Men in Love: Standing in the Fire

As I sat down to begin the men's group that I lead every week, I received a call from a client expressing his gratitude for the work we have recently done that is saving his love relationship. In a nutshell, he has been learning how to stand "in the fire " of love.

For most men, this is an extremely foreign concept as we were never taught what it truly means to be a man in a deep love relationship. One who is willing to be the pillar of strength at times, especially those times when his partner needs his power the most. Let me explain.

Ben had started to do sessions with me to help him deal with his girlfriends "erratic emotional reactions" during arguments. While he loved her and wanted to be with her, he wasn't sure he could handle her intense emotional periods of tears, anger, and often threats of ending the relationship.

At first glance, many would say leave, you do not deserve this craziness. But if he had, he would have missed the role he played in getting her to this emotional level, and probably would have repeated the same patterns in his next love affair.

You see, Ben was doing what most men do when their partner gets emotionally riled up: they try to solve their partners upset. And this my friends, is EXACTLY the opposite of what needs to be done. Many women who are in an emotionally upset state, need no solving, no fixing. they simply need to express, vent, release. Pure and simple.

So every time Ben noticed that his girlfriend was getting more hysterical, I asked him to think about what his previous words, actions or emotions were doing. and every time it was the same thing: he was trying to logically solve her upset. It will never work.

What most women need, through the experiences I have had with working with women in my practice, is the ability to be expressive without feeling like they need to be fixed. They need to be able to see that their partner can handle a certain amount of their emotional release, stand in the fire with them, and then let go. They want to know that their man will not shrink from their emotional release, but rather stand there and accept it at least momentarily. After this trust is built and the release is over, they can then listen to logic, but not a moment before.

Ben's reaction to me was comical. "You've got to be kidding, just stand there and take it?". Yes, as the saying goes, take it like a man.

It worked, just like magic. Over the past 6 months, his love has deepened, and the frequency of their emotional blowups has diminished to almost nothing. His girlfriend is showering him with affection and love daily, as she sees that he can handle so much more than he ever did in the past. With her trust high, she feels protected, and doesn't need to go to extremes as she knows he'll listen without the need to fix.

Slow down and create the path for your partner to trust your power, your emotional fortitude, and watch your bond deepen in love.

Love, peace Rev. David www.davidessel.com

Faith: Do You Truly Have It?

When I look at my life and those who I counsel that are on a spiritual or religious path, the most important question we could ever discuss is about faith. While we all want to believe we are filled with faith, are we?

Faith is belief in the yet unseen. Faith moves mountains, as Christ says in the bible multiple times.

Now listen to this: faith is belief, in the yet unseen.

This means that if we are challenged in love, we believe in the healing that has yet to occur, is occurring now.

We believe in the job we do not have, as here now.

We believe in the money we do not have, as here now.

We already believe that the partner we may not have in love, is here, on this planet and moving to us now.

I challenge myself every day to live a more faith filled life. To be used by God as a messenger of love, of faith, more today than yesterday.

Faith, the food of the Divine, is available to all who practice it daily. But like the person who wants to get their body into great shape, it takes a daily concentrated effort to make faith a part of your life.

You have a greater purpose in life than you may know. Through your daily work to strengthen your faith, God will reveal it to you. Are you ready?

Faith, belief in the yet unseen.

Slow down and create a deeper life, filled with faith, right now. And tomorrow as well.

Love, peace, David www.davidessel.com

Showing Love in Frustration: That's Real Love

When we have reached the level of awakening that we can show love to our partner or child when things are in a frustrated state, we have truly begun to master the art of love. Anything short of that is nice, but we're still working at a lower evolutionary level.

Anyone can love someone or be in love when things are going well. The sun is shining, your partner agrees with you, your job is secure and life is just humming along at a great clip. But when the other side of life rears it's head, that's what separates the amateurs of love from the true professionals.

If you truly want to experience the amazing benefits of love, you'll have to figure out how to stay in love , especially stay in love, when things are not going so well.

The first step is to make a verbal, or even written agreement with your partner that you will love each other through the good times and bad. Yes, as an ordained minister, I have couples repeat this when I marry them, but few really know what this means. So do it again today, if your married, or make an agreement with your partner that this is something you'd like to experience if you're not married.

I believe all couples who are serious about love should do this. Make a devoted commitment, look into each others eyes and do this now. Don't procrastinate, make the commitment and then hold each other accountable.

