Posts
Year after year, I've heard the same desires being stated by both men and women from around the USA. "How can I finally find a solution to my New Years Resolutions?"
It seems a common theme. We have a tendency to repeat every year the same resolutions, maybe with a slightly different twist, but in essence the same ones.
"I'm going to...lose weight, quit smoking, save more money and enhance my relationships."
One of the biggest problems we face in regards to New Years Resolutions, is that we select more than one.
This year, let's get serious, let's become successful, and let's start by choosing just one goal to go after.
Choose the one you've been procrastinating on, the one that seems to pop up year after year.
The one, that as you read this you do not really want to go after. Yeah, that one.
The one, that once you are on the path to accomplishing, will offer the greatest benefits in your entire life.
The one that will force you to ask someone else to help you with.
Yeah, that one.
Now, in writing, set a path, specific, with a timeline, that you will hold yourself accountable to.
Hire a therapist, coach, trainer, nutritionist, minister...........................find someone with experience to help you.
Go to 12 step meetings, do whatever it is that makes you vulnerable, uncomfortable. Whatever you need to do that scares the hell out of you...just do it.
Make 2009 the year of YOU.
Get enthusiastic every day, force it at first if you must, but get excited. Let your passion sink into your being as you mentally see yourself successful in this goal.
Slow down.
Let's really do it this year.
Love, peace... David Essel http://www.talkdavid.com/
Monday, December 29, 2008
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Dating : Part 2 Looking for Love, The challenge
I had a feeling that the first blog on dating would get a reaction from both men and women who are looking for love, and facing the challenges that go with the territory.
"So, if people do not call when they say they will, do you give them a second chance? is that the same as a physical no-show for coffee or a drink?"
"I feel very frustrated with the number of women who lead you to believe they are interested in dating, then disappear....without a return call, with no answer, after 1 or 2 meetings, they kiss you and tell you how much they loved the date..then poof!! you never get a response! what the hell is that???"
I think you now know the challenges of dating. If you're not in the game, you're probably thinking "Thank God!!" lol......
Let's look at my first response, that no shows of any kind are truly a blessing, that these people were not right for you.
Now, also think of this. Often times our outer world is a reflection of our inner thoughts. So, if you do not trust men, or women, you may be getting this "poor treatment" by others as a reflection of your inner thoughts. You'll have to do some inner work to see what your real beliefs are....do that now, be brutally honest with yourself.
And, make sure that you are not treating others, even subconsciously, as you are being treated.
Make sure your word to EVERYONE is solid, that You do what you say you will at all times.
Last, if how someone treats you does not feel right, let them go. Quickly.
Slow down, love yourself and others.
Love, peace, David Essel. www.talkdavid.com
"So, if people do not call when they say they will, do you give them a second chance? is that the same as a physical no-show for coffee or a drink?"
"I feel very frustrated with the number of women who lead you to believe they are interested in dating, then disappear....without a return call, with no answer, after 1 or 2 meetings, they kiss you and tell you how much they loved the date..then poof!! you never get a response! what the hell is that???"
I think you now know the challenges of dating. If you're not in the game, you're probably thinking "Thank God!!" lol......
Let's look at my first response, that no shows of any kind are truly a blessing, that these people were not right for you.
Now, also think of this. Often times our outer world is a reflection of our inner thoughts. So, if you do not trust men, or women, you may be getting this "poor treatment" by others as a reflection of your inner thoughts. You'll have to do some inner work to see what your real beliefs are....do that now, be brutally honest with yourself.
And, make sure that you are not treating others, even subconsciously, as you are being treated.
Make sure your word to EVERYONE is solid, that You do what you say you will at all times.
Last, if how someone treats you does not feel right, let them go. Quickly.
Slow down, love yourself and others.
Love, peace, David Essel. www.talkdavid.com
Friday, December 26, 2008
"Thinking " your way through challenging times
The last few months have been filled with coaching sessions with clients who are facing a variety of challenges.
The loss of a beloved pet.
The loss of employment.
The loss of a relationship.
The loss of a parent.
The loss of a child.
Through all of these challenges a question that has arisen many many times is, "is it possible to think my way through these difficulties?"
The answer is yes, and no.
Yes, we can distract ourselves by thinking of solutions to our challenge, or by finding gratitude for what we DO have that is going well........
But no, this is not the only solution for us to look for.
The other key is to "Feel, deeply feel" the loss that we have recently experienced. Now this is the part of personal growth that a lot of us do not want to look at, for the simple reason that it is hard. It's uncomfortable, which is why it's such a valuable tool to use to help us to heal.
So, when faced with a loss, yes, look for solutions.
Also, go into the fire of the loss and feel the pain, the loneliness, the angst. If you chose, do this with a friend, coach, therapist or minister as well.
There is comfort in numbers.
Slow down to heal.
Love, peace, David Essel. http://www.talkdavid.com/
The loss of a beloved pet.
The loss of employment.
The loss of a relationship.
The loss of a parent.
The loss of a child.
Through all of these challenges a question that has arisen many many times is, "is it possible to think my way through these difficulties?"
The answer is yes, and no.
Yes, we can distract ourselves by thinking of solutions to our challenge, or by finding gratitude for what we DO have that is going well........
But no, this is not the only solution for us to look for.
The other key is to "Feel, deeply feel" the loss that we have recently experienced. Now this is the part of personal growth that a lot of us do not want to look at, for the simple reason that it is hard. It's uncomfortable, which is why it's such a valuable tool to use to help us to heal.
So, when faced with a loss, yes, look for solutions.
Also, go into the fire of the loss and feel the pain, the loneliness, the angst. If you chose, do this with a friend, coach, therapist or minister as well.
There is comfort in numbers.
Slow down to heal.
Love, peace, David Essel. http://www.talkdavid.com/
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Dating: Loving the Challenge
If you want to become more at peace in the world of dating, you will have to begin to actually love the challenge of dating. I know at first this may seem like an insane concept, but let me explain.
My client enters the office this week, throws down her purse and screams, "I hate this dating crap!!! All of it!!!!".
It seems she was stood up 2 weeks in a row, a very uncomfortable feeling indeed. The words "men are all dogs......society sucks....everyone sucks"...continued to pour out of her mouth.
I sat with an internal grin, which she obviously felt for in a few minutes she was laughing and crying at the same time.
I shared with her the concept of accepting that this was simply a part of the world of dating, and the world in general. We will be let down at times. We will get rejected at times.
And if we can at first accept this concept, and then go to the point of loving it, our lives will be much less stressed.
So how do we actually love being stood up? This was something she was dying to hear, and a bit skeptical about my potential answer, I might add.
"It's easy. First, the reason these men stood you up is because they were not the right ones for you. God, or the Universe, is very wise in helping us to meet the people we are actually supposed to date. We can love the fact that these men did not show up because we have just possibly avoided a pain in the butt relationship!! Let's love the fact they were a no-show!"
She was instantly feeling the facts behind my words. It's not that instantly we will feel great about someone not showing up...or not calling...or lying to us about something...but with this philosophy of trusting that all is truly in place, we can learn to feel, then let go of the disappointment quickly.
Which of course opens us up to meeting people much more suited for us. Loving the challenges that come with the world of dating diminishes the chance of long held anger or resentments. Which opens our heart to love.
Slow down, love whatever occurs, then make sure to set the healthy boundaries that you will and will not accept in the wonderful world of dating.
Love, peace...David Essel www.talkdavid.com
My client enters the office this week, throws down her purse and screams, "I hate this dating crap!!! All of it!!!!".
It seems she was stood up 2 weeks in a row, a very uncomfortable feeling indeed. The words "men are all dogs......society sucks....everyone sucks"...continued to pour out of her mouth.
I sat with an internal grin, which she obviously felt for in a few minutes she was laughing and crying at the same time.
I shared with her the concept of accepting that this was simply a part of the world of dating, and the world in general. We will be let down at times. We will get rejected at times.
And if we can at first accept this concept, and then go to the point of loving it, our lives will be much less stressed.
So how do we actually love being stood up? This was something she was dying to hear, and a bit skeptical about my potential answer, I might add.
"It's easy. First, the reason these men stood you up is because they were not the right ones for you. God, or the Universe, is very wise in helping us to meet the people we are actually supposed to date. We can love the fact that these men did not show up because we have just possibly avoided a pain in the butt relationship!! Let's love the fact they were a no-show!"
She was instantly feeling the facts behind my words. It's not that instantly we will feel great about someone not showing up...or not calling...or lying to us about something...but with this philosophy of trusting that all is truly in place, we can learn to feel, then let go of the disappointment quickly.
Which of course opens us up to meeting people much more suited for us. Loving the challenges that come with the world of dating diminishes the chance of long held anger or resentments. Which opens our heart to love.
Slow down, love whatever occurs, then make sure to set the healthy boundaries that you will and will not accept in the wonderful world of dating.
Love, peace...David Essel www.talkdavid.com
Radio Interview: Suze Orman, Financial Guru
Suze Orman, now known by most as the financial guru seen on her own television show, as well as heard on her radio program, was an extremely interesting and upbeat guest to interview.
What impressed me the most about Suze during our interview, was her background, and the trials she had gone through in her past to get her to where she is today.
Many may not know that a number of years ago, one of her assistants embezzled almost her entire life savings! After giving this person the responsibility of handling her business and income, she returned from a trip to find out the money, almost down to her last cent, had been stolen.
As she told me during this interview, that the lessons learned through this experience actually created the person she is today, both personally and professionally.
Her ability to forgive, and create steps to eliminate this experience from ever reoccurring in the future has made her into one of the most successful financial advice experts of our times.
And, her passion, energy, and love for what she does comes through in each and every interview I have ever done with her.
Slow Down. Learn from your own past financial choices, let them go...forgive yourself and anyone else you may need to in this arena of your life to create the future you desire.
Love, Peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
What impressed me the most about Suze during our interview, was her background, and the trials she had gone through in her past to get her to where she is today.
Many may not know that a number of years ago, one of her assistants embezzled almost her entire life savings! After giving this person the responsibility of handling her business and income, she returned from a trip to find out the money, almost down to her last cent, had been stolen.
As she told me during this interview, that the lessons learned through this experience actually created the person she is today, both personally and professionally.
Her ability to forgive, and create steps to eliminate this experience from ever reoccurring in the future has made her into one of the most successful financial advice experts of our times.
And, her passion, energy, and love for what she does comes through in each and every interview I have ever done with her.
Slow Down. Learn from your own past financial choices, let them go...forgive yourself and anyone else you may need to in this arena of your life to create the future you desire.
Love, Peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Holiday Celebrations..Making them count
With all of the stressed out clients, friends and acquaintances I see daily during the Holiday Celebration Season..I have to ask everyone to write out the answer to this question.
"What do the holidays really mean to you? What would you like them to mean? Have you lost the connection, have the Holidays simply turned into a gift giving/receiving time of year with no real foundation?"
For those of you who are familiar with my work, these questions cannot be simply answered in your head. They must be written down. And, then the solutions must be in writing if you really want to see a change occur.
Maybe this is the year to create new rituals, for yourself, or your family, to add the spark of spirit that seems missing.
What would they be? Reading every evening about the meaning of Christmas? Hanukkah? Or any other seasonal holiday?
Slow down. Take control of your life today. Retrieve it from the marketers who want us to believe it's all about the material gifts. It's not.
Love, peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
"What do the holidays really mean to you? What would you like them to mean? Have you lost the connection, have the Holidays simply turned into a gift giving/receiving time of year with no real foundation?"
For those of you who are familiar with my work, these questions cannot be simply answered in your head. They must be written down. And, then the solutions must be in writing if you really want to see a change occur.
Maybe this is the year to create new rituals, for yourself, or your family, to add the spark of spirit that seems missing.
What would they be? Reading every evening about the meaning of Christmas? Hanukkah? Or any other seasonal holiday?
Slow down. Take control of your life today. Retrieve it from the marketers who want us to believe it's all about the material gifts. It's not.
Love, peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
Sunday, December 7, 2008
The Power of "Self-Talk"..Help or Hinderance....
Every day I hear the complaints...the insane conversations going on both inside and outside of peoples heads. Yes, I can even hear the internal chatter as someone walks by just by looking at their body language.
"I'll never lose this weight.... This is the worst recession of our lifetime..... Guys are just plain dogs.... why quit drinking now, that's not going to change anything... I've tried to quit smoking 20 times! there's no program that will work for me ......I never have enough time for the gym, me, or to do anything fun! "
Of course there are a million more ludicrous statements that people repeat every day to themselves, and oftentimes to anyone else who will listen and they all serve on amazing purpose: to keep you stuck in your miserable rut.
That's right, that's all they do. Keep you stuck.
How do I know this to be true? Because there are millions of people in this world today in a position much more devastating than yours, who are happy today. Who are at peace today. Because they have mastered the art of self-talk.
Self talk, positive self talk, can be mastered. But it begins with a conscious choice to do so.
You become what you think about, and what you talk about all day long.
So, if you want a more powerful life, a more abundant life, watch the words you say and think. Replace the limiting ones with a powerful projection of who you want to be.
Ask your friends to catch you when you gossip, when you complain. Then, change the words you are using right on the spot.
Slow down, and watch your world change for the better right before your eyes.
Love, peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
"I'll never lose this weight.... This is the worst recession of our lifetime..... Guys are just plain dogs.... why quit drinking now, that's not going to change anything... I've tried to quit smoking 20 times! there's no program that will work for me ......I never have enough time for the gym, me, or to do anything fun! "
Of course there are a million more ludicrous statements that people repeat every day to themselves, and oftentimes to anyone else who will listen and they all serve on amazing purpose: to keep you stuck in your miserable rut.
That's right, that's all they do. Keep you stuck.
How do I know this to be true? Because there are millions of people in this world today in a position much more devastating than yours, who are happy today. Who are at peace today. Because they have mastered the art of self-talk.
