis.
In other words, what are they doing daily that draws their partners TOWARDS themselves, deeply, intimately....versus the traits that many women have that actually push their lovers away.
While I could come up with 1,000 things that women can do regarding this topic, let's look at 4 of the most important, just like we did with the blog here that I wrote about men and intimacy last month.
1) Release Gossip: the last thing your partner wants to hear about when he sees you every night, or each weekend, is "how frustrated you are that Jenny went out with that loser John, the one that totally used Mary 2 years ago and never called her after 4 dates, the guy has no class, my girlfriends deserve classy guys" ...type of nonsense. If you want to see your man zone out , and be less interested in communicating with you, share all the gossip you want with him. Women who have mastered intimacy have realized that gossip is truly for "the bottom feeders of life",
and that nothing good ever comes out of spreading the stuff around.
2) Release Interrupting Your Partner: So you want great communication with your lover. You want to hear his true deep feelings. You want him to open up to you about everything....and yet when he does begin to talk to you, you constantly interrupt him. Just as he's sharing something that he feels strongly about, you begin "but that's not what I meant...let me explain it...you don't understand..." and the interruptions go on and on. If you wonder why your man has left your relationship emotionally and doesn't share much with you, this can be a major reason why.
Women who truly get intimacy, have learned to sit and listen, to let their man talk, for minutes in a row, allowing him to express and show his emotions without shutting him down with their flurry of interruptions.
3) Release Addictions: This is a huge issue that absolutely blocks deep intimacy. If a women avoids her feelings in life, by shopping, spending, smoking, drinking, emotionally eating....she's telling her partner in non verbal ways that she's not able to go deep intimacy. Women who truly want to go after the deepest union with their partner know that they cannot run from their emotions through any substance or addiction. They realize that facing their addiction and getting help for it will open the deepest avenue for intimacy, as when they can face their own challenges, they become more trustworthy to their partner. Hence, their partner will WANT to go deeper in love with them.
4) Initiate Sex More Often: Yes, even though men are taught to be the aggressor sexually, and society reinforces this belief, women who want to go to deeper levels of love, or intimacy, are on the front lines with this one already. They"re willing to face rejection, they're willing to take the risks, they're willing to be the wonderful seductress to add a spark of excitement to their relationship.
Ok, now to everyone who reads these points and gets upset, saying that they can do the opposite of what is published here because they are a "woman", who communicates through gossip, who interrupts because their man simply doesn't get it, who escapes through shopping or whatever because they are entitled to and who would rarely initiate sex because that's the man's role...all I can say is good luck. And if your experiencing the most amazingly deep and intimate relationship with their man, more power to you. Do not change a thing.
To everyone else, I know these deep yet simple steps will bring you to a whole new level of love and intimacy.
Slow Down, and enjoy your new life, with your new man...he may be the same man you've been with for a while,
but it will seem brand new as you alter your life, which will alter your love.
Love, Peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
In other words, what are they doing daily that draws their partners TOWARDS themselves, deeply, intimately....versus the traits that many women have that actually push their lovers away.
While I could come up with 1,000 things that women can do regarding this topic, let's look at 4 of the most important, just like we did with the blog here that I wrote about men and intimacy last month.
1) Release Gossip: the last thing your partner wants to hear about when he sees you every night, or each weekend, is "how frustrated you are that Jenny went out with that loser John, the one that totally used Mary 2 years ago and never called her after 4 dates, the guy has no class, my girlfriends deserve classy guys" ...type of nonsense. If you want to see your man zone out , and be less interested in communicating with you, share all the gossip you want with him. Women who have mastered intimacy have realized that gossip is truly for "the bottom feeders of life",
and that nothing good ever comes out of spreading the stuff around.
2) Release Interrupting Your Partner: So you want great communication with your lover. You want to hear his true deep feelings. You want him to open up to you about everything....and yet when he does begin to talk to you, you constantly interrupt him. Just as he's sharing something that he feels strongly about, you begin "but that's not what I meant...let me explain it...you don't understand..." and the interruptions go on and on. If you wonder why your man has left your relationship emotionally and doesn't share much with you, this can be a major reason why.
Women who truly get intimacy, have learned to sit and listen, to let their man talk, for minutes in a row, allowing him to express and show his emotions without shutting him down with their flurry of interruptions.
