In my last blog regarding communication in relationships, we began to follow one of my clients Clair, and her dilemma of whether to accept her boyfriends less than enthusiastic approach to staying in touch throughout the day, or to move on. . After reading this and the response from many of you, the readers of this blog, she wanted to respond.
"I was very touched by the multiple responses from people wanting to help me with this decision. I've been working with David as my Life /Relationship coach for several months, and have seen amazing progress in how I view myself, and what I am worthy of in love. In the first article about my situation, I shared that with my boyfriend and he was a little shocked that I was so open with the world about myself and him.
When I asked him if what was written was true, that he started off all "gun ho" about texting right back during the day, and sending an answer back to my emails even just to say thank you, he agreed that he was excited then. But he said life got in his way, and he didn't have the time anymore to do that. When I asked him if this was the truth, he fessed up and said no. He just did not feel like responding to every text or email.
As we sat there, I admit I got very sad. I have looked to meet a man that can stay excited about love, and communication for longer than a few months, but here I was, as David reminded me , in the same pattern again. To me, and only me is this important, I love throughout the day to get a surprise text or email. Or a surprise call, that's not scheduled ahead of time, when someone calls to say they love you.
I do that, and desire the same in return. I hate to be the one who is always the person pursuing someone, as they begin to take advantage of that and offer little energy in return. And why should they? They have it made, they get a lot of attention, and do very little in return.
David has helped me to see that it is my responsibility to ask my boyfriend if he has the desire to go back to the way we started. Part of me is pissed, because I want a partner to just continue on, without me prodding them . I did ask him several times, but he says that just is not him. Yes he'll read everything I send, and yes he loves it all, but no he won't respond most of the time.
He gave me the answer, and I then had to make a decision for my best interest and end the relationship. It was so dam hard! but I know it's right. "
Slow down and speak honestly in love. If you want the deepest connection that love can offer, each side must be willing to prove through actions, not just words, that this time love is real and here to stay.
Love, peace, David www.davidessel.com