Self talk, positive self talk, can be mastered. But it begins with a conscious choice to do so.
You become what you think about, and what you talk about all day long.
So, if you want a more powerful life, a more abundant life, watch the words you say and think. Replace the limiting ones with a powerful projection of who you want to be.
Ask your friends to catch you when you gossip, when you complain. Then, change the words you are using right on the spot.
Slow down, and watch your world change for the better right before your eyes.
Love, peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
Thursday, December 4, 2008
"I am a Warrior"....Wayman Tisdale
As I was watching a college basketball game today, former NBA player Wayman Tisdale was interviewed in regards to the recent amputation of one of his legs, just above the knee, due to cancer.
The hosts were discussing his amazing attitude, and asked him how he could stay so positive during such a stressful time.
"I realized how blessed I have been...that it happened after I left Pro basketball is such a blessing...I look back at how I've always been pushed in my basketball career by coaches like Bobby Knight...who made me see that I can handle so much more than I ever thought I could....through my faith.....I've finally seen that I am a warrior."
Tears started to well in my eyes as I watched Wayman on tv. The smile on his face was so real, so true, and he just lost 1/2 his leg!!
I am a warrior as well. And as soon as you say it, say it out loud, you are a warrior too.
We all are warriors in life, something that we can say and feel with pride. The power that comes through the faith, the belief in yourself, can help you rise above anything that life can throw your way.
If you ever doubt it, just think of Wayman. And all of the other amazing human beings that we can look to who have overcome adversity. They are all leading us back home, home to our true powerful selves.
Slow down.
Love, peace, David Essel http://www.talkdavid.com/
The hosts were discussing his amazing attitude, and asked him how he could stay so positive during such a stressful time.
"I realized how blessed I have been...that it happened after I left Pro basketball is such a blessing...I look back at how I've always been pushed in my basketball career by coaches like Bobby Knight...who made me see that I can handle so much more than I ever thought I could....through my faith.....I've finally seen that I am a warrior."
Tears started to well in my eyes as I watched Wayman on tv. The smile on his face was so real, so true, and he just lost 1/2 his leg!!
I am a warrior as well. And as soon as you say it, say it out loud, you are a warrior too.
We all are warriors in life, something that we can say and feel with pride. The power that comes through the faith, the belief in yourself, can help you rise above anything that life can throw your way.
If you ever doubt it, just think of Wayman. And all of the other amazing human beings that we can look to who have overcome adversity. They are all leading us back home, home to our true powerful selves.
Slow down.
Love, peace, David Essel http://www.talkdavid.com/
Finding a Job Today....What Works?
If you watch television, listen to the radio and read the reports in the newspaper about the trials of people trying to find a job, you might just give up before you really give it your best shot. Finding a job today is possible, if you're willing to go above and beyond your normal interviewing/ searching practices.
Yes, you have a challenge on your hands. Yes it is possible to find work. The question you must ask yourself, is how bad do you want it?
I would love to share with you some proven job search methods that will help you today, or any day for that matter :
1) Create a great resume, even if you have to use a resume writer.
2) Get offline and in front of people. Too many people rely on the ease of the Internet when they should be asking for work in person.
3) Walk into 10 , yes, 10 businesses a day, ask for the manager, leave your resume and fill out an application...even if they have no jobs listed.
4) Take a job even if you think it's "below" your experience if your really need one...prove yourself, get humble, kick butt, and work your way to the top. Or are you too wrapped up in your own ego to do this?
5) Email and call 10 former contacts, friends etc. every day, asking them to refer you to anyone they know who you can contact about an open position.
6) Repeat steps 1-5 and watch your world change for the better.
Slow down. Do the action steps necessary to find work, even the ones you really do not want to do.
Love, peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
Yes, you have a challenge on your hands. Yes it is possible to find work. The question you must ask yourself, is how bad do you want it?
I would love to share with you some proven job search methods that will help you today, or any day for that matter :
1) Create a great resume, even if you have to use a resume writer.
2) Get offline and in front of people. Too many people rely on the ease of the Internet when they should be asking for work in person.
3) Walk into 10 , yes, 10 businesses a day, ask for the manager, leave your resume and fill out an application...even if they have no jobs listed.
4) Take a job even if you think it's "below" your experience if your really need one...prove yourself, get humble, kick butt, and work your way to the top. Or are you too wrapped up in your own ego to do this?
5) Email and call 10 former contacts, friends etc. every day, asking them to refer you to anyone they know who you can contact about an open position.
6) Repeat steps 1-5 and watch your world change for the better.
Slow down. Do the action steps necessary to find work, even the ones you really do not want to do.
Love, peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Marriage = Love plus...What?
"But I loved her with all my might, isn't that what it is supposed to take to create a marriage that lasts?" My client was stunned. His wife had just filed for divorce, after years of what he had thought was a successful marriage.
As I reflected on our meeting, and the weeks of work that followed, it became evident to me that love alone will never be enough to make a marriage work, or be successful for both partners in the long run.
I remember interviewing a man that had been married well over 50 years and posing the question to him about what makes a successful long term marriage.
His words still echo through my mind. "A deep love for the person is the place to start, but truly David you must really enjoy living together...in the same house, no matter how small. You must really enjoy their company for it to last. It's not enough to just love someone."
Love will really never be enough. You can deeply love someone, but not truly enjoy their company. Or respect their opinions on life. Or look for ways to create fun together. Or be willing to set healthy boundaries early on that shows how much you respect yourself.
My client definitely loved his wife, but over the years had refused to listen to her pleas to create more time to spend together. While he did not want to notice the fact they were drifting apart, she had created a life outside of her marriage that was more fulfilling then the fact that he was making an income to cover their living expenses.
She wanted more time, more creativity in their relationship, while he wanted to stay in his comfort zone.
As I look back at my own marriage that ended 8 years ago, I know we both loved each other . I also know that it was not enough. In my case, I believe I entered into marriage too soon for it to last, without enough of a foundation that all marriages really need. The ground work that is essential was bypassed.
Love+ Respect+Creativity+Communication+Understanding= A healthy marriage. Not a perfect marriage, but a healthy one that might just pass the test of time.
Slow down.
Love, peace, David Essel. www.talkdavid.com
As I reflected on our meeting, and the weeks of work that followed, it became evident to me that love alone will never be enough to make a marriage work, or be successful for both partners in the long run.
I remember interviewing a man that had been married well over 50 years and posing the question to him about what makes a successful long term marriage.
His words still echo through my mind. "A deep love for the person is the place to start, but truly David you must really enjoy living together...in the same house, no matter how small. You must really enjoy their company for it to last. It's not enough to just love someone."
Love will really never be enough. You can deeply love someone, but not truly enjoy their company. Or respect their opinions on life. Or look for ways to create fun together. Or be willing to set healthy boundaries early on that shows how much you respect yourself.
My client definitely loved his wife, but over the years had refused to listen to her pleas to create more time to spend together. While he did not want to notice the fact they were drifting apart, she had created a life outside of her marriage that was more fulfilling then the fact that he was making an income to cover their living expenses.
She wanted more time, more creativity in their relationship, while he wanted to stay in his comfort zone.
As I look back at my own marriage that ended 8 years ago, I know we both loved each other . I also know that it was not enough. In my case, I believe I entered into marriage too soon for it to last, without enough of a foundation that all marriages really need. The ground work that is essential was bypassed.
Love+ Respect+Creativity+Communication+Understanding= A healthy marriage. Not a perfect marriage, but a healthy one that might just pass the test of time.
Slow down.
Love, peace, David Essel. www.talkdavid.com
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Top Radio Interviews: Part 1 : Wayne Dyer
As many of you know, for 10 years I hosted the nationally syndicated radio talk show "David Essel Alive!" heard in over 220 cities across the USA. During that time, I had the opportunity to interview some of the most amazing people on our planet today, including best selling authors like Wayne Dyer.
Without a doubt , this was one of the most incredible periods of my existence. For six hours each week, I was immersed in the minds of the top actors, athletes, doctors, monks, priests, rabbis, nuns, philosophers, musicians and more.
From time to time in this blog, I will share with you a nugget or two of the wisdom handed down to me, from these varied guests, that just might make a difference in your life as they have mine.
Today, we'll begin with Wayne Dyer. Wayne was the consummate guest....always energetic, courteous and filled with patience and compassion. so the quote that stands out from one of the several interviews that I did with him will not surprise you.
When i asked him once what was a key to long lasting love relationships his answer was straight to the point:
"David, we always have the choice to be right in a relationship, or to be kind."
Simple isn't it? Yet how often do we put this wisdom to use when we are struggling with a loved one? It's usually the ego's desire to be right at all costs. If we're right, than our partner must see this, so we dig in for the long haul.
Today, let's see how we can apply the other thought in our lives. See where you can be kind instead of right, and watch your relationships rise to the next level.
Slow Down.
Love, Peace... David Essel www.talkdavid.com
www.lifecoachuniverse.com
Without a doubt , this was one of the most incredible periods of my existence. For six hours each week, I was immersed in the minds of the top actors, athletes, doctors, monks, priests, rabbis, nuns, philosophers, musicians and more.
From time to time in this blog, I will share with you a nugget or two of the wisdom handed down to me, from these varied guests, that just might make a difference in your life as they have mine.
Today, we'll begin with Wayne Dyer. Wayne was the consummate guest....always energetic, courteous and filled with patience and compassion. so the quote that stands out from one of the several interviews that I did with him will not surprise you.
When i asked him once what was a key to long lasting love relationships his answer was straight to the point:
"David, we always have the choice to be right in a relationship, or to be kind."
Simple isn't it? Yet how often do we put this wisdom to use when we are struggling with a loved one? It's usually the ego's desire to be right at all costs. If we're right, than our partner must see this, so we dig in for the long haul.
Today, let's see how we can apply the other thought in our lives. See where you can be kind instead of right, and watch your relationships rise to the next level.
Slow Down.
Love, Peace... David Essel www.talkdavid.com
www.lifecoachuniverse.com
Monday, November 24, 2008
The Search For Our Soul mate.... or Soul mates?
As my client sat in front of me, tears of frustration running down her face as she searched in vain for her soul mate, I remember how I felt the same anguish that she was experiencing right now in front of me a number of years ago.
"I'm so tired of looking for him...of dating people who start off great but end up being so far from my soul mate that I don't have any idea of what to do next..Can you point me in the direction to finally find him?"
"How will your life be different once you connect with your soul mate?" I ask.
" Oh, the word that comes to me is blissful. I know that once we're together, my life and his will be amazing. I deserve that, and he does too. I know that the fighting that I see and have experienced, the arguing, the doubt will be gone. When you connect with your true soul mate, you don't have to go through the craziness anymore. "
She went on to mention several very popular books she had read that created the image she so wanted to experience.
For many of us, this image of the day when all will be perfect reminds me of the fairy tale books we read when we were younger. The prince saves the day. The beautiful maiden takes our cares away.
But, how realistic I wonder is this fantasy that swirls in our minds?
I wonder if your last relationship that ended abruptly could have been with a soul mate...one who had been perfectly presented for us to learn an amazing life lesson or two.
In other words, what if everyone you had ever dated was a soul mate?
What if the ones that pushed you the hardest, that drove you crazy with their control issues, or laziness, or lies...were all there to help you to grow, to learn how to set healthy boundaries so that you'd be ready for the next level of love?
What if there was really no hierarchy of lovers, just simply all perfect beings that assisted you in learning to love yourself more, so as you matured you could learn to love and accept others more deeply?
Of course if that was true, then we'd see that we are responsible for our own levels of growth, happiness and love. We'd see that we can't be pinning our hopes on some man or women to save us, and we'd begin to appreciate everyone who we have ever loved as the beautiful being that they are.
We'd also have to let go of the resentments we hold against past lovers...which is something the ego may battle you over. =) And admit they were soul mates too. Hmmmmm, could you possibly ever do that?
I believe in everything written here today that has to do with being responsible in love.
I believe in soul mates, not one soul mate. And, I am blessed by every woman I've ever dated, for the absolute awareness and love each of them has brought into my life.
Yes, there were, and still are, my soul mates.
Slow down. Let go of the fantasy of love, and jump into the reality of the beauty of your life, and all of those who have been a part of your learning curve in love.
Love, Peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com www.lifecoachuniverse.com
"I'm so tired of looking for him...of dating people who start off great but end up being so far from my soul mate that I don't have any idea of what to do next..Can you point me in the direction to finally find him?"
"How will your life be different once you connect with your soul mate?" I ask.
" Oh, the word that comes to me is blissful. I know that once we're together, my life and his will be amazing. I deserve that, and he does too. I know that the fighting that I see and have experienced, the arguing, the doubt will be gone. When you connect with your true soul mate, you don't have to go through the craziness anymore. "
She went on to mention several very popular books she had read that created the image she so wanted to experience.
For many of us, this image of the day when all will be perfect reminds me of the fairy tale books we read when we were younger. The prince saves the day. The beautiful maiden takes our cares away.
But, how realistic I wonder is this fantasy that swirls in our minds?
I wonder if your last relationship that ended abruptly could have been with a soul mate...one who had been perfectly presented for us to learn an amazing life lesson or two.
In other words, what if everyone you had ever dated was a soul mate?
What if the ones that pushed you the hardest, that drove you crazy with their control issues, or laziness, or lies...were all there to help you to grow, to learn how to set healthy boundaries so that you'd be ready for the next level of love?
What if there was really no hierarchy of lovers, just simply all perfect beings that assisted you in learning to love yourself more, so as you matured you could learn to love and accept others more deeply?
Of course if that was true, then we'd see that we are responsible for our own levels of growth, happiness and love. We'd see that we can't be pinning our hopes on some man or women to save us, and we'd begin to appreciate everyone who we have ever loved as the beautiful being that they are.