3) Release Addictions: This is a huge issue that absolutely blocks deep intimacy. If a women avoids her feelings in life, by shopping, spending, smoking, drinking, emotionally eating....she's telling her partner in non verbal ways that she's not able to go deep intimacy. Women who truly want to go after the deepest union with their partner know that they cannot run from their emotions through any substance or addiction. They realize that facing their addiction and getting help for it will open the deepest avenue for intimacy, as when they can face their own challenges, they become more trustworthy to their partner. Hence, their partner will WANT to go deeper in love with them.
4) Initiate Sex More Often: Yes, even though men are taught to be the aggressor sexually, and society reinforces this belief, women who want to go to deeper levels of love, or intimacy, are on the front lines with this one already. They"re willing to face rejection, they're willing to take the risks, they're willing to be the wonderful seductress to add a spark of excitement to their relationship.
Ok, now to everyone who reads these points and gets upset, saying that they can do the opposite of what is published here because they are a "woman", who communicates through gossip, who interrupts because their man simply doesn't get it, who escapes through shopping or whatever because they are entitled to and who would rarely initiate sex because that's the man's role...all I can say is good luck. And if your experiencing the most amazingly deep and intimate relationship with their man, more power to you. Do not change a thing.
To everyone else, I know these deep yet simple steps will bring you to a whole new level of love and intimacy.
Slow Down, and enjoy your new life, with your new man...he may be the same man you've been with for a while,
but it will seem brand new as you alter your life, which will alter your love.
Love, Peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
Monday, July 7, 2008
Loss of my mentor, Richard Gerson
I could not believe the email telling me of Richards recent passing. Immediately after reading it I jumped out of my chair, tears in my eyes, and did not know where to turn, what to think, or what to do.
His wife Robbie wrote, letting me know that he passed, and asked if I would call her.
But I couldn't, not right then.
I sought out one of my best friends Troy DeMond, who knew Richard and talked for a few minutes. I could feel the tears again. Dam, What to do now??
I went back to my office, closed the door and just cried.
Robbie told me Richard had passed away in his sleep recently, with no warning signs whatsoever. As a matter of fact, she said he felt that he was in the best shape of his life. I should know his exact age, but he could not have been older that 56, way way too young.
Tears came again.
I met Richard around 1984, as he was a celebrity judge at an aerobics competition I had entered on Ft Myers Beach, Florida. 24 years ago, I was still a baby in the world of business and was making my living running a Wellness program for the State of Florida in Naples, and teaching aerobic classes, when I decided to enter the competition.
Funny, I won it that nite and it was a major turning point in my career, as I met Richard then and he immediately took me under his wing.
He hired me to work for him at the Sanibel Harbour Spa, and quickly told me that if I wanted to accomplish the lofty dreams I had for my career, I'd have to get my Masters Degree.
Before I knew it, HE had researched the best universities in the USA , where I could get my degree by going to school full time, working for him full time, in about a 2 year period of time.
I told him he was crazy, but in 3 months I was following his advice...and after 2 years of a hellish schedule, I had my Masters Degree, and he was absolutely right. It began to open doors immediately for my career.
Richard was also the one who told me that if I wanted to become an exceptional motivational speaker, that I had to start speaking immediately anywhere I could. And once again, he was calling around trying to find any clubs he could that would let me speak.
As you can see, he was a huge part of my life, and his advice and attitude has had the most amazing impact on how my career grew in the beginning, when we all need guidance.
Richard loved me, he believed in my talents.
At our church service last Sunday, I opened with words telling of his passing, and what he meant to me.
Afterwards, one of our congregation came up to me, who is a medium, and said..."Your friend was in the room, he told me to tell you he is so proud of what you have accomplished in life...that he knew you would..and that he'd always be around you.."
Thank you Richard for all of your love. I love you, your drive, your belief in others, your wish that we all follow our passions to live an exciting and meaningful life.
He wanted to make a difference in this world, and he did.
Slow Down. Live with passion.
Love, Peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
His wife Robbie wrote, letting me know that he passed, and asked if I would call her.
But I couldn't, not right then.
I sought out one of my best friends Troy DeMond, who knew Richard and talked for a few minutes. I could feel the tears again. Dam, What to do now??
I went back to my office, closed the door and just cried.
Robbie told me Richard had passed away in his sleep recently, with no warning signs whatsoever. As a matter of fact, she said he felt that he was in the best shape of his life. I should know his exact age, but he could not have been older that 56, way way too young.
Tears came again.