So, in the middle of a disagreement, one of you as to pull back and remind each of you that even though this is tense, you are in this for love. RECENTLY MY PARTNER AND I HAD THE CHANCE TO PRACTICE THIS VERY SAME THING IN OUR RELATIONSHIP, AND I WILL TELL YOU FIRST HAND THAT IT IS NOT EASY.

Yes, even though I do this work for a living, it takes a desire to experience the deepest of love in order to pull this off. My partner has agreed to do the same as I do for our relationship, and the tests will come throughout life as we both know. In the middle of a disagreement, we pulled back to remind ourselves that we can change this energy, back to love if we want to. The first attempt at this lasted about 4 minutes. LOL. Then we were back to believing we were each right. The second attempt at reconciliation lasted a little longer. It wasn't until the fourth attempt at resurrecting the FEELING of love that we have for each other that it was real, that it stuck.

At this point, I think we both recognized subconsciously how hard the other person was working at regaining the love and respect for each other that we do have, that we were finally able to come back to peace and love, to hold each other tightly, to say "I love you", and really mean it with emotion.

Then we had to carry this feeling into the night, as we slept, and awaken with the peace that flowed from love for each other. The verbal clues that we use, like "we're playing way below our capacity to love", helps us to cut off the flow of the small ego, and return to love.
But, without a conscious plan, it would never work.

Slow down today and decide to show your partner love in the middle of discontent, and watch the true meaning of love begin to surface in your life.

Love, peace, David www.davidessel.com

One Book: A Life Changing/Life Crisis Experience

The following story is true, as are all my articles, yet this one is about how one book changed someones world. And, how in the midst of crisis, if we are open to the messages in the books around us, our life can be changed too.

After our weekly church service a week ago(please see www.churchofspirituallight.org ), a very dear friend John, who I had not seen in several months, came to me to purchase a copy of my spiritual novel "Heaven on Earth: God Speaks Through The Heart of A Young Monk." That afternoon he went to visit his father and was surprised to see him in an angry and upset mood.

When he found out the reason for his upset, he spent several hours trying to help him to calm down, to no avail. On his way out of his dad's home, he turned and offered him my book and said if you want to read it great, if not call me later and I'll come back and pick it up. He really had no reason to believe his dad would read it in his current state, but had no idea of what else he could do to help him out.

Several hours passed and then surprisingly his dad did call and in an amazingly positive mood! He went on to tell John that the reason for the drastic change in his attitude was the book about the Monk! He went on and on to his son about how the book changed his life, and how he wanted all of his friends to read this book as well.

As the author, I can tell you that this story meant the world to me. You see, in the creative arts, or the healing arts, many of us do the work out of pure love, not just to get the accolades of these fields. And quite honestly, if we were in it for the applause, the waiting might get pretty depressing! Doing what you love, because you are drawn to this type of work is the reason we follow our dreams. If we write a best seller, then our first thanks is always to the notion that maybe we can help more people to change their lives versus fewer, then secondly would be the financial rewards, or the notoriety of fame.

I know that the same thing that happened to John's dad has happened to me as well. Books have changed my life. From Viktor Frankels "Man's Search for Meaning" to the biography of Helen Keller, reading about people on deep spiritual paths, as The Monk showed us in my book, can lead us deeper and deeper into a path of peace, love and joy.

I share this story with humility, and gratitude for John's willingness to let me know how his dad has changed. And the hope that if you are in a stressful place, that you too might grab a book to lift your spirits as well.

One book, might be all it takes to change your very existence right now.

Love, peace, David www.davidessel.com

The Role of Men in Relationships: A Lost Art

Over the years men have lost their concept of what it means to be a man in a relationship, whether we are talking about those with a partner, or those with a family. What used to be common sense, has been lost. The art of being a man must be brought back into play if we are expecting families to flourish in the future, or face demise as they seem to be doing right now.

In my relationship coaching sessions, as well as the men's groups I have led, I have seen first hand how men have lost their way in regards to what it means to be a leader in love, and a leader in the family structure. The causes of this are truly irrelevant to me. I'm not here to point fingers as to why this has occurred, or who to blame. In my opinion that gets everyone nowhere.

Men were born to lead, to make decisions, to be the foundation of family. They were meant to lead by example. The role of a man in a relationship is to speak less, lead more, and allow his partner to feel safe as well as free. Free to have an outlet for her fears. Free to express her feelings without the need for the man to fix them. You see, a leader does not have to have all the answers for his company, troop or family. His main role is to listen, support, ask questions, and then if and when needed, delegate duties or chores that suit the strengths of his partner and/or children. Then, pick up the rest of the responsibilities himself.