We'd also have to let go of the resentments we hold against past lovers...which is something the ego may battle you over. =) And admit they were soul mates too. Hmmmmm, could you possibly ever do that?
I believe in everything written here today that has to do with being responsible in love.
I believe in soul mates, not one soul mate. And, I am blessed by every woman I've ever dated, for the absolute awareness and love each of them has brought into my life.
Yes, there were, and still are, my soul mates.
Slow down. Let go of the fantasy of love, and jump into the reality of the beauty of your life, and all of those who have been a part of your learning curve in love.
Love, Peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com www.lifecoachuniverse.com
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Investing in Yourself as a Path to Abundance
Whenever a client I'm working with creates the desire to become more abundant, the very first step to look at is how they are currently investing in themselves.
Abundance in this sense is often tied into financial abundance, but it honestly can relate to any type of abundance at all. One might desire a greater abundance of love...time...happiness, as well as or separate from money.
So, how are you currently investing in yourself in order to create greater financial abundance? Are you creating a budget recall plan to see where your money is being spent each week? Are you working with a financial planner, or life coach? Are you taking any personal growth courses? (Remember, these courses do not have to be directly related to enhancing your finances to get you thinking and acting in a more abundant way, which will ultimately enhance your overall abundance. ) Are you currently reading any books, listening to cd's, or watching dvd's on personal growth?
Each of these activities , if you are doing them on a regular basis, would prove that you are investing in yourself and would absolutely lead you to greater abundance. We need to be investing in ourselves, in our own growth on a weekly, if not daily basis, in order to see a shift in our outer world.
Abundance in regards to finances takes the same energy exchange, intention and action steps that abundance in love demands. If you desire more love, you must put the time and effort into expanding your capability to give more love.
Simple isn't it? =)
Slow down.
Whatever abundance you desire, invest in yourself today in order to bring it into your life. Put yourself into situations that create the feeling of abundance, like looking at magazines that have photo's of beautiful vacation villas overlooking an expansive beach... if that is your idea of abundant living.
If you desire abundance, take the time to invest in your own growth, and watch it become your reality.
Love, Peace, David Essel. http://www.talkdavid.com/ http://www.lifecoachuniverse.com/
Abundance in this sense is often tied into financial abundance, but it honestly can relate to any type of abundance at all. One might desire a greater abundance of love...time...happiness, as well as or separate from money.
So, how are you currently investing in yourself in order to create greater financial abundance? Are you creating a budget recall plan to see where your money is being spent each week? Are you working with a financial planner, or life coach? Are you taking any personal growth courses? (Remember, these courses do not have to be directly related to enhancing your finances to get you thinking and acting in a more abundant way, which will ultimately enhance your overall abundance. ) Are you currently reading any books, listening to cd's, or watching dvd's on personal growth?
Each of these activities , if you are doing them on a regular basis, would prove that you are investing in yourself and would absolutely lead you to greater abundance. We need to be investing in ourselves, in our own growth on a weekly, if not daily basis, in order to see a shift in our outer world.
Abundance in regards to finances takes the same energy exchange, intention and action steps that abundance in love demands. If you desire more love, you must put the time and effort into expanding your capability to give more love.
Simple isn't it? =)
Slow down.
Whatever abundance you desire, invest in yourself today in order to bring it into your life. Put yourself into situations that create the feeling of abundance, like looking at magazines that have photo's of beautiful vacation villas overlooking an expansive beach... if that is your idea of abundant living.
If you desire abundance, take the time to invest in your own growth, and watch it become your reality.
Love, Peace, David Essel. http://www.talkdavid.com/ http://www.lifecoachuniverse.com/
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Re. 'Self Betrayal"
I guess this writing touched many people in a variety of ways. I'd like to grab some of the questions asked, comments made, and see if we cannot add more clarity to this incredibly important subject.
"If I have similar traits to your former partner, what to do now? I'm amazed to see myself acting in many similar ways...escaping being truthful to my lover...disappearing if we get into stressful disagreements and more."
Simply remember that while it is really hard to live honestly all the time in a relationship, as we fear our partners disapproval or rejection, that it is the only way to be free...to be yourself . Anything short, we are actually betraying ourselves, not just them. Get into counselling with a therapist, coach, minister...for at the very least several months. Do the work to change.
" You seem to be labeling the problems in your relationship to your partner. I thought you were supposed to be honest with yourself and accept your role here."
Please go back and read the blog again. I think you'll see that in the beginning even I believed that the dysfunction in our relationship was her fault..but as I explored the reality deeper, I saw that I was as much to blame, as I continued to return to a relationship that was not healthy for me. Once I saw this, that I was betraying myself by not living up to my own words, I was able to take the blame off of her, and share in it equally.
Slow Down.
Look honestly into all of your relationships that are challenging, and see your role
in them all.
Love, Peace, David Essel. www.talkdavid.com
Please see how you can become a Certified Life Coach via our teleconference series at www.lifecoachuniverse.com
"If I have similar traits to your former partner, what to do now? I'm amazed to see myself acting in many similar ways...escaping being truthful to my lover...disappearing if we get into stressful disagreements and more."
Simply remember that while it is really hard to live honestly all the time in a relationship, as we fear our partners disapproval or rejection, that it is the only way to be free...to be yourself . Anything short, we are actually betraying ourselves, not just them. Get into counselling with a therapist, coach, minister...for at the very least several months. Do the work to change.
" You seem to be labeling the problems in your relationship to your partner. I thought you were supposed to be honest with yourself and accept your role here."
Please go back and read the blog again. I think you'll see that in the beginning even I believed that the dysfunction in our relationship was her fault..but as I explored the reality deeper, I saw that I was as much to blame, as I continued to return to a relationship that was not healthy for me. Once I saw this, that I was betraying myself by not living up to my own words, I was able to take the blame off of her, and share in it equally.
Slow Down.
Look honestly into all of your relationships that are challenging, and see your role
in them all.
Love, Peace, David Essel. www.talkdavid.com
Please see how you can become a Certified Life Coach via our teleconference series at www.lifecoachuniverse.com
ACT.....NOW
....... The world of success is , always has been, always will be, based on your action.
You cannot think your way to success. You cannot think your way to a deeper spiritual path.
You cannot think your way to deeper love.
A client of mine recently decided that she wanted a deeper connection with God and herself. And, she found it. How? By getting up at 4am to meditate every day. The changes in her life are SO profound, because she acted on her desires.
Another client tripled her income in 90 days following a course of action we created through my slow down coaching philosophy. How? She acted on the steps created. Every day, for 2 hours each nite after she had put in a full day at work. . For 90 straight days.
Whatever you want to accomplish has to be followed by daily action steps. If anyone tells you differently, I would question their motives.
Act, Now, to create the life you desire. And tomorrow too.
Slow Down. Go after what you truly want in this lifetime today.
Peace, Love, David Essel. www.talkdavid.com www.lifecoachuniverse.com
ps..starting in early December, we will be offering our Life Coach Level 1 Certification, The Foundations for Life Mastery, via teleconference phone calls that you can be a part of from anywhere in the world!! We look forward to having you join us. Act. Now.
You cannot think your way to success. You cannot think your way to a deeper spiritual path.
You cannot think your way to deeper love.
A client of mine recently decided that she wanted a deeper connection with God and herself. And, she found it. How? By getting up at 4am to meditate every day. The changes in her life are SO profound, because she acted on her desires.
Another client tripled her income in 90 days following a course of action we created through my slow down coaching philosophy. How? She acted on the steps created. Every day, for 2 hours each nite after she had put in a full day at work. . For 90 straight days.
Whatever you want to accomplish has to be followed by daily action steps. If anyone tells you differently, I would question their motives.
Act, Now, to create the life you desire. And tomorrow too.
Slow Down. Go after what you truly want in this lifetime today.
Peace, Love, David Essel. www.talkdavid.com www.lifecoachuniverse.com
ps..starting in early December, we will be offering our Life Coach Level 1 Certification, The Foundations for Life Mastery, via teleconference phone calls that you can be a part of from anywhere in the world!! We look forward to having you join us. Act. Now.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Self Forgiveness..Self Betrayal....How to Heal
One major anchor that holds people back in life is the inability to forgive themselves for events from their past. This inability to forgive oneself, leads to self betrayal, which makes it very difficult to heal from any past event.
This work is a little tricky though, because most of us can't even see how we get into some of the messes we create, even years after they supposedly are past.
Let me give you an example of an event that occurs in the lives of many of my clients that leads to the understanding of how self betrayal may even look like a betrayal that someone else has done to us.
I'll even use myself as the example.
A number of years ago I fell head over heels for a young woman shortly after meeting her. One of the areas in life we discussed immediately was the need to be fully honest, fully present with each other. I stated quite boldly that without this form of honesty, I would not be able to stay with her, or anyone for that matter. I was past anything short of honesty in a relationship.
She wholeheartedly agreed, and off we went.
Within a month, things started to go sour. When we met, she said she was divorced, to find out later she was still married. Betrayal.
When she shared that several members of her family had serious untreated emotional issues, like Bi-polar disorder , I asked if she was being treated as well. I was concerned as her behavior over the first several months would be extremely erratic at times. Her answer was she had no such disorders. Which was a lie. Betrayal.
She was addicted to smoking, which she covered up by disappearing for hours in the evening, unable to be reached. Which meant on these nites I could not see her. But by the next morning she had showered, cleansed her breath, and had excuses as to where she had been. All lies. Betrayal.
She had an addiction to prescription medications, which when she did have any, albeit infrequently, she again would disappear or act irrationally, and then confess to having taken some after promising she would not. Betrayal.
But wait!!
What seems to be so cut and dry here ladies and gentleman is really not!!
So far, by what we've seen, the reason the relationship crashed, and the hard feelings I had for a while after that could easily, at first glance be directed at this young woman. It would seem, that her continual lies, and the betrayal of truth would be the reason for my angst...but that is only part of the story.
If we were to look deeper, the reason I could not fully release the frustration of this relationship for months afterwards was because : I Betrayed Myself.
If you remember in the beginning of this writing, I had boldly stated that if someone could not be fully honest, I would have to leave.
Every time she betrayed me, or my trust, with another lie and I still stayed...I was betraying myself. You see, if I had honored my word, after the first betrayal, I would have ended the relationship. Or the second.
But I stayed. And because I continued to stay, my own sense of self, of self respect, continued to be eroded. And as the erosion deepened, it made it harder to let go of the relationship emotionally until I forgave myself, for betraying myself.
As I continued to walk through my own healthy boundaries, and go back to her time after time, knowing what I did, I damaged my own integrity.
The only way to fully heal this wound, is to forgive ourselves for the way we have betrayed our own selves!!
Full self forgiveness then will lead to the ability to fully forgive the other person as well.
But as long as we continue to point the finger, as long as we hold the grudge against someone else... the longer we delay looking at how we betray ourselves by not living up to our own standards, or by not paying attention to the intuitive red flags that pop up in business or love, the longer it will be to heal.
Slow down. Forgive yourself for past relationship failures, let go of the self betrayal, and watch yourself heal.
Love, Peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
This work is a little tricky though, because most of us can't even see how we get into some of the messes we create, even years after they supposedly are past.
Let me give you an example of an event that occurs in the lives of many of my clients that leads to the understanding of how self betrayal may even look like a betrayal that someone else has done to us.
I'll even use myself as the example.
A number of years ago I fell head over heels for a young woman shortly after meeting her. One of the areas in life we discussed immediately was the need to be fully honest, fully present with each other. I stated quite boldly that without this form of honesty, I would not be able to stay with her, or anyone for that matter. I was past anything short of honesty in a relationship.
She wholeheartedly agreed, and off we went.
Within a month, things started to go sour. When we met, she said she was divorced, to find out later she was still married. Betrayal.
When she shared that several members of her family had serious untreated emotional issues, like Bi-polar disorder , I asked if she was being treated as well. I was concerned as her behavior over the first several months would be extremely erratic at times. Her answer was she had no such disorders. Which was a lie. Betrayal.
She was addicted to smoking, which she covered up by disappearing for hours in the evening, unable to be reached. Which meant on these nites I could not see her. But by the next morning she had showered, cleansed her breath, and had excuses as to where she had been. All lies. Betrayal.
She had an addiction to prescription medications, which when she did have any, albeit infrequently, she again would disappear or act irrationally, and then confess to having taken some after promising she would not. Betrayal.
But wait!!
What seems to be so cut and dry here ladies and gentleman is really not!!
So far, by what we've seen, the reason the relationship crashed, and the hard feelings I had for a while after that could easily, at first glance be directed at this young woman. It would seem, that her continual lies, and the betrayal of truth would be the reason for my angst...but that is only part of the story.
If we were to look deeper, the reason I could not fully release the frustration of this relationship for months afterwards was because : I Betrayed Myself.
If you remember in the beginning of this writing, I had boldly stated that if someone could not be fully honest, I would have to leave.
Every time she betrayed me, or my trust, with another lie and I still stayed...I was betraying myself. You see, if I had honored my word, after the first betrayal, I would have ended the relationship. Or the second.
But I stayed. And because I continued to stay, my own sense of self, of self respect, continued to be eroded. And as the erosion deepened, it made it harder to let go of the relationship emotionally until I forgave myself, for betraying myself.
As I continued to walk through my own healthy boundaries, and go back to her time after time, knowing what I did, I damaged my own integrity.
The only way to fully heal this wound, is to forgive ourselves for the way we have betrayed our own selves!!
Full self forgiveness then will lead to the ability to fully forgive the other person as well.
But as long as we continue to point the finger, as long as we hold the grudge against someone else... the longer we delay looking at how we betray ourselves by not living up to our own standards, or by not paying attention to the intuitive red flags that pop up in business or love, the longer it will be to heal.
Slow down. Forgive yourself for past relationship failures, let go of the self betrayal, and watch yourself heal.