I met Richard around 1984, as he was a celebrity judge at an aerobics competition I had entered on Ft Myers Beach, Florida. 24 years ago, I was still a baby in the world of business and was making my living running a Wellness program for the State of Florida in Naples, and teaching aerobic classes, when I decided to enter the competition.
Funny, I won it that nite and it was a major turning point in my career, as I met Richard then and he immediately took me under his wing.
He hired me to work for him at the Sanibel Harbour Spa, and quickly told me that if I wanted to accomplish the lofty dreams I had for my career, I'd have to get my Masters Degree.
Before I knew it, HE had researched the best universities in the USA , where I could get my degree by going to school full time, working for him full time, in about a 2 year period of time.
I told him he was crazy, but in 3 months I was following his advice...and after 2 years of a hellish schedule, I had my Masters Degree, and he was absolutely right. It began to open doors immediately for my career.
Richard was also the one who told me that if I wanted to become an exceptional motivational speaker, that I had to start speaking immediately anywhere I could. And once again, he was calling around trying to find any clubs he could that would let me speak.
As you can see, he was a huge part of my life, and his advice and attitude has had the most amazing impact on how my career grew in the beginning, when we all need guidance.
Richard loved me, he believed in my talents.
At our church service last Sunday, I opened with words telling of his passing, and what he meant to me.
Afterwards, one of our congregation came up to me, who is a medium, and said..."Your friend was in the room, he told me to tell you he is so proud of what you have accomplished in life...that he knew you would..and that he'd always be around you.."
Thank you Richard for all of your love. I love you, your drive, your belief in others, your wish that we all follow our passions to live an exciting and meaningful life.
He wanted to make a difference in this world, and he did.
Slow Down. Live with passion.
Love, Peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Dealing With Financial Adversity
A client who I have worked with on and off for years sat in front of me today in despair, shock and sadness. Another seeming catastrophe had just been laid upon his lap, and he was not sure he could handle more.
Over these years, he has experienced great success, but in his eyes, fleeting, the type of success that brings short term joy, as it has been then followed by more and more challenges.
So now, the 4 homes are gone. His job was just eliminated, no severance pay, 30 days worth of savings, with no idea of where to turn to get back on track with his career.
And, are you ready for this? He's also trying to recover from his bankruptcy of last year...meaning he has no credit reserves to help him out.
He knows he's not the only one in this situation, but it brings little solace to his racing mind.
So he comes to me for the answers, which in turn I give back to him and ask him in the next 5 minutes to come up with a plan to solve his situation. As a coach, my job is to help people uncover the immense wisdom that they have inside, just ready to come out.
Here's what he devised:
1 Pray more every morning and nite, to be guided on what to do next each day.
2 Have his resume updated in 48 hours.
3 Email 5 people a day and ask them for contacts that he can approach with his new resume.
4 Get back in the gym for 30 minute workouts each day.
5 Write out his gratitude list each day for what he is thankful for.
6 Write each day to the contacts he receives , asking for information about job openings that they might have.
7 Ask for assistance from his friends, feedback, and to be held accountable to his own search.
8 See if any of his friends need help or support in their lives..give back daily.
I'd say he;s on his way to a totally new life...and I'm so happy to see the wisdom he had within.
Slow Down.
Love, Peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
Over these years, he has experienced great success, but in his eyes, fleeting, the type of success that brings short term joy, as it has been then followed by more and more challenges.
So now, the 4 homes are gone. His job was just eliminated, no severance pay, 30 days worth of savings, with no idea of where to turn to get back on track with his career.
And, are you ready for this? He's also trying to recover from his bankruptcy of last year...meaning he has no credit reserves to help him out.
He knows he's not the only one in this situation, but it brings little solace to his racing mind.
So he comes to me for the answers, which in turn I give back to him and ask him in the next 5 minutes to come up with a plan to solve his situation. As a coach, my job is to help people uncover the immense wisdom that they have inside, just ready to come out.
Here's what he devised:
1 Pray more every morning and nite, to be guided on what to do next each day.
2 Have his resume updated in 48 hours.
3 Email 5 people a day and ask them for contacts that he can approach with his new resume.
4 Get back in the gym for 30 minute workouts each day.
5 Write out his gratitude list each day for what he is thankful for.
6 Write each day to the contacts he receives , asking for information about job openings that they might have.
7 Ask for assistance from his friends, feedback, and to be held accountable to his own search.
8 See if any of his friends need help or support in their lives..give back daily.
I'd say he;s on his way to a totally new life...and I'm so happy to see the wisdom he had within.