Somewhere along the lines, men were taught to not express their feelings, when expression in the family unit is a sign of strength. As I have counseled couples for the past 20 years, I have yet to have a woman tell me that her husband was too emotional. I often have heard women say that their man rarely shares any of his feelings, any of his fears. In these cases, each woman has said she felt left out of that part of his life. Real men not only eat quiche, but they also open themselves up to their partner in a way that makes the woman feel special, a part of his inner circle , which is what she should be.

Men need to lead by example, in all areas of life. Alcohol, so accepted by society as a way men connect with other men, and oftentimes women as well, has lead millions of men astray. Men need to be role models. The use of alcohol, drugs, food or smoking as coping mechanisms, or the chase for the almighty dollar shows how weak many men are.

They need to be able to listen, direct questions, and allow their kids to have a say in how to figure life out by themselves in many cases, after they've reached the age of 12 and above. For some, even sooner.

Men need to be able to lead by faith. Faith, a strong belief in the "yet unseen", is a powerful gift to offer their partners and children. Men who lead by faith have an aura about them that allows their families and partners to trust them. Regardless of the struggles one might face, men of faith know that there is always a way out, over or around life's challenges.

I have seen over the last several years a true desire by both men and women to see the resurrection of men in relationships. To see them become the leaders they were meant to be.

Slow down, and become the man you are destined to be in love, in life. Once you begin the process of taking responsibility for your actions, for your life, this world will begin to shift in ways we've always hoped we'd see. Once you take that first step, the leader in you will naturally rise to the surface and life will take on a whole new look.

I see in my congregation, my workshops and my coaching sessions the beginning of a new era. Let's keep it going strong.

Love, peace, David www.davidessel.com

Success is Simple: Do you really want it?

Being successful in life is such a simple thing to accomplish if you really want it, and if you know a few of the secrets to success. Before we begin, do you really want it? Or like so many, are you saying yes out of lip service?

Here we go:

1. If you already know you are a success regardless of your current bank account, body, love or lack of....you have passed the test of life. Those who are successful live it, act it, and talk it right now, regardless of what the outside world might be showing them.

2. Re-read 1, if you're not there, read no further, work on this step until it's a part of your DNA.

3. Successful people let go of the end result of any goal, and live today with passion.

4. Those immersed in success surround themselves with like minded people. Period.

5. Successful people live congruently: their thoughts, beliefs and actions are all in alignment. If they believe gossip is harmful, they'd never partake. If they believe God is an important part of their life, they live the principles, they don't just spout scriptures.

6. Successful people have fun....DAILY! They look to laugh, offer kind words, love jokes and find bliss on a rainy day or in a blizzard.

7. Successful people treat their own body with love. Daily. Hourly.

8. Successful people take full responsibility for their errors, and apologize when they in fact are wrong....immediately...or as close to immediately as possible...=)

9. Those with a success mindset have no idea of the phrase "giving up". They walk through the fires of life for love, financial success, health, and attitude.

10. Successful people ask for help from others daily. They see no need to carry the burdens of life alone, and seek counsel from those they respect and or love. And in reverse, they look to support their loved ones, and remind them that we are all in this together.

Slow down, and do what the successful people have done since the beginning of time. They live life in the here and now with joy, faith, and the knowledge that this is not a race but rather a minute by minute exploration of love and happiness, that always is an inside job.

Love, peace, David www.davidessel.com

The Power of a Compliment

Compliments are so powerful, so easy to give, yet we live in a society that is compliment starved. Where we could be transforming others lives and our own if we would get into the habit of looking for more people to compliment, instead, through my private coaching sessions, I see so many people who have fallen beneath their own potential, and wonder if their life will ever truly change.

It is a proven fact that we must first give to this world that which we desire to receive. This is the basic law of abundance. The catch is that when we give, we cannot expect to receive in that moment.

I have worked with some amazing leaders in my life that are masters at giving compliments, and the attitude of the people they surround themselves with shows me the power of a simple gesture like this.

In my own life, when my partner compliments me on even the smallest of things, it resonates deeply within my heart and soul. It validates my existence. Does this sound a little too strong maybe? That a simple compliment could go so deep into a persons heart that it might "validate" their existence? Sometimes the simplest of truths carry the deepest of meanings. Yes, for me and millions of others who know this as reality, no compliment is ever to small, and no compliment is ever taken for granted. They all carry immense power. We may not need them to exist, but they make life joyful, passionate and fun. So much so, that in turn we look for others to compliment daily, or even hourly.