Love, Peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
Monday, November 3, 2008
Success By Numbers...The Power of You..Plus...
Accountability: The power of numbers in life will always exceed the power of just one.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
The Limitations of Positive Thinking
The Power of Positive Thinking was made incredibly famous by the book of the same name, written by Norman Vincent Peale. And , with all of the press about the power of this concept, there are huge limitations to it's application in life.
Mainly, that people who desire a change in their lives often stop after trying to change their mindset ..... in other words, they believe that by thinking positive thoughts their world will change.
It won't.
I hate to disappoint those of us who want to believe that all we need to do is think positively, but as I've written before, positive thinking is just one of the many key steps to take if you want to live a more successful and joyful life.
Let me share briefly what I teach in my Life Mastery and Life Coach Certification workshops that will help you immensely right now:
1. Create positive intentions, statements to repeat every morning and evening.
2. Write a list of all of the things that you have gratitude for right now in your life.
3. Pick one goal to go after, and not more than one.
4. Create a specific daily action list, by a timeline, that is measurable . The key is daily steps.
5. Ask for assistance from a minister, friend, coach, or therapist to hold you accountable to your goals.
6. Rock on with your new life.
Slow Down. Get real with the keys to changing your life and remember if it seems too easy... to good to be true....if someone says "all you have to do is this one simple step, just think positively...." run for the hills....=). And then do what truly needs to be done to change your life forever.
Love, Peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
Mainly, that people who desire a change in their lives often stop after trying to change their mindset ..... in other words, they believe that by thinking positive thoughts their world will change.
It won't.
I hate to disappoint those of us who want to believe that all we need to do is think positively, but as I've written before, positive thinking is just one of the many key steps to take if you want to live a more successful and joyful life.
Let me share briefly what I teach in my Life Mastery and Life Coach Certification workshops that will help you immensely right now:
1. Create positive intentions, statements to repeat every morning and evening.
2. Write a list of all of the things that you have gratitude for right now in your life.
3. Pick one goal to go after, and not more than one.
4. Create a specific daily action list, by a timeline, that is measurable . The key is daily steps.
5. Ask for assistance from a minister, friend, coach, or therapist to hold you accountable to your goals.
6. Rock on with your new life.
Slow Down. Get real with the keys to changing your life and remember if it seems too easy... to good to be true....if someone says "all you have to do is this one simple step, just think positively...." run for the hills....=). And then do what truly needs to be done to change your life forever.
Love, Peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
The Presidential Election Decision..Made easy
For many Americans, trying to decide who to vote for during our upcoming Presidential election is proving harder than expected.
The reason for this can come from many angles, but in my coaching practice I'm seeing the concept of "peer pressure" in a whole new light.
People are feeling the need to be accepted for their choice of Presidential candidate.
........."You wouldn't vote for an African American President would you? How could you vote for a Vice Presidential candidate who is a woman, which means if her running mate is incapacitated, she would be President!".....And the list goes on and on.
This year is unprecedented in regards to the race, so it becomes crucial that we vote with our heads, hearts and intuition all as one.
I'm encouraging clients to read 1 article per day about each candidate written in a supportive form.
I'm encouraging this move so that they have a true understanding of what the candidates platforms really are , not believing it coming second handed from someone who is skewing the information.
Then, regardless if your family, friends, cousins or co-workers are pushing you to vote in a certain way...slow down. Think for yourself. Get quiet for 10-15 minutes and make the decision to vote for your candidate based on information and intuition. Not race or gender.
Slow Down. Vote with confidence...even if it goes against your past voting practices. Even if it goes against who you thought you would vote for before you read this blog.
Love, Peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
The reason for this can come from many angles, but in my coaching practice I'm seeing the concept of "peer pressure" in a whole new light.
People are feeling the need to be accepted for their choice of Presidential candidate.
........."You wouldn't vote for an African American President would you? How could you vote for a Vice Presidential candidate who is a woman, which means if her running mate is incapacitated, she would be President!".....And the list goes on and on.
This year is unprecedented in regards to the race, so it becomes crucial that we vote with our heads, hearts and intuition all as one.
I'm encouraging clients to read 1 article per day about each candidate written in a supportive form.
I'm encouraging this move so that they have a true understanding of what the candidates platforms really are , not believing it coming second handed from someone who is skewing the information.
Then, regardless if your family, friends, cousins or co-workers are pushing you to vote in a certain way...slow down. Think for yourself. Get quiet for 10-15 minutes and make the decision to vote for your candidate based on information and intuition. Not race or gender.
Slow Down. Vote with confidence...even if it goes against your past voting practices. Even if it goes against who you thought you would vote for before you read this blog.
Love, Peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Our Desire to Be Accepted...Liked By All......
It's funny how my work as a Life Coach often, if not always, is a mirror of my own personal life.
Over the past few weeks, several of my clients have been dealing with their desire to be accepted by others. To be liked by everyone. Their struggle has seemed to be centered on these traits that we all have ingrained since we were little boys and girls.
In some families, the need to be liked...to be accepted...has lead to intense addictions. Spending to keep our image up with our neighbors. Having sex with someone who asks for it so that we won't feel the pain of rejection. Accepting a job that looks great in our parents eyes, even though we have no interest whatsoever in the chosen field. Laughing at insensitive jokes to be a part of the gang...at work or with friends. Voting for a certain nominee to be accepted by certain groups of co-workers, friends or family members.
Stepping out and living our own life, regardless of who agrees or disagrees, can be a challenging existence...but if your own personal path is not followed, only you are the one to pay. And what is the price tag??? Our own self esteem. Our sense of self. Our self worth. Our personal levels of confidence. Basically, our entire existence is at stake if you want to be honest about it.
Recently, I've had several people pull me aside and say "there are quite a few people who do not like you David...They're saying Who is HE to co-found a non denominational church? Who is HE to call himself a Minister? Who is HE to lead certification workshops for Life Coaches??" And the list goes on.
I know the correct path is not necessarily the easiest one. I give my clients the tools needed to listen to these attacks...and to move forward anyway. We, the people who have dreams, who want to make a difference in this world, need to keep on our glorious, yes glorious path without concern about what others say.
Remember, Christ had many people who vehemently disliked him..as did Buddha... as does Donald Trump...and Suze Orman.....yest they all keep following their own path.
Do the same. Remove the need to be liked by all....and instead..follow your dreams, your heart...your soul..
Do not let the jealousy, insecurity or envy of others get in your way to becoming the beautiful force that you are.
Slow Down.
Love yourself. Peace. Love, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
Over the past few weeks, several of my clients have been dealing with their desire to be accepted by others. To be liked by everyone. Their struggle has seemed to be centered on these traits that we all have ingrained since we were little boys and girls.
In some families, the need to be liked...to be accepted...has lead to intense addictions. Spending to keep our image up with our neighbors. Having sex with someone who asks for it so that we won't feel the pain of rejection. Accepting a job that looks great in our parents eyes, even though we have no interest whatsoever in the chosen field. Laughing at insensitive jokes to be a part of the gang...at work or with friends. Voting for a certain nominee to be accepted by certain groups of co-workers, friends or family members.
Stepping out and living our own life, regardless of who agrees or disagrees, can be a challenging existence...but if your own personal path is not followed, only you are the one to pay. And what is the price tag??? Our own self esteem. Our sense of self. Our self worth. Our personal levels of confidence. Basically, our entire existence is at stake if you want to be honest about it.
Recently, I've had several people pull me aside and say "there are quite a few people who do not like you David...They're saying Who is HE to co-found a non denominational church? Who is HE to call himself a Minister? Who is HE to lead certification workshops for Life Coaches??" And the list goes on.
I know the correct path is not necessarily the easiest one. I give my clients the tools needed to listen to these attacks...and to move forward anyway. We, the people who have dreams, who want to make a difference in this world, need to keep on our glorious, yes glorious path without concern about what others say.
Remember, Christ had many people who vehemently disliked him..as did Buddha... as does Donald Trump...and Suze Orman.....yest they all keep following their own path.
Do the same. Remove the need to be liked by all....and instead..follow your dreams, your heart...your soul..
Do not let the jealousy, insecurity or envy of others get in your way to becoming the beautiful force that you are.
Slow Down.
Love yourself. Peace. Love, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
Monday, October 13, 2008
What Should I Expect During Life Coach Certification
Depending on the course that you may sign up for, coaching certifications can take between 16 and 100 hours to complete.
I would recommend that you look for a course that offers the following information, either via classes, outside research or one on one instruction, (but never all of this via email only):
1) What is the mission of your work?
2) What are the key characteristics of exceptional coaches?
3) What is the format and purpose of each session with a client?
4) What are the Ethics of Coaching?
5) What are the key tools needed for personal growth?
6) Why do some people succeed in their goals in life, while others seem to constantly fail?
7) What is the role of web site design, email marketing and blogging in regard to building a business?
8) How do I know I'm really ready to coach someone?
OK, this should get you started as you look for a Coaching Certification that you truly connect with.
Outside of our own very successful Certification Program that we teach through a variety of ways, that you can see at www.talkdavid.com , please interview other fine programs before you make your decision.
and once you do....have a great time helping others!!
Sunday, September 21, 2008
What is a Certified Life Coach?
As the world of Life Coaching continues to explode, many people over the years have asked me this very question...What is a Certified Life Coach, and do I need to work with someone who is certified?
First, a Certified Life Coach is someone who has taken the extra step to receive additional training in their chosen field of work, which is a very good thing.
It means that they have attended an intensive weekend workshop, or participated in a course that could have taken months to complete, that shows they have a certain degree of drive and passion for their work.
Because there are no state licensing boards that oversee certifications, anyone can create certification workshops.
As someone recently asked my why she should take my certification vs someone Else's, the answer was very simple.
1..Only take a certification workshop from an organization who has major endorsements from high profile people, or multiple people who you can contact as references.
We have endorsements from well known authors such as Wayne Dyer and Mark Victor Hansen, as well as literally hundreds of former clients.
2..Make sure the instructor has at least 5-8 years of experience as a Life Coach themselves, with an education that backs their work. I am an Adjunct Professor at Edison State College, where I teach a Life Coach Certification class.
3..And maybe as importantly, make sure you connect with the personality of the instructors.
Yes, with the world of Life Coaching now a normal fixture in our everyday lives, look for those who are Certified.
For more information on the Certification Programs we offer, please visit www.talkdavid.com .
Slow down, enjoy life.
Love, Peace, David Essel
First, a Certified Life Coach is someone who has taken the extra step to receive additional training in their chosen field of work, which is a very good thing.
It means that they have attended an intensive weekend workshop, or participated in a course that could have taken months to complete, that shows they have a certain degree of drive and passion for their work.
Because there are no state licensing boards that oversee certifications, anyone can create certification workshops.
As someone recently asked my why she should take my certification vs someone Else's, the answer was very simple.
1..Only take a certification workshop from an organization who has major endorsements from high profile people, or multiple people who you can contact as references.
We have endorsements from well known authors such as Wayne Dyer and Mark Victor Hansen, as well as literally hundreds of former clients.
2..Make sure the instructor has at least 5-8 years of experience as a Life Coach themselves, with an education that backs their work. I am an Adjunct Professor at Edison State College, where I teach a Life Coach Certification class.
3..And maybe as importantly, make sure you connect with the personality of the instructors.
Yes, with the world of Life Coaching now a normal fixture in our everyday lives, look for those who are Certified.
For more information on the Certification Programs we offer, please visit www.talkdavid.com .
Slow down, enjoy life.
Love, Peace, David Essel
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Asking for Business...A Lost Art?
Over the years I have had the chance to coach many extremely talented people who constantly struggled to be successful. Some may have experienced a brief taste of financial success, only to see it whither over a short period of time.
Or others may have come so close to ongoing success that they became overconfident and found themselves a few months after our sessions ended right back at the place they began...barely making ends meet.
I've even worked with people who truly believed in their abilities, yet got stuck in the mindset that said healers do the work because they love it, not to make alot of money. Nonsense.
If I could find a common denominator amongst all of these great people though who struggled financially, it had to be in their fear of asking people for business. It had nothing to do with their talent, or willingness to work hard, but their fear of rejection became the block to their success.
If we truly believe in our talents, we must risk asking others to buy into our product or service if we want ongoing success. We must be willing to sell ourselves or our products every day in order to not only make more money, but to also make a greater difference in this world.
We must risk rejection daily to become more successful in life. Waiting for people to find us...and then to buy into our services , is a death knell to any business.
"The Aladdin Factor", a book by Mark Victor Hansen and Jack Canfield is one of my favorites, as they describe the absolute importance of asking for what we desire in life. Everyday.
Slow down.
Love, Peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
Or others may have come so close to ongoing success that they became overconfident and found themselves a few months after our sessions ended right back at the place they began...barely making ends meet.
I've even worked with people who truly believed in their abilities, yet got stuck in the mindset that said healers do the work because they love it, not to make alot of money. Nonsense.
If I could find a common denominator amongst all of these great people though who struggled financially, it had to be in their fear of asking people for business. It had nothing to do with their talent, or willingness to work hard, but their fear of rejection became the block to their success.
If we truly believe in our talents, we must risk asking others to buy into our product or service if we want ongoing success. We must be willing to sell ourselves or our products every day in order to not only make more money, but to also make a greater difference in this world.
We must risk rejection daily to become more successful in life. Waiting for people to find us...and then to buy into our services , is a death knell to any business.
"The Aladdin Factor", a book by Mark Victor Hansen and Jack Canfield is one of my favorites, as they describe the absolute importance of asking for what we desire in life. Everyday.
Slow down.
Love, Peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Maximizing Your Networking Events
A Business Coaching client came to me a month ago perplexed as to why all 0f his efforts to gain new business has not created any new substantial leads. We had set a goal of 3 networking events per week, that if attended consistently, would easily produce results. When? No consultant can answer that question.