Slow Down.
Love, Peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Law Abiding Citizens
We never think it will happen to us..the pure..the innocent...the law abiding citizens of Lee County.
Until it does.
After stopping at a drugstore on 41 by Bell Tower Shops at 11.15am, I walked out to get into my car to see another car, in a totally empty lot, parked right next to me. As I walked across the front of my car to reach for the driver side, a woman jumps out of the back seat on the passenger side, and just stares at me.
Shocked, it was so surreal, I just stood there. She mumbles something about people not wanting to give directions, and I see her face is agitated, she's wired to the max..strung out on something. I can feel that jacked energy as I work with people regularly who are trying to beat addictions.
I still don't get the fact, or make the correlation, that she's robbing me, until, she jumps into her car and floors it into reverse.
I then jump in my car and look for my cell phone...gone. My check book, cash, gone.
I jump out of the car and run 5 steps towards her as she hits the gas and screams out of the parking lot.
Still shocked, I give chase to try at least to get her license plate. Now, I'm easily as wired as she is, adrenalin pumping...mad as I could ever imagine.
I come across 3 deputies, tell my story and 2 take off looking for her.
The odds are next to zero the money, $300 cell phone, checkbook, $400 gps system, or day planner with important phone numbers will ever be found.
And 99% of this was an error on my part. For the only time in the past 4 years, 4 years!!!!!, I did not lock my car. I was in the store for 5 minutes max, and violated emotionally and physically.
As an alpha male, a Life Coach, I want justice to be served, jail time served...I want her caught now. Lessons need to be learned.
As a minister and co founder of Church of Spiritual Light, a church right here in Fort Myers, I want her caught too. I want her to get into treatment. I would work with her absolutely for free. I want her in our church this Sunday, joining our service. I want justice served, in a different way.
You see , along with all that she stole from me, to feed her habit, she also took my peanut butter sandwich, and 3 apples. She must be starving.
The hole in an addict, or alcoholics body can never be filled with drugs or alcohol, because the pit is unfillable. You cannot quench the physical urge for the drug, without a powerful program of recovery. . That's why people like this women will do the unthinkable, rob someone in broad daylight, on one of the busiest roads around, to try and get enough money for a fix, or drink.
Heck, housewives do it too, sneak behind their husbands back and hide the money spent on alcohol.
Businessmen do it too, using their business expense accounts to get their fill of drinks each week. And, it's socially acceptable, but still stealing.
So, let's pray that this woman gets into a treatment program in some way..soon.
Thank you for your prayers for her...and please always lock your car doors.
Love, Peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Living a Powerful, Real, Congruent Life
Living a life that truly is powerful, and abundant, is much more than having financial independence...although that can be a beautiful thing.
It's also much more than having a perfect body, although there are great benefits to being in shape.
The number one key to living a powerful, abundant life has to do with the answer to this one question: Are you living congruently?
Living congruently can be described quite simply through this statement:
When your thoughts beliefs and actions are in alignment, you are living a congruent life. Soooo, are you living congruently?
For a very long time, I was not. So I know this topic quite well.
Even though I was an inspirational speaker, and radio/ tv host on the topics of motivation, health and more, I fell into the addiction known as alcoholism.
There was no way I could live congruently as long as I was using alcohol in my life. So, I made the choice to get my life back into alignment, and you can too.
Just keep asking the question, are my thoughts, beliefs and actions about my health, my relationships, my career, my money, sex, food, alcohol, nicotine, spirituality all in alignment????
If they are, rock on. If not, decide today to do what I did, reach out to those around you and ask for help. You will be shocked at how amazing your life can be, when you stop lying to yourself, stop living in denial, and start living congruently.
Life may not turn around perfectly overnight, but the end result is so, so, so well worth it.
Slow Down.
Love, Peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
It's also much more than having a perfect body, although there are great benefits to being in shape.
The number one key to living a powerful, abundant life has to do with the answer to this one question: Are you living congruently?
Living congruently can be described quite simply through this statement:
When your thoughts beliefs and actions are in alignment, you are living a congruent life. Soooo, are you living congruently?
For a very long time, I was not. So I know this topic quite well.
Even though I was an inspirational speaker, and radio/ tv host on the topics of motivation, health and more, I fell into the addiction known as alcoholism.