To hear a compliment about ones body from someone they love or care for will inspire that person to continue on with the practice of honoring their "temple", or their body. When I take a moment to compliment my partner on her skills as a therapist, I can see her appreciation for her own talents, which then allows her to stretch herself even more, and go deeper into the work she absolutely loves.

When I compliment someone for their year, month or day of sobriety, I see how it moves them to stay on track. When I compliment a hostess for her stunning attitude, I see her reaction that says "thanks for validating my existence as a worthwhile human being. " This is really big stuff were discussing here, yet we are compliment starved.

Oftentimes it's our own insecurities that get in the way of giving someone a compliment. If we would just quell the small ego, and do it anyway, we would grow immensely as a human being. Yet, too often, the small ego wins, and both parties lose.

Look today for someone you know, and someone you don't know, to compliment. Make it a goal to give at least two compliments out every day from now until you leave this plane.

Slow down, and see the power behind giving compliments daily.

Love, peace, David www.davidessel.com

Are You Expecting To Be Successful?

When I think about all of the successful people in this world and the commonalities that they have held onto, one of the defining traits to me is that each and every one of them expected to be successful, regardless of what was currently going on in their personal or business world.

From my interviews with people like authors Wayne Dyer and Deepak Chopra, former quarterback Roman Gabriel, to actress Jenna Elfman or Olympic great Greg Louganis, each and every one of them expected to be successful in any area of life that they walked into.

Now, sometimes as in the case of author Napoleon Hill, the success did not come as soon as he originally expected. As a matter of fact, his best selling book "Think and Grow Rich" took him 25 years to create! And all along the way, even though he hit roadblocks , setbacks and frustrations, he never once held any expectation other than the fact that it would be a major selling book, and one that would positively affect the lives of millions.

Our world has become one where instant gratification is the norm, where we tend to believe that if we don't hit the big money , or the lasting love, or the perfect body right now, now that we've finally made up our minds to do so, then maybe we're just not meant to be that successful in life.

But those who are successful know that the opposite is often true. We need to hold those high expectations to be successful everyday, do the work necessary to make them happen, and then have the faith that they will, regardless of how long it takes or what challenges we may have to endure along the way.

This formula that I just stated, if taken seriously, will ALWAYS lead you to the path of success.

It may not be on your timeline, but the tenacity that you show the world will bring you experiences and introduce you to amazing people that you would never met any other way. Life was not meant to be played safely, but rather to be courted with passion. Successful people face huge setbacks personally and professionally, just like people that never reach the level of success that they truly want to experience.

So, would you rather keep your expectations high and go after the deepest of love or the career that turns your passion on, or muddle through life playing it safe, and never creating the life you truly want to live.

Slow down, expect to be successful everyday of your life, regardless of what your outside world might look like right now, and reap the benefits for a lifetime.

Love, peace, David www.davidessel.com

Communication in Relationships: Comments

As expected, this series of blogs has received a lot of responses. I'll list a few here.

"Men were never supposed to communicate as much as women want. It's not in our genes. "

"I think Clair is so right on, go for what you desire in love, and never let any moron try to convince you otherwise....men can be just as great as communicators as women, if they want to."

"I know a lot of my girlfriends who are just like Clairs ex..they entice a guy in by being available to talk, text in the beginning..then they feel entitled to be "chased by a man if he wants me"...that attitude can turn a lot of guys off...I'm a woman and I don't blame them..it's a crappy way to be in a relationship."

True love is equal......both parties must be able to communicate at the same level...which is why we are not for everyone...so, if you start out in love with great text, email, phone connection..do not lose it! even if it stretches you...find the time in the day to text..it takes just a few seconds..and do you know how great it will make your partner feel? my husband is awesome, he makes me feel so special everyday with his contact..for a while i took it for granted...if he'd contact me , sometimes i'd respond, sometimes i wouldn't..my best friend woke me up one day to the fact about love....i have to stretch myself more if i want it to stay...20 years later, i am blessed by the most amazing man on earth"

" as a guy, I can tell you that getting a text for no reason simply makes me feel loved, yes, some guys would call me a wimp, but whatever..."

" I'm a woman who loves to court and be courted, it should never stop, wane or slow down..if it does, maybe you're not ready for real love.Clair, I think you are...go find the guy who is ready too...."

Slow down, and let your partner know how you feel right now, and every day you are alive.

Love, peace, David www.davidessel.com


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Manifesting a New Career

Over the years one of the most exciting ventures that I have been involved in is helping clients to manifest a new career path. They may be in a career and facing burnout, or downsizing, or they just feel it's time to move on and upwards in life.