But we do know without a doubt, that this type of effort will surely be rewarded. Again, the key is consistency.
As I prodded my client with question after question, how he approached people, what his "30 second pitch" was, how he left each conversation, I could see where the leak was in his plan.
He had succeeded in handing out 15-20 business cards at each event, but had forgotten that the real goal is to "collect cards", not just give his out.
The reason? When we hand out a ton of cards we have no control over what these people will do with his information, if anything. When we focus our attention on "collecting " business cards, we now are in the business driving seat.
We can call them. Email them. Add them to our email marketing list.
We can send them a letter to see how we might serve their needs, or invite them to another networking event that they may not be aware of.
Got the picture?
To create business, get in the habit of collecting business prospect cards, and then see how you might be able to turn this information into an opportunity to serve them, which in essence will serve your needs as well.
Slow Down.
Wishing you peace, success.
David Essel www.talkdavid.com
But we do know without a doubt, that this type of effort will surely be rewarded. Again, the key is consistency.
As I prodded my client with question after question, how he approached people, what his "30 second pitch" was, how he left each conversation, I could see where the leak was in his plan.
He had succeeded in handing out 15-20 business cards at each event, but had forgotten that the real goal is to "collect cards", not just give his out.
The reason? When we hand out a ton of cards we have no control over what these people will do with his information, if anything. When we focus our attention on "collecting " business cards, we now are in the business driving seat.
We can call them. Email them. Add them to our email marketing list.
We can send them a letter to see how we might serve their needs, or invite them to another networking event that they may not be aware of.
Got the picture?
To create business, get in the habit of collecting business prospect cards, and then see how you might be able to turn this information into an opportunity to serve them, which in essence will serve your needs as well.
Slow Down.
Wishing you peace, success.
David Essel www.talkdavid.com
Children's "Return to School" Anxiety
It has happened for hundreds of years and will continue until the end of time. Kids of all ages will be struggling at this time of year as they return from summer break and enter their own personal workforce: School.
And with this reentry, for many, will come immense pressure, stress and anxiety.
New schools, new teachers, new classmates, and for some everything will be entirely new.
One of my clients came to me the other day extremely stressed as her child was not fitting in at the new middle school. After just 1 week, the child refused to go to any of her classes. The kids were not nice. The teacher too demanding. The homework too intense.
So, how can parents deal with their children's anxiety?
The biggest mistake we make is to try and solve the stress for our children.
Phrases like "It's ok honey, things will get better, you just hang in there"....is like saying "I really don't want to hear your pain, your stress ....can you just not talk about it dear?"
We think we're doing the best thing by trying to alleviate their fear, yet it is actually the worst thing a parent can do.
Students at every grade level, from kindergarten to senior high will face their own personal hurdles, and the best thing a parent can do is to listen...and ask questions that can help their child to alleviate some of their fears.
"Can you tell me what is bothering you? Can you share what is making you feel afraid to return to class? "
By continuing to ask questions, even if at first it doesn't seem to be creating any solution, your child will begin to feel that you truly do care. That you want to listen. And do just that, simply listen, with no need to give answers. Just listen.
If they are too young to actually tap into their fears, ask them to draw how they feel.
Continue to ask questions, day after day...and just listen. Hold them if they cry. But do not shut them down. Even if it's hard to hear their pain, hang in there and listen.
While it may take a little time to get them to open up, once they do, they'll begin to feel better too.
Ask the teachers, counselors and other member's of the school staff for help if it is needed, but do not solve your child's problems for them.
Slow Down, have faith.
Learn to let your children express themselves.
Love, Peace, David Essel. www.talkdavid.com
And with this reentry, for many, will come immense pressure, stress and anxiety.
New schools, new teachers, new classmates, and for some everything will be entirely new.
One of my clients came to me the other day extremely stressed as her child was not fitting in at the new middle school. After just 1 week, the child refused to go to any of her classes. The kids were not nice. The teacher too demanding. The homework too intense.
So, how can parents deal with their children's anxiety?
The biggest mistake we make is to try and solve the stress for our children.
Phrases like "It's ok honey, things will get better, you just hang in there"....is like saying "I really don't want to hear your pain, your stress ....can you just not talk about it dear?"
We think we're doing the best thing by trying to alleviate their fear, yet it is actually the worst thing a parent can do.
Students at every grade level, from kindergarten to senior high will face their own personal hurdles, and the best thing a parent can do is to listen...and ask questions that can help their child to alleviate some of their fears.
"Can you tell me what is bothering you? Can you share what is making you feel afraid to return to class? "
By continuing to ask questions, even if at first it doesn't seem to be creating any solution, your child will begin to feel that you truly do care. That you want to listen. And do just that, simply listen, with no need to give answers. Just listen.
If they are too young to actually tap into their fears, ask them to draw how they feel.
Continue to ask questions, day after day...and just listen. Hold them if they cry. But do not shut them down. Even if it's hard to hear their pain, hang in there and listen.
While it may take a little time to get them to open up, once they do, they'll begin to feel better too.
Ask the teachers, counselors and other member's of the school staff for help if it is needed, but do not solve your child's problems for them.
Slow Down, have faith.
Learn to let your children express themselves.
Love, Peace, David Essel. www.talkdavid.com
Monday, August 25, 2008
Can Time Really Heal?
"Don't worry honey, in good time you'll get over this breakup."
"Time will heal you."
"A little time , and everything will be ok."
All nonsense.
Have you ever fallen victim to this thinking, and then years after a breakup, or divorce, when someone mentions your former lover's name, you get a pit in your stomach? Or worse, you feel anger, jealousy, or insecurity?
That's because time will never, has never, and can never heal anyone or anything.
Time is just what it is...time. It has no magical powers to do anything other than be itself.
And one thing it never will be is a healer.
Sure, you can distract yourself from doing the work to forgive your former lover, or distract yourself over time from forgiving yourself, lots of people do it daily.
We can choose not to feel the pain from losing a pet, or a family member ....but you will not truly feel better and heal yourself by using the old saying "time heals everything."
Here's the truth...Time plus action heals.
Time plus therapy can heal.
Time plus journaling can heal.
Time plus honest, deep forgiveness can heal.
Time plus mourning can begin the healing process.
Time, plus any significant , ongoing action, or work, can absolutely heal anything in life.
Millions of survivors can attest to, and have written about, this very fact.
Viktor Frankel.
Oprah.
Nelson Mandela.
Sheri Poe.
Slow Down, and decide today to do the work necessary to heal...but don't leave it up to time.
Love, Peace, David Essel. www.talkdavid.com
"Time will heal you."
"A little time , and everything will be ok."
All nonsense.
Have you ever fallen victim to this thinking, and then years after a breakup, or divorce, when someone mentions your former lover's name, you get a pit in your stomach? Or worse, you feel anger, jealousy, or insecurity?
That's because time will never, has never, and can never heal anyone or anything.
Time is just what it is...time. It has no magical powers to do anything other than be itself.
And one thing it never will be is a healer.
Sure, you can distract yourself from doing the work to forgive your former lover, or distract yourself over time from forgiving yourself, lots of people do it daily.
We can choose not to feel the pain from losing a pet, or a family member ....but you will not truly feel better and heal yourself by using the old saying "time heals everything."
Here's the truth...Time plus action heals.
Time plus therapy can heal.
Time plus journaling can heal.
Time plus honest, deep forgiveness can heal.
Time plus mourning can begin the healing process.
Time, plus any significant , ongoing action, or work, can absolutely heal anything in life.
Millions of survivors can attest to, and have written about, this very fact.
Viktor Frankel.
Oprah.
Nelson Mandela.
Sheri Poe.
Slow Down, and decide today to do the work necessary to heal...but don't leave it up to time.
Love, Peace, David Essel. www.talkdavid.com
Monday, August 18, 2008
Micheal Phelps: Unifying America In All Ways
Michael Phelps , the supernatural American swimmer who recently won an unprecedented 8 Gold Medals at the Olympic games, has touched more than just the world of sports with his recent accomplishments. As a matter of fact, he's probably done more for our country than most of us can tell at the conscious level.
If you look at the papers, watch the news, what is grabbing our attention on a daily basis? If you look closely, it's all that's wrong with the world. It's all that's wrong with the USA. The media's main focus, is sensationalizing all that is not working for our highest good these days. And the more we see this, unless you have incredible control over what you watch and read, the more you talk about the mess everything has become around us.
The war.
The other war.
The economy, or lack thereof.
The housing slump.
Unemployment.
Until Michael hit the pool.
Thank God for Michael.
He gave us a reason to talk about something other than the "crappy country" we live in.
His feat gave us, especially me, a reason to stay up late. Again, and again, and again.
And then when we arrived at work the next day, the very first thing so many of us did was say "Oh man, did you see Michael last night!!!! He was amazing!"
High fives replaced sullen faces around the office at 8am.
And we couldn't wait to see him do it again the very next night.
Thank God for Michael.
He's unified America in a positive way.
He's undoubtedly given thousands of young swimmers a boost to get in the pool earlier and train longer.
Here's Michael Phelps take on what he accomplished through an interview that was printed in hundreds of newspapers across the United states via the Associated Press.
"Nothing is impossible. With so many people saying it couldn't be done, all it takes is an imagination, and that's something I've learned and something that helped me. "
Simple. To the point. Combined with the work ethic of a true hero.
I hope now we can see that if we use the same formula, that we can all better our lives starting right now.
Imagine coming into work and talking about what we are thankful for, and how we are going to make our lives stronger, with more meaning.
Imagine simply walking away from the complainers, the gossipers, and creating a new more positive work environment.
Imagine doing the same thing around your home, where the message is filled with hope and love.
Just imagine how many Gold Medals in life you'd win if you only focused on the brilliance of life, of your partner, of your employer ,of your friends........ of the brilliance that you are, right now.
Now, use your imagination and do what Michael did.....create the life that you truly desire.
Thank you Michael.
Slow Down.
Love, Peace, David Essel. www.talkdavid.com
If you look at the papers, watch the news, what is grabbing our attention on a daily basis? If you look closely, it's all that's wrong with the world. It's all that's wrong with the USA. The media's main focus, is sensationalizing all that is not working for our highest good these days. And the more we see this, unless you have incredible control over what you watch and read, the more you talk about the mess everything has become around us.
The war.
The other war.
The economy, or lack thereof.
The housing slump.
Unemployment.
Until Michael hit the pool.
Thank God for Michael.
He gave us a reason to talk about something other than the "crappy country" we live in.
His feat gave us, especially me, a reason to stay up late. Again, and again, and again.
And then when we arrived at work the next day, the very first thing so many of us did was say "Oh man, did you see Michael last night!!!! He was amazing!"
High fives replaced sullen faces around the office at 8am.
And we couldn't wait to see him do it again the very next night.
Thank God for Michael.
He's unified America in a positive way.
He's undoubtedly given thousands of young swimmers a boost to get in the pool earlier and train longer.
Here's Michael Phelps take on what he accomplished through an interview that was printed in hundreds of newspapers across the United states via the Associated Press.
"Nothing is impossible. With so many people saying it couldn't be done, all it takes is an imagination, and that's something I've learned and something that helped me. "
Simple. To the point. Combined with the work ethic of a true hero.
I hope now we can see that if we use the same formula, that we can all better our lives starting right now.
Imagine coming into work and talking about what we are thankful for, and how we are going to make our lives stronger, with more meaning.
Imagine simply walking away from the complainers, the gossipers, and creating a new more positive work environment.
Imagine doing the same thing around your home, where the message is filled with hope and love.
Just imagine how many Gold Medals in life you'd win if you only focused on the brilliance of life, of your partner, of your employer ,of your friends........ of the brilliance that you are, right now.
Now, use your imagination and do what Michael did.....create the life that you truly desire.
Thank you Michael.
Slow Down.
Love, Peace, David Essel. www.talkdavid.com
Friday, August 15, 2008
Setting Boundaries, Personally, Professionally
A client walked into my office several weeks ago so frustrated over a way a friend had treated him.
It seems that he had made plans to meet her, and at the last minute on the day they were supposed to meet, cancelled, and had decided instead to work on a home project that he had wanted to finish.
She, on the other had, had made special arrangements to get together, and shared with him how she honestly felt. Disappointed. Frustrated, that he would cancel with such short notice, so that he could take care of a project that was not life threatening, that literally could have been done at another time.
He wanted me to side with him. " I mean seriously, couldn't she had just rescheduled with me , instead of making it such a big deal?"
"Well", I asked, "I guess if you want to live an honest, real life, you've got to take the fact that she shared her feelings with you as a good sign. Sounds like she is living congruently, that she respects herself enough to let someone know when they have disappointed her. I'd have to say she is right on target. "
Our word, as many have written, is our bond. But many people, such as my client , do not quite get it yet. That's why "talk is cheap", and "actions speak louder that words", are such important statements.
If we want to live a powerful life, we have to do what we say we will do.
In my 24 years as a professional speaker, I have only had to cancel one presentation myself. And that occurred when an organization that had asked me to speak for them did not live up to their words to me not once, not twice, but three times.
After the third time of being promised that I would receive their proposal of the "trade out" they would do instead of paying me for my work, I cancelled my appearance.
Of course they were not happy with this decision, but I had to make a choice, to work with people who stay true to their word, or not to. Remember, we attract to us what we are willing to put up with.
I did in the end send an apology letter. For what you may ask? For agreeing to speak after the second time they did not follow through on their word. You see, I saw that after the second event, I knew in my gut that I should tell them to call me when they were more organized. Instead, I did not pay attention to my intuition, and the result was frustration for all.
Treat others as you would like to be treated.
Slow Down.
Love, Peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
It seems that he had made plans to meet her, and at the last minute on the day they were supposed to meet, cancelled, and had decided instead to work on a home project that he had wanted to finish.