There was no way I could live congruently as long as I was using alcohol in my life. So, I made the choice to get my life back into alignment, and you can too.
Just keep asking the question, are my thoughts, beliefs and actions about my health, my relationships, my career, my money, sex, food, alcohol, nicotine, spirituality all in alignment????
If they are, rock on. If not, decide today to do what I did, reach out to those around you and ask for help. You will be shocked at how amazing your life can be, when you stop lying to yourself, stop living in denial, and start living congruently.
Life may not turn around perfectly overnight, but the end result is so, so, so well worth it.
Slow Down.
Love, Peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
Monday, June 16, 2008
Men in Amazing, Intimate Relationships
On a recent Fox tv segment I was asked to share what I thought were the keys that men could follow in order to create powerful, intimate relationships.
Over the past 16 years, I have had the chance to work with both men and their partners on this very topic. In addition to working with hundreds of clients who desired deep intimacy, I also reflected on the changes I have made over the years that have had an impact on the type of relationships I have been in.
Every man who has created deep, powerful, intimate relationships has done so by:
1). Becoming more involved in decision making at home. This may seem mundane, even trivial, but every woman I've worked with has complained that their partners were not involved enough in items like the choice of foods they ate as a family, as well as actually being a part of the planning for weekend trips or annual vacations. When men showed a greater interest in areas of the relationship like these two, women felt more secure, cared for and yes even loved.
2). Healing their relationships with their mother and/or father. Yes, the core relationships with our parents is a key indicator of healthy, deep intimate relationships with the women in men's lives. If men have feelings of resentment, anger or even ongoing jealousy towards their mother or father, their level of intimacy with women may be deeply affected. Forgiveness, towards themselves for holding these resentments, as well as towards their parents, whether they are alive or not, opens their hearts to a deeper capacity to love. And as most of us know, this often is assisted greatly through the help of a therapist, minister or coach.
3). Listen more, talk less. The ability to listen with empathy to their girlfriend or wives fears, dreams, insecurities or concerns without having to offer an answer to anything said, unless their partner specifically asks for an answer, ranks very high on the lists of most women wanting a deeper relationship with their male partner.
4). Begin the process of releasing addictions. Addictions to work.........alcohol.......spending.....nicotine......food......sex.......take men totally away from intimacy. Depth, true depth of love, honesty, empathy and more cannot be accomplished while active in addiction of any kind. The beginning of the surrender of any addiction however can be a huge portal to deeper love.
While there are many more avenues to deeper intimacy for men, this is a beautiful place to start.
Slow Down.
Love, Peace, David www.talkdavid.com
Over the past 16 years, I have had the chance to work with both men and their partners on this very topic. In addition to working with hundreds of clients who desired deep intimacy, I also reflected on the changes I have made over the years that have had an impact on the type of relationships I have been in.
Every man who has created deep, powerful, intimate relationships has done so by:
1). Becoming more involved in decision making at home. This may seem mundane, even trivial, but every woman I've worked with has complained that their partners were not involved enough in items like the choice of foods they ate as a family, as well as actually being a part of the planning for weekend trips or annual vacations. When men showed a greater interest in areas of the relationship like these two, women felt more secure, cared for and yes even loved.
2). Healing their relationships with their mother and/or father. Yes, the core relationships with our parents is a key indicator of healthy, deep intimate relationships with the women in men's lives. If men have feelings of resentment, anger or even ongoing jealousy towards their mother or father, their level of intimacy with women may be deeply affected. Forgiveness, towards themselves for holding these resentments, as well as towards their parents, whether they are alive or not, opens their hearts to a deeper capacity to love. And as most of us know, this often is assisted greatly through the help of a therapist, minister or coach.
3). Listen more, talk less. The ability to listen with empathy to their girlfriend or wives fears, dreams, insecurities or concerns without having to offer an answer to anything said, unless their partner specifically asks for an answer, ranks very high on the lists of most women wanting a deeper relationship with their male partner.
4). Begin the process of releasing addictions. Addictions to work.........alcohol.......spending.....nicotine......food......sex.......take men totally away from intimacy. Depth, true depth of love, honesty, empathy and more cannot be accomplished while active in addiction of any kind. The beginning of the surrender of any addiction however can be a huge portal to deeper love.
While there are many more avenues to deeper intimacy for men, this is a beautiful place to start.
Slow Down.
Love, Peace, David www.talkdavid.com
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