After deciding where they want to go, we let go of the "how" they will get there and start to create a daily system to follow in order to make this their reality. (I go into great detail on this process in my book and CD "Slow Down" through Hay House Publishing, but this will give you a start. )

1) Create an intention beginning with the words "I AM..." and follow that with what type of work you will be doing by a specific date. "I Am a licensed realtor, therapist, personal trainer, life coach, accountant etc on or before December 1st 2009 doing the work I love with positive associates. "

2) Create a statement of gratitude for what you have in your life right now regarding your current work situation. "I Am grateful for the work I have now that covers my rent. or I Am grateful for the time between jobs that I have right now so that I can find the career I desire. "

3) Create a list of daily action steps with a timeline to follow to create all that you desire, 5 days per week.

A." I awaken at 7am and repeat my intention out loud, then visualize myself in my new position with passion and emotion!"

B. "I follow this with all that I am grateful for right now in my life. "

C. "I send out 5 emails, and make 5 prospecting calls everyday to create the energy that will solidify this new position. "

D. "I write out what I am willing to give in return for this new position. Time per day, willingness to move IE. to Ft Myers Florida for this new job that I am manifesting right now!"

E. Now, we let it go, trust in God or your Higher Power to carry through the rest of the work.

Slow down and realize that you can manifest the career you desire, if you have a plan and follow it daily with passion and persistence!

Love, peace, David www.davidessel.com

You can continue on with the action steps as you see fit, remembering that we get out of life what we put into it.

Communication in Relationships: Part 2

In my last blog regarding communication in relationships, we began to follow one of my clients Clair, and her dilemma of whether to accept her boyfriends less than enthusiastic approach to staying in touch throughout the day, or to move on. . After reading this and the response from many of you, the readers of this blog, she wanted to respond.

"I was very touched by the multiple responses from people wanting to help me with this decision. I've been working with David as my Life /Relationship coach for several months, and have seen amazing progress in how I view myself, and what I am worthy of in love. In the first article about my situation, I shared that with my boyfriend and he was a little shocked that I was so open with the world about myself and him.

When I asked him if what was written was true, that he started off all "gun ho" about texting right back during the day, and sending an answer back to my emails even just to say thank you, he agreed that he was excited then. But he said life got in his way, and he didn't have the time anymore to do that. When I asked him if this was the truth, he fessed up and said no. He just did not feel like responding to every text or email.

As we sat there, I admit I got very sad. I have looked to meet a man that can stay excited about love, and communication for longer than a few months, but here I was, as David reminded me , in the same pattern again. To me, and only me is this important, I love throughout the day to get a surprise text or email. Or a surprise call, that's not scheduled ahead of time, when someone calls to say they love you.

I do that, and desire the same in return. I hate to be the one who is always the person pursuing someone, as they begin to take advantage of that and offer little energy in return. And why should they? They have it made, they get a lot of attention, and do very little in return.

David has helped me to see that it is my responsibility to ask my boyfriend if he has the desire to go back to the way we started. Part of me is pissed, because I want a partner to just continue on, without me prodding them . I did ask him several times, but he says that just is not him. Yes he'll read everything I send, and yes he loves it all, but no he won't respond most of the time.

He gave me the answer, and I then had to make a decision for my best interest and end the relationship. It was so dam hard! but I know it's right. "

Slow down and speak honestly in love. If you want the deepest connection that love can offer, each side must be willing to prove through actions, not just words, that this time love is real and here to stay.

Love, peace, David www.davidessel.com

Communication in Relationships: Part 2

As a follow up to our first blog about the importance of equal communication responsibilites in relationships, my client Clair wanted to respond to my writings, as well as to the comments sent in by so many readers that I shared with her.

Clair had to reach a decidion to either stay in a relationship where her boyfriend had slowly begun to communicate less often over the course of several months, or end the relationship and move on to be with soemone who had the same abilities and desires regsarding equal communication in love.

"After my last session with David, he asked me to go home and complete several different written exercises to help me with the decision to stay or leave my relationship. I admit this did not make me happy, I was not in the mood to write about this, as I was mentally exhausted thinking and speaking about this topic.

My boyfriend and I started out so strong in our interest to communicate during the day, via text and email, and it was exactly what I had wanted my entire life. I could feel my love and trust in him buliding every day. So when he started scaling back, I went into concern, confusion nad then even insecurity. While we talked about him slacking off in communicating with me, he never could tell me why.

As I wrote out my assignments, this became the foundation for my decidion to end the relationship. His inabilty to go deeper withing himself and figure out what was holding him back, his lack of interest in coming to my sessions with David so that we could work on this, all together made it clear to me that I wanted to be with soemone who did desire to keep the communication strong, throughout our lives together.