She, on the other had, had made special arrangements to get together, and shared with him how she honestly felt. Disappointed. Frustrated, that he would cancel with such short notice, so that he could take care of a project that was not life threatening, that literally could have been done at another time.
He wanted me to side with him. " I mean seriously, couldn't she had just rescheduled with me , instead of making it such a big deal?"
"Well", I asked, "I guess if you want to live an honest, real life, you've got to take the fact that she shared her feelings with you as a good sign. Sounds like she is living congruently, that she respects herself enough to let someone know when they have disappointed her. I'd have to say she is right on target. "
Our word, as many have written, is our bond. But many people, such as my client , do not quite get it yet. That's why "talk is cheap", and "actions speak louder that words", are such important statements.
If we want to live a powerful life, we have to do what we say we will do.
In my 24 years as a professional speaker, I have only had to cancel one presentation myself. And that occurred when an organization that had asked me to speak for them did not live up to their words to me not once, not twice, but three times.
After the third time of being promised that I would receive their proposal of the "trade out" they would do instead of paying me for my work, I cancelled my appearance.
Of course they were not happy with this decision, but I had to make a choice, to work with people who stay true to their word, or not to. Remember, we attract to us what we are willing to put up with.
I did in the end send an apology letter. For what you may ask? For agreeing to speak after the second time they did not follow through on their word. You see, I saw that after the second event, I knew in my gut that I should tell them to call me when they were more organized. Instead, I did not pay attention to my intuition, and the result was frustration for all.
Treat others as you would like to be treated.
Slow Down.
Love, Peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Joe Cirulli, Inc. Magazine, Success Feature Story
My very good friend, and business mentor, Joe Cirulli is featured on the cover of INC. magazine this month (August 2008) with the headline:
"THINK RICH, NEVER GIVE UP...How Joe Cirulli turned his last 12 cents into a $17 Million company"....amazing...and true.
I met Joe in 1986 at a fitness conference where we both on an expert panel together and it was a feeling pure of admiration that I had felt for Joe at that time...and I had no idea of the story behind the man that had turned a small health club in Gainesville Florida into such a success story.
And that was 22 years ago. What he has accomplished since then is stunning, from a financial perspective yes, but Joe is a born mentor, a true motivator, and a man filled with 100% integrity.
In 2000, I moved to Gainesville to create a new pilot program for television, and had the chance to train with Joe 5 days a week . He not only changed my mindset on the most effective way to weight train (super slow training as I explain in my book "Slow Down: The Fastest Way to Get Everything You Want") but he also imparted on a daily basis his secrets to success. Goal setting. Eliminating those carry over tasks , the ones we do not want to do everyday, that if done first thing in the morning will actually lead you to a more successful life .
Joe shares his life, his "secrets", his time on a daily basis more readily than any other business wizard I've ever met.
And he loves life. He loves movies of all types. And he continues to push his own level of knowledge , in a variety of ways , every day he is alive.
He reads constantly, he listens to motivational Cd's constantly, he's a part of multiple networking groups for CEO's...constantly. I think you get the idea, to be successful we must stretch and grow daily.
And he has a huge heart. Joe has been there for me several times that I have faced immense struggles in my own life, and never has he judged... As a matter of fact, all Joe has ever shown me is immense respect and love.
So, while his financial success is amazing...the rest of Joe Cirulli is even more amazing.
Slow down, and push yourself to higher levels of success and love in every area of your life today.
Love, Peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
"THINK RICH, NEVER GIVE UP...How Joe Cirulli turned his last 12 cents into a $17 Million company"....amazing...and true.
I met Joe in 1986 at a fitness conference where we both on an expert panel together and it was a feeling pure of admiration that I had felt for Joe at that time...and I had no idea of the story behind the man that had turned a small health club in Gainesville Florida into such a success story.
And that was 22 years ago. What he has accomplished since then is stunning, from a financial perspective yes, but Joe is a born mentor, a true motivator, and a man filled with 100% integrity.
In 2000, I moved to Gainesville to create a new pilot program for television, and had the chance to train with Joe 5 days a week . He not only changed my mindset on the most effective way to weight train (super slow training as I explain in my book "Slow Down: The Fastest Way to Get Everything You Want") but he also imparted on a daily basis his secrets to success. Goal setting. Eliminating those carry over tasks , the ones we do not want to do everyday, that if done first thing in the morning will actually lead you to a more successful life .
Joe shares his life, his "secrets", his time on a daily basis more readily than any other business wizard I've ever met.
And he loves life. He loves movies of all types. And he continues to push his own level of knowledge , in a variety of ways , every day he is alive.
He reads constantly, he listens to motivational Cd's constantly, he's a part of multiple networking groups for CEO's...constantly. I think you get the idea, to be successful we must stretch and grow daily.
And he has a huge heart. Joe has been there for me several times that I have faced immense struggles in my own life, and never has he judged... As a matter of fact, all Joe has ever shown me is immense respect and love.
So, while his financial success is amazing...the rest of Joe Cirulli is even more amazing.
Slow down, and push yourself to higher levels of success and love in every area of your life today.
Love, Peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
Friday, August 1, 2008
Is Life Working For You??
A client recently came to me frustrated that after following a very popular weight loss program, nothing had changed with her physical appearance. When I asked her how long she had been on the program, her response surprised both of us. "One full year".
Wow. I wonder how many of us, myself included, continue to do the same thing year after year , getting the same lousy end results in our love relationships, health, finances, career , friendships etc .... and yet never want to ask ourselves the question "Is my life working for me?"
And the reason we don't is quite simple. We don't want to change. We don't want to go outside of our comfort zone. We just want life to be easier, more abundant, more loving .
Poof!!!!!!, we just wish, with that thought...Poof!!! , please life just change!!!
HaHAHA, I must laugh as I've done the same thing.
Ok, here's our reality check, if life is not offering what you desire, if life is not working for you, try something totally different.
But you have to be the one that finally comes to the conclusion that the life you're living just is not enough. No one can do that for you.
Then, reach out and ask for help. Get a counselor or coach. Go to a different church. Join a new networking group. Hire a personal trainer. Finally, finally, get out of the rut and do something different.
And watch your health, body, relationship, and finances all begin to change for the better.
Slow Down.
Love, Peace David Essel www.talkdavid.com
Wow. I wonder how many of us, myself included, continue to do the same thing year after year , getting the same lousy end results in our love relationships, health, finances, career , friendships etc .... and yet never want to ask ourselves the question "Is my life working for me?"
And the reason we don't is quite simple. We don't want to change. We don't want to go outside of our comfort zone. We just want life to be easier, more abundant, more loving .
Poof!!!!!!, we just wish, with that thought...Poof!!! , please life just change!!!
HaHAHA, I must laugh as I've done the same thing.
Ok, here's our reality check, if life is not offering what you desire, if life is not working for you, try something totally different.
But you have to be the one that finally comes to the conclusion that the life you're living just is not enough. No one can do that for you.
Then, reach out and ask for help. Get a counselor or coach. Go to a different church. Join a new networking group. Hire a personal trainer. Finally, finally, get out of the rut and do something different.
And watch your health, body, relationship, and finances all begin to change for the better.
Slow Down.
Love, Peace David Essel www.talkdavid.com
Saturday, July 26, 2008
The Negative Side of Positive Thinking
Too much of anything, the saying goes, just might not be good for us after all.
Chocolate is actually very good for us in small amounts, due to the antioxidants buried in this wonderful treat, but if taken to the extreme it can cause a variety of health problems.
And so it is also with positive thinking.
You might be surprised to read this coming from a motivational speaker, so let me give you an example.
A friend of mine came to me sharing how her husband had been delaying taking care of a huge problem in their life, and when I asked her how she felt about it, her response was, "Well it's all good you know", followed by a nervous laugh.
When I then asked if she had been attending the classes she had told me about to help her break one of a few addictions, there was that nervous laugh again followed by 'Well no, but it's all good."
'I'm staying positive through it all, it's all good."
Honestly, no one can stay positive through great challenges in life if they're burying their head in the sand with statements like "it's all good....things always work out for the best" etc etc.
If you really want to know the truth, the most positive people in this world are actually DOING something about the challenges they face on a daily basis, not just chiming in with cute sayings.
Ignoring serious health, relationship or financial problems with positive statements does nothing for the situation, or our self esteem.
The negative side of positive thinking lies in our fear of taking action when we know we should, and instead just reading positive books or listening to uplifting Cd's.
While these are important things to do, our confidence is only truly enhanced through our actions, and secondarily improved through our thoughts.
So today if you notice that you've been less than successful in any area of your life, but you tell everyone around you that "it's all good".... ask yourself a serious question..."Is my life really that great?"
I think the answer might surprise you.
Slow down. Then take that step you've been procrastinating on...and watch your world drastically change for the better.
Love, Peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
Chocolate is actually very good for us in small amounts, due to the antioxidants buried in this wonderful treat, but if taken to the extreme it can cause a variety of health problems.
And so it is also with positive thinking.
You might be surprised to read this coming from a motivational speaker, so let me give you an example.
A friend of mine came to me sharing how her husband had been delaying taking care of a huge problem in their life, and when I asked her how she felt about it, her response was, "Well it's all good you know", followed by a nervous laugh.
When I then asked if she had been attending the classes she had told me about to help her break one of a few addictions, there was that nervous laugh again followed by 'Well no, but it's all good."
'I'm staying positive through it all, it's all good."
Honestly, no one can stay positive through great challenges in life if they're burying their head in the sand with statements like "it's all good....things always work out for the best" etc etc.
If you really want to know the truth, the most positive people in this world are actually DOING something about the challenges they face on a daily basis, not just chiming in with cute sayings.
Ignoring serious health, relationship or financial problems with positive statements does nothing for the situation, or our self esteem.
The negative side of positive thinking lies in our fear of taking action when we know we should, and instead just reading positive books or listening to uplifting Cd's.
While these are important things to do, our confidence is only truly enhanced through our actions, and secondarily improved through our thoughts.
So today if you notice that you've been less than successful in any area of your life, but you tell everyone around you that "it's all good".... ask yourself a serious question..."Is my life really that great?"
I think the answer might surprise you.
Slow down. Then take that step you've been procrastinating on...and watch your world drastically change for the better.
Love, Peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
Monday, July 14, 2008
Women Who Master Intimate Relationships....
Recently I was asked a very important question regarding what some of the most important qualities that women who were in deep loving relationships do on a regular basis.
In other words, what are they doing daily that draws their partners TOWARDS themselves, deeply, intimately....versus the traits that many women have that actually push their lovers away.
While I could come up with 1,000 things that women can do regarding this topic, let's look at 4 of the most important, just like we did with the blog here that I wrote about men and intimacy last month.
1) Release Gossip: the last thing your partner wants to hear about when he sees you every night, or each weekend, is "how frustrated you are that Jenny went out with that loser John, the one that totally used Mary 2 years ago and never called her after 4 dates, the guy has no class, my girlfriends deserve classy guys" ...type of nonsense. If you want to see your man zone out , and be less interested in communicating with you, share all the gossip you want with him. Women who have mastered intimacy have realized that gossip is truly for "the bottom feeders of life",
and that nothing good ever comes out of spreading the stuff around.
2) Release Interrupting Your Partner: So you want great communication with your lover. You want to hear his true deep feelings. You want him to open up to you about everything....and yet when he does begin to talk to you, you constantly interrupt him. Just as he's sharing something that he feels strongly about, you begin "but that's not what I meant...let me explain it...you don't understand..." and the interruptions go on and on. If you wonder why your man has left your relationship emotionally and doesn't share much with you, this can be a major reason why.
Women who truly get intimacy, have learned to sit and listen, to let their man talk, for minutes in a row, allowing him to express and show his emotions without shutting him down with their flurry of interruptions.
3) Release Addictions: This is a huge issue that absolutely blocks deep intimacy. If a women avoids her feelings in life, by shopping, spending, smoking, drinking, emotionally eating....she's telling her partner in non verbal ways that she's not able to go deep intimacy. Women who truly want to go after the deepest union with their partner know that they cannot run from their emotions through any substance or addiction. They realize that facing their addiction and getting help for it will open the deepest avenue for intimacy, as when they can face their own challenges, they become more trustworthy to their partner. Hence, their partner will WANT to go deeper in love with them.
4) Initiate Sex More Often: Yes, even though men are taught to be the aggressor sexually, and society reinforces this belief, women who want to go to deeper levels of love, or intimacy, are on the front lines with this one already. They"re willing to face rejection, they're willing to take the risks, they're willing to be the wonderful seductress to add a spark of excitement to their relationship.
Ok, now to everyone who reads these points and gets upset, saying that they can do the opposite of what is published here because they are a "woman", who communicates through gossip, who interrupts because their man simply doesn't get it, who escapes through shopping or whatever because they are entitled to and who would rarely initiate sex because that's the man's role...all I can say is good luck. And if your experiencing the most amazingly deep and intimate relationship with their man, more power to you. Do not change a thing.
To everyone else, I know these deep yet simple steps will bring you to a whole new level of love and intimacy.
Slow Down, and enjoy your new life, with your new man...he may be the same man you've been with for a while,
but it will seem brand new as you alter your life, which will alter your love.
Love, Peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
In other words, what are they doing daily that draws their partners TOWARDS themselves, deeply, intimately....versus the traits that many women have that actually push their lovers away.
While I could come up with 1,000 things that women can do regarding this topic, let's look at 4 of the most important, just like we did with the blog here that I wrote about men and intimacy last month.
1) Release Gossip: the last thing your partner wants to hear about when he sees you every night, or each weekend, is "how frustrated you are that Jenny went out with that loser John, the one that totally used Mary 2 years ago and never called her after 4 dates, the guy has no class, my girlfriends deserve classy guys" ...type of nonsense. If you want to see your man zone out , and be less interested in communicating with you, share all the gossip you want with him. Women who have mastered intimacy have realized that gossip is truly for "the bottom feeders of life",
and that nothing good ever comes out of spreading the stuff around.