I'm at a good place now. I know what I want in a relationship, and as David has reassured me, that knowingness, plus patience, will bring to me a great new, long lasting relationship. I am also realistic in love. I know that there are days that someone may be caught up in work and cannot talk as much as other days. I also know, that this can be accpeted by being communicated with. The days of trying to guess why my partner is not communcating as much as ususal are long over.

I'm excited as I also believe with all of my heart that I am worthy of this kind of man, this kind of love. While this recent decision was very hard, as I did love the man I was with, I feel ready to move forward in life. I want to thank everyone who wrote in to David after his first blog on this topic, as your feedback helped me too. "

The Homeless: Teachers for Each of Us

Some of the most amazing teachers that I have encountered in my life have been the homeless. People with little or no material possessions, and many who are in great pain, living on the streets of America.

While most of us scurry by these people, afraid of their presence, many other people look upon them with kindness and compassion, very much in the same way that Buddha or Jesus Christ would. There is little or no fear , rather a desire to help them, by offering a kind word, food, pocket change or a smile.

In my lectures on personal growth as well as in sermons, I encourage people to practice sending love to everyone, including the homeless, by looking INTO their eyes as you pass them. They, like you, are children of God, who desire and should receive the same respect as anyone else you might know. Yet how many of us have the courage to do this?

I have been taught so many incredible lessons through the homeless men that I have met on the streets over the past number of years. One named Joe, touched me so deeply that I dedicated a chapter about him in my book "Heaven on Earth:God Speaks Through The Heart of A Young Monk. " While out for a run one day, I witnessed Joe getting hit by a car, fly 20 feet straight up in the air before landing on the side of the road.

As the first person to him, I held him like a mother would hold their child as he wailed in pain until the ambulance would arrive more than 10 minutes later. I saw the face of Christ as I held him, asking him to grip my hand tighter as his pain continued to increase. He shattered my view of what a homeless person was, as I saw the pure beauty of this amazing human being.

I visited him in the hospital after surgery, in the rehabilitation center after that, and discovered his trials in life of alcoholism and the loss of contact with his children. I brought him food and clothes not out of guilt, but rather out of respect, for he deserved that regardless of why he was homeless. I found out that the day he was hit he had just gotten a part time job, the first one he could find in a number of years.

That same year I was invited to be on Bill O'Reilly's television show "The O'Reilly Factor" to talk about the plight of the homeless, the challenges they bring to many city businesses and what some options were for their welfare. As many know, some cities have facilities that are underutilized by the homeless, while others are swamped with requests for more beds and shelters.

Many are homeless by choice, with no desire to seek treatment for their addictions. Others find themselves in this situation due to untreated mental illness, without the mental faculties needed to lift themselves out of their life quandary. If you have not seen the movie "The Soloist",based on a true story, I highly recommend it as a peek into the role of mental illness and the homeless. And others find themselves there due to losing jobs, their homes and their life purpose.

Whatever the reason for their situation, we can all learn from these people the power of love and compassion, but only if we are the ones willing to give these two characteristics to them, as they are very much a reflection of who we are. If you cannot do this, it may be time to take a good , hard, long look in the mirror.

Slow down to see that yes, the homeless are teachers for each of us.

Love, peace, Rev. David www.davidessel.com

Real Estate Email Campaign Success Story

For years now I have been encouraging my real estate business clients to get extremely active with their weekly email campaigns in order to create more success in this industry. Some, who are very open minded, have taken advantage of what the Internet can do for them, while far too many have let great opportunities slide right on by.

Email campaigns through companies like www.constantcontact.com are very easy to set up and the benefits are long lasting. The idea is to create a weekly newsletter for your contacts, friends, pipeline etc. that offers tips and free information regarding the keys to buy or sell a house.

At a recent real estate conference that I spoke at, only 5 of the 250 attendees were using e-campaigns as a way to build their business! Amazing! If you have a data base of 50 or 5,000 people, this is the surest "low sell" way to keep your name in front of them while at the same time offering educational tips at no charge. A great way to brand yourself as a leader in your industry.

Our company started our e-campaign strategy in 1996, and it continues today as we send out weekly newsletters offering tips, book recommendations for success and so much more. One subscriber, who had been receiving our newsletter for several years recently called to book me as their keynote speaker in this industry, without even talking to me personally!

The message on my voicemail said, "Hi David, I've been getting your stuff for years, my real estate board went to your site, agreed that you'd be a great speaker, so we want to hire you now. Contract is being sent in the mail today. See you soon!"

Isn't that amazing? Now, this is just one of many stories that I could share with you from the past 14 years that validates the power of e-marketing. Many of my clients can share similar stories of people they have stayed in contact with over the years through their own real estate newsletters who have called years after their first transaction to work with them again. This stuff really is powerful.

Slow down, get involved with email campaigns to become more successful in the real estate industry.

Peace, love, David www.davidessel.com

PS! Sign up for our real estate free audio tip newsletter today at the link above this line to see how you can do this too!

Silence: A Powerful Tool in all Relationships

When most of us think of people who are great communicators, we often miss one of the most important traits these people carry: the knowledge of when to be silent in relationships and just how powerful of a tool this really is.

Most men are at a disadvantage here, as we have been raised to fix, fix and then fix again anything in sight that seems to be broken. And that includes relationships. But this trait is not alone one that gets men into hot water, as many women over the years have developed the same issue: when someone comes to us with a challenge, we want to give advice and fix it right away.

In my courses that I teach at universities and colleges, this tool is an important part of the materials that we explore in regards to life mastery: the ability to sit with someone else's pain, or challenge, without having to fix it.

At our weekly men's group on success and faith, we discussed this just last night, as I shared the power behind allowing a lover, child or friend to express to us a worry, insecurity or fear without having to say a word in return. Just our presence with them is enough to help the healing process begin.

When someone comes to us in pain, or in a quandary about life, and we immediately share with them the three things they could do to "fix" their problem, we have basically shut them down emotionally. We have said, "I really am not strong enough to hear your pain, so just do this thing I'm telling you, so we can move on. " Where most of the time they are just looking for a safe place to let their true emotions out, by giving advice we are throwing their fears right back in their face.

My partner came to me once with a heavy pain surrounding her beloved horse, an animal that is as close to human with his sensitive and beautiful feelings as any horse could get. Years ago my response would have been , "But what about this, or trying that, have you asked the vet if this is a possibility too?". My intentions might have been good, but the end result would have been horrific, as she would not have had a chance to truly release at the deepest level her pain, her tears, which was a deep sign of love that she had with her companion Simon.

Instead, I opted for the path that I now teach others, to sit with this persons pain, in my case just to hold her, and stroke her hair as she goes to the beautiful depth of emotional release. As she goes deeper and deeper, her healing is more and more profound.

You and I are not here on earth to "fix" anyone, but rather to sit with their pain. During this time together, I had tears too as I felt her love for her horse, and her fears as well. It's not the easiest path, but 45 minutes later, after saying very little, I could feel her tears wane, her heart open, as she joyfully recalled amazing memories from her past with this beautiful animal.

If we want to be phenomenal communicators, we all must move to this type of interaction, where we move away from giving advice, and move into unconditional love. I advise my clients, students as well as myself daily, to never give advice unless someone directly asks you for it.

Slow down and allow the people in your life, lovers, children, family, friends, coworkers, to come to you as a safe haven, a warm home against life's storms, where they can share their emotions without the fear of being told , once again, what they should do with their pain. Silence is a powerful tool in all exceptional relationships.

Love, peace, David www.davidessel.com

We are Human beings having a Spiritual experience

A number of years ago as I was speaking to a group of seekers about our reason for existence, the thought came to me that we truly are human beings having a spiritual experience, rather than spiritual beings having a human one.

I do agree with the fact that we begin as spiritual beings, a gift from God at birth, but as I reflect upon what happens from that point on, I see us all as human, growing and evolving along a spiritual path until we reach the end result of becoming fully spiritual, as we ascend from this plane into the light. At this point we leave our human bodies, and become pure light.

As I was discussing this just last year during a class I teach at Edison State College, a student reminded me that most spiritual teachers believe the opposite, that we are spiritual beings having a human experience. I do see the value for that belief system, and as I explore more and more about existence, I see for myself a slightly different path.

In our younger years, our main focus is survival. we learn to be fed, kept warm, given love and external stimulus in order to learn the basics such as walking and talking. As we look at the various stages of development from then on, if we are on a path of life purpose, not just survival, we begin to explore the concepts of our individual innate gifts, and how to use them to help others in this world.

As we evolve further, we see such concepts as unconditional love and compassion as the foundation of life, the two realities that Christ and Buddha brought into great awareness for all of us. We begin to see that as we take these traits on and actually practice them on a daily basis, that our purpose in life totally changes! We are here as servants of God, to create unconditional love in all of our relationships, to be the light that attracts others to us.