2) Release Interrupting Your Partner: So you want great communication with your lover. You want to hear his true deep feelings. You want him to open up to you about everything....and yet when he does begin to talk to you, you constantly interrupt him. Just as he's sharing something that he feels strongly about, you begin "but that's not what I meant...let me explain it...you don't understand..." and the interruptions go on and on. If you wonder why your man has left your relationship emotionally and doesn't share much with you, this can be a major reason why.
Women who truly get intimacy, have learned to sit and listen, to let their man talk, for minutes in a row, allowing him to express and show his emotions without shutting him down with their flurry of interruptions.
3) Release Addictions: This is a huge issue that absolutely blocks deep intimacy. If a women avoids her feelings in life, by shopping, spending, smoking, drinking, emotionally eating....she's telling her partner in non verbal ways that she's not able to go deep intimacy. Women who truly want to go after the deepest union with their partner know that they cannot run from their emotions through any substance or addiction. They realize that facing their addiction and getting help for it will open the deepest avenue for intimacy, as when they can face their own challenges, they become more trustworthy to their partner. Hence, their partner will WANT to go deeper in love with them.
4) Initiate Sex More Often: Yes, even though men are taught to be the aggressor sexually, and society reinforces this belief, women who want to go to deeper levels of love, or intimacy, are on the front lines with this one already. They"re willing to face rejection, they're willing to take the risks, they're willing to be the wonderful seductress to add a spark of excitement to their relationship.
Ok, now to everyone who reads these points and gets upset, saying that they can do the opposite of what is published here because they are a "woman", who communicates through gossip, who interrupts because their man simply doesn't get it, who escapes through shopping or whatever because they are entitled to and who would rarely initiate sex because that's the man's role...all I can say is good luck. And if your experiencing the most amazingly deep and intimate relationship with their man, more power to you. Do not change a thing.
To everyone else, I know these deep yet simple steps will bring you to a whole new level of love and intimacy.
Slow Down, and enjoy your new life, with your new man...he may be the same man you've been with for a while,
but it will seem brand new as you alter your life, which will alter your love.
Love, Peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
Monday, July 7, 2008
Loss of my mentor, Richard Gerson
I could not believe the email telling me of Richards recent passing. Immediately after reading it I jumped out of my chair, tears in my eyes, and did not know where to turn, what to think, or what to do.
His wife Robbie wrote, letting me know that he passed, and asked if I would call her.
But I couldn't, not right then.
I sought out one of my best friends Troy DeMond, who knew Richard and talked for a few minutes. I could feel the tears again. Dam, What to do now??
I went back to my office, closed the door and just cried.
Robbie told me Richard had passed away in his sleep recently, with no warning signs whatsoever. As a matter of fact, she said he felt that he was in the best shape of his life. I should know his exact age, but he could not have been older that 56, way way too young.
Tears came again.
I met Richard around 1984, as he was a celebrity judge at an aerobics competition I had entered on Ft Myers Beach, Florida. 24 years ago, I was still a baby in the world of business and was making my living running a Wellness program for the State of Florida in Naples, and teaching aerobic classes, when I decided to enter the competition.
Funny, I won it that nite and it was a major turning point in my career, as I met Richard then and he immediately took me under his wing.
He hired me to work for him at the Sanibel Harbour Spa, and quickly told me that if I wanted to accomplish the lofty dreams I had for my career, I'd have to get my Masters Degree.
Before I knew it, HE had researched the best universities in the USA , where I could get my degree by going to school full time, working for him full time, in about a 2 year period of time.
I told him he was crazy, but in 3 months I was following his advice...and after 2 years of a hellish schedule, I had my Masters Degree, and he was absolutely right. It began to open doors immediately for my career.
Richard was also the one who told me that if I wanted to become an exceptional motivational speaker, that I had to start speaking immediately anywhere I could. And once again, he was calling around trying to find any clubs he could that would let me speak.
As you can see, he was a huge part of my life, and his advice and attitude has had the most amazing impact on how my career grew in the beginning, when we all need guidance.
Richard loved me, he believed in my talents.
At our church service last Sunday, I opened with words telling of his passing, and what he meant to me.
Afterwards, one of our congregation came up to me, who is a medium, and said..."Your friend was in the room, he told me to tell you he is so proud of what you have accomplished in life...that he knew you would..and that he'd always be around you.."
Thank you Richard for all of your love. I love you, your drive, your belief in others, your wish that we all follow our passions to live an exciting and meaningful life.
He wanted to make a difference in this world, and he did.
Slow Down. Live with passion.
Love, Peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
His wife Robbie wrote, letting me know that he passed, and asked if I would call her.
But I couldn't, not right then.
I sought out one of my best friends Troy DeMond, who knew Richard and talked for a few minutes. I could feel the tears again. Dam, What to do now??
I went back to my office, closed the door and just cried.
Robbie told me Richard had passed away in his sleep recently, with no warning signs whatsoever. As a matter of fact, she said he felt that he was in the best shape of his life. I should know his exact age, but he could not have been older that 56, way way too young.
Tears came again.
I met Richard around 1984, as he was a celebrity judge at an aerobics competition I had entered on Ft Myers Beach, Florida. 24 years ago, I was still a baby in the world of business and was making my living running a Wellness program for the State of Florida in Naples, and teaching aerobic classes, when I decided to enter the competition.
Funny, I won it that nite and it was a major turning point in my career, as I met Richard then and he immediately took me under his wing.
He hired me to work for him at the Sanibel Harbour Spa, and quickly told me that if I wanted to accomplish the lofty dreams I had for my career, I'd have to get my Masters Degree.
Before I knew it, HE had researched the best universities in the USA , where I could get my degree by going to school full time, working for him full time, in about a 2 year period of time.
I told him he was crazy, but in 3 months I was following his advice...and after 2 years of a hellish schedule, I had my Masters Degree, and he was absolutely right. It began to open doors immediately for my career.
Richard was also the one who told me that if I wanted to become an exceptional motivational speaker, that I had to start speaking immediately anywhere I could. And once again, he was calling around trying to find any clubs he could that would let me speak.
As you can see, he was a huge part of my life, and his advice and attitude has had the most amazing impact on how my career grew in the beginning, when we all need guidance.
Richard loved me, he believed in my talents.
At our church service last Sunday, I opened with words telling of his passing, and what he meant to me.
Afterwards, one of our congregation came up to me, who is a medium, and said..."Your friend was in the room, he told me to tell you he is so proud of what you have accomplished in life...that he knew you would..and that he'd always be around you.."
Thank you Richard for all of your love. I love you, your drive, your belief in others, your wish that we all follow our passions to live an exciting and meaningful life.
He wanted to make a difference in this world, and he did.
Slow Down. Live with passion.
Love, Peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Dealing With Financial Adversity
A client who I have worked with on and off for years sat in front of me today in despair, shock and sadness. Another seeming catastrophe had just been laid upon his lap, and he was not sure he could handle more.
Over these years, he has experienced great success, but in his eyes, fleeting, the type of success that brings short term joy, as it has been then followed by more and more challenges.
So now, the 4 homes are gone. His job was just eliminated, no severance pay, 30 days worth of savings, with no idea of where to turn to get back on track with his career.
And, are you ready for this? He's also trying to recover from his bankruptcy of last year...meaning he has no credit reserves to help him out.
He knows he's not the only one in this situation, but it brings little solace to his racing mind.
So he comes to me for the answers, which in turn I give back to him and ask him in the next 5 minutes to come up with a plan to solve his situation. As a coach, my job is to help people uncover the immense wisdom that they have inside, just ready to come out.
Here's what he devised:
1 Pray more every morning and nite, to be guided on what to do next each day.
2 Have his resume updated in 48 hours.
3 Email 5 people a day and ask them for contacts that he can approach with his new resume.
4 Get back in the gym for 30 minute workouts each day.
5 Write out his gratitude list each day for what he is thankful for.
6 Write each day to the contacts he receives , asking for information about job openings that they might have.
7 Ask for assistance from his friends, feedback, and to be held accountable to his own search.
8 See if any of his friends need help or support in their lives..give back daily.
I'd say he;s on his way to a totally new life...and I'm so happy to see the wisdom he had within.
Slow Down.
Love, Peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
Over these years, he has experienced great success, but in his eyes, fleeting, the type of success that brings short term joy, as it has been then followed by more and more challenges.
So now, the 4 homes are gone. His job was just eliminated, no severance pay, 30 days worth of savings, with no idea of where to turn to get back on track with his career.
And, are you ready for this? He's also trying to recover from his bankruptcy of last year...meaning he has no credit reserves to help him out.
He knows he's not the only one in this situation, but it brings little solace to his racing mind.
So he comes to me for the answers, which in turn I give back to him and ask him in the next 5 minutes to come up with a plan to solve his situation. As a coach, my job is to help people uncover the immense wisdom that they have inside, just ready to come out.
Here's what he devised:
1 Pray more every morning and nite, to be guided on what to do next each day.
2 Have his resume updated in 48 hours.
3 Email 5 people a day and ask them for contacts that he can approach with his new resume.
4 Get back in the gym for 30 minute workouts each day.
5 Write out his gratitude list each day for what he is thankful for.
6 Write each day to the contacts he receives , asking for information about job openings that they might have.
7 Ask for assistance from his friends, feedback, and to be held accountable to his own search.
8 See if any of his friends need help or support in their lives..give back daily.
I'd say he;s on his way to a totally new life...and I'm so happy to see the wisdom he had within.
Slow Down.
Love, Peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Law Abiding Citizens
We never think it will happen to us..the pure..the innocent...the law abiding citizens of Lee County.
Until it does.
After stopping at a drugstore on 41 by Bell Tower Shops at 11.15am, I walked out to get into my car to see another car, in a totally empty lot, parked right next to me. As I walked across the front of my car to reach for the driver side, a woman jumps out of the back seat on the passenger side, and just stares at me.
Shocked, it was so surreal, I just stood there. She mumbles something about people not wanting to give directions, and I see her face is agitated, she's wired to the max..strung out on something. I can feel that jacked energy as I work with people regularly who are trying to beat addictions.
I still don't get the fact, or make the correlation, that she's robbing me, until, she jumps into her car and floors it into reverse.
I then jump in my car and look for my cell phone...gone. My check book, cash, gone.
I jump out of the car and run 5 steps towards her as she hits the gas and screams out of the parking lot.
Still shocked, I give chase to try at least to get her license plate. Now, I'm easily as wired as she is, adrenalin pumping...mad as I could ever imagine.
I come across 3 deputies, tell my story and 2 take off looking for her.
The odds are next to zero the money, $300 cell phone, checkbook, $400 gps system, or day planner with important phone numbers will ever be found.
And 99% of this was an error on my part. For the only time in the past 4 years, 4 years!!!!!, I did not lock my car. I was in the store for 5 minutes max, and violated emotionally and physically.
As an alpha male, a Life Coach, I want justice to be served, jail time served...I want her caught now. Lessons need to be learned.
As a minister and co founder of Church of Spiritual Light, a church right here in Fort Myers, I want her caught too. I want her to get into treatment. I would work with her absolutely for free. I want her in our church this Sunday, joining our service. I want justice served, in a different way.
You see , along with all that she stole from me, to feed her habit, she also took my peanut butter sandwich, and 3 apples. She must be starving.
The hole in an addict, or alcoholics body can never be filled with drugs or alcohol, because the pit is unfillable. You cannot quench the physical urge for the drug, without a powerful program of recovery. . That's why people like this women will do the unthinkable, rob someone in broad daylight, on one of the busiest roads around, to try and get enough money for a fix, or drink.
Heck, housewives do it too, sneak behind their husbands back and hide the money spent on alcohol.
Businessmen do it too, using their business expense accounts to get their fill of drinks each week. And, it's socially acceptable, but still stealing.
So, let's pray that this woman gets into a treatment program in some way..soon.
Thank you for your prayers for her...and please always lock your car doors.
Love, Peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Living a Powerful, Real, Congruent Life
Living a life that truly is powerful, and abundant, is much more than having financial independence...although that can be a beautiful thing.
It's also much more than having a perfect body, although there are great benefits to being in shape.
The number one key to living a powerful, abundant life has to do with the answer to this one question: Are you living congruently?
Living congruently can be described quite simply through this statement:
When your thoughts beliefs and actions are in alignment, you are living a congruent life. Soooo, are you living congruently?
For a very long time, I was not. So I know this topic quite well.
Even though I was an inspirational speaker, and radio/ tv host on the topics of motivation, health and more, I fell into the addiction known as alcoholism.
There was no way I could live congruently as long as I was using alcohol in my life. So, I made the choice to get my life back into alignment, and you can too.
Just keep asking the question, are my thoughts, beliefs and actions about my health, my relationships, my career, my money, sex, food, alcohol, nicotine, spirituality all in alignment????
If they are, rock on. If not, decide today to do what I did, reach out to those around you and ask for help. You will be shocked at how amazing your life can be, when you stop lying to yourself, stop living in denial, and start living congruently.
Life may not turn around perfectly overnight, but the end result is so, so, so well worth it.
Slow Down.
Love, Peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
It's also much more than having a perfect body, although there are great benefits to being in shape.
The number one key to living a powerful, abundant life has to do with the answer to this one question: Are you living congruently?
Living congruently can be described quite simply through this statement:
When your thoughts beliefs and actions are in alignment, you are living a congruent life. Soooo, are you living congruently?
For a very long time, I was not. So I know this topic quite well.
Even though I was an inspirational speaker, and radio/ tv host on the topics of motivation, health and more, I fell into the addiction known as alcoholism.
There was no way I could live congruently as long as I was using alcohol in my life. So, I made the choice to get my life back into alignment, and you can too.