We start to see even more clearly as we bring these spiritual principles into our daily life that our only purpose here truly is to touch others, to be touched by others, and to rise above the small egos desire to be right, to be noticed. We find that the gift of surrender is the path to enlightenment.

We surrender to our partner, and offer them love. We walk the path of understanding versus judgement. We begin to look into the eyes of those who push our buttons, or the homeless, or the crippled with unconditional love.

In many religions the full focus as we age is devotion to the spiritual walk, not just talking about it but practicing it daily. Communion with God, through prayer happens constantly throughout the day. We surrender to God every hour on the hour. We devote our life to complete service to the Light, to God, to unconditional love. What a beautiful undertaking! The ascension process goes into high gear as we practice the wisdom handed down to us, as we offer our gifts out of love to help others who are struggling behind us.

We awaken in the morning with the prayer, "Please let me be of full unconditional service to my partner, my children, today and everyday. " As we ascend even further on our path this then changes to include prayers to assist those in war, poverty, hospitals, those with addictions, those who abuse others. Yes, we pray directly for those who abuse others! And for those who are abused.

Slow down, and see that as we evolve we truly recognize that we are fully human beings, glorious human beings, awesome human beings, having a spiritual experience. We are in the ascension process, looking for ways to be the light that we already are right now, before we leave this plane.

Love, peace, David www.davidessel.com

Leadership and Responsibility: Are you one?

After recently giving a workshop at Florida Gulf Coast University on Leadership skills, I was asked what I felt was the single most important tangible trait that a leader in today's society must have. What a question! I mean, I sat there thinking, is there just one trait that would rule above the rest?

As the time went by, our discussion lead me to evaluate the importance of looking at a few of the top skills that all leaders must possess to be taken seriously, and to make a difference in this world.

Honesty, regardless of the consequences.

Self love.

Self discipline.

Always having a positive day in public, regardless of what is going on in their business or personal life.

Self respect.

Gossip free.

A foundation that desires serving others.

Freedom from judgement of ones religious, political or other belief systems.

A desire to see others around them succeed.

Now, the list could go on and on, but just with this as a starting point, how do you stand up?

Leaders come in a variety of shapes , sizes, and positions. Parents, teachers, coaches, therapists, artists, lovers, friends, all fall into the category of being a leader. OK, let's be honest, if you do not see yourself as a leader in life, I believe you have missed your real identity.

Slow down, take your life path more seriously, and become the leader that you are destined to be.

Love, peace, David www.davidessel.com

The Power of Healing Prayers

Over the years I have experienced the amazing healing power of prayer in my life and the lives of thousands, and today I wanted to share a most personal example of a healing event that recently occurred.

Last weekend I went to take care of my partner who had been sick for several days. The day after I arrived to care for her, I was hit with a blazing fever that knocked me off my feet. One moment I was doing a coaching session on the phone, the next I was literally incoherent, laying in bed and asking for more blankets to cover the several that laid on top of me.

As I laid there moaning, with one of my legs twitching violently as I searched for relief from the fever and intense nausea that had gripped my stomach, I suddenly found myself stating prayers aloud with no conscious intention to do so. As my partner held me in the most loving of ways, I was straining for God's ear, asking to be relieved of this sickness.

"I was not built to break God, please hear my prayer! " I even went to bargaining with God for moments at a time, saying "If it is your will, I will use this healing in my sermon tomorrow at our church." The pain, the fever, had gotten so intense that I had no idea of what else to do but to praise God out loud, and as well ask for His healing.

I literally felt delirious at this moment, and asked my partner if she would begin praying for me , right here , right now. She instantly held me closer, and prayed to God to bring the healing power of Jesus Christ through her into my body to heal me . As she prayed with such intensity, I could begin to feel a presence directly behind her, and withing moments I knew it was the energy of Christ. I could literally in my minds eye see him standing there right behind her!

Her hands became warm, and within ten minutes the fever had totally broken! The next thing I know, I'm on my back looking straight up to the ceiling and speaking coherently to her, in awe of what had just transpired. My body calmed down, the fever left, and while I would be tired and weak over the next several days, I had felt the healing power of God once again.

While this is not new to me, feeling Christ's energy in time of great need or great praise, it was the first time that through prayer someone else had channeled his healing love through to me. God does indeed work in the most beautiful of ways.

The power of prayer must be nurtured every day for it to reach it's highest zenith in your life. How you pray is not as important as doing it daily.

Slow down, pray daily to experience the healing power of prayer in your life.

Love, peace, Rev. David Essel, www.davidessel.com