Just keep asking the question, are my thoughts, beliefs and actions about my health, my relationships, my career, my money, sex, food, alcohol, nicotine, spirituality all in alignment????
If they are, rock on. If not, decide today to do what I did, reach out to those around you and ask for help. You will be shocked at how amazing your life can be, when you stop lying to yourself, stop living in denial, and start living congruently.
Life may not turn around perfectly overnight, but the end result is so, so, so well worth it.
Slow Down.
Love, Peace, David Essel www.talkdavid.com
Monday, June 16, 2008
Men in Amazing, Intimate Relationships
On a recent Fox tv segment I was asked to share what I thought were the keys that men could follow in order to create powerful, intimate relationships.
Over the past 16 years, I have had the chance to work with both men and their partners on this very topic. In addition to working with hundreds of clients who desired deep intimacy, I also reflected on the changes I have made over the years that have had an impact on the type of relationships I have been in.
Every man who has created deep, powerful, intimate relationships has done so by:
1). Becoming more involved in decision making at home. This may seem mundane, even trivial, but every woman I've worked with has complained that their partners were not involved enough in items like the choice of foods they ate as a family, as well as actually being a part of the planning for weekend trips or annual vacations. When men showed a greater interest in areas of the relationship like these two, women felt more secure, cared for and yes even loved.
2). Healing their relationships with their mother and/or father. Yes, the core relationships with our parents is a key indicator of healthy, deep intimate relationships with the women in men's lives. If men have feelings of resentment, anger or even ongoing jealousy towards their mother or father, their level of intimacy with women may be deeply affected. Forgiveness, towards themselves for holding these resentments, as well as towards their parents, whether they are alive or not, opens their hearts to a deeper capacity to love. And as most of us know, this often is assisted greatly through the help of a therapist, minister or coach.
3). Listen more, talk less. The ability to listen with empathy to their girlfriend or wives fears, dreams, insecurities or concerns without having to offer an answer to anything said, unless their partner specifically asks for an answer, ranks very high on the lists of most women wanting a deeper relationship with their male partner.
4). Begin the process of releasing addictions. Addictions to work.........alcohol.......spending.....nicotine......food......sex.......take men totally away from intimacy. Depth, true depth of love, honesty, empathy and more cannot be accomplished while active in addiction of any kind. The beginning of the surrender of any addiction however can be a huge portal to deeper love.
While there are many more avenues to deeper intimacy for men, this is a beautiful place to start.
Slow Down.
Love, Peace, David www.talkdavid.com
Over the past 16 years, I have had the chance to work with both men and their partners on this very topic. In addition to working with hundreds of clients who desired deep intimacy, I also reflected on the changes I have made over the years that have had an impact on the type of relationships I have been in.
Every man who has created deep, powerful, intimate relationships has done so by:
1). Becoming more involved in decision making at home. This may seem mundane, even trivial, but every woman I've worked with has complained that their partners were not involved enough in items like the choice of foods they ate as a family, as well as actually being a part of the planning for weekend trips or annual vacations. When men showed a greater interest in areas of the relationship like these two, women felt more secure, cared for and yes even loved.
2). Healing their relationships with their mother and/or father. Yes, the core relationships with our parents is a key indicator of healthy, deep intimate relationships with the women in men's lives. If men have feelings of resentment, anger or even ongoing jealousy towards their mother or father, their level of intimacy with women may be deeply affected. Forgiveness, towards themselves for holding these resentments, as well as towards their parents, whether they are alive or not, opens their hearts to a deeper capacity to love. And as most of us know, this often is assisted greatly through the help of a therapist, minister or coach.
3). Listen more, talk less. The ability to listen with empathy to their girlfriend or wives fears, dreams, insecurities or concerns without having to offer an answer to anything said, unless their partner specifically asks for an answer, ranks very high on the lists of most women wanting a deeper relationship with their male partner.
4). Begin the process of releasing addictions. Addictions to work.........alcohol.......spending.....nicotine......food......sex.......take men totally away from intimacy. Depth, true depth of love, honesty, empathy and more cannot be accomplished while active in addiction of any kind. The beginning of the surrender of any addiction however can be a huge portal to deeper love.
While there are many more avenues to deeper intimacy for men, this is a beautiful place to start.
Slow Down.
Love, Peace, David www.talkdavid.com
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Every Woman is a Goddess, Yet few know this....
" It's True That Every Woman Is A Goddess...It's Just So Sad Few Truly Realize This." David Essel
I have yet to meet a woman in my lifetime who is not an amazing Goddess at heart....inside...yet the above quote says it all....very few women know this and act as if they are.
I wrote a blog on this subject at www.newspress.com and was amazed when I finished it how many women said YES WE ARE!!!!.....yet when I asked them aloud how many of their female friends knew this and lived this way, the response was minuscule in nature.
Women are powerful ,intuitive, compassionate, sensitive, strong , fearless, tender, nurturing..all by nature, it just comes from who they are inside, yet they often live quite differently.
They're fierce when provoked, and soothing when they need to be....they are true beauty in every sense of the word.
When they realize they are a Goddess, they cease the trivial traits associated with many women today..like gossip, being evasive in their thoughts and desires....they instead become these amazing beings who you can't wait to be around.
I am blessed to be surrounded by women who are Goddesses and have no fear being just that.
Women who can look deeply into your eyes....who love their femininity, are proud to have their nails done if this makes THEMSELVES feel special.
One such woman the other day, a former client of mine, came up to me and proudly stated that she's finally loving her body, which had been a source of contention her whole life. Just the way she walked towards me , her posture, her strut, let me know something major had shifted.
She's finally become the Goddess she always had been , only now the whole world can see it.
Slow Down and appreciate the Goddess within if you're a women. If you're a man, it's time we awaken to the God inspired beauty of every women who's on this planet at this very moment, and let them know the inspiration they truly are.
Love, Peace, David www.talkdavid.com
I have yet to meet a woman in my lifetime who is not an amazing Goddess at heart....inside...yet the above quote says it all....very few women know this and act as if they are.
I wrote a blog on this subject at www.newspress.com and was amazed when I finished it how many women said YES WE ARE!!!!.....yet when I asked them aloud how many of their female friends knew this and lived this way, the response was minuscule in nature.
Women are powerful ,intuitive, compassionate, sensitive, strong , fearless, tender, nurturing..all by nature, it just comes from who they are inside, yet they often live quite differently.
They're fierce when provoked, and soothing when they need to be....they are true beauty in every sense of the word.
When they realize they are a Goddess, they cease the trivial traits associated with many women today..like gossip, being evasive in their thoughts and desires....they instead become these amazing beings who you can't wait to be around.
I am blessed to be surrounded by women who are Goddesses and have no fear being just that.
Women who can look deeply into your eyes....who love their femininity, are proud to have their nails done if this makes THEMSELVES feel special.
One such woman the other day, a former client of mine, came up to me and proudly stated that she's finally loving her body, which had been a source of contention her whole life. Just the way she walked towards me , her posture, her strut, let me know something major had shifted.
She's finally become the Goddess she always had been , only now the whole world can see it.
Slow Down and appreciate the Goddess within if you're a women. If you're a man, it's time we awaken to the God inspired beauty of every women who's on this planet at this very moment, and let them know the inspiration they truly are.
Love, Peace, David www.talkdavid.com
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Living Wide Open in Life...Passion
As I review my life's work, my life's path, I like to ask myself regularly...Am I living wide open? Or am I playing life safe. Not taking risks. Not pushing the boundaries of life. Am I thrilled with what I'm about to do today??? Or, is it just another Saturday...or Tues....or whatever.
If the question arises with one of my clients during a session that goes something like this..."You mean it's May already????? Where did April go??"...It either means we are so filled with passion, with life, that the time is flying by in an amazingly good way...or we are so bored with the routine of life that it is slipping by with very little to be excited about.
Now, only you know the answer for you and your life with this question. If you're living wide open, with passion, taking risks, getting out of your comfort zone, breaking the "habit "of living, and replacing it weekly with meeting new people, eating new foods, going to different types of movies, making love in a new position, or with a greater awareness of your lover.....I love that one, don't you??...smile...then you are living wide open.
Today, make a pact to "do" life differently. Pray in a new setting. Workout on a new machine. Read a book you'd normally never pick up. Say hi to a stranger in a store.
Decide today to live life wide open. Not tomorrow, today.
Bring more passion into your life now. Then end result may not always be perfect, or what you expected. It could end up being so, so much better.
It has worked wonders for thousands of my clients, for myself, for my friends. And yes, I want it to work for you too.
Love, Peace. David www.talkdavid.com
If the question arises with one of my clients during a session that goes something like this..."You mean it's May already????? Where did April go??"...It either means we are so filled with passion, with life, that the time is flying by in an amazingly good way...or we are so bored with the routine of life that it is slipping by with very little to be excited about.
Now, only you know the answer for you and your life with this question. If you're living wide open, with passion, taking risks, getting out of your comfort zone, breaking the "habit "of living, and replacing it weekly with meeting new people, eating new foods, going to different types of movies, making love in a new position, or with a greater awareness of your lover.....I love that one, don't you??...smile...then you are living wide open.
Today, make a pact to "do" life differently. Pray in a new setting. Workout on a new machine. Read a book you'd normally never pick up. Say hi to a stranger in a store.
Decide today to live life wide open. Not tomorrow, today.
Bring more passion into your life now. Then end result may not always be perfect, or what you expected. It could end up being so, so much better.
It has worked wonders for thousands of my clients, for myself, for my friends. And yes, I want it to work for you too.
Love, Peace. David www.talkdavid.com
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Self Acceptance..Through Nudity??????
A client came to me recently perplexed over her inability to accept her body the way it is today. She has been working out regularly, releasing emotional pain from the past, eating healthy, receiving an array of compliments from both men and women…..yet she still only sees a body that is not “worthy “ of acceptance. At least in her mind.
“The compliments are nice , don’t get me wrong I am grateful for them, but I just cannot say I’m pleased at all with what I see. ” Some may say, since her body looks amazing , that she’s suffering from a perceptual disease, an emotional inability to see the reality of what her body really looks like. Since 60% of our population is overweight, she easily falls into the top 40% of Americans in regard to body size.
So I asked her to do 2 tasks for the next 30 days that I knew could have a powerful impact on her self image:
1. To have her boyfriend take photo’s of her body, as it is true that looking in the mirror may not give some people the unbiased reality of what they do look like.
2. To walk around as much as possible in the privacy of her home without any clothes on..yes, in the nude. And, to make sure when she did walk by a mirror, to stop and look for the parts of her body that she DOES like.
The results were amazing. First, as her and her boyfriend sat in front of me with the photo’s, she was amazed at how comfortable she was looking at her body in this detached way…..and how she did appreciate herself from this perspective.
Next, she admitted that while at first walking around her home nude was uncomfortable, and especially stopping and looking at herself in a mirror , after 2 weeks it became a real joy. She danced in the nude, felt free, and actually began appreciating the way she looked. The more she became comfortable seeing herself in the nude, the more she began to love who she was. Now. Not in the future.
Slow Down. Practice self acceptance daily.
Love, Peace, David www.talkdavid.com
Saturday, May 3, 2008
Enhancing Daily Productivity……..
If we want to be more successful, happier and more fulfilled in life, we really do need to look at the effectiveness, or ineffectiveness, of thedaily system that we use at work.
Productivity, whether we work out of our house, car or a 100 story office building, is directly tied into the ability to focus. The more we can focus on any given task, the easier it is to move through that task and do it at a very proficient level.
One technique that I have been sharing with all of my business clients, the ability to actually schedule limited times each day to read and respond to email, was highlighted extremely well in the book “4 Hour Work Week ” by Timothy Ferris.
Most of us spend way too much time reading, responding to and filing email every day. Each time we look away from the work at hand to check email, we dilute our effectiveness and our productivity.
So here’s a productivity booster: only read and respond to email 2 times every day, let’s say 9am and 4pm.
For many of us, as we read this, we went automatically into “email withdrawal”.
“Oh no”, screams the American worker, “anything but THAT!!!”
I’m laughing as I write this…TRY it for 30 days and I guarantee an increase in your daily productivity and success. It’s that simple.
Slow Down. Love, David www.talkdavid.com
Friday, April 25, 2008
The Exodus in Our Own Lives…
Last week my sermon centered around the celebration of Passover, as we examine the power of all faiths in our Sunday services.
If you recall, it’s the story of how Moses, through his great faith, led the Hebrews out of bondage in Egypt to total freedom. But this did not occur without great trials and tribulations.
The most interesting part of the story to me was when after finally being free, they spent 40 days and 40 nites wandering …not sure where they were going..and came upon the Red Sea. Just at that moment, they look behind them to see the Egyptian army coming to kill them. Moses was instructed to tap his staff on the water..and the sea parts. After safely getting to the other side, and the army in hot pursuit, he taps his staff again and the sea rushes in, consuming the army and saving his people.
Now, why do I find that the most interesting part of the story? If we look at our own lives, we might just see that we’ve been in bondage as well, and sometimes for many many years. Bondage that occurs from staying in an unhealthy relationship…or struggling with an addiction to food, spending, alcohol, sex, nicotine, prescription or street drugs……..or even bondage created by our own thoughts that tell us we are not enough today…nor will we ever be!!
We need our own personal exodus…and it needs to begin today.
Think about this..after years of slavery, the Jewish people were finally freed, or so they thought, and after JUST 40 DAYS, they truly were free at last.
If you and I put our attention on freeing ourselves from that which holds us back, in 40 days or less we could be free too!
But we have to want to be free, and then we need to look outside ourselves, to our faith, our friends, and more ..and ask for help.
Your own personal exodus from the pain of the past…or present..could be history if you choose to make it so.
Love, Peace, …Slow Down…David www.talkdavid.com
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